13. A Man Goes on a Date (2)
After we finished our meal and settled the bill, we stepped out of the restaurant.
The sun hadn't quite finished setting, but the evening air had already taken on a chill. Getting back to the dorms was simple enough — all we had to do was follow the main road straight up — but Kim Na-hyun didn't turn her steps around right away.
"S-should we walk a little, you know, to help the food settle, Tae-oh?"
"Sure, why not."
She was doing her best to sound casual about it, but there was an impatience in her voice that hadn't been there before. I'd caught on long ago to what was behind it, so I simply nodded and fell into step beside her on the walking trail near campus.
…
…
She'd been the one to insist on walking together, and now she'd gone and made it awkward. We made our way along the trail without a word, Kim Na-hyun doing nothing but blushing and dodging my gaze. Still, it seemed she had something she wanted to say, so I quietly gave her the time — and at some point, her hand began drifting just below my wrist, almost touching mine, almost not.
Tap.
"Eep…!"
She was being so painfully roundabout that I just went ahead and took her hand — and a flustered little moan burst out of her beside me. Then again, we were already at the point where she'd given me fellatio; was that really the reaction to have over something as small as holding hands?
So we walked on, each of us feeling at least a little of the other's warmth, until Kim Na-hyun quietly brought her steps to a halt.
"L-last time."
"Yes?"
"W-well, the, the thing is… there was something I'd been meaning to talk about back when we had that meal together…"
Kim Na-hyun continued carefully, as though offering up an excuse — how the team dinner had somehow swept the whole thing aside.
"T-Tae-oh, you know how…"
"Yes?"
"…You like me, don't you?"
…I hadn't expected her to come at it like that.
Her completely unforeseen question shut my mouth for me, and while I stood there flustered, unsure how I was supposed to answer, she hurriedly waved her hands and corrected herself.
"Ah, n-no, I mean~! I-I didn't ask in any weird way or anything~!"
…
"La-last time, you said you didn't really care, but be honest — what kind of guy shows a girl his naked body and then claims it doesn't affect him at all? Th-that's not a thing, right…?"
"…Well, I suppose that's true."
"A-and last time I gave you a f-fellatio, too. A-after all, that only happened because you saw my naked body and got so worked up you went hard…"
"…Yes."
"S-so that's why I asked. Whether you like me…"
…Hearing it laid out like that, it really wasn't strange that Kim Na-hyun had jumped to the conclusion she had.
In my original world's terms, it was like a girl who'd happened to end up bathing with me not shying away in the slightest — brazenly baring her naked body — then saying her pussy had gotten soaked because of a senior and asking me to wash it for her. Wasn't that basically the same situation? If I'd been in Kim Na-hyun's position, I wouldn't have been able to see it any other way.
Well, if the question was simply whether I liked her or not, then yes — liking her was the honest answer. If it was whether she was the only woman I felt that way about, that wasn't quite true.
"I do like you."
…
"Just like you're thinking, Na-hyun — I like you."
Of course, I didn't bother adding that I liked Seo-rin too, or anything of the sort. Saying it here would only have been a pointless afterthought — and besides, if Kim Na-hyun learned about my relationship with Cha Seo-rin and the rumor got out, that would be a disaster in itself.
…It was a pretty garbage way to think, but part of me also didn't want to end what I had with Kim Na-hyun right here and now, not like this.
"S-see? Right?"
…
"I-I mean, it's not like I don't have feelings for you or anything, Tae-oh. After everything that happened last time, and…"
"…Yes."
"S-so, what I'm trying to say is, um…"
We had already crossed the line together, and it wasn't as if either of us was devoid of feelings for the other — which meant Kim Na-hyun was working her way toward suggesting that we actually date.
"…Na-hyun."
Unable to accept her confession, I opened my mouth, a little too quickly.
"It's not that I don't have feelings for you either."
"…Huh?"
"I think you're beautiful, Na-hyun. It's true that I like you. And the fellatio you gave me in the shower last time felt wonderful, too."
…
However. As of right now, I have no intention whatsoever of dating anyone.
At my answer, Kim Na-hyun's expression darkened by degrees — and at those final words, it froze over entirely.
With the sound of the wind carrying strangely loud through the silence, I went on quietly.
