The Weight of the Word "Friend"
Hyunwoo stepped into the alley in front of his house after leaving the smoking area.
Jongdoo's words came along with his footsteps. "Yuna lives at your place. Lucky. You can at least look at her."
To shake off that conversation, he fiddled with his phone that hadn't received any calls. On the black screen that was off, Yuna's face overlapped.
It seemed like he'd liked her for a while, but he never said it. The same went for expressions.
So in front of Jongdoo, the only word he could say was "friend".
He knew that saying "friend" would make his heart shrink, but he also knew it wouldn't.
Covering a heart that didn't shrink with the word "friend". It had become almost a habit now.
School was ten minutes away. The studio apartment was close to school, and the neighborhood was small.
With two years passing, one could roughly tell who lived where.
It was convenient because faces were familiar, but now it felt uncomfortable as if those faces were looking at Yuna.
The neighborhood that was an advantage for being quiet had quickly become a disadvantage.
Even more so after Yuna moved in.
One convenience store. A couple of alleys.
The studio apartments were attached.
Hyunwoe's was also in that alley.
The guys who called themselves Minsu and Jaemin had said they lived nearby.
It was those guys who were noisy at the Fresh Hall, and those who saw Yuna entering this entrance.
The rumor that Jongdoo heard probably started from those guys. Faces were hazy, but names were remembered.
In front of the house, Hyunwoo looked towards the end of the alley for no reason.
No one was there. Still, his back itched.
He didn't want the scene of his favorite person entering this house to be on others' tongues.
But even though he didn't want it, his heart raced just because they lived together.
After arriving in front of the house, he stood there blankly for a while.
Then he finally entered the password.
It was entered wrong once. Maybe because his fingers were slippery or his mind was rushing.
On the second try, the door opened.
Because the room was small, the smell of the living room came as soon as the door opened.
Warm steam. The smell of someone who just showered.
It was Yuna.
Yuna was sitting on the sofa.
Her hair was wet, and a towel was draped over her shoulder.
A phone on her lap. She was looking at the screen and smiling faintly.
A silent smile. He wanted to know who she was smiling at.
He couldn't ask because he wanted to know. If he asked, it felt like his heart would come out.
He just took off his shoes and put down his bag. The sound of the bag zipper was unusually loud.
Yuna looked up. The smile faded, but a smile remained on her face.
“You're back? A bit late. Did you eat?”
“...Roughly.”
“Roughly? Eat some kimbap at least. I saved some for you.”
Yuna got up and took kimbap from the fridge.
The ends of her wet hair came out from the towel and brushed against Hyunwoo.
Hyunwoo lowered his eyes. Jongdoo's words came up again.
When she came out of the shower.
He wanted to erase that word, but smelling the smell of Yuna who just showered made him feel weird.
While drinking water, he didn't look at her wet hair.
Because if he looked, Jongdoo's words would come up again.
He didn't need to look; the smell remained in his nose. He held the cup with both hands.
He didn't need to hold it, but his hands needed something to do.
“Your expression is strange. What happened?”
“Nothing.”
Yuna didn't ask. She was naturally quiet with few words.
After quickly finishing one cup of water, Yuna poured another.
No words, just her hand coming first. Hyunwoo was grateful for that hand, so he didn't say anything more.
He didn't know it would be like this if he liked someone. The more he tried to please, the more his mouth closed.
From childhood, Yuna had always taken care of Hyunwoo like a younger brother.
Yuna flipped her phone and sat opposite him.
The screen lit up briefly then turned off. He couldn't see who the chat was from.
Even though it was bothering him, he couldn't look.
If he looked, he would become like Jongdoo, so he just looked at the kimbap.
No words, his gaze was on the kimbap.
Even if Yuna was looking at him, he avoided it.
Avoiding had become a habit.
“Not tasty?”
“No.”
“Then eat it. If you leave it, it's a waste.”
When such words came, Hyunwoo chewed more slowly.
“Ah, right. There are also school juniors living nearby.”
Yuna suddenly said it.
“Minsu... or Jaemin? I can't remember their names well. Today, as I was coming home, they greeted me in the alley.
Yuna-senior lives here? So I just nodded. I guess they thought my words were weird. They laughed.”
Hyunwoo's mood wasn't good.
Yuna had a face that didn't know the reason for their laughter.
Hyunwoo had a vague feeling. Minsu. Jaemin. He didn't know their faces well,
But the fact that they knew Yuna's name first made it worse.
“Just... greet them. Don't get too close.”
His voice was small. Yuna nodded.
“Okay. If you say that, I'll do it.”
