Chapter 92: Just Like Everyone Else (3)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 92: Just Like Everyone Else (3)
In Korea, there is a saying: "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." Many countries around the world have similar proverbs; though the nuances vary, they all mean that letting the task right in front of you slide will eventually turn into a massive snowball.
I’m not exactly the proactive type who takes the initiative or overflows with motivation. I take responsibility for the tasks assigned to me, but if something isn't my business, I remain strictly indifferent.
That sounds somewhat dignified, but the truth is, I’m not even that great at the jobs I am assigned. I’m content as long as things pass by without a hitch, and if I judge a task to be manageable with a bit of leeway, I almost always push it off until later.
Some might think that such behavior would gradually improve over time. But people like me know the truth: it doesn't matter how much you try to "improve," you don't actually change.
Anyway, to get to the point, I had grown accustomed to handling work with a relaxed, "it'll be fine" attitude. I was being complacent about the situation right in front of me, only to realize recently that things had spiraled much further than I’d anticipated.
It was sudden, but even reflecting late on "how did it come to this?" doesn't change the fact that Su-ah and I had a physical relationship. Of course, I have no intention of ignoring her or pretending it never happened.
However, making that resolution doesn't exactly make the anxiety about the fallout disappear.
A few months ago, I started dating Yubin, followed by Yura and then Hayoung. Realizing that having relationships with multiple members of the same team would eventually lead to me getting caught, I had resolved not to expand my circle any further.
The reason I didn't want to add more wasn't, of course, because I had a problem with seeing multiple women at once. I’ve never actually seen that as the issue. The problem is that the "multiple women" I’m seeing are all members of the same team—and not just any team, but Team Hunter Killer, the enemies of Spacetro.
No, let me correct myself. I suppose seeing multiple women is a bit of a problem. There’s the risk of my identity being exposed, but more than that, I’m worried about hurting the women who have accepted me once they find out the truth. Thinking about it now doesn't change anything, and I’ve vowed to take responsibility and pay the price for my actions as best I can, but my thoughts remain a tangled mess.
Even now, I can't seem to organize my head. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.
*
Lunchtime. I was sitting on a park bench, waiting for Green to arrive. This was our first meeting since the training trip, and because so many unexpected things had happened in the interim, I hadn't even thought to contact her.
The atmosphere between us had been good lately, and since we’d even gone on a trip together, I felt like she was one less person I had to worry about. Saying I "worry" about her might sound like I'm being overbearing, but only a few weeks ago, Green’s mental state was impossible to ignore.
Fortunately, I could feel she was doing better than before. Because I felt relieved, I subconsciously felt it was okay not to check in on her every single day.
While I was preoccupied with the situation involving Indigo—which led me to neglect Yubin, Yura, and Hayoung—it resulted in the sudden development with Su-ah. Then, seeing that I seemed to be doing better, the others took turns spending passionate nights with me, roughly one person per day.
Physical exhaustion aside, the anxiety over how long I could keep up this deception grew steadily. Yet, considering how good I feel whenever I actually meet them despite that anxiety, I must be remarkably simple-minded.
Regardless, now that I’d slept with Su-ah as well, I couldn't help but be conscious of Green. From my perspective, Green was the person I had to be most careful with among the Hunter Killer members. It’s not that the others aren't precious to me, but I was the first to learn about her family environment, and I’d even run into her father at the police station.
Because she is so passive and fragile, the thought that I must never hurt her was more sensitive than with anyone else. On one hand, I felt relieved that nothing had happened yet to bridge the distance between us. As long as I didn't do anything unnecessary, I felt I could maintain this current distance with Green.
"…Hm?"
We were past the middle of September, but the weather was still hot. With the widening temperature gap, the early mornings and nights after sunset felt pleasantly cool, but at midday, the sunlight beat down like hellfire.
"Hello."
I spotted Green running toward me from a distance and turned my head. She reached me in an instant, panting for breath with beads of sweat forming on her forehead. She didn't have to rush this much.
"Hello. It’s been a while. How was your trip?"
I’d already heard so much about the trip from the others that my ears were practically bleeding, but since it had been a while since I’d seen Green, I couldn't avoid bringing up the most recent big event in her life.
"Yes! I had a lot of fun."
Green answered in a lively voice and sat on the bench. In one hand, she held a translucent white convenience store bag.
"What’s that?"
"Oh… this is…"
For a moment, I realized I might have made a mistake. When Yubin comes home from her job at the convenience store, she often brings things in those bags—sometimes it was sanitary pads.
