The WY Cup Amateur Championship
WY Cup Amateur Championship.
Meals, cafés, desserts, snacks, and now this time, shaved ice. When she asked me to hang out, I'd expected something a little more active, but we've done nothing but talk over food this entire time.
Is this what girls mean by hanging out? Well, when men get together there's really nothing but drinking each other under the table, so maybe it isn't so different just because they're girls.
"It's delicious!"
Lee Jiah scoops up a mouthful of strawberry shaved ice and drinks in the taste with a blissful smile.
Well, as long as the girl across from me is happy, that's all that matters. I'm just a little worried she might actually gain weight, eating like that.
"Seoa, you're not eating?"
"Haha, I'm full, so I'll take it slow."
I'd like to eat with her, but any more than this and I feel like my stomach might burst.
"Fair enough, your stomach's still tiny! Eat at your own pace!"
Having said that, she begins inhaling her shaved ice with renewed vigor.
When I first met her I'd assumed she was skinny, but up close she turned out to have a bit more flesh on her than expected — maybe this is why.
"Phew. I don't even get to play Go these days, and I don't have anyone else to meet, so I was bored to death. I'm so glad you at least had free time, Seoa. Today was really fun."
"I enjoyed it too."
Nothing much sticks in my memory besides the eating, but watching a still-young high school girl enjoy her food with such a healthy appetite was never boring.
"Oh, jeez."
Her phone must have filled up with messages, because Lee Jiah checks it — but without even replying, she shuts the screen right away.
"Is something wrong?"
"Mm... no. It's nothing you'd want to hear about."
"I don't mind. Now I'm curious, so please tell me."
"Hmm. There's a group chat with several of the girl insei, and... lately all they talk about is you. At first it was curiosity, but the conversation kept drifting somewhere ugly. Well, now it's just... Phew. Don't let it get to you. The pro qualification tournament is right around the corner, so everyone's on edge — I know you're not a welcome sight to them. There are only two women's pro slots up for grabs this year, after all."
"...I see."
Apparently I've been collecting some spectacular abuse from the female insei.
"That reminds me, I have been wondering. Are you going to enter the qualification tournament? Honestly, your skill is more than enough, isn't it?"
"No... I don't feel like I have to turn pro this year. For now, I'm planning to try the open division preliminaries of the NJ Insurance Cup."
"What? The open division? Well, even the women's division has Lee Na-ye 9-dan and Chun Hui 9-dan — the top two female players — entering, so it's hardly easy, but... I heard this year's open division preliminaries are absolutely brutal?"
It was true that everyone from newly promoted pros to veteran players to top-tier pros who failed to secure seeded spots had thrown their hats into the ring, older pros included. Even with the fairest possible bracket, there wouldn't be a single easy opponent.
"This tournament win lets me skip the amateur preliminaries and go straight to the integrated qualifiers, so I have to give it a shot."
"Phew, that's impressive. I wouldn't even dream of it. Honestly, I don't think I could get through the amateur prelims unless they were seeded at insei second league level or above."
"I don't have any grand ambitions either. I'm just trying to find meaning in the challenge itself."
"Phew. It's a little awkward to say this, but if you're really not entering the qualification tournament, that's honestly a huge relief for someone in my position. Just thinking about how I got destroyed with no time left on the clock in the finals still scares me..."
She shudders, as if remembering that moment still gives her chills.
"Ahaha..."
"But now the other competitors are probably playing Go every waking hour except when they're sleeping and eating, and knowing that I'm the only one sitting around like this scares me even more. Seoa, are you sure I can really trust what you're telling me?"
She suddenly asks, her face gone serious, as I laugh awkwardly.
She'd been keeping up a calm front, but inside she must have been tormented with anxiety all this while.
"...There was someone I used to know. Someone obsessed with Go. He begrudged even the time it took to eat, so he'd set printed game records on the table and study them over his meals, and if sleep wouldn't come, he kept a collection of brilliant plays under his pillow to read instead."
