Chapter 84: Side Story - Mother (5)
Chapter 84: Side Story - Mother (5)
The restaurant wasn't all that different from our usual diet.
My mother’s cooking followed recipes strictly, devoid of even a hint of creativity, but she did try to provide a wide variety of dishes. Our main meals were usually Western-style and relatively well-balanced.
In that sense, the food at the restaurant felt infinitely close to a "home-cooked meal" to me.
As a result, I succumbed to the hunger that surged the moment my nausea subsided.
"Son."
As I was busy working my way through pasta and steak, a voice suddenly called out. I looked up to find my mother watching me.
"Do you want more?"
Should I? I certainly felt hungry. I didn't really need to worry about my weight; I’d be put through the wringer once I joined the military anyway, so I figured putting on a little weight now wouldn't hurt.
"You missed lunch, after all."
That was true. Perhaps because I’d been drifting in and out of sleep due to motion sickness, I hadn't really noticed the hunger from skipping lunch.
Still, I needed to eat well. I gave a shy nod, and Mother called the waiter to order several more dishes.
Maybe it was because it had been a while since I’d had a proper meal, but I indulged in the food in a trance, not even bothering to count how much I was putting away.
It really felt like it had been forever. Maybe it was because I was eating after being miserable for so long.
Mother even seemed to know that anything too greasy wouldn't be good for my stomach, as she mostly ordered items with little to no oil.
She watched me eat while elegantly enjoying the anchovy pasta she had ordered for herself. I glanced at her tentatively.
"I'm worried I might be eating too much..."
"It’s fine."
"But still..."
"I said it’s fine."
Since she insisted, there was no room for me to argue. I quietly continued my meal, all the while pondering the reason behind her behavior since yesterday.
Until now, I’d lacked nutrition and my brain hadn't been functioning properly due to the motion sickness, but now that both issues were resolved, I was finally able to think.
Mother’s recent actions felt as if she were unreservedly closing the distance between us.
The sudden physical contact, the consideration, and even the glimpses of some kind of desire that flickered in between.
I didn't know the origin of why she was acting this way.
I suppose you could say I didn't know why she was suddenly doing this.
However, I felt awkward asking her directly.
It wasn't because I was shy or because I found her difficult to talk to; it was something else.
A reason I couldn't even identify myself. It was more of an intuition that I shouldn't ask, and considering my intuition was almost never right, I probably could have ignored it...
Still, I couldn't ignore my anxiety or worry.
At least not for now.
"This restaurant."
"Yes?"
"I used to come here with your father."
"Ah..."
I focused on processing her sudden comment—specifically, the context of it. Why was she bringing this up now?
"Do you miss him?"
"A little."
A little. It was an excessively passive attitude for someone speaking of a deceased husband, but that was just how Mother was.
She was a person who rarely showed emotional changes, always quiet, calm, and cold, as if wearing a mask.
So I thought she wasn't showing any change this time either, but...
"Because I have you children."
"Oh."
Contrary to my thoughts, it seemed the reason Mother didn't feel much longing was largely thanks to her children.
It was unexpected. It was even more so because I had never really thought of Mother as having a maternal side.
"Yu-jin, you especially resemble your father."
"Really? I thought my face looked more like yours, Mom..."
"That’s the better part."
"What’s that supposed to mean?"
I laughed despite myself. Mother didn't laugh, but she exuded a relaxed atmosphere.
Thanks to that, I had a proper mother-son conversation for the first time in a long while.
We talked about college, fencing, the new restaurant that opened in front of the house, and her complaints about how Yu-ri had been neglectful lately because she was busy studying.
They were perfectly ordinary things—things we could have talked about anytime, but things I had suppressed because of Mother’s personality and the fact that I found her difficult to approach.
Sharing those things with her, I truly felt like we had a mother-son relationship for the first time in a long while.
And it wasn't bad. Though it did feel a bit strange to be dining alone with her.
I finished another dish, and Mother looked at me before ordering dessert.
The question came out of nowhere.
"The military... do you want to go?"
It was a question that felt belated. Her voice carried a deep sense of worry or concern.
Furthermore, it was unlike her. Considering she usually didn't show her emotions, this meant she was truly deeply worried.
"No, I definitely don't want to go. But... what can I do? I have to go."
"If there were a way to get out of it, you'd want to, wouldn't you?"
"I mean, sure, but there isn't a way."
Usually, before and after the physical exam, men often look for ways to avoid the military. Unless they’re crazy people whose dream is to join the army, or fanatics who took a separate course in patriotism during their home schooling.
Normally, if you can avoid the military, you don't go, and if there’s a way to get out of it, you actively look into it.
