Chapter 122: Even the Absolute Being Is a First-Time Dad
Absolute Dad 122
"GU Happiness Manager, Choi Dol-soi."
The golden name tag pinned to the left chest of Crabsley's convenience store vest shimmered brilliantly under the fluorescent lights.
"Good morning."
Lee Seung-jin, the part-timer who worked the graveyard shift from midnight until dawn, greeted him brightly.
"Manager, you're here?"
Seung-jin, a college senior this year, was juggling studies and part-time work to make ends meet.
Thanks to his easygoing personality, he had grown close to Crabsley despite their age gap, even teaching him various modern slang.
"You must be exhausted after last night's shift. Once we finish the inventory check, you should head home and rest—"
Crabsley's words trailed off as his gaze landed on the smartphone screen in Seung-jin's hand.
"What are you so focused on?"
Seung-jin answered immediately.
"Just watching some 'LoL.'"
"LoL?"
"Yeah, League of Legends."
Then, with a hint of disbelief, he added,
"Wait... you don't know it?"
Crabsley nodded once in response, prompting Seung-jin to excitedly show him the screen and explain.
"This is nothing like that luck-based trash game 'Marble Together' that old folks play. This is a god-tier game."
"Hmph, nonsense."
"Honestly, 'Marble Together' is just a capitalist game where wins depend on who swiped their credit card more."
Crabsley reluctantly nodded. "That much is true..."
Seung-jin, now even more animated, continued.
"It's a 5v5 game where the goal is to destroy the enemy team's main structure, the 'Nexus.'"
Crabsley's expression brightened.
"A small-scale tactical amusement, then?"
Seeing his interest piqued, Seung-jin launched into a detailed explanation of LoL—how there were over a hundred champions, how team compositions mattered, and how strategy could overcome unfavorable matchups.
"Honestly, I'm hesitant to recommend it since it's not exactly beginner-friendly for someone your age..."
Crabsley dismissed the concern.
"Nonsense."
Then, with a confident smirk, he added,
"This is my domain."
Crabsley had always excelled in strategy and warfare, often turning the tide of battle with his cunning. Even Nazgul, the military advisor renowned for his tactical genius, occasionally sought his counsel.
"League of Legends might as well have been made for me."
Seung-jin grinned.
"Oh, and here's another fun part—there's a ranking system."
"Ranking?"
"Basically, you gain points for wins and lose them for losses." He swiped his screen.
"You start at Iron, then climb to Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum, Diamond, and eventually Challenger."
He added with a smirk,
"If you're interested, you should give it a shot."
Crabsley nodded thoughtfully.
"By the way, what's your rank?"
Seung-jin hesitated.
"Uh... Bronze right now."
"A lowly rank."
"But my skill is Gold-level!"
He quickly defended himself.
"I just have bad teammates holding me back."
An awkward silence followed.
"Anyway, you should try it."
Crabsley chuckled.
"A challenge, you say..."
Then, with a grin, he mused,
"After thirteen hundred years of life, the word 'challenge' still makes my heart race."
"Uh... yeah."
"Perhaps this old body still has some 'youth' left in it."
Seung-jin awkwardly cleared his throat.
"I'll go check the inventory now."
According to the store owner, Manager Choi Dol-soi was a good man... but suffered from severe post-Gate trauma.
'What a pity...'
A truly tragic case.
Sharutia von Crabsley.
He was not one to do anything half-heartedly.
It was why he had excelled in both martial and scholarly pursuits.
As a result, he had achieved unparalleled feats in countless fields...
And was recorded as the greatest contributor to the Huang Kingdom's prosperity.
Even now, after relinquishing his title of Grand Duke, he remained the same.
His superhuman focus and dedication were unwavering.
"This is my life now..."
For the past week, Crabsley had immersed himself in LoL, playing day and night without rest.
After clocking out from the convenience store, he would stop by a nearby PC bang for a few matches before heading home to—
"Oho! An unbeatable strategy devised by a Challenger-tier genius?"
—watch tutorial videos on Utube, memorizing champion abilities and cooldowns.
"Twisted Fate's ultimate cooldown: 180 seconds at level 1, 150 at 2, 120 at 3. With cooldown reduction items, it'll be even shorter..."
The game suited him so well that his rank skyrocketed.
"At this rate, I'll hit Master today..."
His current win rate was an astonishing 38 wins and 2 losses—a 95% victory rate.
Thanks to that, his rank, which had been Iron just a week ago, had already soared to Diamond.
"Good..."
Today was his rare day off.
"Shall I make my move...?"
Just as he finished preparing to leave for the PC bang—
"Hey, where are you going?"
Kang-jun, sprawled on the couch scratching his stomach, called out to him.
Crabsley bowed deeply.
"I was about to visit the PC bang, Your Majesty."
"PC bang? Since when?"
"Today is my day off, so..."
Then, cautiously, he added,
"Would you care to join me?"
"The PC bang?"
"Yes, to try LoL..."
Kang-jun dredged up old memories.
'Now that I think about it...'
Back in his school days, he too would rush to PC bangs with friends after class to play games.
"Do people still play StarCraft?"
Crabsley blinked.
"Your Majesty, how old do you think StarCraft is...?"
"What's popular now?"
"League of Legends is the trend."
He added eagerly,
"If you wish to accompany me, I shall explain the rules and mechanics in an orderly fashion."
Seol-i wouldn't be back from daycare for a while.
"Alright, then."
Kang-jun rose from the couch.
"Might as well learn."
