How to Set the Family Straight 4
The insect I had pinched up with the tweezers had a head like an ant’s, black and plump. Noonim tilted her head as she stared at it.
Moments later, orange liquid oozed from the black insect’s body and dripped onto the ground.
The whole reason I had gone hunting for bumblebee nests—and chosen ones with so little traffic—was to find this particular creature.
These little bastards were legendary bumblebee-nest terrorists.
Why the hell would anyone torment those cute kids…
“What’s this?”
“This is what I came to catch.”
“Jidam, isn’t it?”
Ah, so that’s what they call it here.
“But jidam is found inside bumblebee nests? I never knew that.”
The insect I had plucked from inside the bumblebee nest was known in the Central Plains as jidam.
Back in Korea its name was blister beetle—garoe.
And the ones I had grabbed were the southern variety. There was a reason these bastards turned up in bumblebee nests.
Their reproductive strategy was… unconventional. Unlike most insects that carefully guard their eggs or build a safe nursery, blister-beetle parents simply dump their eggs anywhere—grass, tree bark, whatever. The only courtesy they showed was piling them all in one spot.
Once the tiny larvae hatched, they crawled to the highest point nearby. Then the real spectacle began. The yellow larvae gathered at the tip of a blade of grass or a twig, arranged themselves into a perfect circle, and stretched out to mimic a flower.
Each larva became a single petal; together they formed a big yellow blossom.
Bumblebees, fooled into thinking it was a real flower, landed on it—and that was the moment every larva swarmed the bee at once, hitching a ride so they could sneak into the nest.
After that, the nest is finished.
The bumblebee that flew home with a load of hitchhikers would try to shake them off once it arrived. But the larvae that had successfully infiltrated would feast first on honey and pollen, then on the bumblebee grubs themselves, until they grew into adults. That was the full life cycle of the blister beetle.
Of course, if they latched onto the wrong insect—say a butterfly or a different bee—they simply died. The survival rate for the larvae was only about two percent; nature was merciless.
“Among all the kinds of jidam, these ones alone slip into bumblebee nests and grow up eating the honey, the pollen, and the larvae.”
“So they really are villains. I feel sorry for the bumblebees.”
Noonim’s brow furrowed at my explanation. She looked again at the creature still pinched in my fingers.
“But doesn’t its poison burn the skin? I heard that if you eat too much it can kill you.”
True to a family obsessed with toxins, she knew exactly what this thing could do. I nodded.
“That’s right. It does cause burns.”
The orange liquid dripping from the blister beetle contained cantharidin, a toxin that raised blisters and made the skin swell as if scalded. On human skin the burns took forever to heal and often left scars; it was something you treated with extreme caution.
“But you’re saying… that it has… that kind of effect?”
She was asking whether this poison could really restore the drooping pride of the Sichuan provincial governor the way I had claimed. I nodded again.
“Yes. It can… raise a man back up and give him back his pride.”
Cantharidin was a toxin—strong enough to raise blisters on contact. But it had another hidden property. Once inside the body it was filtered through the kidneys and excreted in the urine; along the way it irritated the urethra and caused the genitals to swell. Until every last bit of the toxin left the system, a man remained… impressively grand.
The effect was so similar to an aphrodisiac that records of its use as one stretched back to ancient Greece. There were stories of Livia, wife of Caesar, slipping it to imperial guests to encourage debauchery; Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV had used it; and it had been a regular guest at the wild parties of seventeenth-century French nobility.
“Th-that’s enough! S-stop right there!”
Noonim waved both hands frantically, face flaming. She seemed to have zero resistance to R-rated conversation, so I obediently shut my mouth—while snickering on the inside.
I had found her weak spot.
Leaving the flustered Noonim behind, I dug through the rest of the nest and collected several unhatched pupae along with a few newly emerged beetles. Since some had already hatched, the pupae would be enough; the others would emerge soon enough.
Then I headed straight for the Hall of Myriad Poisons to begin serious medicine-making.
I needed the Tang family’s facilities and people.
Of course I’m not making it myself. Leave medicine to the pharmacists and poison to the poison masters—namely the Sichuan Tang Clan.
