Chapter 145: Even the Absolute Being Is a First-Time Dad
Absolute One Is Also New to Fatherhood - Chapter 145
Somewhere in the northern reaches of the Anux continent, a remote mountain village.
The wild winds made the grass and reeds sway violently...
An eerie noise continuously echoed through the area.
"Waaaaaah—!"
Amidst this, the loud, sorrowful wails of a child began to resonate from a humble cottage.
"This child is throwing another bedtime tantrum..."
Soon, the child's mother scooped the crying child into her arms, patting their back repeatedly with a "pat, pat," before asking in a chilling tone:
"Sweetie, who did I say comes looking for children who cry at night?"
When the child showed no signs of stopping their cries, the mother pressed on, as if to frighten them further.
"The most wicked and cruel being in this world—'Grand Duke Crabsley'—will come to our house, didn't I tell you clearly?"
The child, who had been throwing a tantrum, suddenly froze in fear, clutching their mother's sleeve tightly as their tiny body trembled.
"Y-yes, but I forgot..."
The mother, satisfied with a "Good," continued patting the child's back as she went on.
"Long, long ago, there lived a vampire king named Chartia von de Crabsley."
The flame at the tip of the candlewick flickered precariously, dancing as if on the verge of extinguishing.
"He was an extremely wicked and cruel vampire king who delighted in drinking the blood of beautiful young maidens and innocent children."
The child in her arms, as if they had never been crying at all, perked up their ears and listened intently.
"His power was so immense that even the legendary hero Nazgul fought him a hundred times without ever achieving victory..."
"And then?"
"Even the noble priests of the church feared him so much that when night fell, they would lock their doors tightly and avoid going outside."
This so-called "Grand Duke Crabsley Legend" was a terrifying folktale that had spread throughout the entire Anux continent.
Of course, the continent's history also recorded how this very Crabsley later received the title of Grand Duke from the Emperor...
And how he served as Minister of the Cabinet, overseeing the welfare of the people and correcting flawed policies, leaving behind a legacy of remarkable achievements.
Thus, historically, he was a well-regarded figure. But perhaps because his earlier exploits were so shocking and sensational?
"They say he enjoyed skewering the corpses of those he killed on long iron spikes and displaying them across his territory."
"Scary..."
"Not only that, but he was said to have committed atrocities like pouring boiling oil on his enemies' faces or flaying their skin without hesitation..."
Over time, as the tales were passed down, his "past deeds" became increasingly embellished, transforming into the most horrifying stories imaginable.
"They say even now, on dark nights, he roams the vast continent, searching for children who refuse to sleep and cry instead..."
The child suddenly cried out in panic.
"I-I won't cry anymore!"
"Really?"
"It's night, so I'll sleep now."
The child fell asleep instantly.
"Waaaaaah—!"
Seol suddenly began wailing loud enough to shake the house.
Despite the late hour, she had started throwing a tantrum, demanding to play more.
Lee Soo-bin crossed her arms and chided her gently.
"Seol-ah, what if the Sack Grandpa comes to our house because you're crying like this?"
At those words, Seol stopped crying.
"Sniff... Sack Grandpa is scary..."
Elriel, who had been watching, let out an impressed "Oh," before turning to Kang-jun and asking quietly:
"My liege, who exactly is this 'Sack Grandpa' that he could stop Her Highness's tears so swiftly?"
Kang-jun answered immediately.
"To put it simply, it's a folktale about an old man who carries a sack and takes away misbehaving children."
Elriel nodded in understanding, then added as Crabsley happened to emerge from his room into the living room:
"It seems quite similar to the Grand Duke Crabsley legend that was widespread across the Anux continent."
At this, Lee Soo-bin looked at them with curiosity brimming in her eyes before asking softly:
"Oh? Is 'Grand Duke Crabsley' you, sir?"
"Indeed."
"So it's a legend about you, then?"
Elriel nodded with a "Yes," then continued explaining:
"It's a tale about the merciless Grand Duke Crabsley roaming the continent at night, capturing children who refuse to sleep and cry or throw tantrums."
Lee Soo-bin murmured in response.
"Wow, it's exactly like the Sack Grandpa story..."
Then Kang-jun turned to Crabsley and asked:
"Hey, Sack Grandpa."
"Yes?"
"How's your body holding up?"
Crabsley forced a smile as he answered.
"Thanks to Your Majesty's concern, I seem to be improving day by day."
During the last Ragnarök, Crabsley had suffered severe injuries, causing him to fall into deep sleep and wake repeatedly like a newborn.
His abdomen had been pierced clean through, leaving a gaping hole, and his bones had shattered while his nearby organs ruptured entirely.
Even with the superior regenerative abilities of the vampire species, had it been anyone other than Crabsley, such wounds would have been instantly fatal.
'Honestly, the fact that he's still breathing at all is nothing short of a miracle...'
Crabsley then looked at Kang-jun and continued.
"My liege, I wish to return to my duties starting tomorrow."
"So soon?"
"Yes, I feel uneasy leaving my post vacant for too long..."
Having recovered somewhat, he had been considering his return.
