Fire and Ice 3
The scream in my heart—Stop the damn gacha already!—had barely finished when the boat pitched violently up and down. Something slammed into the hull.
—Thud!
—Creeeak…
The shock hit all at once.
—Splash!
“Kyaah…!”
“Urgh… Hwa-eun, careful!”
Water sloshed over the side of Wolyeong’s tub. Hwa-eun and Seol-noona staggered and barely kept their footing. The impact itself wasn’t that severe, yet a wave of pure resentment toward the heavens erupted from deep in my chest.
Heaven, why do you envy even the tiniest wish of this Spicy Fabre?! What did I ask for that was so big?! Not the Ten Thousand Poisons or the Thousand Poisons or even the Hundred Poisons—just the Ten Poisons, or hell, the Five Poisons!
I couldn’t even finish the complaint. I had to put on my magnanimous-big-shot act and hypnotize myself into thinking it was nothing.
Because my nose was suddenly getting hot and prickly.
Y-yeah, okay, stuff like this can happen, right? Even heaven makes mistakes sometimes. Haha… This much impact is totally manageable. Just a little twig, really…
They say the trials heaven sends are meant to forge a person, don’t they?
I had to mind-control myself or risk another nosebleed. Heaven was being petty—denying me even the right to curse it properly while still throwing unfairness my way—but there was one silver lining: I was lying in a hammock woven from Yo-hwa’s elastic silk, fixed in several directions.
That stretchy silk worked like car suspension, cushioning me against the shocks. So I decided to take comfort in the fact that I could endure this much.
—Kishit!
On top of that, Yo-hwa came rushing over with a startled face and shot spider silk in every direction, securing me even more firmly.
“Yo-hwa…”
—Kishishit!
She thumped her own chest at my moved expression, as if saying, Don’t worry, just trust me.
Tears of pure emotion welled in the eyes of this manly Spicy Fabre. How could I not be moved by Yo-hwa working so hard to save her oppa?
“Yeah, bring on as many little sticks as you want. As long as we’ve got our Yo-hwa—”
That was the exact moment I was about to say we could sail right past these twigs thanks to her.
—Creeeak.
The boat lurched again, swinging hard to the left. From the passageway came the helmsman’s frantic shout.
“Hard to port! All hands, hold the ship! Uprooted trees are coming!”
Gyaaaaaah! Please just stop!
As if the heavens had heard me say “bring on the little sticks” and decided to send something bigger instead—an entire uprooted tree came charging at us.
Seol-noona rushed over at the helmsman’s panicked voice echoing through the cabin and grabbed my hammock, trying to lessen the impact even a little.
—Creeeak!
—Groooan…
Wood twisted and something scraped along the ship’s side. Then the crew’s relieved voices rose.
“W-we made it! It passed!”
“We’re alive!”
Thankfully the uprooted trees had slipped by.
Wow, at this rate even multiple lives wouldn’t be enough…
My body went limp at the thought that my life had nearly ended twice already. I was just sagging into the hammock, thinking it was finally over, when the helmsman’s shout rang out again.
“More uprooted trees coming!”
My resentment toward heaven turned into a full-blown scream, and Seol-noona’s urgent voice cut in beside me.
If you’re going to do this, just kill me already!
“So-ryong, hurry! Just accept it! You have to live if you want to learn martial arts!”
She meant I should just take in Wolyeong’s poison. I wanted to somehow accept Badu Wolyeong’s venom too, but how was I supposed to circulate my internal energy while the boat was shaking like this and everything was pure chaos?
My martial arts were still so low-level that I could only circulate energy through the mantra in a safe situation. In a rocking boat like this, it was impossible. On top of that, not a single line of the mantra would come to mind in this urgency. My head had gone completely blank.
“I want to, but… nothing’s coming to me… Seol-noona.”
“What?!”
I could only stare at her with vacant eyes.
—Bang! Crack!
—Boom! Crunch!
“Elder, it’s dangerous! Huff! The trees are splitting!”
“The elder is splitting the trees! Whoa!”
“Waaaaah!”
My father-in-law must have dashed to the gunwale and fired off palm winds or something; strange sounds mixed with the crew’s astonished cries.
Father-in-law, I believed in you! Damn it!
—Thud! Clunk!
Small impacts kept coming from the bow, but nothing major. Then, moments later, my sweat-soaked father-in-law burst into the cabin and shouted urgently.
“Son-in-law! Just accept it! My internal energy is running low—I can’t keep this up much longer!”
I give up…
High-level techniques like palm winds weren’t something you could fire off forever unless you were Grandfather Mandok Singun. Heaven was toying with my life like it was opening and closing a noose, and I finally thought, Whatever happens, happens.
Startled by the commotion, Seol and Bing’s baby popped out of Hwa-eun’s arms. The little one that never came out of her clothes suddenly stuck its head out, climbed onto her shoulder, looked around, then leaped straight at me.
It skittered up and planted itself firmly on my forehead, then started using its power.
—Kkeut! Kyu-eung.
Wh-what?
Was Spicy Fabre’s final moment going to be the pathetic sight of a baby lizard taking a dump on my face?
Was I really going to meet my end in such a miserable way?
Just as that thought crossed my mind, something like steam sprayed from my forehead and a cool sensation spread. The burning heat that had been rising from Wolyeong’s poison suddenly felt refreshingly cold.
My father-in-law’s shocked voice rang out.
“Th-this is! Using poison to counter poison!”
Using poison to neutralize poison. Come to think of it, Wolyeong’s venom carried the yang energy of fire, while Seol and Bing’s venom carried yin energy.
“Th-that’s right! Wolyeong’s poison is full of extreme yang energy! Seol and Bing’s poisons hold yin energy! You’re saved, son-in-law!”
