Bathing the Recluse
I'll tell you everything. I place a high value on cleanliness. Not to the level of OCD or anything, but I always considered myself pretty hygiene-conscious. Unlike my sister, who seems to have a special talent for generating trash just by existing.
Two showers a day. I'd shave at the slightest hint of stubble, and I got my teeth scaled every six months. All so no one would ever see me anything less than perfectly groomed—everyone gets the flawless version of me, always.
"Nooo~!!"
"Stop... cowering like a child... and hurry up and follow me!!"
Before long, my concern for my own appearance extended to noticing everyone else's dishevelment. Matted hair, eye gunk, morning breath from skipping a brush. Things like that. Of course, I knew it was rude to point out other people's flaws unasked, so I never said a word.
Until now.
"How many days has it been since you last bathed!? How can a person smell like this...?!!"
"Eek...!!"
This was going too far.
"You're a noble, aren't you? A noble lady!? Doesn't that mean you should at least bathe once a day!?"
"So... what if I smell...!!"
"Do I really have to describe it!?"
It was the first time I'd ever failed to keep a straight face after sniffing someone's odor—even in front of my sister, I'd held it together. But the stench wafting from the sleeping Urtic Mirhane was beyond imagination.
"Schuett!!"
"Y-yes!? "
I slammed open the study door with my body, dragged her out, and tossed her into the wheelchair.
"Huff... huff... Take her to the bathroom right now!! God, you're heavy...!!"
"Y-yes, right away!!"
Hopefully I didn't reopen any wounds. Luckily, no extra pain beyond the usual.
"Ugh... ugh..."
Urtic, yanked from her nest, was still groaning in shock. Was it from being forcibly woken, or from the bright light after her dim study?
"Hoo... Let's go before you snap out of it. I don't want to watch you squirm like a maggot."
"Wh-what's going on here, if I may ask...?"
"I said I won't repeat myself."
"Hiiik...!!"
The wheelchair wheels started rolling—much faster and rougher than when I was riding.
"Hoo... You two, standing there like idiots."
"A-are you talking to us?"
"Who else is standing around like morons in this hallway?"
I glanced at the two maids, frozen in the corridor, as Schuett and Urtic sped off like they were in a race.
"Clear out everything from that woman's lair right now. You know—the room inside the study."
"The room inside the study...? But those are Urtic Lady's things—how could we...?"
"I'll handle the fallout, so if she asks, just say I ordered it."
Even so, the maids just exchanged glances, unmoving. Fine. Time for this.
"Sigh... If you won't throw it out, at least wash it!! How can a sleeping area reek like a sewer rat's den, and you haven't touched it this whole time!?"
"...Understood!"
Yep, yelling works. The villainess lady's rock-bottom reputation comes in handy sometimes.
"Hoo... I'm heading to the bathroom too... Ah."
Then it hit me, belatedly.
"...The bathroom..."
Where is it? Come to think of it, I have no idea.
"Damn..."
I finally looked back the way Schuett had gone, but the corridor was empty.
"..."
Should've told her to go slower.
――
After asking around the servants, I finally found the way. They looked at me like asking for directions to a bathroom I should know was some new harassment—faces sour—but what can servants do?
"...What now..."
A new problem awaited at the bathroom door.
"...I'm not going in."
"Wh-what do we do...?"
A noble lady staging a sit-in, sprawled in front of the bathroom door. Why does this actually exist?
"I'm just a maid, so... I can't touch a lady directly..."
"Don't nobles usually have servants help with bathing?"
"True, but... if the lady says don't touch, what can a maid do...?"
Schuett had a point. With the master-servant dynamic and status difference, she couldn't just manhandle her.
"Step back. I'll handle—er, resolve it."
But that's only because Schuett's a maid. I don't have to hold back.
"Just give up and come quietly. You're weak anyway."
"Ugh..."
As a noble lady who doesn't exercise much—and injured to boot—Bathory's physical strength isn't great. But even that was too much for this jellyfish of a girl.
"...You haven't bathed either."
"Me? Ha, what are you—oh."
Come to think of it, my hair's stiff as hell. Skin feels grimy, overall... dirty.
"...I lost consciousness, so I had to skip it."
"Doesn't matter if you couldn't or wouldn't...! And you're telling me to bathe...!"
Fair enough—dirty is dirty, reason or not. But that doesn't excuse you skipping it.
"Enough nonsense."
"Eek...! I'm not going, I said!!"
Urtic shook her head desperately in protest, sending dandruff flying like snowflakes. Damn it.
"...Fine. If I don't bathe, you won't either, right?"
"...Yeah. You're filthy too... why should I listen to you..."
"Then we'll bathe together."
Urtic's face, twisted in defiance moments ago, went blank. Like a question mark sculpted into human features.
"Hup."
"Kyaaak!?"
I didn't miss the opening.
――
The Mirhane family, by setting, is a noble house based in the east—not Orléans, the witch-abandoned city of night. Conquerors of the continent. After Great Emperor Charles XIV's grand conquests and the rebellion during his crown prince days, he brought in outer forces to weaken the central nobles who led it. Augustin Mirhane, the great-uncle and original owner of this mansion, was one such outsider imported to Orléans. Well, technically his grandfather Heinrich.
If I had to name a quirky trait of the Mirhanes, it's their love of clean water. Sure, who'd prefer dirty water? But their obsession goes beyond normal. This mansion's built halfway up a mountain for the water quality alone.
Why so fixated? Like Urtic with her pets? Anyway, the result is a bathroom that's practically an onsen. Vast, outdoors, blending with the natural scenery.
"..."
But no time to admire the view.
"Haa..."
Looking in the mirror plunged me back into heavy thoughts. My exposed naked body was that of a growing girl.
I'd bathed with my sister since childhood—practically groomed her like a pet—so seeing a woman's body didn't spark weird thoughts...
But knowing this was my body? Complicated as hell. This isn't how I remember myself. Things that shouldn't be there are, and vice versa. Skin smoother, no trace of the body hair I'd shave constantly.
Do I like it...? Nah, not really. I'm no pervert.
"...This is the worst..."
Urtic, now naked too, whimpered in a tiny voice. Shivering—cold?—she refused the water like a cat.
"..."
She's stacked. Didn't notice under the pajamas. No reaction? Must be because I'm in a woman's body now.
"If you're cold, get in the bath already."
I felt like a stone Buddha. Heart of wood.
"...You first..."
"Sure."
My body was shivering anyway, so I slipped into the warm bath without hesitation. Hot water contrasting the chill air, washing away fatigue and grime.
"Haaah..."
This is why baths are the best.
"...Pervert."
"Not something a sister says to her sibling. Anyway, when are you getting in?"
"Wait..."
Unlike me, Urtic squatted, shivering, dipping just her toes in and out repeatedly. Total cat.
Witches and cats do go together.
"Scared of the water?"
"...Yeah."
At this rate, she'll catch a cold before bathing. Guess no choice.
"Here."
"...?"
I held out both hands to her.
"I'll catch you if you slip, so ease in from the feet."
Like the day I took my sister to the pool, terrified she'd drown.
"Don't be scared—it's not that deep."
Even if it were, I'd hold her so she wouldn't sink.