Chapter 18: Even the Absolute Being Is a First-Time Dad
Even the Absolute One is New to Fatherhood - Episode 18
Just hours earlier, Seoul had been thrown into chaos by the emergence of a 'Calamity-grade Gate'—an event that could have led to national annihilation.
But the moment news broke through television broadcasts and other media that the Calamity-grade Gate had been successfully suppressed, the city quickly regained its peaceful atmosphere.
The same was true for Kang-jun's household.
The savory aroma of doenjang jjigae wafted through their modest villa when Kang-jun, sounding utterly drained, called out toward the kitchen.
"Nuna, how much longer until dinner?"
"It's almost ready. Are you hungry?"
"No, it's not that I'm hungry..."
"It'll be done soon, just wait a little longer."
Kang-jun responded with a weak "Mmm..." before turning his gaze toward his daughter, Seol.
"Beep beep! Again! Do it again!"
"Princess, aren't you tired of this yet?"
"Nuh-uh! Seol likes it!"
Seol answered brightly, then scrunched her brows and asked,
"What, Daddy no like?"
Kang-jun flinched before hurriedly replying,
"Haha, no, I like it too..."
His eyes then drifted toward the 'toy cash register' placed in front of Seol.
[ Dr. Smart's Checkout Play Set ]
This was the 'new toy' his sister had bought for Seol earlier that day during their grocery run to the nearby supermarket.
A typical playset sold at such stores, it came with various household items, groceries, a toy cash register, and fake money.
'Out of all the toys in the store, why did Nuna have to pick this nightmare-inducing one...?'
If he could, Kang-jun would track down the manufacturer of this Checkout Play Set, grab them by the collar, shake them violently, and roar at the top of his lungs:
'Do you have any idea how much suffering your greed-driven toy has inflicted upon countless people?!'
Just then, Seol suddenly placed both hands neatly on her belly and babbled with great effort:
"Customer! Welcome!"
Kang-jun responded in a flat tone, "Yeah, hi," before picking up a toy milk carton from the display.
"One milk, please."
Seol pretended to scan the barcode, making a "Beep!" sound with her mouth before pausing thoughtfully.
"Yes, customer! That'll be eight thousand won!"
"What? For just one milk?"
"Yes, customer! Eight thousand won!"
The reason was simple—the only monetary unit Seol knew was 'eight thousand won.'
Whether buying one milk or every single item in the playset, the price was always eight thousand won.
Kang-jun let out a sigh before speaking in a patient, lecturing tone.
"Princess, ambition is good, but this is outright extortion."
"Eight thousand!"
"I was hoping you could adjust the price a little..."
Seol puffed up her cheeks, clearly annoyed, and shouted:
"Daddy! Eight thousand!"
Kang-jun exhaled deeply before counting out eight fake bills and handing them over.
"Here, eight thousand won..."
"Goodbye, customer!"
Just as one round of checkout play concluded—
"Daddy, again!"
Seol, brimming with excitement, snatched the toy milk carton back and returned the bills to Kang-jun.
"Princess, we've been doing this for three hours straight..."
"Again!"
"We've repeated this meaningless cycle of buying and refunding hundreds of times..."
"Again!"
Crabsley, who had been watching the scene intently, turned his head slightly toward Iriel and cautiously spoke up.
"Lord Iriel, isn't this a truly horrifying sight? Who would have thought such a grueling game, demanding endless patience and perseverance, existed in this world..."
"Indeed, Your Grace. I couldn't agree more."
"What's even more terrifying is that once Her Highness takes an interest in something, she never stops until she collapses from exhaustion."
"Her tenacity is strikingly similar to our lord's."
A small Doberman puppy wagging its tail at their feet let out a sinister chuckle and chimed in.
"No one knows the tenacity and grit of the young Immortal better than I. Truly her father's blood—born with relentless persistence and cruelty..."
These were the words of Marbas, who endured hours of Seol's torment daily.
Crabsley nodded a few times before cautiously suggesting:
"Shall we name this game 'The Agonizing Checkout Hell'? What do you all think?"
Iriel and Marbas nodded in agreement.
"Old man, you've got a knack for naming things!"
"Your Grace, a most fitting title indeed!"
Crabsley nodded once more and added gravely:
"We must remain vigilant, for we never know when we might be subjected to this torment ourselves."
Just then, Kang-jun, still suffering through The Agonizing Checkout Hell, glared at them and growled:
"I can hear you."
Everyone flinched and quickly pretended to be occupied.