'I wonder if the convenience store is running smoothly without me...'
He was deeply worried that sales might have dropped in his absence.
"Wouldn't it be better to rest a little longer?"
"I've mostly recovered."
"Well, if you insist..."
Crabsley bowed slightly. "I am deeply grateful." Then he brought up another matter.
"Forgive my impertinence, but since today would be my last day of rest, I was hoping to take Divard out for a brief excursion..."
At this, Divard, who had been sulking after being scolded for failing his tofu errand properly, glanced at Crabsley.
"I wish to accompany Divard and provide him with some basic education to help him adapt to life on Earth without difficulty."
Kang-jun asked, "Education?" and Crabsley quickly elaborated.
"I'll ensure we return before it gets too late, so I humbly request your permission..."
Kang-jun replied quietly.
"Alright, be careful."
Kang-jun figured that since Crabsley had now spent nearly a year living on Earth, his firsthand guidance would undoubtedly help Divard adjust.
"We shall return shortly."
The place Crabsley took Divard to was a nearby pork belly restaurant specializing in "pot lid" grilled meat.
Clack.
Crabsley unfolded the menu, furrowing his brows as he scanned through it...
"Three servings of pork belly, soybean paste stew, and one bowl of rice."
"Any drinks?"
"I'm in the mood for soju and beer today, so one of each."
After Crabsley smoothly placed the order, Divard let out an impressed "Wow..." before speaking with shining eyes.
"Your Grace, you're truly amazing."
"Flattery will get you nowhere..."
"You seemed just like an Earthling."
Just then, the restaurant owner brought over a freshly chilled bottle of beer and soju.
"Your Grace, allow me to pour you a drink."
As Divard reached for the bottle, Crabsley suddenly barked, "Halt!" before quietly pulling the glass toward himself.
"The ratio of soju to beer is everything."
"Soju and beer...?"
"Where do I even begin..."
Clicking his tongue in frustration, Crabsley began mixing the soju and beer with the precision of a poison brewer...
Splish!
After vigorously stirring the drink with a spoon to create a frothy head, he handed it to Divard.
"Have a glass."
"Thank you..."
"The first shot must be taken in one go."
Then Crabsley asked pointedly:
"I heard you caused trouble on your very first day?"
Divard downed the soju-beer mix in one gulp, nodding several times before answering quietly.
"I'm a useless fool..."
He continued berating himself in a self-deprecating tone.
"I couldn't even handle a simple grocery errand properly and ended up disappointing His Majesty..."
Crabsley refilled his glass expertly before replying.
"There's no need to despair so."
"But..."
"What matters is what you do from now on, no?"
After speaking, Crabsley handed Divard a notebook he had brought from home.
The notebook's cover was adorned with prints of every Disney princess character.
"What is this?"
Crabsley answered quietly, "Consider it a 'Guide to Life on Earth,' summarizing all my experiences here in handwritten form."
"Such a precious gift..."
"Just read it thoroughly a few times, and you'll adapt to Earth with ease."
Deeply moved, Divald repeatedly bowed his head and exclaimed, "Your Grace, I am truly grateful!"
"Let's see..."
He immediately began skimming through the contents of the Guide to Life on Earth.
※ Essential Terms to Learn ※
- King received: To be angry.
- So cute: Adorable.
- Bald head: Completely bald.
Starting with the language of Earth's inhabitants...
※ Must-Try Food Combinations ※
- Spicy beef radish soup (Undoubtedly my top pick.)
- Pork belly + soju + fried rice.
- Chimaek (fried chicken & beer), rose tteokbokki, and more...
Even down to the warnings.
※ Things to Be Cautious Of ※
- Crossing Her Highness the Princess means certain death.
- Lottery winnings are subject to taxation.
- Money cannot be duplicated—stay vigilant. (Important)
At a glance, it was clear this was a treasure trove of invaluable information, distilled from experience.
"I will study it thoroughly."
Soon, their order of pork belly arrived.
"Let's eat first."
Crabsley personally placed the pork belly on the grill, carefully cooking it before asking in a low voice,
"Life on Earth is vastly different from Anux—culture, language, everything. Adapting won't be easy."
"Yes, I imagine so..."
"But in time, you'll find it far more comfortable than Anux. Though patience and steady effort will be necessary."
As he finished speaking, he placed a perfectly grilled piece of pork belly onto Divald's plate and added softly,
"One of Earth's delicacies—samgyeopsal. Care to try?"
Divald nodded. "Thank you." He picked up a piece, chewed thoughtfully, then—
"Good heavens..."
His eyes widened at the rich, savory flavor.
"This is extraordinary."
Crabsley chuckled proudly.
"Would you believe me if I said Earth has hundreds, thousands, even tens of thousands of dishes surpassing this?"
"Astonishing..."
"I didn't believe it either when I first arrived. But Earth's culinary culture is beyond compare."
After a pause, Crabsley asked,
"By the way, now that you've arrived on Earth—our Lord's home dimension—what are your thoughts?"
Divald's expression turned solemn.
"Truthfully..."
A brief silence fell.
"Everyone seems... changed."
