I'm Not Trash
I’m not trash. Alchemy was a truly convenient setting. Tae-oh combined the unidentified fruits he’d scraped up from the forest with the disinfectant alcohol he’d swiped from the supply depot and whipped up a surprisingly convincing fruit liquor in no time. He couldn’t guarantee the taste, but the sharp sting of strong alcohol hitting the nose paired with a sweet fruity aroma made it an excellent bribe in the bleak environment of the military.
“Here, take it. Lcheni.”
Lcheni accepted the canteen Tae-oh handed her and popped the cap open to sniff it.
“Whoa, this is strong. You sure I won’t die if I drink this?”
“Hey, I’m an alchemist, remember? Why the hell would I put poison in it? It’s just got a high proof, that’s all. Nothing loosens up women’s lips and gets them spilling their true feelings like a good buzz, right?”
Lcheni shook the canteen and flashed a bright smile. The girl who usually huddled unnoticed in the corner had a completely different glint in her eyes once the alcohol hit her system. Guess her claim about coming from a tavern wasn’t just hot air.
“Just leave it to me. I’ll even find out the color of the administrative officer’s underwear.”
“I don’t need the underwear color. Just get me those three things I mentioned earlier. Got it?”
Humming a little tune, Lcheni wandered off toward the administrative office. Rolls, who had been watching her go, clicked his tongue in disbelief.
“That girl… she’s just doing it ‘cause she wants to drink. Let’s just hope she doesn’t get wasted and start picking fights with the company commander.”
“Leave her be. She looks confident enough….”
“Hmph. Then I guess that’s good.”
Instead of answering, Tae-oh flopped down flat on the barracks floor. Staring at the ceiling, he began running countless simulations through his head.
Raymon was an Aura User with overwhelming combat power. Carlo was a mad dog who would lose all reason and go berserk if Raymon died. And Roselyn was the mysterious administrative officer standing at the center of those two men.
Only by accurately mapping out the tangled relationships between these three could he find the perfect gimmick-breaking method to kill Raymon without drawing Carlo’s attention.
‘I just have to wait. That’s all I can do right now.’
Time crawled by slowly. It was around the fifth day of giving Lcheni alcohol every single day. When the sun had set and darkness had settled over the base, the barracks door rattled open and Lcheni stumbled inside.
“Captaaaain~ Hic!”
Her face was flushed bright red. She was completely out of it. Rolls recoiled in shock while Tae-oh quickly moved to support her.
“Hey, you okay? Why are you this far gone today?”
Lcheni grabbed Tae-oh by the collar and grinned sloppily.
“That woooman… she’s a total drinking machine. I worked at a tavern for three years, but I’ve never seen a woman who can drink better than me…”
“Agh, I didn’t send you there to drink! So did you ask about Carlo and Raymon?”
When Tae-oh pressed her urgently, Lcheni put a finger to her lips and made a loud “Shhh!”
“I gooot everything~ Who do you think I am?”
It had only taken five days. That was all the time Lcheni needed to get close to Roselyn.
Hiccuping between sentences, Lcheni began recounting everything that had happened in the administrative office. Her pronunciation was slurred and her explanations were ridiculously long-winded, but the quality of the information she’d brought back far exceeded Tae-oh’s expectations.
“So yeah, the three of them really are from the same hometown. And Administrative Officer Roselyn and Adjutant Raymon were originally lovers. They even promised to get married when they grew up.”
Tae-oh’s eyes snapped wide open.
“Lovers?”
“Well, Company Commander Carlo liked Roselyn too, but since those two were so close, he just watched from the side. He was quite the pure-hearted guy, apparently.”
“Then why are things the way they are now? The lovers are split between the main headquarters and the company barracks, not even speaking to each other.”
At Tae-oh’s question, Lcheni’s expression grew a little more serious. Even through the drunken haze, the story must have been quite shocking because her voice dropped.
“That’s… all because of Valik, that son of a bitch from the 2nd Knight Order.”
What came out of Lcheni’s mouth was a classic yet utterly disgusting political scandal.
As Carlo continued to distinguish himself in battle and rose rapidly through the ranks, Knight Commander Valik wanted to make him his loyal subordinate. But Carlo was stubborn and refused to get involved in the higher-ups’ dirty work. So the person Valik took as a hostage was Roselyn.