"If I can help it, I want to devote myself to baseball and nothing else right now. Becoming a professional baseball player — a goal all but impossible to reach with a man's body — goes without saying, and if the chance presents itself, I want to climb even higher than that."
…
"That's why, for now, I don't want to spend my time or my heart on dating someone. It is absolutely not because I dislike you, Na-hyun."
After a rather long silence, Kim Na-hyun carefully opened her mouth to answer. Her usual playful lilt had vanished somewhere along the way, leaving only a girl carefully picking out which words to let loose. And what she finally forced past an awkward laugh was…
"Wh-what even was that, seriously~? Anyone who overheard would think I was the one asking you out…?"
…
"I-I was just going to say we shouldn't let what happened last time make things weird between us. I-I am sorry for barging in on you in the shower twice by accident, but still, you did say it was fine, so, right…?"
"That sort of thing would never make things weird between us."
"Wh-what do you mean, 'never'~? Even just now, you went and got some weird idea in your head about dating and whatnot~."
She forced a composed smile, as if trying somehow to salvage the mood, but every trace of her usual easy confidence had drained from her voice. Her eyes wouldn't meet mine either, and she fidgeted in place for no reason at all.
Watching her like that made my conscience prickle — but it couldn't be helped.
…If I were really splitting hairs, Kim Na-hyun did come first, before Cha Seo-rin.
I had carried more than a few unacknowledged feelings for Cha Seo-rin from the very beginning, so after that team dinner a while back, the two of us had simply tumbled into a relationship rather suddenly. If it weren't for that dinner, Kim Na-hyun and I might have already crossed the line.
Of course, my resolve not to date anyone wouldn't have changed, and the things I needed to say wouldn't have been much different either — but for someone who had once lived his life as a man in another world, it was still the sort of thing that pricked at the conscience.
Not that Kim Na-hyun and I were exactly dating, or had ever made each other any kind of promise…
…Still. I had gone and given her something to hope for, however small.
As baseball had begun to click, the appetite I'd briefly forgotten came surging back, and I'd simply relieved it on Kim Na-hyun, who happened to be nearby. Which meant she had come to see me as something like a lover.
Even if we could never date, I wanted to repay at least that feeling.
…In this world, in whatever way a man like me was able to.
"Th-then I'll just think of it that way. I'll forget what happened last time, too — like it never happened…"
"…I don't want it to be as if it never happened."
"…H-huh?"
"I said I don't want what happened between us in the shower room to become something that never happened."
…
"It may sound strange, hearing me say this, but the fact remains that I still feel attracted to you, Na-hyun — as a woman."
"…I-is that so?"
"Actually dating you — I'd rather not, if I can help it, because I suspect I'd let myself settle somewhere along the road to the goal I'm chasing. But a relationship that doesn't bind us to each other that way? I have no objection to that."
"…Wh-what do you mean?"
"I mean that even without being lovers, I'm fine with us being close enough to do the sorts of things lovers do, as much as we like."
…
"…Including the dirty stuff."
The instant my last words landed, Kim Na-hyun's face flared scarlet. Just as I was wondering whether it was really possible, in real life, for a face to burn that red in a single instant, she sputtered on, flustered.
"S-so — dating's out of the question, but something like friends with benefits is okay…?"
"Doesn't 'friends with benefits' make it sound like there's nothing between us at all? I'd rather you think of it as a pair of close senior and junior friends — just one with a somewhat freer arrangement than that."
"…S-so we just stay close, and once in a while do dirty stuff, something like that?"
"Yes."
"…W-wait. Just — let me think for a second."
Not that I'd called it friends with benefits — but in truth, the relationship was no different from exactly that. Then again, in this world, from a woman's position, accepting an arrangement like that probably came all the more easily, and it was precisely because I knew that that I could make such a conscienceless proposal.
"T-Tae-oh, you're really fine with that kind of relationship…?"
"I'm fine with it. All the more so if it's with you, Na-hyun."
"Hahh…"
"And how does it sound from your end? Is the idea of that kind of freewheeling arrangement with me a turn-off?"
"…I-I, um. Hmm…"
…If she turned me down, so be it. Everyone's values were bound to differ, after all.
Waiting on her answer with that thought in my head, I heard her voice come, careful and small.
"I-if you say… that kind of relationship is okay with you, Tae-oh…"
…
"…then maybe I'd… like that too."