The Maid's Rebuke and the SAN Parameter
It had only been a week since our favorability had risen enough for homeroom to resume. Kendra slammed her head against the lectern. “T-Teacher?” “I’m sorry, everyone. Not once, but twice I’ve put you all in danger. And it happened right at the start of the semester… As your teacher, I feel the full weight of my responsibility.” Thud. Thud. Thud. Kendra kept ramming her forehead against the desk. Was this the legendary triple kowtow I’d only ever heard about? It looked strangely novel coming from a Westerner. Kendra’s apology was purely ceremonial. Her superiors had ordered her to apologize, so she obeyed. Even so, she was desperate. “I’m sorry. I’m truly, deeply sorry…”
She had always been the meddlesome type. The kind of teacher who took her students’ well-being far too seriously. After nearly getting everyone killed, it would have been absurd if she hadn’t been tormented by guilt. When she showed her sincerity, the students’ resentment died down as if someone had poured cold water over it. Even Christine, who loved throwing in snide remarks, could only scratch her head. After all, what could a bunch of seventeen-year-olds possibly understand? No matter how you looked at it, they were still minors. And minors were weak to apologies. Androids, however, were another story.
“Then why didn’t you take proper measures in the first place?” A sharp rebuke followed. The voice came from directly behind my head. Frills. A black dress with a snow-white apron. A katyusha headband. A girl—no, an android—with short navy-blue hair stood there in an unmistakable maid outfit, her expression utterly deadpan as she skewered Kendra with her words.
“For a prestigious academy said to be one of the finest in the world, you have repeated the exact same blunder twice. At this point it would not be strange for the school to be dismantled entirely.” “W-well, that’s…” “What exactly is the chairman doing right now? Playing golf? Why has he not prepared any concrete countermeasures?” “We have prepared countermeasures…” “You mean stationing us here? I suppose that could be called a countermeasure. After all, the androids present could manage the situation several times more competently than the current board of directors… Mmph!”
I clamped my hand over Sonia’s mouth. She was vicious right from the morning. Of course, speaking to people as if she were picking them apart was simply Sonia’s nature. To handle someone like me, an android had to become equally sharp-tongued. Most of her machine-learning samples had come from me, so her tone left much to be desired, yet her criticism itself was entirely on point. Still, her outfit and manner of speech inevitably drew every student’s attention.
“…What’s with that maid?” Androids usually wore standardized uniforms. Maid outfits were obviously not included. “Whoa, is that her kink?” “Filthy. Filthy. Filthy…!” “My head just went blank.” This was mortifying. Originally, students at the academy were not allowed to bring androids unless there was a special reason. It was meant to encourage independent growth. But after the recent disaster, Rustila’s parents had suggested that each student be permitted to bring at most one android as a bodyguard during class. Ceti had Donna. Rustila had Verdia. And I had Sonia.
Sonia brushed my hand away and continued. “I will now report the results of the dataset analysis conducted on College Planet. It appears a portion of the nearby Ether Belt has been torn open.” The Ether Belt. An eighty-thousand-light-year barrier that protected humanity from the invasion of the Outer Deities. It had not been artificially created; it was originally a natural phenomenon. Later, humanity had gradually modified and reinforced it until it reached its current perfect form. The region inside the barrier was called the Golden Zone, humanity’s safe living space. The area along its boundary was the Middle Zone, and everything beyond was the Outer Zone. Stellarium lay within the Golden Zone, yet according to Sonia it had been breached right before this incident. I hadn’t known that.
Kendra’s eyes widened in shock. “Th-the Ether Belt was breached? If that’s true, they should still be investigating…” “It is obvious at a glance, yet you are still investigating?” Sonia clicked her tongue and stepped right up to me. She wrapped both arms around my torso and leaned in. In a venomous murmur, she added, “This Sonia nearly lost her young master. This Sonia finds the school’s response most unsatisfactory.”
Why was she acting like this all of a sudden? Worried she might drag out the entire homeroom, I covered Sonia’s mouth again. She seemed to have nothing more to say; she accepted the gesture and fell silent. Kendra nodded, sighing. She was probably planning to report Sonia’s words to her superiors. Meanwhile, the other students’ gazes toward me and Sonia were anything but kind. They looked at us like we were garbage.
“Tsk…” Since they were all glaring, I glared right back. A few averted their eyes. Others, bolder, engaged me in a staring contest. When homeroom finally ended, only two students remained by my side: Ceti and Rustila. That’s right. Every classmate I had managed to speak with comfortably over the past two weeks now avoided me. And it was all Sonia’s fault…
Ever since the entrance ceremony, Sonia had barely greeted me. Now she had suddenly gone into full overprotective mode. She followed me to the bathroom. She stared holes through me while I studied. If the food wasn’t prepared by her, she refused to let me eat until she had tasted it first. “Stop it. You’re making Idel uncomfortable,” Rustila scolded, frowning. Verdia, another android, was currently stuck to Rustila like a remora. Perhaps she felt some sympathy for a fellow sufferer?