Valik transferred Roselyn to his own administrative office at headquarters, practically imprisoning her there, then summoned Raymon and threatened him. If he wanted the woman he loved to stay safe, he was to become Carlo’s adjutant and report on his every move.
“So Raymon became Valik’s dog to protect the woman he loved. And Company Commander Carlo knew what Valik was ordering but stayed silent because his friend and the woman his friend loved were being held hostage because of him.”
Having finished her explanation, Lcheni collapsed right there on the floor and began snoring. A heavy silence fell over the barracks.
Rolls, who had been listening, clenched his fist and clicked his tongue.
“Fucking hell. I knew the top brass were rotten to the core, but this is just pure dogshit. That sly bastard Carlo… turns out he was actually a pitiful guy too.”
Carlo wasn’t so much a traitor as a tragic warrior crushed beneath enormous power, walking through a minefield to save his friend and the woman he secretly loved. Raymon was likewise an unfortunate knight who hid his Aura and played the role of a spy to survive and protect the one he loved.
It was the setup for a tragic romance novel.
‘Oh right. This was supposed to be a romance fantasy, wasn’t it?’
But then—
“And the fuuunny thing is!!”
“Huh?”
“Puhahahahaha!! That Roselyn doesn’t love either of them?”
“What? What the hell does that mean?”
Lcheni snickered and continued.
“Two pathetic men who don’t understand a woman’s heart… and one woman who just wants to live? Something like that.”
Having said that much, Lcheni finally passed out completely.
“Heh heh heh… So that’s how it is, huh?”
A low, sinister laugh escaped Tae-oh’s lips.
“You can laugh in a situation like this?”
Rolls glared at him in disbelief.
Tae-oh wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes gleaming.
“No time to feel sorry for them. I need to come up with a strategy. The gimmick’s finally been solved.”
Tae-oh pieced together all the scattered fragments of information in his head.
First, although Raymon was monitoring Carlo, his true priority was Roselyn’s safety. Deep down, he probably harbored a strange sense of inferiority and resentment toward Carlo for failing to protect her.
Second, although Carlo knew Raymon was a spy and tolerated it out of guilt, he was inwardly anxious that Raymon might completely side with Valik and stab him in the back.
Love. Inferiority. Guilt. And suspicion.
There could be no more perfect powder keg for sowing discord. It was a dream combination that would explode on its own with just a single spark.
“Rolls, listen carefully. Tomorrow night, we’re taking down Raymon. That bastard’s the traitor.”
“Are you insane?! Don’t you know he’s an Aura User?!”
At Rolls’ panicked shout, Tae-oh smirked.
“Who said I was going to fight him with a sword myself?”
Tae-oh immediately pulled out a pen and paper and began scribbling something.
“What’s that?”
“Bait.”
The note Tae-oh wrote contained a crooked but clear message.
At midnight tonight, behind the old warehouse. Carlo plans to pin all the blame on you and make a direct deal with Valik. If you don’t want Roselyn taken by Carlo, come alone.
From Raymon’s perspective, this was something he absolutely could not ignore. With Roselyn’s name and Carlo’s betrayal mentioned, the man would lose his mind and walk right into the trap.
“Rolls, tomorrow evening during meal distribution, secretly place this letter on Raymon’s desk in his barracks.”
“I can do that, but what comes after?”
“Then, ten minutes before midnight, run to Company Commander Carlo’s barracks.”
“Carlo’s barracks? Are you crazy?! Why the hell would I go there?!”
“Go there and say exactly one thing to the commander. Panting desperately, like you’re in a panic. ‘Commander! Adjutant Raymon just took the 7th District ledger and headed to the warehouse behind the old building! He’s meeting with Knight Commander Valik’s secret envoy to sell you out and take Administrative Officer Roselyn with him!’”
Rolls’ mouth fell open.
“Hey, you lunatic! We have the ledger! What if Carlo asks for it?!”
“From Carlo’s point of view, there’s no way to immediately confirm whether we have the ledger or if Raymon stole it. Besides, the only words that will register in his head are ‘take Roselyn.’ What a paranoid person needs isn’t facts, it’s suspicion.”
