Chapter 203: Resumed Invasion Activities (7)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 203: Resumed Invasion Activities (7)
The relationship between Esmeralda and me was incredibly delicate. I found her intimidating and uncomfortable to be around, and she, in turn, didn't seem entirely at ease with me either.
It hadn't always been this way. At one point, we were so close that I felt more a connection with her than with Seira, whom I’d known the longest.
It wasn't that things were bad between us now, but to say they were good would be an overstatement. There was a lingering awkwardness, and we both walked on eggshells around each other.
Regardless, so much time had passed that we usually managed to hide that discomfort, gradually living our lives as if we’d forgotten it was there at all.
"Have you decided?"
"Yes."
After arriving at the restaurant, we took our seats side-by-side and looked over our respective menus. We had stopped at a noodle shop for a light meal, and since the selection was limited, it didn't take long to choose.
When Esmeralda indicated she was ready, I pressed the call button for the server. An employee approached immediately and asked, "Are you ready to order?"
I placed my order first, and then Esmeralda gave hers.
"If there’s garlic in the broth, could you please leave it out?" I added.
Esmeralda can't handle pungent, sharp flavors very well. It had been that way since the beginning, and whenever we went to a restaurant together, it was always my job to ask the staff to omit the sharp spices.
I had spoken out of habit, and it was only after the server left that I realized her tastes might have changed over the years.
"Ah..."
I glanced at her tentatively, but Esmeralda gave me a soft smile.
"It’s okay. I was actually about to say the same thing."
Fortunately, her palate remained the same. I couldn't even remember the last time the two of us had shared a meal alone.
Even a rough estimate suggested it was an incredibly long time ago—well before we came to Earth, back before I changed my specialty to engineering.
Thinking back on those old memories made me feel as if I had returned to the past. However, feeling like I was back in the old days while with Esmeralda wasn't exactly a welcome sensation.
It wasn't that I disliked the Esmeralda of the past. She was a wonderful person then, and she remains one now. I think of her so highly that if someone were to ask me who I respect most, she would be one of the first names to come to mind.
"I'm sorry. For bringing up the past so suddenly."
Sensing that her earlier comment had dampened the mood, Esmeralda apologized with a deep, lingering gaze. Looking into her eyes, I found it difficult to speak.
"Since you brought it up... I want you to know that I don't think what happened was your fault, Esmeralda."
"...I see."
Her reply was brief, but perhaps because her voice sounded thick with emotion, that short answer felt heavier than any long explanation.
She had been with the Spacetro military for a long time. Born into a military family, she chose to enlist herself and remains in the service to this day, leading soldiers as a proud executive.
She is an admirable person. Both as a soldier and as a human being, I consider her truly exceptional.
I joined the Aviation Corps just before our homeworld fell, and I first met her when the units were being urgently reorganized after the destruction of our home.
Like anyone else, my parents were incredibly precious to me. My mother taught me love, and my father taught me about life.
If they were still alive today, I’m sure there would have been so much more to learn from them. But my parents perished during the fall of our homeworld.
That event was a massive shock to me. For a long time, I couldn't accept their deaths and lived like a hollow shell of a person.
The one who pulled me back into the world was none other than Esmeralda. She helped me, even though I was just one of her many subordinates, and thanks to her, I was able to pull myself together and do my part.
"And since I don't let it bother me anymore, please... stop walking on eggshells around me."
"...I'm sorry."
'I'm sorry' wasn't the phrase I wanted to hear. I wished I could think of something to say in response to her apology, but even after hearing it, the words wouldn't come.
I knew that no matter what I said, her answer would always be an apology.
I've always believed that arranged marriage is an anachronistic custom. To me, it looks like nothing more than parents selling off their children to link two families together.
The decisive reason I came to feel that way was Esmeralda.
Thanks to Esmeralda pulling me out of the depths of my despair, I gained a new perspective on the world.
After that, we spent a lot of time together. I was a pilot back then, and while there was a separate CIC (Combat Information Center) officer, Esmeralda was the one I communicated with most frequently.
As time went on, my loyalty to her deepened, and I began to feel things that went beyond the simple devotion a soldier feels for a superior.
Eating together, going shopping... we weren't in a relationship, but looking back, we did many things that were very similar to what couples do.
Perhaps if our relationship had continued that way, Esmeralda might have been my first girlfriend.
The thought struck me as absurd, and while I didn't let it show on my face, I mocked myself inwardly.
The outcome was already decided. Esmeralda and I never became that kind of couple.
The day Esmeralda started distancing herself from me happened quite suddenly.
Soon after, rumors began to circulate that her family was pushing for an arranged marriage. At first, I dismissed it as mere gossip.
However, considering the chaotic internal politics of Spacetro immediately after losing our homeworld and the way various prominent families were becoming entangled, I realized the marriage might be more than just a rumor.
