The Girl Role
What on earth had I just heard?
My heart thudded hard. I reached out and took CEO Seo by the hand.
"Uncle."
"Yeah? What is it, Gongja?"
"Please say that again, slowly."
"Pfft. Our Gongja. Was my support really that precious to you? I’m always on your side!"
"No, not that."
I couldn’t believe it.
"So you’re that mother's son!"
Ugh, this was maddening.
"No! The girl role!"
I looked at CEO Seo with pleading eyes. That had to be a hallucination, right?
Or a nightmare!
I pinched my cheek. Unfortunately, the pain was very real.
"Ah, the girl role. I was surprised you said you’d take it."
Wow. It was real.
This wasn’t a dream.
I blinked.
"I’m playing the girl, yes?"
"Huh?"
My voice trembled at the end without me meaning it to.
"Not the boy role?"
CEO Seo went silent. I checked again.
"Really?"
When I looked up slightly, I saw his eyes quiver.
"Y-you didn’t know?"
"I thought it was the boy role!"
"Wait, no, Director Won was so happy that you’d taken that role that I thought you’d chosen it yourself."
"Looks like there’s been some misunderstanding."
Wow.
I was so shocked I couldn’t even swear.
I took a deep breath.
Calm down, Lee Hanjo. No, Ma Gongja.
When people were in shock, it was best to do the one thing they could still do.
"Uncle, please call Director Won for me."
I needed to confirm the facts first.
CEO Seo hurriedly made the call. Fortunately, Director Won, the source of this whole mess, picked up right away.
"Director..."
CEO Seo spoke with a faraway look in his eyes.
"That sail might break any second now."
I didn’t need to hear any more. I gestured for the phone. CEO Seo handed it over at once.
"Director. It’s Gongja."
I asked calmly, "Director. What role is Gongja playing?"
"I just heard Gongja is playing the girl role."
There was suddenly silence on the other end.
I waited patiently. Honestly, I think I’d used up ten years’ worth of calm already.
"W-wait, did I not say what role it was?"
What the hell.
"So it really is the girl role?"
"W-well, of course... no, wait? When we went to Iraq, did we not talk about it?"
That was the end of that discussion. I spoke at once.
"Gongja will need some time to think about it."
"N-no, wait! Gongja, you’re home right now! I’m coming over this second! Don’t hang up!"
"Don’t come."
I ended the call immediately. CEO Seo was sweating so much he wiped his forehead with a tissue.
"Our Gongja really means business."
I quietly turned my head.
"Waaah, he’s angry. He won’t even talk to his uncle!"
How noisy.
"Y-you didn’t know. Right, you didn’t know. I thought you were so good at it that this would be a challenge for you!"
I let out a sigh, then rested my chin on my hand and fell into thought.
Come to think of it, he never said outright that it was the boy role.
Still, if there were a boy and a girl in the lead roles, wouldn’t anyone assume the boy part?
Who would think it was the girl role?
Damn it.
The mistake was not checking the script properly. I let my guard down because it was someone I knew!
My mouth tasted bitter. I let out another sigh.
"Gongja. Why are you being so quiet?"
I didn’t lift my head.
"No, I mean, when your doll-like face goes expressionless, it somehow gets even cuter."
CEO Seo, are you pouring oil on a fire right now?
"Ah, I wish I could take a picture of this."
I narrowed my eyes. It was seriously irritating, like a fly buzzing in my ear.
"Boss."
"Yeah? No, why boss! I’m your uncle!"
"Gongja needs time to think."
"Aigoo, goodness. Our Gongja really is mad. Well, what’s the big deal? You just don’t do it."
That wasn’t exactly easy to decide. I crossed my arms and pressed a hand to my forehead. When CEO Seo saw me like that, he hurriedly said, "There are plenty of scripts coming in. You can go anywhere you want."
"I know."
There really were plenty of places calling for me.
But still.
I knew what kind of person Director Won Jong-sa was.
Director Won Jong-sa treated Lee Hanjo well.
Honestly, back when I was barely getting by, I’d received a great deal of kindness from him. He’d bought me meals and drinks, too.
In those days when I was starving, he put food in my throat.
He was the man who had given me a stepping-stone to move forward.
I remembered the drinking sessions from my Lee Hanjo days.
Director, I’ll definitely repay your kindness.
And Director Won would laugh and tell me to show him how I planned to repay it.
Another sigh escaped me. I laid my forehead on the desk. The coolness rising up from it made me feel a little more alive.
Director Won Jong-sa is in the most important period right now, isn’t he?
This was the stage where he was under so much strain his hair and eyebrows could have blown away.
If I say I won’t do it, everything will collapse.
From the way he’d been acting while drunk earlier, things must be going well, right?
It looked like the biggest investment problem had been resolved...
I let out a sigh so deep it seemed to sink into the floor.
"G-gongja, are you okay?"
"I’m not okay."
"R-right. But you don’t have to do it, you know?"
"You can’t just cut people off when you’ve got a relationship with them."
If this were my second life, maybe I could have walked away. But the thing was...
Now that I knew their circumstances, I couldn’t do it.
A groan slipped out of me on its own. CEO Seo patted my back.
"Gongja. My pretty Gongja. Don’t agonize over it. No one’s going to scold you."
No, I’m not worried about getting scolded.
There isn’t even anyone to scold me in the first place.
