Chapter 7
Chapter 7
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 7
Chapter Title: Sanctuary's Candlelight
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To adapt to living as a person among people, preparation is necessary.
Someday, I’ll have to take this child by the hand and head to the market to buy her whatever she wants.
But for now, I’ve bought clothes for the child. If anyone asks whether it’s embarrassing for a grown man to buy a little girl’s clothes, I’ll always answer that yes, it was embarrassing.
My Lord. I don’t know why He chose me,
or why He grants me this power, but surely He must have some expectations of this foolish wretch.
When I consider whether I’m properly living up to those expectations, all I feel is shame.
“Why underwear for a girl...”
The shopkeeper’s wife gave me a strange look, but I wasn’t embarrassed. Really.
“Pork, please—six pounds of the good stuff, sliced. No offal, just the lean meat.”
“That’s a lot for one person to eat. And lean meat only costs extra—is that alright?”
“Then make it seven pounds, and mix in some offal. I’ve got a kid with a big appetite.”
The wolf girl at our house is well-behaved, but she has quite the appetite.
Maybe the slave traders starved her, because she loses her mind at the sight of meat. Thanks to that, my wallet’s emptying at a rapid pace, but I’m not worried.
It was my Lord who destined me to meet this child, after all.
If child-rearing costs run short, He’ll make up the difference somehow. Money won’t rain from the sky, but by the time it runs low, some opportunity to earn more will come along.
“Aren’t you hungry? Let’s eat.”
“......”
She seems like she wants to say something—or maybe not—glancing at me furtively,
but the moment our eyes meet, she hurriedly looks down.
Watching the child who only approaches me at mealtimes, I simply prayed. I prayed while gazing at the sanctuary’s candle that never goes out on the dining table.
“...Who are you praying to?”
“To the one I serve.”
I pray before every meal, so she must have gotten curious.
It looked like she’d asked without thinking, so I answered as if I hadn’t noticed.
I just smiled, smiled, and thought even that smile was thanks to my Lord.
“...Do gods... really exist?”
“Of course. He’s always watching over me.”
“Then why does God... Ah, no, why doesn’t He...”
The child started to speak, then stopped. She forced the words back down.
But I know what she meant to say. It’s what nonbelievers always ask.
*If God exists, then why is the world like this?*
I don’t think disbelief is bad. Since the Lord doesn’t demand faith Himself, what right do I—a mere follower—have to condemn it?
*If God exists, then why doesn’t He save me? Why doesn’t He help me?*
But if you’re going to have faith, commit to it from the start. If you’re going to reject it, stick to that until the end.
When things are good and everything’s going well, claim it’s all thanks to your own abilities, your own merit—
then only seek out God once things get hard and painful, and no one—not even God—will help you.
Besides, the One I serve doesn’t intervene directly in the world.
He simply wishes for humans to overcome their trials with their own strength.
He may offer a brief hand when you’ve given your all but still fall short, but He won’t support you from start to finish. He respects human free will.
A world where everything—from the beginning—is shaped by God’s will and unfolds according to His design. What meaning would humans have in such a place?
If the world turns according to human will, and people act according to their own resolve,
then people must bear the responsibility as well. Freedom comes with accountability, after all.
“He doesn’t exist to help humans.”
He exists only for humans to help themselves. He exists only for humans to help their neighbors.
“Don’t give up. Just hold onto hope.”
I made the sign of the faith. Even if all my devotion brings Him no enlightenment whatsoever,
still, today I serve Him.
“Then that hope will guide you.”
“Hope...”
“The God of Hope is everywhere. No matter who you serve—or if you serve no one—as long as you never abandon yourself, never give up until the very last moment, that is faith in Him.”
The child silently emptied her plate. Once it was clean, she stood from her seat, hesitant as always. Before fleeing to her room, she paused and said,
“Roca.”
How much had she agonized over those two syllables? How much had she pondered?
Knowing that, I simply smiled.
“That’s my name.”
Now I knew the wolf girl’s name.
*****
If she’s wary, fearful, and standoffish,
it’s better to give her space and wait than to force my way in.
The child who’d stayed only in her room—the room I’d given her as her own private space—
the child who’d only emerged for meals—began occasionally opening her door and wandering around the house.
She still shrank from me.
But her fear had clearly lessened.
Beyond that, nothing in my life had changed. I’d watch the barley I’d planted grow through the winter, head to the market to buy this and that, and on the way home, stop by Mr. Rubelt’s shop for about two hours.
Two hours a day. For exactly that much time, I shared my divinity with those who struggled.
I didn’t accept money, nor goods in exchange—I simply bestowed holy power on those in need of healing. Whether beggars or merchants came, I treated them all.
Even if they offered something, I refused it entirely. Not out of fear of the Church of the Three Gods.
This holy power, too, was ultimately a gift from above, wholly unearned by my own efforts.
It wasn’t mine to sell for coin. That’s how I saw it.
Roca had accepted it because she believed it was the Lord’s will.
“Is this the Kyle clinic that can cure ailments even the temples can’t?”
“That’s right, but are you the patient?”
“W-well... I think my tooth might be rotting...”
Judging by his fancy clothes, he seemed like a noble, but cavities don’t care.
No, those who indulge in sweets are the ones most prone to bad teeth.
Cavities are a frightening affliction. They’re not incurable, but not just anyone can treat them.
The most common method is to punch the jaw to knock the tooth out, then use powerful holy power to regrow it. That’s the cleanest way.
It’s painful, of course, and ordinary priests lack the holy power for it.
You need at least a bishop from the Church of the Three Gods, and even nobles find it hard to summon one.
“C-can you fix it? I heard you’re not a priest of the Three Gods, so if it’s impossible, please tell me upfront.”
“I can. No need to pull the tooth. I’ve done it before.”
The archmage from Yurinell’s party, Pannel, loved sweets so much.
Thanks to that, he’d once suffered from cavities worse than a tiger’s bite.
There’d been a debate over whether to pull the tooth or not, but on a hunch, I channeled holy power into it—and it healed completely. Pure grace from above.
The odds of a cavity stopping naturally, with the decayed part regenerating on its own?
Practically zero.
It’s the divinity of He who defies such probabilities by divine will and power,
bringing the possibility we patient and healer desire into reality.
“Y-your tooth is fixed! Painlessly! Wh-what are you? With holy power like that, why heal commoners and paupers? You could be the imperial healer and no one would bat an eye!”
“It’s not that impressive.”
“It is that impressive! Even the priests of the Healing Goddess...”
Only after glancing around did he continue, his voice a hushed whisper.
“Even they couldn’t do this. Not unless it’s a saint or holy one.”
He made me an offer.
“Won’t you join me in something big? With your power, you might be able to treat Him.”
“Him?”
“Accept my offer, and I’ll tell you. I can’t trust you yet.”
“I can’t right now. And I’m not as great as you think.”
I answered as I lit the ‘Sanctuary’s Candlelight’ in the center of the clinic.
With a child to raise, and people coming to see me every day, I couldn’t upend my schedule to treat some stranger.
“Then if He came here, would you treat Him?”
“This place doesn’t turn anyone away. That’s my Lord’s will.”
“Understood. Then I’ll ask again that day.”
The nameless man left behind incomprehensible words and departed.
I simply prayed. Feeling the bitter winter end and the spring breeze begin to approach.
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