A Life Without Her
The days without her. That day too, as always, I was spending time with her. I was reading a book in the library while she watched me, smiling softly as if wondering what could possibly be so interesting.
"...What are you doing right now?" When I quietly complained to Sera—who was staring at my face instead of reading her book in the library—she answered with complete confidence. "Admiring your face."
"...My face isn't a tourist attraction."
"I was just enjoying the view of that handsome face of yours. Is that not allowed?" She retorted mischievously, and I let out a small grumble at her response.
Handsome face, huh... It was something I acknowledged about myself to some degree, but honestly, having a beauty like her constantly gazing at me felt burdensome. Even as I thought this to myself, I soon found myself staring intently back at her.
Her flawless, pure white skin and those orange eyes brimming with mischief caught my attention first.
Whoosh. She shyly averted her gaze and murmured, "It's a little embarrassing when you look at me like that."
"Hmm... Who was the one doing all the staring first?" Since we were in the library, I spoke in a soft whisper. At my words, she suddenly bolted upright.
With her face strangely flushed red, she fled while saying, "W-well then, study hard."
What was that about? Was she more shy than she let on? As I looked at the empty seat she had left behind, that was what I thought, yet I continued reading my book obediently in the now-quiet library.
Even while left alone reading in the library... So she could make an expression like that too? My mind was already completely fixated on her. That woman—was she capable of making such an embarrassed face? It felt like I had glimpsed a new side of her today. I smiled at the thought. It felt as if I had discovered something... interesting.
"Hey, hey." Tap. Tap. Several days had passed since that incident. After the lecture ended, Ilena poked at my arm as I organized my major textbooks and asked, "Did something happen between you two?"
"...Not really?" I answered that way, but I already knew what she was asking about. After that incident... Sera had suddenly started avoiding me.
Even when she was deep in conversation with Ilena, she would abruptly leave her seat if I approached. During meals, she would suddenly stand and flee the moment I appeared.
Why was she acting like this all of a sudden? I couldn't understand the reason, but... her behavior strangely hurt me. And what surprised me even more was the fact that I was hurt by it.
Why did it hurt? She was just a classmate. Too distant to call a friend, yet too close to call a stranger. Our relationship should have been exactly that—nothing more.
So why was daily life without her so unbearably dull? Why did the days without her feel so awkward and wrong?
I couldn't understand it. Why I felt hurt by her. Why I couldn't adapt to life without her.
No... I simply don't want to understand it, do I? Or perhaps it was more accurate to say I didn't want to acknowledge it.
In that moment, I realized it. Before I knew it, she had seeped into me this deeply. Her presence had grown this large within me.
The moment it became undeniable, I rose from my seat.
"Huh? Where are you going?"
"...I'm going to muster up some courage."
To Ilena's question, I answered quietly and tried to calm my pounding heart. Was this truly this terrifying? Honestly, I was afraid. The moment I failed, it felt like our entire relationship would end.
It was frightening, but... "I'm going."
Now that I had realized these feelings, I could no longer ignore them.
"Huh? Ohhh." At my words, Ilena finally seemed to catch on to what I intended and flashed a mischievous smile. "Hehe. So that's how it is."
"Say one more word and I'll tear that mouth of yours apart without caring one bit about your status."
At my rough response, Ilena covered her mouth, but her eyes were still laughing. What an annoying girl. Still... thanks to her, the tension had eased. Thinking that, I ran off to find Sera.
That's how it was back then. Before I knew it, I had become unable to imagine a life without her. So I moved to reclaim the days I spent with her. That's how much... I had already fallen for her.
...Well, when it comes to actually living, one manages somehow.
That's how it was back then. If she died, it seemed I wouldn't be able to go on living. It seemed I wouldn't be able to survive in a world without her.
But... that wasn't the case at all. When it came to actually living, I lived just fine. I had whined that I couldn't even imagine a life without her... yet here I was, living that unimaginable daily life without issue.
Of course, I knew the truth. That didn't mean the corner of my heart where she resided would ever vanish. Like how a scar remains even after a burn is treated. Her death had become that scar.