Tae-oh’s eyes flashed dangerously.
“So in the end, the only two people who will meet at the old warehouse at midnight are a furious Carlo and a Raymon consumed by betrayal. All we have to do is watch from the roof while those two risk their lives throwing Aura around.”
Sowing discord. And not just any discord—this was malicious psychological warfare that dug into the deepest, filthiest emotional wounds of the opponents.
‘It’s not like I wanted to do this. The quest is the one that made it this way, so what can I do?’
Rolls swallowed dryly and nodded.
“You really are a piece of trash…”
“Hah, that’s a bit harsh. I’m not trash.”
The next night, at midnight.
The old warehouse behind the abandoned building looked different from usual. As if it already knew what was about to happen here.
The long-unused space was filled with a musty moldy smell and thick dust. Tae-oh and Rolls lay flat on the broken gap in the warehouse roof, holding their breath as they looked down.
Creak—
The old hinges screamed as the warehouse door opened. A single shadow, backlit by moonlight, stepped inside.
It was Raymon.
“He’s here!”
“Shut up, you idiot! What if we get caught?!”
Raymon kept one hand on his sword hilt while tightly clutching the note Tae-oh had sent in the other. His breathing was ragged from anxiety over possibly losing Roselyn and rage at his friend’s betrayal.
“Stop playing games and come out right now.”
Raymon growled lowly as he scanned the inside of the warehouse. Less than a minute later, the warehouse door burst open violently once again.
Bang—!
The one who appeared, gasping for breath, was Company Commander Carlo. The usual languidness was gone from his face; both eyes were bloodshot and blazing red.
“Commander… No, Carlo. So it really was you.”
Raymon’s gaze turned ice-cold.
Carlo strode forward and tried to grab Raymon by the collar without warning.
“You son of a bitch! You finally sold me out and made a backroom deal with Valik to take Roselyn for yourself?! Where’s the ledger!”
“Ledger? Backroom deal? Hah, that’s rich coming from you. Weren’t you the one trying to pin all the crimes on me and take Roselyn for yourself?”
Raymon roughly knocked Carlo’s hand away and half-drew the sword at his waist.
Watching the scene from the roof, Rolls gaped in disbelief.
“This is actually working?”
Tae-oh smirked and whispered.
“This is classic romance fantasy sensibility. Men fighting over a single woman.”
“What kind of bullshit is that, you crazy bastard.”
Just as Tae-oh had scripted it, the two men were completely convinced the other had betrayed them and were charging toward catastrophe without the slightest doubt.
“I betrayed you? I endured it even when you were acting as Valik’s dog and tightening the noose around my neck! Because I believed it was your choice to protect Roselyn! But not only did you sell those pitiful new recruits as meat shields, now you’re even trying to take my head?!”
At Carlo’s roar, Raymon’s face twisted.
“Shut your mouth! This all happened because you’re weak and incompetent! If you had just bowed your head to Valik, Roselyn would never have been taken hostage! Do you even know what I had to do to endure all this because of your pathetic pride?!”
The inferiority and resentment that had piled up for so long finally exploded.
Both men had already lost all control of their reason.
Shing—!
Raymon fully drew his sword. A chilling, bluish Aura rose like haze along the blade.
“I won’t let you kill me and live on pretending to be innocent, Carlo.”
“Crazy bastard. You got so addicted to playing spy that even your brain has rotted. Fine, bring it on!”
Carlo also drew his knight’s sword. A fierce red Aura erupted from his blade as well.
The murderous intent of two Aura Users surging up through the roof gap made Rolls’ body tremble violently.
Yet even amid that terrifying aura, Tae-oh was smiling with his mouth stretched wide.
“Heh heh heh heh!! It’s started.”
BOOOOM—!
A blue flash and a red flash collided violently in the center of the warehouse. The old warehouse pillars snapped, and a tremendous shockwave kicked up dust in all directions.
“So this is the answer you’ve been preparing for months!!”
Looking down at the hellish scene, Tae-oh regretted that he didn’t have any popcorn.
It was a brilliant strategy that didn’t require him to lift a single bloody finger, driving two unreasonable human-shaped bosses into near-death at the same time.
‘See? There really is no quest that can’t be cleared.’