“This way. So-ryong, just explain it to the warriors in charge of poison refinement and they’ll prepare it exactly as you say.”
Inside the Hall of Myriad Poisons lay the refinement workshop: a chamber lined with porcelain vessels of every shape instead of glassware. Small furnaces stood here and there, along with strange extraction apparatus I had never seen before. At Noonim’s gesture, warriors wearing cloths over their mouths like masks hurried over, and I told them everything I knew.
The median lethal dose of cantharidin for a human was roughly 0.5 milligrams per kilogram of body weight; even ten milligrams could be fatal. Southern blister beetles contained about ten percent cantharidin by weight. That was the data I had to work with.
One mistake and the highest-ranking man in Sichuan would simply drop dead. I had thought the governor was nobody special; discovering he was the top official of the province made me very careful indeed. Cantharidin might have a long history as an aphrodisiac, but it also had a long history of killing people.
“Do you happen to know the provincial governor’s weight?”
“We recorded it last time we prepared medicine for him. I’ll fetch the note.”
The paper Noonim brought listed the governor’s weight as roughly thirty-five gwan.
One gwan was 3.75 kilograms… so about 131 kilograms.
Holy shit… even with medicine, can that…
A flicker of doubt crossed my mind about whether the medicine would even work on someone that size. Suddenly I understood, a little, why the man had become a “bowed head.” Still, I had promised results, so I explained the formula carefully to Noonim and the refinement warriors.
“First dry the jidam and grind it to powder. Treat one-tenth of that powder as pure toxin. Three mo of the toxin—about 11.75 milligrams—will almost certainly kill. For every gwan of body weight, three-tenths of a mo—1.25 milligrams—is enough to kill half the people who take it. So please prepare each dose at one-tenth of a mo—0.375 milligrams. That’s roughly the volume of ten water droplets, or 0.351 milliliters.”
God, my head almost exploded doing those conversions.
I had been forced to calculate everything using the Central Plains measuring system, without modern units or proper measuring glassware, matching their traditional scales as best I could. When I finished, the warrior in charge of refinement stared at me with wide eyes—then looked at me with something close to reverence.
“That… that was an extraordinarily precise explanation. I never imagined your skill in arithmetic was so outstanding. This subordinate will ensure the medicine succeeds.”
“Yes, well… I’m counting on you.”
As I left the Hall of Myriad Poisons after handing over the job, I felt Noonim’s sideways glances following me.
Apparently my brain had looked a little sexy to her.
Honestly, most of the muscle-brained martial artists around here probably had brains made of the same stuff as their biceps. Where else was she going to find a man like me?
Noonim was a very lucky woman.
Late that night, in the Mandok Singun’s private quarters, Dang Hwa-eun and her grandfather were talking.
“So he’s making medicine from jidam?”
“Yes, Grandfather.”
The subject was the medicine So-ryong was preparing. Curious about what exactly was being made, the Mandok Singun had asked Hwa-eun to recount the day’s events.
“We knew it raised blisters on the skin and that swallowing it could kill, so we never looked further. To think it had that kind of effect… We ought to re-examine all the poisons the Tang Clan possesses.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
The Tang Clan had studied jidam’s toxicity before, but only the lethal dose. They had never checked what happened when the dose was weak. That the same toxin could be turned into medicine was fascinating—and it made them wonder what other hidden properties their poisons might hide.
“And you say his arithmetic is outstanding as well?”
“Yes. He divided a mo into tenths and said that amount was roughly equal to the weight of ten water droplets.”
“Is that so? The boy truly has a great many talents. I thought he simply knew a great deal about toxins, but he is far more than that. The more I learn, the more he seems like a jewel.”
“Yes, Grandfather.”
“So… do you like him better than you did at first?”
At the question Hwa-eun’s cheeks colored faintly and she nodded.
“Yes, Grandfather. Looking back, I was far too hasty at the beginning. I’m still embarrassed about it.”
“Well, as long as you do better from now on. By the way, once the medicine is finished, how does he plan to prove its effect?”
Hwa-eun hesitated, then answered in a mosquito’s voice.
“He said the collateral elders have been far too insolent… so he intends to ‘raise’ the family rules with them…”
“What?”