It was still vivid in my memory. The day I confessed. Her joyful expression. How she had quietly buried herself in my arms, crying, and said that she had been scared. That the moment she became aware of her own feelings, she feared their relationship would crumble if discovered...
What had I been thinking back then? Relief? Yes, it must have been relief. Because she felt the same way I did. That it was fortunate I had found the courage. That's what I had felt relieved about.
But not now. Now I regret it. Sometimes. If I hadn't found that courage back then—if our connection had been severed right there—perhaps her fate would have been different?
In truth, she had been torn between becoming a priestess and a doctor. If she had grown distant from me, then perhaps...
That's what I had thought.
Swish. But I knew such thoughts were already meaningless delusions. So I ended my reverie and looked at Alkai. What kind of life had this man lived? Perhaps he too had never imagined a life without Uruk.
But... it was fine. Just as I had filled her empty place with Goddess Yuno, this young lamb could do the same.
"I'll teach you calmly. How to live in this place. And the teachings of Goddess Yuno."
That's why I spoke, and Alkai pondered for a moment before nodding.
"...Understood."
Seeing him answer with a slightly discontented expression, I smiled. Thanks to this, my personal study time would shrink somewhat... but at least the train journey wouldn't be boring.
"Indeed... There was a reason for sending the Inquisitor named Ilena."
In the Pope's office of the Holy Kingdom. Hose, who had arrived there, read the report from Sabron and spoke with clear admiration. The feats of the Inquisitor named Ilena were astonishing. At this rate, Sabron would transform from a city steeped in drugs and gambling into a respectable one.
Moreover...
"To slay one of the two demons and capture the other... As expected, Priest Jenkinson truly is on another level."
Furthermore, analysis of the corpse revealed that the demon killed in a single strike had been a fairly high-ranking one. Of course, it wasn't on the same tier as exceptional high demons like Lilith or Amon.
The dream demon named Linieri who had been captured was at minimum a mid-level demon. Since Priest Giri had reported that he had done almost nothing, in reality Jenkinson had accomplished all of this alone. It was an astonishing display of skill.
"Two years... What a shame."
That such a talented individual planned to resign in two years. Hose felt it was a waste. Since the man's first choice had been to become a brewer priest, Hose had wanted to train him as his own successor. Especially after reading several of the theses Jenkinson had written—they were impeccably clean and logically sound with no room for criticism.
Whether as an Inquisitor, an Exorcist, a brewer priest, or a doctrine analyst, he was a talent destined for greatness.
"He studied under Professor Victor, correct? It seems that friend of mine taught him well."
"His lectures are absolute masterpieces that must be attended. Strangely, though, they aren't popular." Henry nodded in agreement with Hose. Professor Victor's lectures drew admiration every time one attended... yet for some reason they never gained popularity.
"He's an excellent professor who assigns homework every single time." He was famous for giving assignments that could be easily answered after reading just two related books... It was truly a pity they weren't popular.
"Indeed. A professor with that much passion at his age is rare. It's unfortunate. Oh. He learned medicine from that friend Silios. He received a proper education at the university."
Both were diligent professors who consistently assigned homework. Moreover... Since he even learned theology from that Nicolas...
He was truly a talent who had studied under the foremost scholars in each field. Hose coveted him.
"Would it be impossible to ask that child Silvestina to send him this way?"
"His talent would be far too wasted if he worked as a brewer priest." Henry expressed his refusal, and though disappointed, Hose understood. Certainly... it would be a waste to tie such talent down to the role of a brewer priest.
"More importantly, news has arrived from the north."
"Oh, the investigation results are in. So, what is the Hutka tribe's reaction?"
They were usually called barbarians, but they referred to themselves as the proud Hutka tribe. Addressing them as Hutka rather than barbarians was an act of Hose's kindness, but...
"They destroyed the statue of Goddess Yuno located there and kidnapped three soldiers, whom they then cannibalized. The war... even if I do not wish it, it will erupt soon."
Grit. Their relationship had already reached the brink of catastrophe. Only then did Hose realize it was an unstoppable current, and he tightly shut his eyes.
If the flow of war could no longer be halted... Please let it end quickly.
Hoping this war would conclude as swiftly as possible, Hose closed his eyes and prayed to the goddess. Praying that this coming war would shed as little blood as possible.