Lee XX's Confession 4
"Young-jun, want some more soup?"
The next morning, Auntie set breakfast out for Cheol-hwan and me as if nothing at all had happened.
"Ah—no, I'm fine, thanks."
After the night before, I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye. I kept dodging her gaze.
Sharp as ever, Cheol-hwan picked up on how off I was acting.
"You're being weird today."
"Huh? Weird how?"
"You're the one who always says you've got to eat like a cow in the morning if you want any energy."
"Did I say that?"
"You're ridiculous. Normally you put breakfast away like a farmhand, and now look at you. You sure you're not sick? Your face looks kind of rough, too."
"I'm fine. Really."
I played it as cool as I could with him. Truth was, looking at Cheol-hwan wasn't much easier than looking at Auntie.
How would you even feel, finding out that the mother you respect more than anyone in the world had your best friend's cock in her mouth and got herself off on it? I couldn't begin to imagine—but one thing was certain.
Last night had to go with me to the grave. Cheol-hwan could never, ever find out.
I poked at my rice without really eating, desperate to get out of there.
"Mom, aren't you going to eat?"
"Phew. The alcohol still hasn't worn off."
Auntie sat across from me at the table, her face a little pale. Cheol-hwan watched her with a worried look.
"How much did you have last night?"
"I don't know. It was an important occasion—I overdid it. What time did I even get home?"
"Beats me. We went to bed early."
"Honestly. I woke up this morning and I was in the living room."
"What? You slept in the living room? Why?"
"Ugh, I have no idea. I blacked out. I don't remember a thing."
Thankfully, Auntie remembered nothing of the night before. She was in a house dress, bare-faced—back to the gentle, warm woman I'd grown up watching every day.
But every time my eyes caught on her chest, or on those full lips, last night came rushing back. Her fingers pinching her spit-slick nipples. Her mouth working my cock like a stick of candy. Just looking at her face got me hard. I could barely meet her eyes.
"Anyway—our Young-jun is getting better-looking by the day."
"Huh?"
She stared straight at my face, then suddenly reached out and touched it.
"Oh my, look at this jawline."
Startled by her hand, I choked and started coughing.
"Oh no—are you all right? Here, drink some water."
I took the glass she handed me and gulped it down. Cheol-hwan watched the whole thing and snickered like it was the funniest thing he'd seen all week.
"Yo, Lee Young-jun. You're seriously off today. Your whole face is red. Don't tell me you've got a thing for my mom."
"W-what? Shut up and eat your food."
"Ohhh? Sounds like I hit a nerve. Mom, I think Young-jun likes you."
Auntie watched us bicker with that fond little smile of hers.
"Son, you didn't know? Young-jun's been sweet on me since he was little. Don't you remember him trailing after me everywhere when he was this big?"
"Oh, right. Every time he came over he'd throw a fit and cry about not wanting to go home. So that was because of you."
I was flustered enough to start stammering.
"Th-that's not it."
Auntie teased me with a wicked little look.
"Oh my, no? Then Young-jun doesn't like Auntie?"
"N-no—I mean, that's not what I—"
"Hahaha. How is our Young-jun this adorable? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Sorry for teasing you."
That morning the table was full of laughter, same as always. Everything felt like it had settled back into place.
Yeah. Last night was just some dreamlike little accident. Forget it. Put it away and go back to how things were.
Walking out of Cheol-hwan's house that day, I told myself that over and over.
Time moved on, and before we knew it we were college students. Enough years had passed that what happened with Auntie had faded into something like a memory.
Cheol-hwan and I didn't see each other nearly as much as we used to. Whenever I texted him, it was always the same.
As you know, Father, med students study on a level regular undergrads can't even touch. While I was clubbing and chasing girls and actually enjoying college, Cheol-hwan was buried in books, day after day.
I didn't feel sorry for him so much as envious. I knew if he just kept walking the path laid out for him, it would all be roses from there. Become a doctor, inherit his father's hospital, marry some girl from a good family—Cheol-hwan was going to live a life nobody could envy enough.