It wasn't long before I heard the truth directly from Esmeralda herself.
She told me she was getting married.
Back then, just like now, she said, "I'm sorry."
At the time, I didn't fully understand the weight of those words. I simply thought she was apologizing for suddenly distancing herself and then dropping the news of an arranged marriage.
But now, having experienced more emotions through my other girlfriends, I think I understand what her apology meant back then.
It was only much later that I realized we had been close enough to potentially become lovers, but at that time, Esmeralda had already been considering a deeper relationship with me.
Realizing it now changes nothing. In fact, the more I dwell on it, the more uncomfortable I feel around her, so I tried my best not to think about it.
"I was the one who failed to carry out the mission properly back then."
"I was the one who gave you such a difficult mission under those circumstances," she countered.
Our perspectives remained miles apart. Neither of us was truly at fault, but if Esmeralda insisted on taking responsibility, I would rather it be my fault.
After hearing the news of her arranged marriage, the first question I had asked her was, "Who is he?" I was blindly curious about the man; I couldn't think of anything else to ask.
To my surprise, the man was a capable commander from a prestigious family. He was someone everyone would recognize by name, yet Esmeralda had never even met him.
Even back on our homeworld, she only knew him by reputation as a fellow soldier; they had no personal connection whatsoever.
And so, Esmeralda was set to enter an arranged marriage with a man she knew nothing about other than his name and face. Though they hadn't held a ceremony, the marriage registration was complete, and the day came for him to visit the unit where Esmeralda was stationed.
And on that day...
The reason I still find Esmeralda difficult to be around, and the reason she still feels uncomfortable with me, was born.
After Spacetro lost its homeworld and fled into the stars, we spent a long time being hunted by space pirates.
No matter how advanced our technology was, there was a world of difference between interstellar travel for the purpose of diplomacy and travel for the sake of survival.
To the space pirates roaming the void, Spacetro was easy prey, and we had to fight off their threats with our very lives time and time again.
On the day Esmeralda's husband-to-be was scheduled to arrive, his transport ship was ambushed by space pirates.
I and many others scrambled into space to escort the transport, but due to poor maintenance, several functions on my fighter failed to work properly. In that window of failure, the transport ship was blown to pieces by the pirates.
Some said the mission had been impossible from the start. The transport was already on the verge of being captured, and the probability of the pilots protecting it was near zero, even if they had launched.
But even so, I couldn't stop thinking: If only I had checked the maintenance one more time. If only I had flown just a little bit faster, could I have changed things?
And I wondered: If I had protected him then, wouldn't Esmeralda be living a better life now?
The fact that I had failed to secure the future of a precious superior's family became a knot in my heart. From that day on, I couldn't look Esmeralda in the eye.
Because I failed the mission, Esmeralda became a widow to a husband she had never even met.
It was around that time that my spirit as a pilot broke, and I transferred my specialty to engineering.
The food arrived, but we ate in a daze, hardly tasting the noodles. Naturally, there was no conversation to speak of.
I had thought that since so much time had passed, the old wounds would have healed. I thought that since we were finally alone, we could talk about those days without feeling burdened.
It was a foolish delusion. Far from being healed, both of us were still carrying unresolved baggage. Even if Esmeralda had moved on, the knot remained tight within me.
"...The noodle shop near the base used to be so good, didn't it?"
"Oh? You're right. I wonder if it's still there."
At my unconscious mention of the past, Esmeralda looked up from her meal. Perhaps she was remembering the times we ate together back then; a faint smile touched her lips.
"Do you remember? When we were on Planet Pale."
"You mean when we went to the zoo? That was chaotic."
"We researched all the places we wanted to go, just the two of us, and then we got completely lost."
"That place was strange. If the paths are that complicated, they must have designed it that way on purpose."
Desperate to change the heavy atmosphere, I brought up the good, fun memories from our past.
The happy recollections brought a natural smile to my face.
But the more we dwelled on those happy times, the more bittersweet the memories became.
The suffocating meal finally ended, but I didn't have the courage to suggest anything else. Since I hadn't planned for anything beyond the hospital visit, there were no other options but to head home.
"Well, I'll be going now."
I walked with her to the station, gave a polite bow, and started to head inside.
"A."
"Yes?"
Just as I took a step, thinking only of going home, I heard Esmeralda's voice behind me.
"Shall we eat together again sometime?"
I couldn't immediately grasp her intention. It would likely take a long time before I truly understood what she meant. But not knowing her intention was no reason to refuse.
"Yes. I'd like that."
I never had any intention of refusing in the first place.
It was an emotion that was difficult to define clearly.
Still, if given the chance, I knew for certain that I wanted to tear down this uncomfortable wall standing between us.