"Dinner's ready!"
At Lee Soo-bin's call, everyone hurried to the dining table.
"Daddy! No eat! Play more!"
As Seol began to throw a tantrum, Soo-bin walked over, frowning slightly, and spoke sternly.
"No, you have to eat first!"
"Daddy! Again!"
"Seol-ah, do you really want to keep doing this?"
Watching this, Kang-jun clenched his fists and silently cheered his sister on.
'Nuna, you've got this!'
Soo-bin muttered, "Really..." before smiling and adding gently:
"Then ask Daddy to play again after you finish eating."
Kang-jun's face instantly paled.
Seol tilted her head and asked Kang-jun:
"Daddy, play after eat?"
Kang-jun hesitated, lips trembling.
As tears welled up in Seol's eyes, Kang-jun groaned.
"Guh— Fine, Princess. I admit defeat."
"Daddy..."
"Alright, we'll play again after dinner."
Kang-jun squeezed his eyes shut and reluctantly agreed before heading to the table.
"Wow, this looks amazing."
"Eat up," Soo-bin replied, then glanced sideways at Iriel, who had taken the seat next to Kang-jun.
"Um, so... this young lady is...?"
Iriel cleared her throat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and answered formally.
"My lady, allow me to reintroduce myself properly. I am Iriel, formerly the Minister of the Imperial Household, serving as an advisor to His Majesty."
Soo-bin murmured, "Wow, I see..." before whispering to Kang-jun:
"Kang-jun, I think she might still be... unwell."
"No, she's fine."
"Well, she looks healthy, but... her, um... mind..."
Trailing off, Soo-bin tilted her head and asked again:
"Miss, how did you get in touch with Kang-jun and end up coming here?"
Before Iriel could answer, Kang-jun cut in:
"We ran into each other today."
Iriel, taking the hint, nodded.
"Yes, my lady. Just as His Majesty said."
Soo-bin blinked. "Huh?" She tilted her head and pressed further.
"Kang-jun, don't tell me you went out today?"
Kang-jun suddenly choked, coughing violently.
"N-No, I just went to the convenience store and happened to..."
Lee Soo-bin let out a deep sigh before scolding him.
"Kang-jun, do you have any idea how chaotic it was today because of the Calamity-grade Gate? Even if it was right in front of our place, you can't just go out recklessly like that!"
At her words, Kang-jun shrank back like a scolded child, poking at his innocent rice with his chopsticks as he replied.
"My bad..."
Meanwhile, Crabsley's eyes lit up as he frantically pulled out his notebook and pen, muttering to himself while scribbling away.
"During tonight's dinner, Her Majesty Soo-bin scolded His Imperial Majesty, saying, 'Did you go out without permission?'"
"Hey."
"To which His Majesty responded in a deflated, childlike voice, 'My bad...'"
"Hey."
Kang-jun gripped his spoon so tightly it nearly shattered, his tone taking on an eerie edge.
"How old are you this year, exactly?"
"Twelve hundred and..."
"Wow, lived long enough, haven't you?"
Crabsley cleared his throat with an "Ahem," hastily tucking his notebook and pen back into his tracksuit pocket.
Then.
Soo-bin turned her head slightly, studying Iriel's profile carefully before asking in a cautious tone.
"Miss, where are you staying right now?"
"Well..."
"Don't tell me you don't have a proper place to stay?"
Iriel bowed her head slightly as she answered.
"My lady, I humbly report that I currently lack suitable accommodations."
"I can't believe this—such a young, beautiful girl out in this dangerous world..."
Soo-bin muttered in shock, her eyes wide, before sighing after a moment's thought.
"Miss, why don't you stay with us for the time being?"
Their household finances weren't exactly flush enough to casually take in another guest, but...
Still, how could she turn away someone in such dire straits?
Iriel's eyes widened in surprise, flustered as she stammered out a response.
"My lady, how could I possibly impose upon the imperial household—"
"So you'd rather keep sleeping on the streets?"
As Iriel kept murmuring "But..." with an uncomfortable expression, Soo-bin bit her lower lip before speaking up.
"Miss, this is, well..."
"Yes, my lady?"
"I mean..."
Trailing off, Soo-bin squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment before blurting out.
"B-By imperial decree—!"
It was just a spur-of-the-moment excuse, but the effect was far more dramatic than expected.
Iriel suddenly dropped to one knee, bowing deeply as she responded with solemn gravity.
