My Own Conviction
After that, Ludenberg began analyzing Liberatus. He dissected the man's personality and behavior, pondering what kind of conviction lay deep within him.
To Ludenberg, Liberatus had been an exceedingly noble figure. He had taken up the sword to eradicate those who stole away his most precious person, yet he never ignored the outcasts in the process. He didn't save people just because they had talent, and he helped those in danger without expecting any special reward. That wasn't all. He constantly honed himself and never ceased his training. Despite his immense power, he never grew arrogant, nor did he ever let go of the endless path of the sword. In dealing with others, he was always courteous and never looked down on anyone. Thus, Liberatus could truly be called an ideal person.
So what was his conviction? What ideal did such a paragon steadfastly believe in?
No matter how long he pondered, no answer came. The words Liberatus had spoken while teaching Kyle, Orpina, and Hidea were mere side branches. Claims that his sword could cut anything, that his body would yield to nothing—they were but fragments of his conviction. There had to be an overarching belief that tied them all together, yet Ludenberg couldn't find it.
In truth, it was only natural. Ludenberg wasn't Liberatus. He could observe the man's actions and speech, but he couldn't read his thoughts. Unless Ludenberg himself became Liberatus, all he could do was speculate vaguely—and even then, there was no guarantee it would be accurate.
But he couldn't just sit idle. Now that he had some leeway, he had time to ask those around him what conviction truly was. Through trial and error, perhaps he could uncover what Liberatus pursued, what belief he harbored within.
The silver lining was that the trial had no strict time limit. Since Raha had called it the end of the first trial, it might take considerable time. And rightly so—the opponent was a Devourer. A monster that transcended ordinary erosion beasts, bearing its own independent name. Since its first appearance a millennium ago, it had always been counted among humanity's most dangerous foes. To think one could easily slay such a being just by borrowing the body of history's strongest human was nothing but empty fantasy. Ludenberg resolved to endure this much hardship.
'For now... I guess I have no choice but to ask about the definition of conviction.'
Ludenberg shook out his bedding and rose. It seemed like it would be quite a long day.
The first person he approached was, naturally, Sione. She had offered various advice before, and no one understood the human heart better than she did. She would surely know about personal convictions as well.
Though it had only been a few days since his last visit, Sione's lab was in quite a messy state. The tidy appearance from before was gone; papers tangled everywhere, making him wonder if this was really her lab.
"So. You have something else you want to ask?"
Sione seemed genuinely pleased by this innocent visitor. And rightly so—with the exchange event against Ortara National School looming, her workload was inevitably increasing. Beyond her role as Solem theology professor, she had to directly review the inter-school exchange, so even if it was less than for other professors, she was still quite busy.
"You look busy... Is this okay?"
"Ah. Busy, yes... but that doesn't mean I'll turn away an excellent student who made the effort to come see me."
"Then, if I may be so bold... I have one question."
"Go ahead."
Sione seized the brief respite, brewing tea and placing a cup before Ludenberg and another before herself.
"What do you think conviction is, Professor?"
"Conviction? Why do you ask?"
"Just personal curiosity."
"Conviction, conviction... Well, it's a strong belief. Faith in the ideals one pursues."
"Is there a way to discern someone else's conviction?"
"Someone else's? You'd have to face them directly and talk. Mere inference is nearly impossible. Even if you know their life path... conviction is the belief in that individual's ideal vision amid countless trajectories. Unless they reveal it themselves, you can't confirm it."
"I suppose so."
"Yes. Unless I read their mind directly, it would be difficult. But why the sudden interest in others' convictions?"
"Just personal curiosity. I wondered if everyone harbors some kind of conviction..."
"Everyone lives with their own convictions. Even those who claim they have none... are often bound by some belief."
"...Yes."
"Is there anything more futile than trying to force out someone's conviction? If they don't reveal it, no one can know. You can only observe them over a long time."
"I understand."
"Is that all for your questions?"
"Yes."
"Ah, how are things with Tara? Does your heart still race when you see her?"
"Y-Yes. It hasn't changed, for some reason. But I've decided to accept it. I don't know what emotion it is, but it doesn't seem negative."
"That's fortunate."
"Anyway, I'll take my leave. Thank you for making time despite your busyness."
