You're a Crazy Human, Aren't You?!
Until just a moment ago, Senior A-rang had been glaring at the iron door with wild, gleaming eyes, both hands gripping her axe, greatsword, and war hammer, fully prepared to smash in every last sahagin skull she could find. The instant Senior Seo-rin’s words reached her, she burst out in startled surprise and demanded,
“Y-you—what the hell did you just say? What kind of toilet?”
“I said an asshole toilet, did I not? Is something amiss? For the record, I perform an enema every single day so that I may be used as Master’s toilet whenever he desires…”
“That’s not the point! Have you—have you actually used that place before?!”
Senior A-rang stared at Senior Seo-rin with eyes that screamed, Just say no!, as though she could not possibly believe what she was hearing.
But true to her nature as my personal toilet, Senior Seo-rin’s instincts were razor-sharp. Catching the look on A-rang’s face, she curled one corner of her mouth into a sly little smile.
“I have already been used by Master any number of times, have I not?”
“What?!”
“My asshole ceased to be a mere hole for excretion long ago. Through Master’s fervent training it has been reduced to a toilet hole for handling his lust and his urine♡ Fufu… Cheon A-rang, you really should have been there to see it♡”
“Th-this…?!”
The word “asshole” alone was enough to throw Senior A-rang into a strange state, and Senior Seo-rin, realizing at last that the chance had come to vent every frustration she had suffered at A-rang’s hands, began to savor the moment to the fullest.
“More importantly, what is that reaction of yours? It is as though you are saying, ‘You put a cock in a hole like that?!’ Hmph… such a pure-maiden response.”
“Ugh?!”
“Don’t tell me…”
“Sh-shut up! Don’t you dare say it!”
Even while Senior Seo-rin openly mocked her, Senior A-rang could do nothing but tremble.
I’m the one teasing Cheon A-rang right now!
Senior Seo-rin shot me a look that said exactly that, her lips twitching nonstop, then slowly opened her mouth toward the black panther standing before her.
“Cheon A-rang… don’t tell me you still have not offered Master your anal virginity?”
“Ugh?!”
“Hngh?!”
One shot, two kills.
Senior Seo-rin’s devastating remark not only struck Senior A-rang; Bok-soon, standing beside me in her leather jacket, also shuddered hard as though the blow had landed on her as well.
Of course, Senior Seo-rin was far too busy tormenting A-rang—who looked for all the world as if a secret she never wanted revealed had just been exposed—to notice Bok-soon’s reaction.
Having landed such a perfect opening, Senior Seo-rin now wore the kind of smile a villainous young lady might wear, an expression no Female Knight should ever allow on her face. She chuckled under her breath while continuing to needle A-rang.
“Kuhuhu… this is quite the unexpected development! To think that you, the number-one pussy, still have not offered Master your anal virginity!”
“I-I’m not a pervert like you, that’s why!”
“Of course you are afraid. Originally it is a hole meant for expulsion, not for inserting a cock♡ Even I, before I surrendered my anal virginity to Master’s magnificent cock, harbored a faint trace of the same fear you feel now♡”
“Y-you…?! Wh-who the hell is scared?! I’m just—pissed that that bastard Seung-yong gave his anal first time to some other bitch instead of me…?!”
“Hey, you can’t just say it like that.”
I understood perfectly well that she had been hit right in the sore spot, but “anal first time” still sounded weird as hell.
Even so, the conversation and its tone alone were enough for Senior Seo-rin to grasp exactly what A-rang meant. Her lips began to tremble even more violently than before.
If the smile a moment ago had been pure mockery aimed at A-rang, the one she wore now was…
Superiority?
“Is that so? Fufufu… I see… so I was the one who took Master’s first time in this hole…♡”
“Ah?!”
“I had been certain that not only his first pussy but even his first time in this hole had gone to you, Cheon A-rang♡ Master handled my asshole with such practiced, beastly skill that I was convinced he must have trained on your vulgar hole first… yet to think my asshole was the very first…♡”
“Sh-shut up…!! You ungrateful twin-bitches, cutting in line?! Every one of Seung-yong’s firsts belongs to me…!!”
“Do you not even know that the courageous pussy claims the cock? More than that, this is truly unexpected. To think there was something you feared. Don’t tell me you are afraid of anal sex… y-you little…?!”
“You fucking bitch?!”
“Aigoo, I knew it would come to this.”
A man who has tasted meat knows its flavor, and someone who has teased A-rang before knows exactly where the line is.
“It’s mine! Seung-yong’s anal first time is mine too!!”
“It is your own fault for hesitating and letting it be stolen! Did you not take the first creampie piss yourself?! Ugh—I thought I had grown considerably stronger, yet what is this strength?!”
