Chapter 38: Safety Zone (8)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 38: Safety Zone (8)
My mother left home when I was in elementary school. When I was young, I didn't know why she had walked out, but as I grew older, I realized she had left after having an affair with a colleague. However, that was merely the final outcome; the real reason she left was because of me.
I began to feel physical changes during my elementary school years, and my parents soon realized I had become a Superhuman. From then on, my mother began leaving the house more frequently, often staying away for days at a time.
Whenever I huddled under my covers in my room, I could hear my parents screaming at each other in the living room. I lost sleep every single night.
Before I became a Superhuman, our home had been a happy one. Both my parents worked, so I spent a lot of time alone, but when we gathered for dinner, the house was always filled with the sound of our laughter and conversation. Back then, my father wasn't the man he is now.
When the manifestations of my Superhuman abilities became apparent, people dressed in white came to take me away. Even then, my parents were still shouting at each other, their voices raised in anger. I didn't even get a goodbye before I was ushered into the car by the people in white.
I didn't return home until six months later. I spent those months living in a place they called a research institute. By the time I finally came home, my mother was already gone.
That was when my father changed. The days he spent drinking increased until there was hardly a day I saw him sober.
Around the time I started middle school, my father caused a major incident at work and was fired. There was no longer anyone left to provide for the household. He refused to look for work and just kept drinking. He told me that my mother leaving and him losing his job were both my fault. That was the first time he hit me.
The sting of the slap on my cheek hurt, but the shock of something shattering inside my heart hurt even more.
"My life turned into this mess because a thing like you was born! Do you hear me?!"
Hearing my father’s words, I understood. My existence was the reason my mother and father became unhappy.
That was the day I realized everything was my fault.
"Hello. My name is Kang Eunha."
For the first month after entering high school, I couldn't say anything beyond a basic greeting. I was afraid of meeting people. I was terrified that someone might be harmed because of me. Worried that my very existence might hurt someone, I couldn't bring myself to do anything.
My classmates eventually distanced themselves from me because I kept my distance from them. When I returned home after school, having spoken to no one, my father would be there, drinking.
"There's no more booze!"
Whenever the house ran out of alcohol, my father beat me. I had no money to buy more, nor was I old enough to buy it anyway.
That was when I started working. I earned money by taking whatever part-time jobs a high schooler could get. At work, I acted as inconspicuously as possible to avoid causing trouble for anyone.
During vacations, I worked in factories. During the school year, I spent every hour outside of class working.
"Where the hell have you been wandering off to? What? Are you planning to leave too because I'm a pathetic loser? Huh?!"
Enduring my father’s torrent of abuse, I handed over my wages to him every time I got paid. He would snatch the money from my hands, and then he would beat me while he drank that night.
But it was okay. Since it was my fault my father ended up like this, as long as I endured it, he wouldn't have to be any more miserable.
If I left him, he would have nothing left. As long as I stayed patient, everything would be fine.
During my senior year of high school, people from the Earth Defense Union came to see me. When they asked if I wanted to work with them, I asked if I could earn money. They told me they paid based on performance. The thought of having a stable job instead of part-time work led me to join Team Hunter Killer. After graduating high school, I threw myself into the work.
I didn't go to college. It wasn't that I had something specific I wanted to learn, and earning money to support the household was more important than getting a degree.
However, my starting salary was actually less than what I had made working part-time. After taxes and various expenses, there was almost no money left to buy alcohol.
When the money for his drinks ran out, my father showered me with curses and beat me, but being hit by him didn't hurt my heart anymore. My cheeks would burn, and my arms and legs would ache, but that was all. After that, I stopped going home as often.
When my work for the Earth Defense Union was over, I would sit in the park and stare blankly into space. I wondered if I should look for more work, but the members of Hunter Killer already rarely showed up for meetings; I figured if I disappeared too, Red would have an even harder time. So, I didn't look for another job.
No, that was just an excuse. I simply didn't want to struggle anymore. I knew that no matter how much more I worked or how much money I brought home, my father would still hit me. I knew nothing would change.
I turned twenty-two. This summer wasn't particularly hot. Perhaps that was why, even when I went home, my father was often out. Still, I didn't want to be there.
It felt like things were getting harder and harder. I wasn't making much money in Hunter Killer, and my relationships with my teammates weren't great. The only silver lining was that our performance was decent.