After hearing the full details, the Mandok Singun’s laughter rang through the late-night chamber.
“Kuhahaha! That boy really is entertaining!”
The Mandok Singun grandfather’s passion for training never took a day off. But a modern man’s soul simply could not endure endless training without holidays. So I had managed—barely—to wrest one free day every ten days.
That morning, after breakfast and with nothing else to do, I was circulating my energy in the Small Heavenly Cycle when a maid from my quarters arrived.
“Young Master So-ryong, a message has come from the Black Tortoise Hall. The medicine is finished.”
The family head’s hall was summoning me.
“Understood.”
I stopped the circulation and ran straight there. I was curious to see how the medicine had turned out myself.
“Young Master So-ryong, here it is.”
After greeting the elders inside the Hall of Myriad Poisons, a warrior bowed and held out a small medicine case. Inside were tiny pills that looked like refined elixir pellets.
“We mixed them with powdered licorice and honey so they would not be unpleasant to swallow.”
They had even added flavor. I nodded.
“Well done. You followed my instructions exactly, I trust?”
“Of course, Young Master. I adhered strictly to the quantities you specified.”
The moment I took the case, Grandfather’s voice rolled out.
“Well, the medicine is ready. How do you intend to demonstrate its effect?”
Naturally the efficacy had to be proven. I smiled.
“I plan to let the people who doubt the medicine confirm it themselves.”
“Good. We don’t doubt you, so the ones who do can do the checking.”
At my answer the Mandok Singun smiled and ordered the collateral elders summoned. A short while later a guard announced them.
“Family Head, the collateral elders have arrived.”
“Let them enter.”
“Yes, Family Head.”
The doors opened and six elders walked in. After greeting the Mandok Singun and my father-in-law, they immediately asked why they had been called.
“Why have you summoned all of us?”
Tak.
I pushed the medicine case into the center of the table and answered in Grandfather’s place.
“The medicine is finished, so I invited you.”
“Hm? Not the elder, but you? And by medicine, do you mean the one for the Sichuan provincial governor?”
“That’s right.”
“Didn’t you gentlemen doubt this child’s ability? We called you so you could confirm it yourselves.”
My reply, backed by Grandfather’s support fire. The elders nodded thoughtfully.
“Confirm it, you say?”
“Indeed. As the Supreme Family Head says, verification is essential.”
“Certainly. How could we dare send an untested poison to the provincial governor of Sichuan?”
“Exactly. One mistake and disaster could follow. Well then, show us quickly.”
They urged me to demonstrate the effect at once.
Tak. Tak. Tak.
Two pills were placed in front of each of the six elders. They blinked at the tiny white spheres.
“What is this?”
“I’ve prepared them so you can confirm the effect yourselves.”
If you want to check, check with your own bodies.
As expected, they demanded to know why they should be the ones testing it.
“You want us to take these?”
“Hah! Who knows what’s inside them!”
According to Noonim, every one of these men could shrug off more than a hundred poisons. Ordinary toxins meant nothing to them, so a little provocation should reel them in easily. I turned a deliberately startled look on the Mandok Singun.
“Didn’t you tell me that anyone who has mastered the Tang Clan’s arts fears no poison? Yet looking at them now… could it be that they’re afraid? No, impossible. They are the ‘great’ elders of the family, after all.”
One of the words every man hates most—child or adult.
Chicken?
And directed at members of the most infamous assassin clan in the Central Plains?
Their eyes bulged.
“What?! Afraid?!”
“Hah, this is because you haven’t been in the family long enough to know our rules…”
“You think because we opposed you at first you can humiliate us? You have the wrong people.”
“I heard it was made from jidam—I overheard it in the Hall of Myriad Poisons.”
“Jidam? Ha! Afraid of a low-grade trash poison?”
“You thought we’d tremble just because you said it was poison? If we take these and nothing happens, you’ll be the one in trouble. Today we will set the family rules straight ourselves!”
Fuming, the collateral elders each swallowed the two pills I had given them.
A short while later, exactly as they had declared, the family rules of the Sichuan Tang Clan’s collateral line were “raised”.
Magnificently.