How to Set the Family Straight 2
"Where does a mere child get off interrupting when the elders of the family are speaking!?"
"Exactly! And that letter is from the Lord of Sichuan City—do you even know what it is before you open your mouth?"
"Look at this, Family Head! No breeding at all, cutting in while the elders speak! That's why we wanted someone from a family with more proper foundations…"
The old fogeys' outcries came flooding back in answer to my question.
A vein pulsed faintly at my temple.
All this talk of "foundations" was making me want to ask after their parents' health.
Ha. Are these old fossils challenging me to a mouth battle right now?
I, who had never once lost a keyboard war against villains barging into my streams, took another step forward, clasped my fists politely, and spoke.
This clearly needed shutting down.
Keyboard Battle, Chapter One: smile on the face, voice as polite as possible—but slam the facts in without mercy.
"From what I've been hearing, you still refuse to acknowledge me as a son-in-law of the Sichuan Tang Family. In that case, I am still a guest.
Moreover, someone who helped save the life of the Tang Family's precious young lady, and who captured the Blood Hand Rakshasa Tak Un-yang and saved the Family Head's life—that makes me a benefactor.
Is this how the Sichuan Tang Family treats a guest and benefactor—insulting him to his face?"
At my words, Grandfather, the Family Head, and Big Sis all looked at me in surprise—expressions that said they hadn't expected me to come out swinging this hard.
You said I wasn't family… If I'm an outsider, you should be even more careful.
"Kh. Ahem."
"That is…"
When I pointed out that if they wouldn't recognize me as family, then I was both guest and benefactor, and asked whether insulting a benefactor was proper, the old fogeys turned into honey-tongued mutes.
The branch family elders fell silent for a moment, then latched onto something else, speaking with expressions of utter disbelief.
"But… the Blood Hand Rakshasa Tak Un-yang?"
"Tak Un-yang… That's absurd… That bastard was already long…"
"The Family Head must be feeding this young hero some nonsense because he wants him as a son-in-law so badly…"
—Thud.
Just as they started implying that the Family Head was colluding with me to spin lies simply because he wanted me as son-in-law no matter what, a book was tossed onto the table.
The Family Head spoke with a frigid expression.
"Young So-ryong's words contain no falsehood. Here is the secret manual of the Blood Hand Poison Claw—verify it yourselves. This is what I've been trying to tell you since earlier. That's why I asked you to listen."
"Th-the Blood Hand Poison Claw!"
"You truly recovered that cursed demonic art!?"
"If it's the Blood Hand Poison Claw, then definitely!"
The branch elders who had been insisting they couldn't believe the story about Tak Un-yang rushed to the table the moment the Blood Hand Poison Claw manual appeared.
And just from the cover, they started making a fuss with shocked faces.
"Th-this is! The words 'Blood Cult' and 'Blood Hand Poison Claw' written on the cover! And the characters written in blood! It's unmistakably the Blood Hand Poison Claw!"
"Indeed. They said it was a book that leaked out of the Blood Cult…"
Wait—it was that insane of a book?
The fact that there were crazier bastards out there than the Sichuan Tang Family, the most infamous assassin clan in the Central Plains, was enough to make my head spin—when the branch elders' questions came again.
"Then that young hero truly… Tak Un-yang?"
"A boy who hasn't even reached twenty yet?"
—Ssrrrrk!
And at the end of that question, with a spine-chilling sensation, the centipedes rose from inside my collar.
My future father-in-law candidate had clearly shot killing intent at me to make me explain how I'd caught Tak Un-yang.
Say something before you shoot it at me!
"Th-this is!"
"Yellow centipedes?"
"Baby Azure-Spotted Centipedes. My son-in-law is raising them. Or rather—since you refuse to acknowledge him as son-in-law, should I call him young hero?"
At the words of my father-in-law candidate, I stroked the centipedes' heads and said,
"Aigoo, little ones, you mustn't try to bite people. You'll just turn pitch-black and die like Uncle Blood Hand Rakshasa, you know."