Recently, Red and Pink seemed to be getting along better, and I wanted to join their conversations. Since I never missed a single meeting, I thought maybe there was a chance for me to talk to them too.
But for someone like me, who had never made a friend in high school or experienced hanging out with anyone, striking up a conversation was an insurmountable task.
What should I say first?
Will they think I'm weird?
What if they hate me?
Whenever those thoughts arose, the countless insults my father had hurled at me flashed through my mind. And I would reach the same conclusion: it was better for me to say nothing. That way, no one would have to suffer or be troubled because of me.
Reaching that conclusion while sitting in the park always left my heart in turmoil.
"Sigh..."
The moment a sigh escaped my lips, someone next to me let out a sigh of their own. I turned my head. A man with black hair and black eyes was sitting there.
I had spent years killing time in this park, but I had never seen him around here before.
"Hello," I greeted him awkwardly. I couldn't remember the last time I had greeted a stranger.
I didn't expect a conversation to follow, but he suddenly brought up the weather. I answered because he spoke to me, but I was nervous about every word I said.
"I envy the wind."
I really did. It blows naturally toward its destination, and no matter where it goes, no one ever blames it.
A gentle breeze can simply exist as it is without hurting anyone.
As I spoke absentmindedly, I suddenly realized what I was doing. Perhaps it was because it had been so long since I'd had a conversation, but I had blurted out something completely random because I didn't know what else to say.
And so, I parted ways with that man. I was so tense from meeting someone new that the moment I was alone again, the strength left my shoulders. I took a deep breath to calm my heart and went home.
I went to the park the next day, but he didn't show up. He must have thought I was weird, right? I wondered if I would be able to talk to him properly if I saw him again. Or was I destined to be someone who could never hold a proper conversation with another person?
With a heavy heart, I went home. My father was drinking in the living room and beat me because there was no money. Being hit didn't bother me much anymore. The pain would pass soon enough.
The next day, he beat me again.
Since it was my fault he had become like this, I could endure this much. As long as I stayed patient, everything would be okay. Everything...
My father left the house in the afternoon, and I went to the park. Spending time there had become my daily routine.
Evening came, but I wasn't hungry, nor did I want to go home. Just sitting there blankly, thinking of nothing, was the best way to spend my time. I wasn't even lost in thought. Thinking about myself only brought pain.
And then, he appeared.
I didn't know what to say first, fearing he might have thought I was strange two days ago.
"It's cool today."
He responded to the first words I managed to muster, and we began to talk.
He was someone who worked near the park. Since I couldn't give details about Hunter Killer, I introduced myself as an office worker as well.
As we talked, I found myself telling him about how I didn't fit in with my teammates. He gave me several pieces of advice, even though I was a complete stranger. Even though our connection might have ended that very day, he listened to my words and thought about my problems with me.
After receiving his advice on how to talk to my teammates, I went home.
My father had returned and was passed out drunk. The living room was a mess. As I began to clean it up, a thought suddenly occurred to me.
Is it really okay for me to become close to someone?
I had never influenced anyone except to cause them harm. Was it okay for someone like me to hope for friendship? The cheek my father had struck earlier throbbed, but the ache in my chest was many times more painful.
I had my first proper conversation with my teammates. They didn't seem to hate me; we just talked normally. I felt so proud of myself for having a perfectly ordinary conversation.
For the first time, I felt that I, too, could get to know people through conversation.
Red and Pink seemed to have men they liked. I wondered if, when I eventually met someone like that, I would be able to have even deeper conversations.
I couldn't contain my excitement over the successful conversation and my hopes for the future. I wanted to tell Mr. A about it as soon as possible.
When I went to the park, Mr. A was in his usual spot.
Perhaps my good mood was obvious. Mr. A noticed immediately, and I rambled on about my conversation with Red and Pink. I was so happy while I was talking.
By following Mr. A's advice, I was able to have a real conversation with my teammates. And now, I was telling Mr. A all about it. Without even realizing it, I was having a normal conversation.
A week passed, and today was the day of the duel. I had another pleasant talk with my teammates, but my mood soured when we ran into Team Guerrilla on the way out. Everyone was shocked to see the stoic Yellow suppress Indigo, and that became another topic of conversation.
I went to the park and told Mr. A about what happened with Team Guerrilla. He listened intently. Over the past week, I felt like I had become quite close to him, though I didn't know how he felt.