I wondered if Green had bought some before heading home. While I was worrying that I’d been insensitive, Green opened the bag to show me the contents.
"!!… Tiramisu?"
I was about to look away to give her privacy, but the contents caught my eye, and I realized it wasn't what I’d thought. Thinking simply, if it had been pads, she wouldn't have shown me.
"Yes."
Inside the bag was a plastic container of tiramisu from the convenience store, worth about 4,000 won, with the packaging perfectly intact.
As she showed me the contents, Green didn't meet my eyes, staring vaguely into the air instead. I was used to her not making eye contact, but today she felt a little different than usual. Was it just because it had been a while?
"Did you buy it as a snack?"
"Ah, yes. That’s right. A snack…"
Whenever I met Green at the park, she always had a drink or went to a nearby convenience store to buy one. This was the first time I’d seen her with food, so when I asked if she was planning to eat it at home, she nodded and answered in a small voice.
What is it?
I felt a sense of stuffiness, like food caught in my throat. Was her unusual behavior really just because we hadn't met in a while?
"How was the meeting today?"
"The meeting? It was fun, as usual. Everyone was talking about what they did with their boyfriends."
While I was searching for an answer I couldn't see, I felt like I’d been struck in the back of the head by unexpected news.
"Ah, I see everyone is doing well…"
I knew I had to maintain my poker face, but I couldn't hide my unease. My biggest fear was the four of them sharing stories about me, and it seemed they’d been talking about me constantly lately.
Of course, they don't realize the person they’re each talking about is the same man, and since I haven't been caught yet, it’s fine—but the anxiety only grew.
"Yes. Everyone was laughing a lot, and their complexions looked bright."
Since everyone is happy, I don't know whether to be glad or not. It’s a precarious situation. If I’d known it would be like this, I should have at least lied when giving them information about myself.
But then again, if I’d spread false information, I surely would have slipped up somewhere. I don't have a meticulous or detailed personality; if I’d clumsily spread lies, I would have just confused myself and ended up making more unnecessary mistakes.
"Eunha, you aren't having any trouble getting along with your colleagues, are you?"
There was nothing more to say about her family situation for the time being, and I was curious if the introverted Green was still getting along with her strong-willed colleagues.
I asked the question in a light, casual tone, but Green didn't answer. Silence fell over the quiet park for a moment.
"Eunha?"
"Ah, yes?!"
Whatever she had been thinking about, Green finally heard me and jumped, lifting her gaze from the bag.
"I’m sorry. What did you just say?"
"No, it’s nothing. Is something wrong?"
Green’s condition didn't look great, so I decided to check if something was bothering her rather than asking how she was getting along. But Green shook her head, clearly having no intention of talking about it.
"No. Nothing is wrong."
The look in her eyes as she watched me said otherwise. Or rather, would it be more accurate to say she was hoping for something? But I didn't have the ability to read someone’s inner thoughts just by looking at their eyes. And even if I asked, Green didn't seem like she was going to speak.
"That’s a relief, then."
I decided to stop prying for now. Depending on the situation, it could be seen as trying to help, but forcing someone to speak when they clearly don't want to is basically just being a busybody.
Green gave her usual awkward smile and began talking about her daily life. Her radius of activity is very small, so there wasn't much change in her stories. I made up a story about my "work" to cover for the training trip I’d been on. Naturally, I cut out all the parts where I’d run into the Hunter Killer members.
I was making the story up on the fly, but Green seemed to like what I was saying, listening intently without taking her eyes off me. Whenever she focused on the story, her grip would tighten, and the bag in her hand would rustle.
And every time it did, I found myself distracted by the tiramisu inside.
Lunchtime passed in a flash. I figured I should see Green off, head back to headquarters, and finish gathering data.
"Shall we head out?"
"Ah…"
As I stood up and spoke, Green started to say something but stopped. Feeling once again that she was acting differently than usual, I paused and waited for her next words, wondering if she had something to tell me.
Green’s eyes darted around as she hesitated over whether to speak. Finally, she lifted her head and looked up at me as I stood over her.
"Could you… spare a little more time?"
"More time?"
"Yes. Just a moment…"
Green believes I work at a nearby office and knows that, like any typical employee, my lunch hour is limited. To avoid suspicion, whenever I met her for lunch, I acted as much like an ordinary Korean office worker as possible, usually parting ways just as the lunch hour ended.
For Green to hold me back and ask for more time, knowing that, meant she definitely had something to say.
"Ten minutes. No, five minutes is enough. Just five minutes…"
I could hear a slight tremor in her voice. Was I finally going to hear what she wanted to say?