At that, one of the branch elders who had recoiled in shock at the centipedes' appearance stammered,
"W-when did we ever say we wouldn't acknowledge him?"
"Well, there is procedure for everything. We only reported it to the Family Head because that was ignored."
"Exactly. We simply meant that from now on, that procedure should be properly observed."
"Yes, yes."
At the centipedes' appearance, the branch elders abruptly changed their tune, apparently deciding I had value as a son-in-law. Big Sis's expression turned ice-cold.
Did she think they were trying to sell themselves over a few centipedes?
Big Sis's face was practically blowing freezing wind.
"Well then, setting the son-in-law matter aside—why can't he be entrusted with the Hall of Myriad Poisons?"
As if wanting to settle things one by one, Grandfather asked why they couldn't leave the Hall of Myriad Poisons to me. One of the branch elders, who had been fidgeting, answered carefully.
"First, once the ceremony is held and he becomes a full member of our family… then we could entrust it with confidence. That was the idea.
And even if we did entrust it, he is still a young hero who hasn't reached twenty, and though the Family Head says he is well-versed in poisonous insects and venomous creatures, he hasn't shown anything that would convince the people of the family, has he?"
"That's right. How could we entrust something as important as the Hall of Myriad Poisons…"
Grandfather, the Lord of Myriad Poisons, nodded at those words.
Apparently finding the branch elders' opinion reasonable, Grandfather smiled and said,
"So what you're saying is, the reason you can't entrust Young So-ryong with the Hall of Myriad Poisons is because he hasn't shown anything that would convince the people of the family?"
"Well… that's so, Elder."
"Is that so? Then everything's resolved, isn't it?"
Suddenly, mid-question, Grandfather declared that everything was solved.
As the branch elders blinked at his declaration, Grandfather winked at me.
"Can you demonstrate your abilities so that the elders of the family can understand?"
From the way he looked at the letter in my hand along with the question, it was clearly asking whether I could resolve this.
I'd picked up the letter in the first place because, glancing from behind my future father-in-law, it looked easy enough to handle.
I clasped my fists toward Grandfather and answered.
"Of course. If you leave it to me, I will resolve it in the Tang Family's own fashion, to prove I am a person worthy of the Sichuan Tang Family."
My hobby was on the line, so I had to resolve this in a way the family members would find convincing.
So I intended to solve this in a thoroughly Tang Family way.
When I emphasized resolving it the Sichuan Tang Family way, Grandfather asked back with a curious expression.
"In the Tang Family's method? And what would that be?"
Apparently pleased with my answer, his mouth was stretched ear to ear.
I grinned right back and answered.
"Why, of course, I intend to use poison."
"Poison?"
"Poison?"
My answer must have been unexpected—Grandfather, the Family Head, and Big Sis all stared at me with wide eyes.
Then the branch members' shocked voices followed.
"A-are you mad!? P-poison the Lord of Sichuan City!?"
"E-Elder, poison for the Lord of Sichuan City!?"
"My good man, we're not trying to kill the Lord of Sichuan City—we're sending him medicine! How can you use poison in medicine going to the Lord of Sichuan City!?"
Wait, why is everyone freaking out when the Tang Family is famous for poison?
The branch elders' uproar inside the Family Head's hall grew noisily loud.
"So-ryong, are you really going to do that?"
After the uproar in the Family Head's hall settled and we were on the way back.
The elders said they still had things to discuss, so Big Sis and I were returning alone to the courtyard residence.
At her sudden voice, I turned my head to find Big Sis wearing a worried expression.
Apparently my offer to prepare the medicine for the Lord of Sichuan City still didn't sit well with her, or she was simply worried.
"Don't worry, Miss. I'll be able to resolve it just fine."
I answered in a don't-worry tone, but another question came.
This time Big Sis asked with an expression full of embarrassment.