Completely lost in the fun of tormenting A-rang and oblivious to the line she had crossed, Senior Seo-rin was about to end up pinned and pounded beneath her. I clicked my tongue and started forward to intervene—
“Um, excuse me…!”
“Bok-soon, what is it this time?”
Just then Bok-soon suddenly grabbed my arm and stopped me.
Did she twist her ankle when we dropped earlier?
I was about to check her condition when she spun around, presenting her back to me, and said,
“Um… S-Senior Lee Seo-rin seems rather busy, so… would you care to relieve yourself in my anus instead?”
“Huh?”
“Elves don’t produce feces! There’s no need for any special enemas or anything! So…♡ right here… Ah! Just so we’re clear in advance—if you cum in my p-pussy I will never forgive you, all right?!”
“Ch-Cheon A-rang, wait! Just a second!”
“What’s there to wait for?! This ungrateful twin-bitch is just…!!”
“That’s not it—look over there!”
“Over there? What’s over… aah?!”
Bok-soon swayed her hips invitingly, and I, meeting Senior A-rang’s fierce glare head-on, chuckled and gave Bok-soon’s ass a sharp smack.
“Auyu, look how shameless you are. A born sow, through and through.”
“M-Master…!! I swallowed my shame and offered myself as an anal toilet…!!”
“Hehehe. Truth is, I didn’t even need to piss. I just said it to mess with Senior Seo-rin.”
“What?! M-Master, you bastard?! A man who calls himself Master would trample the pure feelings of his flesh toilet?!”
“Hehehe. Serves you right.”
Grinning wickedly together with Senior A-rang, I finally brought the chaos under control.
A-rang had no intention of continuing the racket right in the middle of the sahagin stronghold, so after one last low growl at Senior Seo-rin that clearly meant “behave yourself from now on,” she rose to her feet.
“That doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for sticking it in some other bitch’s ass before mine!”
“Eek?!”
Wham—!!
Of course I also took a solid knuckle-rap from an A-rang whose rage had reached the top of her head.
“Seo-rin’s the one who made her mad—why am I the one getting the knuckle sandwich?”
“Hmph! You brought it upon yourself! Kyaaak?! Why are you smacking my chest?!”
“Downstream bullying.”
“Y-you…!! You weak man! You can’t even talk back to Senior Cheon A-rang! Sex maniac! Weakling! Uselessly big-dicked beast!”
“So that last part was actually a compliment, right?”
After a final round of bickering with Bok-soon and a quick equipment check, we gathered in front of the firmly shut throat of the Carrier Whale—the door leading into the hangar.
“Pretty thick door… how the hell did the sahagin bastards open this?”
“It’s made of iron, but it’s still inside a whale’s body. If you push it just right, the whale itself should open it for you.”
“Oh?”
Senior A-rang gave the iron door a light shove as she spoke.
Grrrnnn—
Miraculously, the heavy door began to slide open as easily as a reed bending in the wind.
Once again marveling at A-rang’s uncanny intuition, we waited for the door to finish opening. Bok-soon, who had been tilting her head in thought, suddenly spoke up.
“Perhaps… that is why this whale let us inside so readily.”
“What do you mean?”
“It is not uncommon for marine monsters like sahagin to nest inside a Carrier Whale. But that is only ever a case of the sahagin forcing their way in and living there of their own accord.”
“So they’re literal parasites, huh?”
“Yes. From the Carrier Whale’s perspective they are nothing but a nuisance. Not only do they set up house without permission, they force the whale to open and close its throat day after day. There is no reason the whale would welcome them. Therefore…”
“Ah… so we’ve become the crocodile birds.”
Like the little birds that pick scraps from a crocodile’s teeth, we had become the cleaners of the whale’s interior?
When I put it that way, Bok-soon nodded with a startled look.
“For once your instincts are sharp. Yes. Aside from the panic caused by the rocket noise, I could think of no other reason this whale would open its mouth so willingly for us.”
“Aigoo, so clever. Want me to feel up your chest for you?”
“Not ‘let me feel your chest’—‘feel it up for you’?! You really are a crazy human who sexually harasses people as casually as breathing, aren’t you?!”
“Quiet, everyone! We’re going in!”
While Bok-soon and I were still bickering, the iron door finished opening.
At the same moment, a massive presence of sahagin that we had not sensed until now washed over us from beyond the threshold. Bok-soon and I both dropped into combat stances.
And the instant the throat of the whale—the door to the hangar—stood fully open,
“All right! Everyone clench those pussies and let’s gooooo—!!”
“Let’s goooo—!!”
—Kyaak?!
Thwack—!!
Senior A-rang opened the battle by hurling her axe straight into the forehead of the very first sahagin that entered her line of sight.