I hesitate over how to put it, then open my mouth. The story of "me" — of Shin Changmo.
"...It wasn't efficient, but naturally, since he thought about Go all day every day, his skill kept climbing. His win rate rose, his tournament results improved, and the sense of reward and joy let him work even harder. But in economic terms, what would you call it — the law of diminishing marginal returns? At the lower levels, skill improves quickly with just a little effort and passion. But the higher you climb, the more it plateaus — until you can pour in the same effort, or even more effort and passion, and gain nothing at all. If you keep running through that stagnation, all you get is mounting frustration with no reward or enjoyment to show for it, while your body simply breaks down under the strain."
I continue the story, chewing over a past I'd rather not remember.
"..."
"But that fool, who had nothing but stubbornness to his name, kept running anyway. Day and night, without rest, running until his heart burst, his eyes on nothing but Go. And then, when a shift in the prevailing trends brought a brief slump, his body and mind were already in ruins — and he collapsed, miserably, beyond recovery. So completely that he could never play Go again."
"...Mm. I see..."
Lee Jiah nods with a solemn expression.
"So the point is, there's no need to push yourself, and no need to be anxious. From what I can see, your skill is already enough to turn pro. Think of this as a period for tending to your body and mind and banking up your strength, so you can leap to a higher level. The further up you go, the more improvement demands you sharpen yourself to the bone — so before that, you need to rest properly, while you can."
This is a story for Lee Jiah, but it's also a story for myself.
I've been running myself ragged around the tournament trying to reclaim my vigor, so a leisurely day of rest like today is a necessity too.
"Phew, hearing you put it that way puts my mind at ease. Sorry for bringing up bad memories. So then, Seoa — from when you were very little until now, did you learn Go from that person you mentioned?"
"...Yes, well, something like that."
I hesitate for a moment, then nod awkwardly. Well, since the source of the Go I play now is my past self, strictly speaking it isn't a lie.
"He must have been an incredible teacher. It's a shame the Go world lost him, but seeing how far you've come, Seoa, I'm sure he'd be proud!"
Lee Jiah beams at me with a bright smile, encouraging me. Looking at that smile, the gloom from dredging up the past settles a little.
"...By the way, do they teach economics in elementary school these days? What was it again — diminishing returns? I never even heard of it in high school."
The sharp question flies at me out of nowhere. I feel a flicker of panic, but the words are already out.
"Ugh... I-I saw it in the newspaper."
"An elementary schooler reads the newspaper?"
"I-I was staying at my grandfather's house, so I was bored..."
"Now that you mention it, the way you talk feels oddly old for your age, and the way you text is exactly like my dad's? You know I find you suspicious in a lot of ways, right, Seoa?"
An intense, suspicious gaze sweeps over me from head to toe, leaving no gap unexamined.
"Besides, I thought we were properly close by now, but from the day we met until this very moment, you haven't called me 'unni' — not once?"
She puffs out her cheeks in evident displeasure.
"Th-that's because..."
Unni.
If I shrugged it off, it would be nothing at all — but if I let that word out, it would feel like a boy playing at being a girl younger than himself, and the thought alone turns my stomach.
"Well, you do look every bit an elementary schooler. You're not lying about your age, are you?"
But her suspicion seems to grow in proportion to her complaint about the title.
"Jiah u-unni! There's no way that's true! Come on, let's finish eating before it melts. U-unni."
I squeeze my eyes shut, fight down the awful feeling, force out that unpleasant women-only form of address — "unni" — and change the subject.
"Ah! It's already starting to melt! Hurry, let's eat!"
Just in time, the ice in the shaved-ice bowls begins to melt, and Lee Jiah frantically picks up her spoon.
I lift my own spoon and scoop up a strawberry.
A fresh sweetness spreads through my mouth — but before long, the taste sours to the point of bitterness, and my mind writhes.