"Sure. Thanks to you, I got a little rest. Now back to work... Take care."
Watching Sione wave lightly, Ludenberg left the lab. As he exited the professor building, he let out a sigh.
As expected, no gains. But he'd known it wouldn't be easy.
Conviction. Belief in one's personal ideals.
Could he uncover Liberatus's conviction and embody it in his body? Doubt pierced Ludenberg.
Ashytara, spotting Ludenberg trudging from afar toward the professor building, called out with a smile lighting her face.
"Lude!"
"...Tara?"
"Where've you been?"
"Just saw Professor Sione for a bit."
"Why my sister?"
"Had something to ask..."
"What?"
Ashytara pressed persistently, and Ludenberg—who'd lately found dealing with her increasingly difficult—unconsciously avoided her gaze as he answered. She narrowed her eyes again at his demeanor.
Just as displeasure seemed about to surface, Ludenberg glanced around and realized it was no good sign, quickly speaking up.
"Uh, about conviction."
"Conviction?"
"Yeah."
As Ashytara tilted her head, Ludenberg paused in thought. Come to think of it, hadn't he already told her everything he'd been through? No reason to hide it, then.
"Actually, it's about the trial... Mind if I ask something?"
"Trial? Sure. Not sure if I can help, but okay."
They moved to a quiet spot. It was a somewhat secretive topic, best not overheard.
Finding a suitable place, Ludenberg sat on a bench and turned to her.
"I went through a trial recently..."
He slowly recounted meeting Istradim in the trial world, encountering the Devourer, struggling to damage its hide in battle. And his search for Liberatus's conviction.
"So that's why you asked my sister. Did you find an answer?"
"No."
Ashytara nodded at his headshake and spoke.
"Honestly, I don't know much about conviction either. The idea that inner human strength, invisible, manifests directly as outer power... it's still too foreign to me. But Lude."
"Yeah?"
"Why are you looking for Liberatus's conviction?"
"What?"
Ludenberg voiced his surprise at her abrupt question.
"Well... ultimately, you're the one moving Liberatus's body. Your mind is in control, so even if you find his conviction, can you really embody it?"
"...!"
Ludenberg widened his eyes. It was a point with real merit.
Liberatus's mind wasn't directly controlling the body. That was Ludenberg himself.
He recalled the moment in the trial when he'd believed he infused conviction into his sword. The sword could cut anything. The body would not yield. Though Liberatus had called them his convictions, Ludenberg had directly embodied them in the flesh.
'That's it. The answer wasn't far away. I was the answer. Not Liberatus's conviction—mine.'
And he immediately understood why Liberatus's example convictions had worked.
From age twelve, denied divine power, Ludenberg had harbored a fierce ideal. Even without divine power, he would surpass those who had it. Beneath that lay what? The audacious, arrogant hope that he had no limits.
Having blindly embraced that ideal, believed it, and stubbornly pursued it, Ludenberg finally realized why he couldn't slice the Devourer's hide.
'Because I tried to rely on Liberatus's conviction, not mine.'
Liberatus's examples had actually hindered Ludenberg's own conviction from filling the body.
Thus: My sword can cleave anything. My body yields to no trial. Ludenberg's conviction wasn't so simplistic. A firm belief that he had no limits whatsoever.
By ignoring his own conviction and resting on Liberatus's strength, depending on it, he'd failed to break his limits.
Realizing the issue, Ludenberg seized Ashytara's hand.
"...!"
As she blushed at the sudden touch, he looked at her with utmost seriousness.
"Thanks. I think I figured it out, thanks to you."
"R-Really?"
"Yeah. Truly grateful. I'll repay you later."
"N-No need for repayment."
She shook her head, but so did he. Having received a favor, he ought to return it.
Seeing his resolute expression, Ashytara pondered, then cautiously ventured,
"...Then, grant one request of mine later."
"Definitely."
"Yeah. But..."
"Huh?"
"Your hand..."
Seeing her flushed face, Ludenberg finally realized he'd grabbed her hand too abruptly. Already startled by recent contacts with her, he released it in unconscious alarm.
"...Sorry."
"It's fine. Yeah. No problem."
Her shy demeanor made it hard to look away. Though eager to test his revelation immediately, Ludenberg couldn't help but hesitate at the sight of her.