I sat back down and waited for the main point to come out of her mouth.
And those five minutes, which weren't exactly short, passed in an instant. During those five minutes, Green said absolutely nothing.
"Eunha?"
"Yes?!"
She had been sitting there with her head bowed the whole time. Hearing my voice, she checked the time and realized that five minutes had already passed.
"I’m sorry. I held you back during your lunch break…"
The atmosphere felt like it was wrapping up with a sudden apology, and I wondered if that was really it. Eventually, my patience reached its limit. It seemed I would only get an answer if I asked her directly.
"Is there something you want to say?"
"!"
Green flinched, and her gaze dropped again. Because her head was bowed, I couldn't see clearly, but her eyes seemed to be fixed on the convenience store bag in her hand.
"…Yes."
"Can you tell me? I’m worried because you seem different than usual."
"…The thing is, today."
Green opened her mouth hesitantly, and I focused on her words as much as possible. Sensing my gaze, she swallowed her words once, took a breath to steady herself, and started again.
"Today is, well… I…"
When Green, who always seems to have something weighing on her and finds it hard to talk about herself, starts to speak, it’s best to wait as long as it takes. She isn't someone who can't say what she wants. She just has a lot of hesitation, so it takes time.
"It’s… my birthday."
"Oh, happy birthday."
The moment I heard her, I felt like I’d done something wrong, and I reflexively offered my congratulations. Green looked at me with wide eyes, and the dark, anxious expression on her face brightened instantly.
"Thank you."
Naturally, I had no way of knowing it was her birthday, and it wouldn't have been a problem even if I’d missed it. But still, wouldn't it have been better if I’d known in advance and congratulated her?
Green was wearing the brightest smile she’d shown all day. Did she just want to hear me say "happy birthday"? Or was there something she wanted?
"I’m sorry. I didn't prepare anything…"
I felt bad for not having anything ready for her birthday.
"No! It’s okay. I… I didn't think I’d hear anyone say 'happy birthday,' so that alone is enough."
It wasn't even that she specifically wanted to be congratulated. Then was she hoping for something… no, that’s not it. I’m not trying to pigeonhole her as someone who doesn't want anything, but at least from what I’ve seen of Green so far, she has never once asked for anything more than, or even as much as, what I expected.
Then why did she ask me to stay with her for at least five minutes?
If what she wanted wasn't a "happy birthday" or a gift, then what on earth was it?
*
I didn't think I would be congratulated. I couldn't even tell the other members it was my birthday. I’ve never felt like my own birthday was particularly precious, so I never imagined someone else would treat it as something special.
That’s why I was so surprised when he said 'happy birthday.'
I was jealous of the other members having special days with their boyfriends, so I wanted to use my birthday as an excuse to stay with him for just five minutes longer than usual. Because that alone would make it a special day.
I’ve never celebrated a birthday in my life, so I didn't know what I was supposed to do. So I just bought a small cake from the convenience store and asked him for five minutes of his time. Because that alone would be the greatest gift for the first birthday I’ve ever acknowledged.
"I wish you would have told me right away."
"I’m sorry."
I didn't know how to act because I’d never celebrated a birthday. It was just an excuse to make the day a little special. But since I did something wrong, I thought I should apologize first.
"Is there anything you want to do? If there’s something you want, I’ll do it for you."
"No! It’s okay."
I felt like I’d already received something too big just by being with him for five extra minutes. I couldn't ask for anything more. I’ve already received so much; asking for more would be a huge burden.
"It’s your birthday. It’s hard for me to do something for you right this second, but if there’s something you want, I’ll definitely make it happen."
I tried not to be greedy. If he stays with me, I’ll surely cause him trouble, and if I get greedy, I might start to depend on him.
But the moment I heard his words, I found myself becoming a little greedy in my heart. Even though I knew it was more than I deserved, the thought that I could make today a little special, different from usual, fueled my desire.
"Then…"
The other members talked about the intimate things they did with their boyfriends. I knew asking for that much was out of the question. But, maybe just a little bit… would a tiny bit of contact be okay? Just a little. Just a tiny bit.
"Could I… hold your hand just once?"
"Sure. Of course."
He smiled and reached out his hand to me. I took a breath, unable to let go of my tension, and slowly took his hand. His soft, large hand was warm, and I couldn't hide my smile.
If it’s just this much greed, it’s allowed, right? This much is okay, isn't it?
Thinking that, I squeezed his hand tight.
I felt like I had received a birthday present for the first time today.
Today became the first day I ever had a special birthday.