"Yes, my lady! I shall obey your command!"
Meanwhile, Kang-jun was snickering uncontrollably.
"Imperial decree, pfft—kekeke—"
"Stop laughing."
"Keke—why? It was a good one—"
Soo-bin shot him a glare. "I said stop laughing!" she barked, rubbing her flushed cheeks for a moment.
"Ah, the news..."
Muttering softly to herself, she grabbed the remote from the corner of the table and turned on the TV.
「This afternoon at approximately 4 PM, the suppression of the Calamity-grade Gate near Sillim Station Intersection has been officially declared a success.」
「Director Seo Do-cheol of the Awakened and Gate Management Bureau announced the news, crediting the hard work and sacrifices of the hunters who risked their lives to ensure the peace and safety of the citizens...」
「According to official reports, sixteen hunters lost their lives in today's Calamity-grade Gate incident, while five of the six survivors remain in critical condition...」
「This marks only the second occurrence of a Calamity-grade Gate in the country. Compared to the previous incident—which resulted in millions of casualties and the complete devastation of North Chungcheong, North Gyeongsang, and Gangwon provinces—today's containment with minimal damage is being hailed as a significant achievement...」
Soo-bin nodded slowly before responding.
"You have no idea how scared I was when I heard about the Calamity-grade Gate. I kept thinking—what if Seoul turned to ashes? What if countless people died again...?"
Kang-jun scooped up a spoonful of stew and replied calmly.
"Don't worry. That won't ever happen again."
"Huh?"
"Noona and Seol—I'll protect you both no matter what."
At that, Soo-bin cracked a smile before answering in a teasing tone.
"Yes, Your Majesty! How gracious of you!"
As Soo-bin turned her attention back to the TV screen...
"Huh?"
Before long, her eyes widened to the size of lanterns.
「Director Seo Do-cheol also stated that investigations are ongoing based on the testimony of C-rank hunter Kim Bong-gu, the sole participant in today's suppression who returned completely unharmed...」
「C-rank hunter Kim Bong-gu, mentioned by Director Seo earlier today, recently gained recognition for apprehending a wanted murderer affiliated with the anti-bureau coalition...」
「Known for his upright and virtuous character, he has earned the hunter epithet 'Filial Son', sparking public anticipation for the rise of a new hero...」
Soo-bin murmured, "Oh my..." before whipping her head toward Kang-jun, her voice brimming with excitement.
"K-Kang-jun! That, that man!"
"Huh?"
"Isn't that Bong-gu?"
No matter how much she rubbed her eyes in disbelief, the man on screen was unmistakably Kim Bong-gu.
The same Bong-gu who had been carried home dead drunk on her brother's back just days ago...
Kang-jun nodded awkwardly before replying in a stilted tone.
"W-Wow. Our Bong-gu made it on the news. Moving up in the world..."
"That's the same Bong-gu who came to our house, right?"
"Yeah, you think there's another guy out there with a face that clueless?"
Soo-bin let out a stunned "Hah..." before asking again, her voice trembling with disbelief.
"Bong-gu was a hunter?"
"Yep."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner...?"
Kang-jun shot back defensively.
"You never asked."
After a brief pause, Soo-bin conceded.
"Ah, right."
"See?"
"Sorry, noona."
"It's fine."
Meanwhile, the TV continued broadcasting footage of Kim Bong-gu, flustered as reporters swarmed him.
Below his chest, a cringe-inducing subtitle crawled across the screen: "Birth of a National Hero? C-rank Rookie 'Filial Son' Kim Bong-gu!"
It was a peaceful evening.
Or so he thought.
Until Seol lifted her bowl of baby food with her tiny hands and declared:
"Seol ate all!"
And until she tugged at his sleeve with a bright smile and said those fateful words:
"Now play with Seol again."
Kang-jun nodded in resigned silence, gently setting down his spoon.
Then, trudging forward like a cow headed for slaughter, he suddenly stopped and turned to Crabsley.
"I think it's time to issue a decree."
"Yes, my lord."
"Find someone and bring them to me."
"Who might that be?"
Kang-jun's expression turned grave.
"Track down the bastard who created and distributed that 'Quick Math Genius' calculation set—the one who exploited children's greed and plunged parents nationwide into suffering and chaos—and drag them before me..."
With that, he turned back toward the living room, stepping forth to face the "Abyssal Math Play."
"Welcome, customer!"
"Yay..."
"How may I help you?"
"Freedom..."
Still, it was a peaceful evening.