"So-ryong, you… you do know exactly what kind of medicine that is, right? You're still young, so I was worried maybe you don't fully understand…"
Embarrassed Big Sis. Nice.
I smiled inwardly, admiring her shy expression.
There was a reason Big Sis looked so embarrassed.
The medicine the Lord of Sichuan City had requested wasn't ordinary medicine.
The Lord of Sichuan City seemed like a position equivalent to the mayor of Sichuan or something, so you might think he'd ordered some incredible medicine.
But no—the medicine the Lord of Sichuan City had requested was, well, medicine to "set a man straight," you could say?
Medicine that turns a man into not just a man, but a strong man.
Yes—exactly the erectile dysfunction treatment that men with their heads bowed desperately need.
For reasons unknown, the Lord of Sichuan City was suffering from erectile dysfunction.
He had commissioned the Sichuan Tang Family, famous not only for poison but also skilled in medicine and pharmacology, and that commission was precisely for an erectile dysfunction treatment.
Of course the Tang Family's medicine hall had produced a treatment and sent it up, but the problem was that it hadn't been very effective.
So the Lord of Sichuan City, disappointed after paying a large sum for ineffective medicine, had sent a letter of protest.
The branch elders who had handled the matter had come to discuss it, only to end up battling with my future father-in-law and me.
But I had volunteered to take on this job, and when it came to mentioning it, Big Sis was this embarrassed.
Mentioning the Lord of Sichuan City's erectile dysfunction treatment as a woman was, understandably, embarrassing.
"Of course, Miss. The kind of thing men with their heads bowed desperately need…"
"Th-that's enough! I-I understand! I believe you know!"
Big Sis, plugging her ears with an embarrassed expression, quickly nodded and acknowledged that I possessed the forbidden knowledge.
Then, as if trying to calm her startled heart, she placed a hand on her chest and said,
"Young hero, you know far more for your age than expected."
"Huh? Yes. Well… embarrassingly enough."
I keep getting put in situations that make me look completely shameless.
I wondered if my image with Big Sis was taking a hit, but she and I had already promised our future over a single Ten Venoms creature.
I decided to trust Big Sis for now.
She wouldn't call off the promise over nothing.
Probably?
And I thought again about the contents of that promise.
Honestly I thought I'd have to gather all ten, but in this world catching just one is enough. She's a real angel, I swear.
After discussing the Lord of Sichuan City's medicine, we fell quiet and couldn't exchange another word until we reached the rear garden of the courtyard residence.
Even if it was for treatment, talking about that kind of thing left us both a little awkward…
When we arrived in front of Big Sis's quarters inside the rear garden of the courtyard, her mouth finally opened again.
Big Sis, who had been quiet ever since the talk of forbidden knowledge.
"About that… I heard you said you'd use poison for the medicine. If you need to enter the Hall of Myriad Poisons, tell me. I'll go in with you."
Since I'd said in front of everyone in the Family Head's hall that I would use poison, she was probably offering to help if I needed poison.
And since I still didn't have a free pass to the Hall of Myriad Poisons, she meant she'd accompany me.
But I didn't need the poisons from the Hall of Myriad Poisons.
"No, Miss. I don't need the poisons from the Hall of Myriad Poisons."
Big Sis tilted her head.
"You clearly said you'd use poison, didn't you? The Hall of Myriad Poisons may not have every poison in the world, but it has a great many."
I smiled and answered her question.
"I'm going to catch it tomorrow. Would you like to come with me?"
"Catch it? Catch what?"
"Have you ever seen a nest of bumblebees nearby?"
"Bumblebees? You mean those big, plump, large bees?"
"Yes, Miss. Those bumblebees."
In the Central Plains tongue, xióngfēng.
In English, bumblebee.
In Korean, hobakbeol—pumpkin bee.
Yes—tomorrow we were scheduled to raid a bumblebee nest.
First date in front of a bumblebee nest. For a Fabre date, it's absolutely perfect.