The living room was narrow.
The sofa blanket was folded, and the room door was half open.
The room was originally for Hyunwoo to use, but Yuna insisted not to, yet he almost forced it into the room.
Yuna pushed the kimbap further and glanced at her phone for a moment.
“Senior community center.”
Yuna said it. Her chopsticks stopped.
It was the part-time job story she mentioned briefly in the morning.
“I know. Yoga part-time job.”
Yuna blinked.
“Did I say that? I was muttering to myself.”
He scratched his head.
“The village head recommended it.
It said it would suit me well. Since I exercise, he might have said that.
It was a bit strange, but there are no part-time jobs nearby.
It starts tomorrow.
After swimming practice, the time will match perfectly.”
Yuna dismissed it as strange, but Hyunwoo thought about the words again.
How the village head saw Yuna and recommended her.
Jongdoo's face laughing about what kind of part-time job at the senior center overlapped.
But Yuna needed money, and words failed her in front of that.
“You don't want to go alone, right? If you have time, can I go with you?”
Yuna looked at Hyunwoo. She had a face that would go alone even if refused.
“...I'll go.”
“Don't force it.”
“No.”
Yuna smiled faintly.
It was a different smile from when she looked at the phone.
The difference kept lingering.
The person who couldn't ask who she was smiling at was just dividing the types of smiles.
After dinner, Yuna would clear the dishes first,
Then Hyunwoo would spread the blanket, and she would go into the room.
“Good night. If you don't want to go tomorrow, tell me in the morning. Really.”
When the light went out, the living room became even narrower.
The sound of clothes brushing came briefly from beyond the door.
Just that sound made his mind weird.
Even if he didn't want to hear, the sound coming from the room in the quiet air felt as loud as right next to him.
Jongdoo's words about "looking" came up, so he pulled the blanket up to his head.
“Changing clothes?”
Even after covering, the sound remained, and after it ended, he kept his eyes open.
The place where the sound ended left a longer silence.
He said "friend". But inside, it was a different word.
The alley juniors would look at Yuna with different eyes, and the village head would look at her body and recommend the job.
He lay down holding that speculation as fact. He didn't want to confirm it,
But he also didn't have any way to confirm it.
He looked at the ceiling for a long time, then closed his eyes.
Sleep doesn't come easily to unknown worries and anxiety.
After staring at the ceiling for a while, Yuna's smile came out once more. The smile when looking at the phone, what meaning, the smile when looking at Hyunwoo, what meaning.
The next day, afternoon. Yuna came out first and put water in front.
The bag was already packed. Before folding the blanket, water was in front of his hand.
When he got up from the sofa, his waist felt a bit pulled. Yuna might say she'd do the living room again if she saw, so he straightened his waist and stood up.
“Hyunwoo. Are you really going with me today?”
“I'm going.”
A face that was relieved. It was hard to look at that face for long.
When seeing a relieved person, he felt like he was a good person. But he wasn't.
Yuna looked at her outer clothes once and brushed off the dust on her sleeves with her hand.
He didn't want to see that hand for long. The words "thank you" came too late.
“Thank you.”
“For what.”
When leaving, Yuna put on her shoes at the entrance.
He watched her back, then turned his eyes.
Turning was a habit. Yuna probably didn't know the reason.
The two of them left the house in front and went to the senior community center.
Yuna walked beside him, and there were almost no words.
The tension showed, so Hyunwoo's mouth didn't open.
The ten-minute walk felt long.
Several old men were sitting in front of the senior community center.
Their gazes gathered on Yuna.
Hyunwoo saw that gaze.
Yuna was still on the side that didn't know its meaning.
Although her mood wasn't great before entering, she couldn't go back either.
Upon arrival, Yuna looked at Hyunwoo.
She spoke with a somewhat worried look.
“I'm a bit nervous. What if I say something weird.”
“...You can do it well.”
Before grabbing the door handle, Hyunwoo looked at Yuna once more. A nervous face. That face wasn't because of Hyunwoo, but it felt like it was because of Hyunwoo.
Laughter from several old men came from inside.
Yuna entered first, and Hyunwoo followed.
After saying you can do it well, that word seemed to push Yuna inside, so his feet stiffened for a moment.
When the door closed, the laughter became closer.
He thought that the laughter was because of Yuna, the first thing he thought.
It might not be. But he thought that first.
The words from the afternoon seemed light, but only after the door closed did he realize.
The words "you can do it well" remained as words that pushed Yuna inside now.
At the same time as that thought, Yuna was already inside, and Hyunwoo was just standing next to her.