Me, on the other hand? Nothing in my life was set. The more anxious I got, the harder I partied. I drank as much as a person can drink and slept with whoever was willing. And still, no matter how wildly I burned through those years, this hollow place in my chest refused to fill.
I pretended otherwise, but I knew exactly why.
It was Auntie.
No matter who I was with, I thought of her. I'd meet some beautiful girl and catch myself comparing her looks, her personality—every little thing—against Auntie, and it would startle me every time. The girls I dated were just girls my own age. Nobody around me could get under my skin the way Auntie did. Nobody made me that restless, that hungry.
I spent those empty days like that, and in the end I dropped out of college and ran off into the military. Part of it was practical—if I had to go anyway, better to get it over with early. But I also hoped that stepping out of civilian life might let me put some distance between myself and thoughts of her.
Even while I was in, Cheol-hwan came to visit often. On leave, I always spent the time with him.
I think it was during my final leave before discharge. The two of us were sharing a quiet drink that night, just like always.
"Time really flies. You're already getting out."
"You're not allowed to say that in front of a soldier, you know that?"
"Come on. What am I supposed to do about time moving fast?"
"This is exactly why civilians are useless. You need to get locked in the army's little time dungeon yourself before you get it."
"Pfft. I only have to do basic and I'm done."
"Ah, right. You filthy med-school bastard."
"Heh. Jealous? Drink up."
Trying to one-up Cheol-hwan just because I'd gone to the military first—looking back, it was pathetic even to me.
"So what are you going to do once you're out?"
"Dunno. Make some money, I guess."
"Money? Doing what?"
"Hell if I know. When you inherit the hospital, maybe I'll work the shutter for you."
"You're insane. Who said I was hiring you?"
"Whoa, look at this guy—throwing me away already?"
"Quit joking. Seriously, what are you going to do?"
"I really don't know. Honestly, I don't have a plan."
I wasn't kidding. Back then I didn't want to think about anything. Dropping out of college with no real skills and no trade to my name—the idea of walking back into the world terrified me. When I enlisted, the discharge date had felt impossibly far away. Now that it was actually coming, the dark in front of me wasn't just dark anymore. It was empty. No hope for the future. No expectations at all.
I knocked back shot after shot of soju out of sheer frustration. Cheol-hwan watched me for a while, then said,
"Hmm… want to try a part-time job, at least?"
"A part-time job?"
"Yeah. I think my mom's looking for someone right now."
"Auntie is?"
The second he brought her up out of nowhere, my heart started hammering.
"Yeah. The chauffeur who used to drive her around quit not long ago."
"Chauffeur? What's that, exactly?"
"Kind of like a personal assistant. Driving, running her errands, that kind of thing."
Come to think of it, I did remember Auntie always riding in a car with a driver, wherever she went.
"You're always bragging to me about being a driver in the army. You said you were confident behind the wheel."
"Obviously. I could drive with my eyes closed at this point."
I'd spent my service as the division commander's driver, so if there was one thing I was sure of, it was my driving.
"So? You want to give it a shot?"
"Hmm…"
"What's with that attitude? You don't want to?"
A chance to see Auntie again. There wasn't a single reason in the world for me to refuse. I should have been begging him for it. I just… didn't want Cheol-hwan to see how I felt.
Inside I was losing my mind with how happy I was, but on the outside I dragged my feet like I was thinking it over.
"What, you're seriously not interested?"
"No, it's fine… What about the money, though? I want to make real money."
"Wow. A part-timer trying to open salary negotiations. What are you going to do if my mom says no?"
"Then there's nothing I can do about it."
"Ohh, coming in hot, Lee Young-jun."
"Hey, I'm expensive. Didn't you know?"
"Haha. All right. So you're doing it?"
"Yeah. I'll give it a try."
"Okay. I'll talk to Mom and let you know."
He texted me the very next day.
I remember finishing that chat with Cheol-hwan and bouncing on my bed I was so happy. To think I'd get to see Auntie again like this. It felt like I had the whole world in my hands.
But back then, I truly had no idea.
I had no idea what Auntie and I were going to go through together.