When Seol and Bing themselves joined the baby, my body temperature slowly returned to normal.
A-am I alive?
Not only had I survived, I’d even found the antidote for Wolyeong’s handle-with-extreme-care venom. I was still debating whether to laugh or cry when another frantic voice cut in.
“Helmsman! We can’t dodge them all! Too many trees are coming!”
“Urgh! Everyone brace for impact! Hold onto the ship so you don’t fall overboard!”
I still needed time to fully free myself from the poison, so taking a hit in this state might not kill me but would definitely leave me badly hurt. At the helmsman’s cry that we couldn’t avoid the trees, Seol-noona locked eyes with me in pure panic.
Hwa-eun glanced at Seol and Bing, then quickly shouted at Cho and Bin, who were stuck to the cabin floor.
“Cho! Bin! You have to protect Daddy! Go out and help the boatmen!”
In the rush I hadn’t even thought of getting help from the kids, but seeing Seol, Bing, and the baby must have reminded her of Cho and Bin.
—Tsrut!
—Tsrrrr!
Cho and Bin shot out of the cabin like lightning. Moments later, instead of impacts, the crew’s delighted shouts rose from outside.
“O-Ohgong! Ohgong is pushing the trees away!”
“Ohhh! Young Master So-ryong’s venomous creatures are shoving the trees back!”
“Another Ohgong has wrapped the bow!”
Gyaaaaah! My daughters!
Tears burst from my eyes like Niagara or Iguazu Falls, pouring without end. I had kept my life, and Spicy Fabre’s dignity had been preserved against heaven’s endless unfairness.
After the whole uproar settled, we reached Jingzhou and had to inspect the boat for a while. I thought there wouldn’t be any major issues, but water had started seeping in from the impact of the trees that had come down from upstream.
It was only damp to the touch, yet problems could arise during the voyage, so we decided to check it properly. While the boatmen examined the ship at Jingzhou’s pier, my father-in-law, who had gone ashore briefly for supplies, returned with a startled look.
“The Princess must have hurried things along. The Martial Alliance in Akyang sortied a few days ago. The government troops seem to be moving as well.”
“Is that true?”
“It is. I heard it directly from the Martial Alliance’s Jingzhou branch. We should hurry back.”
“Definitely. I’ll go ask the helmsman whether the boat can sail right away.”
We hadn’t even stopped at Wuchang so we could return faster—and this had happened in the meantime. I hurried to the helmsman.
“Helmsman, can we depart today? News came that the Martial Alliance has sortied, so we need to get back as soon as possible.”
“To reapply the pine resin it’ll take about three days…”
“Isn’t there any other way?”
When I pleaded with him after he said the boat needed three days of work, the helmsman reluctantly nodded.
“Mm… I’ll try to hurry somehow, Young Master.”
But by the time we reached Yichang the problem exploded.
We should have inspected it properly, but we only applied a temporary fix and left. The water that had been seeping now poured in steadily.
—Gush gush gush.
“I’m sorry, Young Master.”
“No, I should have had it checked properly. I was the one who asked you to hurry.”
In the end the boat stopped at Yichang and was judged to need several more days of work even for temporary sailing. At that, my father-in-law took half the venomous creatures and another ship and raced ahead to the Tang Family.
The Martial Alliance had surely contacted the Tang Family, and even though Grandfather Mandok Singun was there, the family head was needed in a situation like this.
We had the children, so we had to stick with this boat and wait until it was repaired.
A few days later the boat was fixed and we were passing through the Yangtze Three Gorges on our own.
The Three Gorges were the strongest currents on the Yangtze. We were carefully ascending upstream so as not to strain the temporarily repaired boat when a voice suddenly rang out from beyond the gunwale.
“Stop the ship! Which boat dares try to pass the Yangtze River Water Bandit Alliance without paying the toll?!”
I stepped out onto the deck and saw small boats surrounding us on every side. Hwa-eun turned to the helmsman with a flustered face.
“What’s going on, Helmsman? Our family’s banner should be flying. Huh? The banner, the banner?!”
The helmsman answered, face pale as a sheet.
“I-I didn’t notice, but during the big flood the other day the family’s flag must have snapped and washed away.”
“This is…”
“Who are those guys, Hwa-eun?”
“Well…”
According to her explanation they were the freshwater version of pirates—water bandits. Normally they wouldn’t dare approach if the family banner was flying, but it had disappeared in the recent chaos, so they had flocked over.
“So they’re just bandits, then?”
“Yes, So-ryong, they are… but not ordinary bandits. They’re murim people…”
“Owner of the boat, stop wasting time and answer us already!”
At the water bandits’ shout Hwa-eun looked defeated for a moment, then composed her expression and cupped her fists toward the small boats.
“Heroes of the Yangtze. I am Dang Hwa-eun of the Sichuan Tang Family. Our family’s banner was broken and lost in the flood a few days ago, so there seems to have been a misunderstanding. May we pass?”
A man who looked like the boss answered from one of the small boats.
“Oh my, oh my. A Tang Family young lady? Without the family banner, who’s going to believe that? Even if you really are a Tang Family young lady, without the banner you still have to pay the toll—that’s the unwritten law of the Yangtze Three Gorges. You won’t pass until you pay!”
“Kh…”
“Well, you’re a fine-looking beauty, so if you don’t have the toll there’s always the option of paying with your body… Kehehe.”
What did you just say?
I’d been holding back because they seemed to have their own rules, but the bastard of a bandit had just crossed the line. I turned my head toward Cho, who was flattened against the railing and peering outside.
“Cho?”
—Tsrut?
“Flip them.”
First we flip every last one of those shabby little boats, then we talk.