Chapter 11
Chapter 11
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 11
Chapter Title: Wolves Don't Run Away
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Thinking back on it, I’ve always been a spoiled brat.
But no one ever let me act like one.
I was a child who carried the potential of the sun.
A child born with the magic of the moon.
I was destined to become the future leader of the Blue Wolf Clan.
The flower expected to bloom most brilliantly.
—Child, right now you’ve only flowered with the moon’s magic, but even Andes Granny, the wisest elder in the tribe, said it, and my father, the tribe leader I respected most, said it too.
—You harbor the potential of the sun as well. Sun and moon—that’s one of the rarest and most powerful magical affinities. Child, one day you’ll become the sun that leads the tribe.
I wasn’t strong enough to lead the entire clan,
but just thinking about it made my breath catch in my throat,
—So for a child like you, this old one will give you a name ahead of time.
I couldn’t bring myself to shake off the adults’ expectant gazes.
—Sol de Roca. One day, when you become the tribe’s sun and shine upon the tribe after this old one is gone... that would be wonderful. How about it? Not a bad name, is it?
My father always had expectations of me,
my siblings always envied me.
My mother was strict with me too. Naturally, I grew up stiff and rigid.
A pitifully fragile child, wearing an indigo mask the color of my fur.
That was me. When my father died, when my mother died, when my sisters were slaughtered,
rather than baring my fangs, I tucked my tail because my mask had shattered.
A crab can’t regrow its shell once it’s broken.
My mask shattered under kicks and beatings, crumbling along with my self-esteem. What was left in the ruins of that mask was a pitiful child forced to show her bare face—me.
The master I saw in that state was a strange man.
‘Eek.’
He always gazed at me with warm eyes, as if he knew everything,
and when the time came, he’d prepare delicious meals and leave clean clothes at my door,
but he never approached, never demanded anything, just prayed and smiled.
A man who served an unknown god I’d never even heard of.
At first, I was terrified.
No matter how I racked my brain, I couldn’t think of any reason for him to show me such kindness.
But my guard slowly dulled as time passed. He never asked anything of me.
And that made my stomach twist even more.
I’m a beast,
and a slave.
Not something worthy of such treatment,
yet he treated me like a person.
Every time that gentle gaze fell on me, my body went rigid.
With my mask shattered, I didn’t have the courage to meet his eyes. I fled, I ran, I hid. If I didn’t, something inside me felt like it would burst.
I even thought I could just ignore a guy like the master,
but I couldn’t manage it. And it wasn’t out of fear that he’d scold me.
If he whipped me, the fault would be mine a hundred times over, and I’d deserve every lash.
One night. A night when the moon shone bright.
The day I got above myself and climbed onto the swing he’d made.
I was sure I’d be punished, but instead, he gave me a push on the back.
At that moment, I knew for certain.
—Lord, please... just grant that child happiness.
A tiny prayer, barely audible over the wind.
But I heard the master praying for me.
—No, please grant it.
The master who always served his god so devoutly,
for the first time, I heard him ask something of his god.
For me. For something like me. He lifted a prayer to the god he worshipped so faithfully.
I wanted to pretend I hadn’t heard, but I couldn’t. All I could do was ride the swing to the end and bolt away.
Unable to utter a single word of thanks,
just running off without letting the tears welling in my eyes spill.
As time flowed on and on, I grew more and more tormented.
I desperately piled up walls. To block the flood of unfamiliar emotions.
Unaware that those walls had cracks from the very start, I kept stacking them higher.
Then it hit me all at once.
The reason I thrashed about trying to ignore him.
Trying not to care about him.
Was because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ignore him.
After ignoring him and ignoring him some more,
after hardening those walls and building them tall,
the thought of him letting me go, pushing me away... it stole my breath.
Tears threatened to flow. I couldn’t hold back any longer.
I crept closer.
Then dashed.
With my courage and pride at rock bottom,
with my mask shattered and my true face bared,
I didn’t even have the guts to say thanks. All I could do was slink up and bump my head against him. Even as I did, my mind filled with terror.
What if the master saw me and scowled?
What if he thought, “What’s this beast pup up to?”
What if my actions only made him angry?
I really felt like I’d choke and die right there.
“It’s okay. You can cry. Don’t hold back.”
But he didn’t.
He pulled me into a tight embrace and said it was fine to cry.
Still with those gentle eyes. Still with that warm voice.
I couldn’t hold back anymore. The walls I’d built came crashing down.
Everything I’d locked away inside poured out with my tears.
“Roca. You’re a person. You can cry when you want to cry, act spoiled when you want to act spoiled, lean on someone when you want to lean—a person.”
I cried and cried. I clung to him, sobbing.
As he unfastened my collar, the master told me I was a person. And a free one.
“In the name of my Lord. You, Roca, are now free.”
Flames kindled by holy power. When the candle on the table burned the slave contract,
I wept bitterly. I wanted my past sorrows repaid with that comfort.
When the candle consumed the contract, I shed my slave status and gained freedom.
But no. Instead, I became a slave for real.
The moment the master set me free, I was caught by him.
The once-free wolf became a single dog that couldn’t survive without its master.
An existence that can’t live without that person,
but since I’d already tumbled in, there was no helping it. The master had hunted me.
The hunted me could only live for him now.
Even if he abandoned me in the end, I wouldn’t regret it.
Wolves never run from their own choices.
Master. My master who made me human.
My master who prayed for me.
This Roca will follow you.
Forever.
*****
After that day, things changed between Roca and me.
Roca grew a little more forward with me. She stopped putting up walls like before, and she trailed after me everywhere I went.
When I sat, she’d rest her head in my lap. When I stood, she’d lick my hand and play cute.
Even when I warned her not to because my hand was dirty, she ignored me. When I petted her, her eyes lit up like they were on fire.
“Master, welcome home?”
“I told you not to call me that...”
But the most awkward part was her calling me “master” now.
Even after I’d burned the slave contract and made her a free citizen.
There might be better people than me,
but none worse.
Before the Lord, we’re all equally wretched.
What’s the point in quibbling over who’s the most wretched?
If I lord it over someone as a slave, just imagine how the Lord sees me.
It’d be as pathetic as a dwarf sneering at an even tinier dwarf for being just a tail’s length tall.
In the Lord’s eyes, we’re all wretched,
all blind and deaf fools,
bumbling idiots groping through the dark, unable to see an inch ahead.
Some are lame, some are blind.
If those two mock and feud with each other, it’s nothing but laughable—and it only makes their already tough lives harder. Like two boars mired in mud, too busy snapping at each other to think of escape, sinking deeper all the while.
But if those two help one another,
if one becomes eyes and the other legs,
then they break free of their limits and accomplish more.
People should help each other, not look down on one another.
Of course, I tried to talk Roca out of it.
But every time, she pushed back.
“Roca, you’re...”
“This is my will.”
Crunch.
She bit my hand. Not hard enough to draw blood—just a graze.
More ticklish than painful, an impish nip. But her eyes gleamed with fierce determination.
Ah, Lord. As expected, I’m nowhere near as great as You.
This must be the limit of a mere human like me. I didn’t turn out that way, but Roca did. It’s all because I mishandled it. I’ve got no excuse.
“What? You took off her collar?”
Later, Mr. Rubelt heard I’d freed Roca. He came by the house, checked on her, and gave me a warning.
“Saint, haa... Beastkin are a different race from humans. They mature fast.”
“And?”
“Wolves or dogs are cute as pups, but grown ones... well, one might eat its master.”
I’m not sure why he warned me like that.
“Just be careful, please.”
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