The Kkanf Who Needs Milking
The Eunma Apartment Dungeon.
It was a dungeon that still wore the outward shape of an apartment complex in Gangnam, Seoul. After decades of stubborn holding-out, redevelopment had been right on the horizon—until the natural disaster of dungeonization swallowed it whole. Now it stood as a monument to failed endurance.
True to its apartment origins, the place was mostly home to D- to C-class pests like skull spiders and bomb cockroaches. If hunters didn’t clear them out on a regular schedule, the filthy bugs would spill into the surrounding neighborhood, which was why the site had become Gangnam’s current headache.
Of course, “headache” is only from the perspective of people who actually live in Gangnam. For D-class hunters like me, this place is the milk cow that keeps us from starving.
For C-class and above it was just a pleasant side hustle for pocket money—nothing more, nothing less. But for D-class hunters living day to day on the edge of going hungry, it was indispensable in every way: easy to reach by public transit because it was in Gangnam, and aside from the bomb cockroaches, even a D-class could hunt here without too much trouble.
It almost felt like someone had deliberately designed this concrete-smelling land of milk and honey for D-class hunters. And today, like every other day, I was here swinging my greatsword with everything I had at the bone spider right in front of me—just like the rest of the D-class crowd.
“Hrrraaahhh—!!”
—Kiiishaahhh?!
CRACK—!!
The skeleton spider, fangs bared and letting out that unpleasant concrete-reeking screech, had its head smashed in by the greatsword the moment my battle cry left my throat. It collapsed in a heap.
“Oh…”
This was the first time I’d run into a monster in a dungeon since my stats went up, so I’d been a little tense. The solid, satisfying impact that filled my hands, though, drew an involuntary sound of admiration out of me. Until yesterday I’d needed at least three or four swings—sometimes five—to crack one of these skull spiders open. Now I’d done it in a single blow.
A-rang senior wasn’t kidding when she said I’d reached C-class level.
Even I found it a little hard to believe. While I was still quietly marveling at myself, a sharp gunshot rang out and an explosion erupted right in front of my face. I hastily raised my sword like a shield and curled up.
BOOM—!!
“Eek?!”
The death cry of a bomb cockroach. Explosions like this were everyday life in the Eunma Apartments, where the things thrived. Being small-fry monsters, the blasts weren’t huge, but I still let out a perfectly small-fry scream and waited for the dust to settle just in case.
Once the smoke cleared I brushed the concrete grit off my armor and spun around to yell at the kkanf who was casually spinning her revolver in the air.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! How many times is this now?! You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?!”
“Yes, I did it on purpose. Watching you stand there all self-satisfied after killing one measly spider was simply too unpleasant to bear. Why? Do you have a complaint?”
“You little…”
How long had I even been standing there? It hadn’t even felt like a full second of enjoying the hit feedback, and she decides that warrants setting off a bomb cockroach right in my face?
That skimpy cowgirl outfit of hers, too. She was clearly set on provoking me.
“Besides, with that sturdy armor and that durable body of yours, a little explosion like that doesn’t leave so much as a scratch, does it? Do you think I keep you around as a porter for no reason? Don’t tell me a mere meat shield is questioning my judgment as well? How insolent!”
“You—!!”
Look at that shameless face!
I wanted nothing more than to grab those overflowing breasts with both hands and give them a proper milking right then and there, but I couldn’t. The revolver spinning in Silla’s hand wasn’t some ordinary police-issue firearm.
“What is it? Have you finally decided you’d like to experience the power of the Silvanel family’s pride—the Peacemaker—with your own body?”
Even now the revolver spinning in Silla’s hand was a magic gun that fired lethal magic bullets. Three hundred years ago, during the Great Dimensional Collision, the bows and magic arrows of the elves who crossed over to Earth had evolved along with science and civilization into this weapon. Because the bullets were shaped by magic, a hit left even seasoned warriors with injuries that went far beyond a simple “ouch.”
It was a weapon perfectly suited to a second-generation otherworlder like Silla. On top of that, her awakened ability was none other than Desperado—the outlaw class that massively boosted firearm mastery and accuracy.
For human hunters stuck with ordinary guns that did nothing to monsters, firearm-related awakenings were treated as bottom-tier trash, almost on par with me. Among elves who fired deadly magic bullets, though, those same abilities were ranked absolute top-tier. Thanks to hers, Silla had grown so quickly that even though we were the same year, she was already a C-class on the verge of B-class.
There’s a reason even that arrogant A-rang senior bothers to remember her name.
Someone even A-rang senior acknowledged… if I took one of those bullets, just how much would it hurt?
In the end all I could do was helplessly clench both fists as if they were those heavy breasts and tremble.
“Y-you…!!”
“Huhu. Even while you’re shaking, you still know your place. That’s why I keep you as my personal porter. Ah, what excellent judgment I have—matching my excellent skill!”
Ooh~hohohoho!
That drill-style hair cascading all the way to her hips, that laugh straight out of a medieval romance comic where the villainous noble young lady torments the heroine… she really was begging to be milked.
Clamp a cow-tag on those elf ears and hook her up to a milking machine… wait a second. Now that I hit level 3…
My anger evaporated in an instant.
A second ago I’d felt ready to explode at the slightest touch. Now the rage had drained away so fast a smile was blooming on my lips. A dumb neighborhood-idiot “uhehehe” even slipped out of my mouth.
“What is that laugh? Why are you grinning along like an idiot?”
“They say if you smile, good fortune comes. So I smiled too. What, I’m not allowed to receive good fortune? While you’re receiving yours, share a little with me.”