I was the same. I looked into it thoroughly, but unfortunately, from my family environment to my physical condition, there was absolutely no way for me to get an exemption or serve in the reserves.
Wait, this conversation feels like déjà vu.
"I think we talked about something similar in the car earlier..."
"We did."
Even when my mind is clear, I can't think of a way to get out of it. Did she think I wouldn't be able to remember properly because of the motion sickness?
Looking at her now, it seemed that was the case. Seeing her staring at me with that deeply ingrained worry and concern.
I might be wrong, but that was my guess. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
"But it’s okay. They say the military has gotten better lately, right? Accidents don't happen often, and I only have to go for about 18 months."
Mother’s expression darkened even further. Oops, was mentioning accidents a bad move?
But there was no use crying over spilled milk. I spoke firmly.
"And besides, I can take care of myself. I'll be fine."
It didn't change the fact that I didn't want to go, but seeing Mother like that made me feel somewhat relieved.
The feeling that even Mother was a typical mother in this regard.
In fact, because she was worrying for me, I felt my own worries decreasing.
"Don't worry."
Mother didn't answer. She looked at me with uneasy eyes, and the look in her gaze was something I couldn't easily read.
Just why was she acting like this?
I couldn't tell.
*
Lee Seon-mi.
She was a mother of four, but she wasn't the type to live her life with strong maternal instincts or motherly behavior.
She was a person who valued dignity and living a respectable life.
That was why she dressed properly even at home and lived her life always mindful of maintaining her grace.
She was the same with her children. She didn't like wasting time and wanted her children to use their time more efficiently to become more successful people.
Unlike how Lee Seon-mi had become nothing once she was no longer a ballerina, she wanted them to be people who would still have much left even if they lost one thing.
So, Lee Seon-mi pushed her children. Even if they didn't want to, she persuaded them it was necessary and made them endure grueling daily routines.
She knew well that the results hadn't been good.
Just because she wasn't emotional and was good at controlling her emotions didn't mean she didn't have any. The shock she had experienced back then had become a shackle that still ate away at her.
Above all, the fact that she wasn't motherly didn't mean she wasn't a mother.
Similarly, having little maternal instinct didn't mean it was non-existent.
She felt saddened as she watched her eldest daughter distance herself, and her younger daughter and eldest son find her difficult.
Only the youngest, Yu-ri, followed her well, but since there was almost no one that child didn't follow, it wasn't even a comfort.
She was agonizing over how to close the distance with her son, and the psychological distance and walls that only seemed to grow larger by the day.
Then one day, Lee Seon-mi had a dream.
In the king-sized bed she had used alone for over ten years since her husband passed, she woke up drenched in a cold sweat.
What she had seen was so vivid that even after waking and confirming it was a dream, it was still pulling her back into its sticky depths.
The dream began like this: A call comes into the smartphone of Lee Seon-mi, who was keeping watch over the house with her usual dignity. At the news she hears upon answering, the coffee cup in her hand rolls across the floor.
Hot coffee soaks her thigh and pain invades her mind, but a loss greater than that chokes her, leaving her unable to move.
Gasping for breath, she panted as she took the call from the military.
Things she had only seen on the news, things that were often buried.
A part of that had invaded her reality, trampling her daily life and dignity with muddy feet.
When she turned her head as if possessed, she was suddenly in a hospital room. She saw her son lying in a coma, his eyes closed, never to wake.
She collapsed just like that, and then she woke from the dream.
It was just a dream. He was at the age to join the military soon, so it was understandable.
But to dismiss it as such, she instinctively felt something was wrong.
Her stomach churned, and her heart beat wildly.
No matter how she tried to steady her breathing, it remained fast and labored.
Anxiety enveloped her to the point that she rushed to her son's room, her thin nightgown fluttering, and opened the door.
Her son was sleeping soundly. If anything, he tossed and turned at the sound of the door suddenly opening. Her son, whom she had suffered to bring into this world, and whom she couldn't help but love even with her sparse maternal instincts.
Lee Seon-mi quietly closed the door and tried to compose herself, thinking it was just a dream.
But the thought suddenly occurred to her that it might not be. It was irrational and illogical.
Yet, she listened to that voice.
Following her intuition, she pored over accidents that could occur in the military, and spent the night wide awake, lost in thought.
In the end, where her intuition led her was her smartphone.
There sat an app she had never seen before.
An app with the image of a white goat with red eyes. An unidentified icon that looked like both a goat and a sheep, but which she knew was a mountain goat the moment she saw it.
[Family-Friendly Game]
It whispered to her.
[Show your naked body to your son, Kang Yu-jin. 0/1]
[Reward: Addition of a Status Window corresponding to your son, Kang Yu-jin]
With this, she might be able to prevent that unsettling nightmare from becoming reality.