When I said nothing, Sonia tilted her head. “This Sonia has a duty to protect her young master. This Sonia no longer trusts this school. Their ability to detect and prepare for disasters is far too slow.” “That may be true, but… even so, this is going too far!” Rustila knew better than anyone how infuriating excessive interference could be. Anger flared in her eyes. If I didn’t intervene, she looked ready to start a proper fight with Sonia. Then Verdia stepped forward as well. “You there, young master? Please refrain from approaching our lady any more than necessary.”
Sonia shot back without hesitation. “This Sonia would appreciate it if your lady refrained from laying even a single finger on our young master.” “Are you suggesting our lady is dangerous?” “This Sonia reviewed the footage recorded during the reallocation exam. She is indeed sufficiently dangerous.” “You…” Sparks flew between Verdia and Sonia. The two androids stared each other down in silence for a long moment. Communication between androids required little. A simple exchange of wireless data while looking at each other usually finished in seconds. Yet for some reason these two robots stood locked in a one-minute stalemate, faces twisted. What was this? Was the Wi-Fi down?
“…As expected, this Sonia cannot easily trust that young master of yours.” “This Sonia likewise cannot place any trust in your lady.” Rustila and I sighed at the same time. “It is suspicious. The actions your young master has taken so far have been exceedingly bizarre. It is almost as if an Outer Deity has latched onto him.” “Have you finished speaking?” “Furthermore, your interference is even worse than mine toward our lady. At the very least, this Sonia is different from other androids. Just as this Sonia is granted autonomy by humans, this Sonia also tries to respect Lady Rustila’s autonomy to a reasonable degree. In contrast, what are you doing right now?” “Warning. Do not insult my young master any further.”
The two androids’ war of nerves was rapidly gaining momentum. Sonia appeared to be losing ground. The same Sonia who never lost an argument to anyone. I studied her expression. She was flustered. An android, showing such a subtle human-like look. After a moment’s thought, I located the root cause. Sonia’s mind contained ten years’ worth of data on me. Verdia had accessed that information through scanning and therefore knew me quite well too. Ten years of evil deeds committed by the old Idel. That was it. I had inadvertently created a situation in which Sonia could only lose in a battle of words. Verdia and I were essentially strangers. Having read Sonia’s database, she was now wary of how close Rustila and I had become.
“Please step away, my lady.” “Young master, please step away as well.” I was wondering how to pry the two androids apart when Rustila suddenly held out her hand. “Here.” “……?” For a second I didn’t understand why she was offering her hand. Sonia and Verdia were equally bewildered. The pair had been determined to separate us with their fussing. The more they tried, the more resolutely Rustila extended her hand. It was a clear signal: grab it as fast as you can. I took her hand. Her palm was surprisingly calloused for a girl’s. Just how much had she swung a sword? Especially under parents who refused to acknowledge her dream. The traces of her effort flowed straight into me.
“M-My lady!” “Young master…” Verdia fell into a complete panic. Sonia’s eyes went hollow, like those of someone who had just been dumped. Still holding hands, we bolted. “Wait…! Just a moment!” We hadn’t gone far before Rustila yanked her hand free. She was already breathing hard. “Th-this doesn’t mean anything! Understand? I just… I saw you were in trouble, so…!” Her cheeks were bright red. “It really, really doesn’t mean anything else! Okay!”
Why was she so flustered? A fleeting pink thought crossed my mind, but I quickly shook it off. For the record, I had never dated anyone. In other words, I was a forever solo. I had experienced a few almost-relationships, but every time I talked to a girl—whether on a blind date or anywhere else—the conversation inevitably died. A prime example happened during my final year of doctoral studies at a ski resort. While riding the lift, a beautiful woman sat beside me. Bored during the ascent, she struck up a conversation. After some small talk, the topic turned to careers. ‘What do you do?’ she asked. ‘I’m a physics graduate student,’ I answered. The conversation died on the spot. Damn it. I should have said I was a drama screenwriter. Anyway… after countless experiences like that, I had almost completely given up on romantic relationships. I no longer drank the kimchi soup of premature hope. Women remained fundamentally incomprehensible. And they still were.
Before me stood a fidgeting Rustila whose intentions I could not read… Fortunately, I possessed a skill that let me see through others’ hearts, along with a modest amount of Fron I had accumulated over the past few days. I had no idea why the Fron had piled up. I hadn’t done anything the Outer Deities would like, nor had I committed any particularly maddening acts. Still, it was a welcome development. Unable to endure curiosity, I kept running and activated the SAN Parameter. And then I faced an utterly unbelievable result.
SAN Parameter