“G-good fortune?!”
“?”
What’s with her now?
Silla suddenly flinched all by herself. I tilted my head and asked,
“Why that reaction? Do you hate the idea of me getting good fortune that much? That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?”
“W-what? You’re the one who said something pointless and made this elf misunderstand! You’re not just incompetent—you’re downright rotten as a human being!”
I’d only asked again to fish for a reaction because something felt familiar, and all I got for my trouble was a kick in the rear.
“Move already! At this rate when will we ever finish all of Building 15?! Honestly, if only my record hadn’t been lacking I would have become a B-class hunter ahead of Cheon A-rang and never had to report every day to this unpleasant concrete-smelling dungeon with an incompetent, habitually rude D-class meat shield!”
“Heh. Works out great for me, though.”
“If you know that, then do the work befitting a meat shield! Must I take up the whip?!”
“Eek…”
This girl says “whip” while pointing a gun at me.
She looked ready to put a hole in me that wouldn’t end with a simple “ouch,” so I immediately smashed the doorknob with my gauntlet.
CRASH—!!
Yesterday I would have needed that oversized greatsword to break it. With my stats noticeably higher, I could do it with my bare hands now.
“Have you always been this strong? Strange. Until yesterday I distinctly remember you smashing doorknobs with that sword.”
“You keep calling me D-class this, D-class that, yet you’ve been watching me closely all along? If you weren’t observing me carefully… oops, I’ve said too much~”
“Why don’t you keep talking?”
Click—
The muzzle pressed against my temple and I slid into full bootlicking mode, hurriedly scraping away the stalactites blocking the door crack. Silla snorted, pressed down her western hat, and holstered the revolver—apparently deciding to let it slide.
Once the last of the stalactites were cleared I checked Silla’s position and prepared to breach.
“On three? One, two, three!!”
BOOOOM—!!
With the countdown I ripped the door open and charged straight into the apartment.
—Kyaaaaaaaa!!
The scream from the living-room direction told me everything I needed to know.
Jackpot.
A queen specimen that had been peeling regenerative concrete walls and assembling skull spiders like Lego bricks raised its bone-and-concrete fangs toward the intruder who had just barged into its nest.
Any place sealed up with stalactites usually held either nothing… or a special specimen stronger than the average trash. This time, luckily, it was the latter. Special specimens meant more expensive magic stones and by-products, plus better contribution points. Silla, who had followed right behind me, also lit up and shouted,
“It’s a queen! Firing now! Long live the sun!”
“Long live!”
RATATATAT—!!
I raised both arms high over my head and Silla shoved her revolver through my armpit, pulling the trigger in rapid succession.
—Kyaaaak?!
Every bullet that hit shattered the queen spider like a brick under a hammer. Naturally it wasn’t going to just sit there and take it; the queen snatched up a concrete chunk with one intact leg and hurled it—straight at the meat shield diligently protecting her, of course.
“Ow, ow, oww…”
“Stop exaggerating! Don’t break your stance!”
I would have preferred to swing my sword, but the indoor space was too tight for a greatsword. Meat-shield duty was the best option.
Judging by how I’d one-shot the earlier spider’s head, I half wondered if I could just charge in like A-rang senior and rip the thing’s head off. But I wasn’t sure, and doing so would leave Silla exposed to the queen’s attacks. So I kept tanking the flying concrete while waiting for her to finish the job.
“Why is this taking so long? Unless I’m imagining things, you’re deliberately missing the head.”
“You’re not imagining it—I am deliberately missing! You’re not going to drop from just this much, after all!”
“You crazy…”
“Who told you to act up? Take about three more hits!”
True to her kkanf nature, her temper was something else!
Ignoring my grumbling, Silla really did wait until I’d eaten three more concrete chunks before putting a magic bullet right between the queen’s eyes.
Then she looked at my thoroughly dust-covered self with the most satisfied smile imaginable.
“Hah, situation resolved! And look at you, coated head to toe in dust—very fitting for a D-class! A D-class should look like a D-class! Ooh~hohoho!”
“You little…”
I coughed while shaking the grit out of my head visor. Silla thrust those enormous breasts forward and laughed even harder.
This girl’s actually insane.
It wasn’t the first or second day she’d acted like this, so I just focused on brushing the dust off my armor.
Or rather, I tried to.
Until Silla suddenly started glancing around and trembling, shooting me nervous looks that were far too suspicious. I immediately checked on her.
“What, something hurt?”
“Th-that is… well…”
“Ah, bathroom. Gotta take a dump?”
“Why does this son of a bitch always set himself up for a beating and then later claim I’m the one picking on him?!”
“Eek?!”
RATATATATATAT—!!
Even in a dungeon that used to be an apartment complex, the water still ran—just not drinkable. Silla forced me into a frantic tap-dance by spraying magic bullets at my feet, then calmly dug a tissue pack out of the backpack I’d been carrying and pointed at the shattered queen spider’s remains.
“Harvest all of that while I go pluck a flower! And don’t you dare loiter around here—I’m sensitive to presence! Keep watch properly and harvest properly!”
“So… big one or small one?”
“Small, you—you fucking piece of—?!”
CRASH—!!
I get pushed around every single day; I had to get a little revenge somehow. A light jab was enough to make the elegant young-lady speech evaporate into pure kkanf cursing. I snickered and deliberately stomped loudly toward the queen’s remains so she’d hear every step from the bathroom.
Bring on the royal milk tank!
The moment I reached the remains I activated the Training App.