Chapter 7
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Translator: Ace
Chapter: 007
Chapter Title: Celeb Marketing
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Hehehe.
Joseon is the best.
Joseon is the best! Everyone shout it!
The hellish days scraping by with those pirate scum were finally over.
No more starving days where I could barely eat, no more trembling in fear of when some mad bastards might ambush me or chop off my head. It was all done.
I'm providing the Joseon people with entertainment that's rarer than gold to them, and in return, they're giving me a warm back and a full belly. Hm. Perfect.
- Didn't you go on about changing history or whatever?
Damn it, after spending years in that pirate den living a thrill-a-minute life, I've finally got my freedom. Cut me some slack here. I can't do jack right now anyway.
What the hell am I supposed to do to succeed?
How am I gonna build my life from here on out?
A rough plan was starting to take shape.
.
Even so-called Asia experts are mostly India specialists anyway. If there were that many people who really knew China, Britain wouldn't have sent an envoy to the Qing Dynasty and ended up fighting a war.
How many Western intellectuals do you think have deeply studied Confucianism, the core of East Asian thought?
And taking it a step further, how many have rich knowledge of Joseon specifically—not Qing—and have even lived here themselves?
I can say with certainty: none.
It's a blue ocean, and I'm the only one in it!
I even know an example that shows just how pathetically ignorant Europeans were about other cultures back then. I read about it in some sales self-help book.
Right after the enterprising British nation won the Opium War and spread the true gospel of free trade to the Qing, every merchant was thrilled that a vast market of over 300 million people had opened up.
And without exception, they all rushed to China to peddle "advanced" Western goods at premium prices.
- And then?
These idiots.
They hauled over silverware and pianos, thinking they could sell them in China.
As a 21st-century civilized person, I can't even fathom why they thought Qing people would buy pianos or forks, but even the trend-savviest traders of the day had such pathetic ideas. That's the 19th century for you.
Just pick the right products that will sell, and you'll rake in a fortune.
If I can give solid advice to the British government, I could position myself as an indispensable key figure.
Hehehe.
Future knowledge!
Understanding of the Orient!
This proves no one in the Far East can surpass Arthur Leigh. I can enlighten those ignorant Anglo-Saxons and rake in money by the shovelful!
So.
As long as I don't die.
As long as I can get back somehow. Damn it.
My daily routine in Joseon went something like this.
First, I'd wake up just before dawn, wash lightly with the washbasin water the servants brought, and as a guest in the house—meaning, pay my respects to the master of the house.
"Have you been coughing, my lord?"
"Good grief, I told you there's no need for this."
Guess whose house I'm staying in?
Kim Ja-geun.
The third son of the legendary powerbroker Kim Jo-sun.
A core figure in the era of regent politics, a legendary corrupt official who made all of Joseon quake in fear.
After Kim Jo-sun died, his older brother Kim Yu-geun inherited the power, but Kim Yu-geun's laid up with a stroke on the brink of death right now, so everyone in Hanyang was buzzing that Kim Ja-geun's era was coming soon.
When you get a chance to cozy up to a guy like that, why wouldn't you? Whether it's an advanced country or a backward one, stick close to those in power, and sweet honey drips your way—things that shouldn't work suddenly do.
Plus, I'm just a kid.
For a grown adult to impress those in power, you need flattery and bribes galore, but a kid can win favor just by being cute.
"I read the Elementary Learning and it said we must show respect to our parents every day. Though I've lost mine, you've taken me in and cared for me like your own child—how could I skip paying my morning respects?"
"Hahaha! I'm delighted you've opened your eyes to the proper way. Truly."
"No, it's all thanks to your guidance, my lord."
Kim Ja-geun's face melted into a puddle of goo as he headed off to work. That's all my doing, of course.
- That's... kinda gross?
Yeah, whatever.
But it doesn't end with just Kim Ja-geun.
This is the illustrious Andong Kim Clan house.
There were targets to build favor with stacked on top of each other.
My next target, the one I was putting real effort into, was the daughter of this house.
No, wait—the text says "The daughter of this household" which is daughter, but then dialogue is with Kim Byeong-gi, who is adopted son. Wait, earlier: Kim Jwa-geun had no son. ... Kim Byeong-gi. So Kim Byeong-gi is the adopted son.
"Hellooo. Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah. Sleep okay?"
Kim Ja-geun had no biological sons.
He'd apparently decided he couldn't handle more kids, so he brought in a distant relative as an adopted son—none other than the famous Kim Byeong-gi.
"Got any tasty snacks?"
"Hey, you haven't even had breakfast yet and you're after treats again?"
"But it's sooo good! As good as chocolate!"
Kim Byeong-gi hesitated for a moment, but when I started rolling around panting dramatically, he finally pulled out a piece of barley sugar he'd stashed away. Damn, feels like I'm Hector. Miss you, Hector.
"Just a little now—gotta eat breakfast later."
"Yay!! Thank youuu!!!"
As I devoured the sugar at breakneck speed with obnoxious slurping sounds, Kim Byeong-gi flashed that proud uncle smile unique to men who've thoroughly pleased their nephew.
"What on earth is this chocolate that it rivals our tasty barley sugar?"
"Chocolate's brown, super sweet, and melts in your mouth all smooth."
"Must be candy the foreigners eat. What’s it made of? The Kim Clan of Jangdong can do anything—can't be we can't make that."
"Chocolate comes from special chocolate beans, so probably can't make it here. But it's yummy, keeps you from getting sleepy, and Dad said it's great at night too."
"...Great for what?"
"At night. Amazing for men."
What I was doing was some delicate work.
No matter how dirt-poor Joseon is, the top elites are always loaded.
Joseon folks won't buy pianos, forks, or alarm clocks...
But what about luxury consumables?