"Changed?"
"Different from before, I suppose."
What struck Divald most was a sense of disconnect.
He had assumed that, having stepped into another world, his Lord would have already conquered it.
That the Huang Kingdom would have been established here, with all beneath his rule.
"What nonsense are you spouting?"
But no.
"Conquest?"
Far from conquest, his Lord seemed to be living as an ordinary citizen.
The old fire of ambition was gone—not just in his Lord, but in all his former comrades.
When Divald had asked when they would conquer Earth, his Lord had merely replied—
"You can't even buy tofu properly, and you're talking about conquering Earth? Just wash your feet and go to sleep."
Teasing, as always.
"Yes... everyone has changed."
The ruthless edge was gone.
His Lord...
The other two ministers as well.
"Truly, they've all changed."
The Ironblood Monarch who once united continents through merciless campaigns no longer existed.
The infamous Vampire Lord-turned-strategist...
The cold-hearted Succubus Empress—both were unrecognizable.
"Hmm."
As Crabsley flipped the pork belly, he murmured, "Changed, you say?"
Thud!
Just then, a drunkard passing by kicked Crabsley's chair leg and snapped,
"Damn geezer, almost tripped me!"
It was clearly the drunkard's fault.
"You dare—"
Divald's brow furrowed as he started to rise—
"My apologies."
Crabsley bowed politely.
"I'll be more careful."
"Stupid old man..."
"Please, calm yourself."
The repeated apologies left the drunkard with no room to escalate. He scoffed and muttered,
"Tch, whatever..."
Then staggered back to his group.
"See?"
Divald pressed again.
"If this were before, that man would already be dead. By morning, his corpse would be skewered on Your Grace's pike for display."
"But now..."
"Our Lord, Your Grace, even Lady Iriel—all have changed. Seeing everyone after so long... it's disorienting."
Crabsley replied,
"Lord Divald, this is the ordinary life our Lord longed for."
"Eh?"
"Blending in among common folk, living as they do."
Memories of Ragnarök surfaced.
"Let's sit together and eat."
"Yes, my Lord."
"Let's share idle chatter."
"Yes, my Lord."
"Let's laugh and make merry."
And then—what had he said next?
"Let's live."
That was it.
"Let's spend the rest of our lives like this."
Crabsley added,
"Earth may not be entirely peaceful either."
"Our Lord now fights only to protect something."
Divald frowned.
"What is he protecting?"
Crabsley answered quietly,
"Ordinary life."
He placed another piece of pork belly on Divald's plate.
"That is... moments like this. Sitting here, enjoying samgyeopsal and beer."
"I don't understand..."
"It refers to time filled with trivial things—so mundane you'd forget them by tomorrow."
After a pause, Crabsley continued,
"Words like state affairs, battles, war, executions, conquest—you'll forget them all."
"Then..."
"Only warm, simple words will remain in the life you lead."
He took a sip of beer and added,
"It won't be so bad."
"I still don't quite grasp it."
"Yes, it must be confusing."
Reluctantly, Divald picked up his glass.
"Shall we toast?"
"Yes..."
"You'll adapt."
Their glasses clinked.
'This is bewildering.'
Life on Earth still felt uncertain.
Then, Crabsley murmured,
"This is how we'll live."
Divald looked at him.
"The rest of my days—I'll live them like this."
What did that even mean?
No ambition, no hunger for power...
Living as the weak?
'Why...?'
He was more confused than ever.
From pork belly to fried rice.
After drinks, they left the restaurant.
Crabsley spoke softly,
"We should fry some chicken to take back for the others."
Slightly tipsy, Divald muttered,
"Chicken, chicken, chicken..."
A food mentioned in the Guide to Life on Earth.
"The chi in chimaek, correct?"
"You're adapting quickly."
As they walked—
"Hm?"
Crabsley noticed a child lingering near a playground sewer and approached.
"What's wrong?"
The boy sniffled.
"My coin fell in..."
"Coin?"
"A five-hundred-won one..."
Crabsley gasped dramatically.
"Then we must retrieve it!"
"I can't reach it..."
"Step aside—I'll get it."
Divald blinked.
'A coin...?'
He watched as Crabsley swiftly pulled a five-hundred-won coin from his own pocket.
"Let's see..."
With practiced ease, Crabsley shoved his hand into the sewer, fumbled around, then exclaimed—
"Ah, got it!"
"Really?!"
"Yes, here!"
"Truly?!"
"Look..."
He withdrew his hand and handed the boy his own coin.
"Here you go."
The boy's tears stopped instantly as he bowed repeatedly.
"Thank you, Grandpa..."
Divald muttered,
"Why would you...?"
This was nothing like the Crabsley of legend—the terror of the continent.
"Let's go."
As Crabsley dusted off his knees, Divald silently followed.
"You've changed so much..."
The once-dreaded Grand Duke was now this.
It was a staggering shift, enough to leave him disoriented—
"But I'm starting to see it."
A faint outline of how to live from now on.
"Ordinary life..."
He still didn't fully understand it.
But from now on...
He would live that way.
"Let's go."
His steps felt lighter.