Since we had met at the park every day for a week, it had become something of a silent promise, but he might still just think of me as a park acquaintance.
Maybe it was because my father hadn't hit me all week, or because I was finally talking to my teammates, but I felt a sense of ease. For the first time, I felt like I wanted to go somewhere.
Since I had never gone out to have fun with anyone, I wanted to try it, just once.
"Should we go somewhere?"
"Pardon?"
The moment I heard Mr. A's words, it felt like time had stopped.
I was momentarily stunned by the absurdity of what I’d just blurted out, and I quickly waved my hands, apologizing to Green.
"I'm sorry. That just slipped out."
I couldn't tell if my first thought was that I wanted to rest, or if I wanted to give her a break because she looked so tired. Regardless of which it was, what I had said sounded incredibly suspicious.
We had only met and talked in a park for a week, and suddenly I was asking her to go somewhere with me? Anyone would see an ulterior motive in that. I felt a wave of embarrassment.
Had I developed some sort of useless confidence as a man after meeting Yubin and Yura? Thinking that I’d just done something I’d be kicking my blankets over tonight, I tried to take back my words as quickly as possible.
"No, it's okay."
Green seemed quite flustered as well, answering with an awkward smile. I had a gut feeling that this would be the last time I’d be able to meet her like this.
Regardless of my actual intent, the words themselves were suspicious, so all that would be left between us was discomfort.
"Anyone would think about wanting to go play somewhere."
It was even harder to bear when Green said those words as if to shield me. Green, who had been smiling at me, turned her head back toward the trees swaying in the wind.
"I suppose I do want to go somewhere."
For some reason, it felt like Green was gauging my reaction. Had she accepted my suggestion to go somewhere? But since I hadn't put much thought into it myself, I couldn't think of anything specific to say. I barely managed to squeeze out another question.
"Is there anywhere you want to go?"
At that question, Green suddenly went still, as if she’d been struck. She stared into space with wide eyes, then let out a hollow laugh.
"I wonder. Where was it that I wanted to go?"
"Is there nothing you want to do?"
"I'm not sure..."
She didn't know where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do.
Lost in thought, Green pondered if there was a place she wanted to visit or an activity she wanted to try. But the answer didn't come easily, and her silence stretched on.
"The first place I went when I came to Korea was an amusement park."
I couldn't just let her sit there agonizing over it, so I spoke up, recalling my own past. When I first arrived in Korea, the place I went with my colleagues for 'investigation' was an amusement park in Seoul.
'Investigation' was just a fancy word for all of us going out to have fun.
As I recalled those days, I talked excitedly about the rides I’d been on and the food I’d eaten. Before I knew it, Green was listening intently, her eyes sparkling.
When I talked about riding the roller coaster, my voice grew louder, and Green seemed to feel the thrill along with me. The scenery that changed at night, the dazzling parades, the various showcases—she listened as if she had stepped right into my story.
"I want to go there."
Green spoke after listening for a long while, and I stopped talking to look at her.
Even though it wasn't a choice she’d come up with on her own, it was true that my story had piqued her interest. In that case, should I take her to the amusement park?
I couldn't bring myself to push the choice back onto her by telling her to go with someone else when her eyes were shining like that. Even if I did, I didn't think she had anyone else to go with.
"Then shall we go tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?"
"If you have plans, we can go another day."
"No! It's fine. I want to go."
"...Then let's meet here tomorrow at 10 AM."
"Okay!"
Green, who had become much brighter over the past week, answered energetically. Her bright energy made me start looking forward to tomorrow as well.
"Then I should go home and get ready for today."
I stood up first, and Green followed suit.
We said our goodbyes and headed to our respective homes to prepare for tomorrow.
I had been in a daze since last night while getting ready.
For the first time in my life, a day to go out and have fun had finally come.
I didn't know what to do, so I just made sure I had all my belongings and kept checking the clock, waiting for the appointment time.
My father hadn't been home since morning, so there was no problem with me leaving.
Thinking it would be okay to head out a little early and wait, I opened the front door with a sense of anticipation I had never felt before.
And in that moment, I realized once again. That I was a being who only brought harm to others.
Just as I reached for the door, the handle turned before I could touch it, and the door swung open.
"Dad..."
There stood my father, completely wasted from drinking all night.
...Why did I ever think I could be like everyone else?