"Is that different from the coffee you mentioned before?"
"That's super bitter. Yangban are supposed to drink coffee, of course."
"All you English drink coffee?"
"Women and kids drink more tea! Coffee's for yangban only. Clears your head right up, helps you focus—great at night too."
Tonics for vitality.
Boosted concentration for exam prep students grinding for the civil service exams.
And the grand finale: 'great for men at night.'
How's that?
Doesn't it make you wanna import some via Qing or Japan at least once? Huh?
- You little devil...
What're you talking about? The coffee-and-chocolate-loving race couldn't hate them.
I'm just trying to let even one more Joseon person taste coffee's joy sooner, so they suffer less in life. Honestly, it's a losing proposition for me. I could be canonized as the saint of coffee for this.
If I were some selfish thug only out for my own gain, I'd have loaded up a ship with coffee and chocolate later and started hawking it. Spreading Western culture like this doesn't do much for me, right?
- You're just hungry for it yourself!
Nope.
I'm working capitalist magic, creating demand.
Stuff like Indian calico or alarm clocks? Slam the country doors shut, done.
But luxury goods? Impossible to control.
Once Joseon people taste it just once, it's smooth sailing after that.
Someday, that raises the odds I can do big business in Joseon.
What I mainly do in Joseon...
Is study.
Absurd, but true.
"Heavens. Truly marvelous."
"Learning spoken Joseon while picking up women's script and classical texts, and now tackling the scriptures."
To be precise, my main content is 'putting on a show of studying.' The yangban seem to get their fill just watching me.
"That kid's got such a clear, bright voice. Want some rice cakes?"
"Thank you!"
"Rice cakes aren't as sweet as barley sugar, right? Come recite something for me, and I'll give you a piece."
Aww, thank you so much, young master Kim Byeong-hak. And young master Kim Byeong-guk, huge thanks for sponsoring that barley sugar piece.
Kim Byeong-hak and Kim Byeong-guk brothers—Andong Kim Clan members who'll grow into big shots later.
By clan genealogy, they're ninth cousins to Kim Ja-geun, but all these Kims live clustered around Jangdong anyway. Modern terms? Basically neighbors.
By taking me in as a guest, the Kim Clan—knowingly or not—was reaping some real benefits.
"I came to see that kid they call Lee Arthur or whatever..."
"You show up empty-handed? We've got mouths to feed here—you should've at least steamed a tray of rice cakes."
"Next time, for sure. Heh heh heh."
The Andong Kim house used to be swarmed by flies begging favors until the doorstep wore away.
But now that they'd taken in this prodigy Arthur Leigh, even scholars with some learning were poking around the gate for no reason.
"A letter came from Scholar Hwaseo—he wants to come up to Hanyang soon to see the boy."
"Heavens!"
"For even Scholar Hwaseo to take interest—truly, calling him a once-in-a-generation genius is no exaggeration."
I wanted to snap, 'Who the hell is Hwaseo to you Confucian fanboys?' but seeing their awe, he must be some big-deal Confucian scholar, so I kept my mouth shut.
With my market value skyrocketing like this, it made sense to memorize and spout classics nonstop, leveling up to the first Western Confucian master.
- Even though inside you're a grown-ass adult...
What? The packaging matters more than the contents. Like sending holiday gifts in a fancy cloth-wrapped cardboard box versus stuffing it in a black plastic bag. For a unique premium product like me, the wrapper's gotta be top-tier.
I performed scripture recitation tricks like a circus animal while eyeing the visitors for networking opportunities.
Problem is, I don't know enough famous names...
Damn, shoulda read more late-Joseon webnovels.
And today.
A new face showed up.
"Oh, sir, you've arrived."
"Good to see everyone after so long. I hear Scholar Hwaseo is coming to see the kid who's got Jangandong buzzing. Thought I'd sneak a peek first."
The newcomer was youngish, but everyone stood to greet him, so he seemed important. And they called him 'sir.'
"Come on. Greet the gentleman."
"Oh, this is the boy?"
"That's him. Introduce yourself."
"Hello, sir. I'm Arthur Leigh. Seven years old."
"Heavens!"
I bowed politely, and the requisite gasp of awe burst out. Wow, feels like life's on easy mode.
"This gentleman is Lord Heungseon Deputy Chancellor, a member of the royal family—most noble."
"I'm just a wretched wretch clinging to life, but they keep tossing offices my way because I'm royal kin... The name's Yi Ha-eung, kid."
Yi Ha-eung.
Heungseon.
Heungseon Daewongun!
Damn. Gotta grab him. Grab first, ask questions later.
Long-term investment, but buy low on this coin.
"You look like a very precious person."
"Hahaha! The kid's a natural flatterer. Someone teach you that?"
"Perish the thought."
A faint smirk flickered across Kim Byeong-gi's face and vanished, but this seasoned player Arthur Leigh caught even that fleeting negative vibe.
- So you're not just bullshitting yourself?
Hey now. That's the classic attitude when you run into someone you look down on in a formal setting. Heard Heungseon was treated like a funeral mutt—maybe not that bad, but close enough.
"But as I said before, to visit here, you should at least bring a tray of rice cakes for the boy—"
"Rice cakes are iffy, so I brought some of my paintings instead. That work?"
"Fine. That'll do."
Yi Ha-eung looked... feisty. No ordinary temperament. Better not push it.
As I pondered how to play cute, Yi Ha-eung caught Kim Byeong-gi's expression too and grinned before speaking.
"That okay, though?"
"What do you mean?"
"This kid."
"Yes? Did Arthur do something wrong?"
"The Prime Minister says he'll have him confront those foreign heretics soon. That pope or whatever."
What?
Face-to-face interrogation?
- Sounds fucked.
Fucked? How?
That's the day my value hits the ceiling.