Whether he knew what I was thinking or not, CEO Seo kept trying to persuade me.
"Gongja can do whatever he wants. I’ll handle the fallout. That’s what a CEO is for."
Oh, man.
Don’t say things that move me at a time like this.
I felt acutely why my mother worked alongside him. I exhaled until I felt hollowed out.
Honestly, if it weren’t for the kindness I owed him in my past life, I’d quit right now.
Since that wasn’t the case, this was what happened.
Goodwill is a hell of a lot harder to deal with than malice.
I lifted my head. CEO Seo was looking at me with concern.
Hm. Come to think of it, a kid really wouldn’t be like this.
Even if he found it strange, was he just letting it slide?
I reached out and caught hold of his sleeve.
"You’re a good person."
"Huh? Who?"
"You, Uncle."
Ah, why is it that in this life I’m surrounded only by such good people?
I never thought this would become something to agonize over!
CEO Seo blinked.
"No, no, Gongja. You’ve got a face that cute and then you start saying things like that? Whew. My heart just dropped."
It wasn’t even that much, and yet he looked so happy.
"I want to do anything for you. Gongja, just say yes already! There are plenty of good projects!"
Deciding wasn’t that simple. I smiled bitterly. That was when I heard someone running.
There aren’t many people who run inside this house.
Jeok did sometimes, but his footsteps were very light. I turned my head quietly toward the doorway. Sure enough, I heard the door open.
"Ahh!"
Thud.
Huh.
Why are you falling over?
Director Won Jong-sa hurriedly got back on his feet. Then he nearly crawled over to me. Honestly, it was frightening, and I found myself instinctively leaning back.
"No! Gongja! Don’t!"
He really was making a scene.
I lowered my eyes slightly.
"Gongja thought it was the boy role."
"Aah! I’m sorry! I should’ve told you in advance! But you can’t back out! You’re my sunshine! My only hooope!"
Does this man even know what he’s saying?
"Why didn’t you tell me? It was important. Were you trying to trick Gongja?"
Well, I knew he wasn’t that kind of person. But this still needed to be addressed.
"No! How could I? I was just out of my mind!"
Well, that much was true.
"I’m not the kind of person who goes around deceiving people, am I?"
"That was too much."
"I’m sorry! But please do it. The girl role has to be Gongja!"
"There are plenty of child actors in our country who are good at acting."
"I know. There are lots. But this one has to be you, Gongja! I watched the play you were in, and I’ve seen everything you’ve done."
That was probably true.
"The idol music video you appeared in, especially, I loved that."
"Gongja was the little brother there, Director."
"I know. But I saw the girl in it."
Wow. Said like that, it sounded really strange.
"I saw the afterimage of a girl. Shower has to be you, Gongja!"
Well, if you looked hard enough, there would probably be someone else.
"Once I said you’d do it, the investment was solved immediately. Gongja, I’m begging you. Really."
I sighed without meaning to. Watching an older man plead like that made me deeply uncomfortable.
In the first place, this was something I should have checked myself.
Usually I would have turned it down.
Honestly, if the person standing in front of me hadn’t been Director Won Jong-sa, I wouldn’t have looked back.
I should repay the kindness, shouldn’t I?
With a heavy heart, I wiped my face dry with my hands.
"...I’ll do it."
I’ve repaid all my debts now.
"Huh?"
"This time, Gongja also made a mistake."
You’re supposed to tap the bridge stone before you cross it for a reason.
"R-really?"
"Yes."
I could feel a deep despair settling in. I pictured the girl role.
A girl who expresses wounds through playfulness.
Could I really do that?
Wow, this is a real challenge.
There was another problem, too.
I asked seriously, "But... can Gongja really do well?"
"Huh?"
"No matter how cute Gongja is, this is still a girl role, isn’t it? If I grow my hair out and wear a skirt, will people really see Gongja as a girl?"
The director blinked.
"G-Gongja. Even if you don’t wear a skirt, if someone said you were a girl, they’d probably just go along with it."
Huh?
I looked at CEO Seo.
"Really?"
"Of course. Gongja, look in the mirror."
Ah, I was still a long way from puberty.
Besides, my face is cute, so I guess I’m fairly androgynous.
I looked toward the mirror. My hair was a little long, too.
With a skirt on, I suppose you could even call me a girl.
Damn it.
It’s not like this has never happened before.
Child actors in pre-school were often cast in roles regardless of gender.
Still, a lead role is a bit rare.
I let out a long breath. If I just grew my hair out, my looks would probably be fine.
Wait a second.
I grabbed my hair.
"Director."
"Huh?"
"Does Gongja have to cut his hair?"
Cold sweat broke out on me all at once.
The girl role leukemia thing was because she shaved all her hair off.
With trembling eyes, I looked at Director Won. The director nodded with a face of utter desolation.
Wow...
I stared at Director Won’s still-lush hair.
"The curse of the egg..."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
My legs went weak. I squatted down and hung my head.
So my hair has to be sacrificed just to keep one man’s head full and thick...
How cruel could this get?
I covered my face with both hands.
F-fine. I’ll never make this mistake again.
When things were this tragic, tears didn’t even come. I buried my face in my knees. All I could taste was bitterness on the tip of my tongue.
"G-gongja?"
"No, the kid’s falling apart."
CEO Seo shook my shoulder gently, but I didn’t lift my head.