"Wow, the world's gotten better."
Kang-jun marveled as he loaded cash into the PC bang's machine to purchase hours of playtime.
Crabsley nodded.
"What would you like to eat?"
"What, they only have cup noodles?"
"Hah, as if."
With practiced clicks, Crabsley pulled up the food ordering program.
"I was thinking of ordering a samgyeopsal bibimmyeon and a dolce latte. What would you prefer, Your Majesty?"
Kang-jun's eyes widened.
"Damn, they sell everything here."
He had expected nothing more than cup noodles and sausages, but the menu boasted an absurd variety—pizza, fried chicken, pork cutlets, grilled pork belly...
Soon after ordering, with Crabsley's help, Kang-jun successfully logged into LoL.
"For now, I recommend trying the Support role to get a feel for the game."
Given Kang-jun's lack of familiarity, starting with a supporting role was the safest bet.
"Sure."
Crabsley guided him through champion selection.
"Which of these would you like?"
Kang-jun pointed at Blitzcrank, a champion with an ability to yank enemies toward him.
"This guy looks tough."
Then he asked,
"What are you playing?"
Crabsley selected his own champion—Vladimir, a blood mage modeled after vampires.
"Wow, he looks just like you when you were young."
"Haha, precisely why I only play him."
The game began.
"Let's win."
How much time had passed?
- Hey, stop hitting the minions.
A teammate's message popped up as Kang-jun and Crabsley fought in the bottom lane.
- Try it one more time.
- I said stop.
- I SAID STOP.
Kang-jun frowned.
"Damn, why's this guy so greedy?"
He typed back slowly:
- Let's. Just. Share. Okay?
The reply came instantly.
- Kang-jun, how's your mom doing?
Crabsley, who had been too focused on laning to check chat, suddenly paled.
"This summoner seems toxic. Perhaps we should mute—"
"What's toxic about asking after my parents?"
Kang-jun typed again, painstakingly slow:
- I. Actually. Lost. My. Parents. Young. But. Thanks. For. Asking. Warms. My. Heart.
- How. About. Yours? Give. Them. A. Shoulder. Rub. Sometime.
Proud of himself, he muttered, "There."
- ㅗ, go eat shit.
The vulgar reply came swiftly.
"Y-Your Majesty...?"
Crabsley tensed, but Kang-jun just grinned.
"Oh, this guy's got jokes."
He fired back:
- LOL. Hilarious. Comedy. Gold.
- ㅗ, you're heavy. Let's hang out and eat.
Crabsley silently watched Kang-jun's amused expression before sighing in relief.
'As long as he's enjoying himself...'
That was all that mattered.
[Summoner, you have been placed in Bronze.]
After ten straight games, Kang-jun had only won three—and even those were carried by Crabsley's Vladimir.
"Tch, this is hard."
'Good grief, he doesn't even think...'
Crabsley had observed Kang-jun's gameplay and reached a conclusion:
Kang-jun played like a mindless creature, clicking without strategy.
'Even a pro gamer would struggle to carry him. At this rate, we'll hit rock bottom in no time.'
Just then, Kang-jun squinted at the screen.
"Hey, is Bronze high?"
"Second from the bottom."
"So it's low?"
His competitive spirit flared.
"How does ranking work?"
Crabsley explained again.
"From the lowest—Iron, Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum, Diamond, Master, to the highest, Challenger."
Kang-jun clenched his fists.
"Alright. If a man draws his sword, he must cut something."
"Must you cut anything...?"
"At the very least, I'm hitting Gold today."
Then he declared:
"I'm not going home until I do."
"You're leaving the imperial family?"
"What? No, start the next game."
Crabsley muttered under his breath.
"All my hard-earned points... gone in an instant."
"Huh?"
"I was supposed to hit Master today..."
He sulked.
"But you ruined it."
"Excuse me?"
"How can someone be this bad...?"
He clicked the queue button.
"Might as well let it all burn."
"Hey, I'll climb back for you."
"A wingless bird would fall slower than me at this rate."
Hours later...
[DEFEAT.]
They had suffered eight consecutive losses.
"We should change tactics."
"How?"
"I'll play the damage role."
He added flatly:
"Your Majesty, just stay behind me and do nothing."
"Tch..."
It was humiliating, but Kang-jun had no rebuttal.
"Fine, I'll stay back."
The next game began.
[An ally has been slain.]
[An ally has been slain.]
[An ally has been slain.]
As Kang-jun kept dying, Crabsley's patience wore thin.
"I said stay behind me!"
"I am!"
"Then why are you walking forward?!"
"I get it, okay?!"
Crabsley's growing irritation was palpable, but Kang-jun had no room to argue.
"Tch..."
Then Kang-jun died again.
[An ally has been slain.]
He pointed at the enemy who had killed him, now retreating with a sliver of health.
"KILL HIM! GET REVENGE!"
Crabsley tsked.
"Tsk tsk, the dead should stay silent..."
"Cut the crap."
"Ah, but someone should know their place..."
With a fluid combo, Crabsley chased down Kang-jun's killer and mused aloud:
"Shall I end him, Master?"
Kang-jun was about to yell "KILL HIM!" when—
"Ah, right."
Crabsley smirked.
"Not Master—Bronze."
In that instant—
Fzzzt.
Crabsley's monitor went black.
"Huh...?"
As he stared at the darkened screen, a sudden chill ran down his spine.
He slowly turned his head.
Kang-jun was glaring at him.
"Hey. Outside. Now."
He was furious.