A Confused Heart and a Maid Uniform
The successful ace of the officetel scene, Kim Mihyun. Her secret wasn’t anything special. She simply wanted to listen to her clients’ stories. That was Mihyun’s true business tactic.
She made plenty of money even when it was just about bodies. But the aftereffects were brutal. She often felt like she had become nothing more than a tool for processing lust, down to her very bones, and the depression that followed was crushing. Yet once she began listening to their stories, Mihyun could find a sliver of meaning in the filth, a plausible excuse to keep going.
She listened to her clients. She understood them. She sympathized, shared in their joy, and grieved with them. Only then did their bodies come together. Sex that followed such a process wasn’t mere flailing to relieve sexual frustration. It was conversation through flesh, consolation, even counseling. It was also a drug—a powerful painkiller.
To clients who came once or twice it might not mean much, but for Mihyun it was undeniably a narcotic and an anesthetic. No matter how nobly she tried to frame it, the work was illegal and unethical. She was selling her body. And she had to do it every single day. Without the painkiller, she simply couldn’t endure.
She deceived herself by claiming she understood the clients, pitied herself while pretending to pity them. That was how she survived. She could bear a life she could never vent or confess to anyone else. Of course, the more she relied on the painkiller, the more tolerance she built and the weaker its effect became. At the same time, however, her heart was slowly dying, so it didn’t matter.
Selling her body no longer felt as filthy as it once had. No—by now Kim Mihyun herself had become so filthy that she believed she no longer possessed the right to call anything dirty.
“Why do you go that far? Can’t you just get a divorce?”
“Bullshit. Love twice and there won’t be anything left of my body.”
“Exactly. I’m doing this because I like you, noona. That’s why I can’t stand it anymore. Why do you live like that? If that’s the case, just become my sex partner. Offer your body to me. I’ll give you all the money you want.”
It was a young man named Kim Minjun. And it had happened at a pocha.
The man who had been sitting across from her, talking face to face, suddenly grew furious on her behalf. He dirtied Mihyun’s life in her place. He told her it was too filthy to bear, that he would pay her, so she should offer her body to him instead. He had commanded it.
In that moment, Mihyun hated the man who kept trying to resurrect her dead heart. She hated how he thought he could casually save a person’s life just because he had money. She was already accustomed to living in the mire. She had neither the courage nor the shame left to crawl out of it. Her life was ruined beyond repair.
“For a whore who throws her body around, your pussy is surprisingly clean.”
“Aren’t you a dirty rag, noona? A cheap rag who spreads her legs for anyone as long as they pay?”
“Is this how someone who claims to love her husband is supposed to act? How many thrusts does it take before you cum? Why do you feel it so much? Be honest—you like me more than your husband, don’t you?”
The words that man spat out—the man she hated and despised—hurt more than anything. They were only words. Just a few degrading remarks, yet it felt like her chest was being torn apart. She had thought she was already completely broken, but she was breaking all over again.
Back then, she hadn’t understood why. These days, however, she was beginning to understand the reason bit by bit. And that terrified her. The way she kept changing whenever she thought of Minjun scared her to death.
“What’s with you… why are you smiling like that?”
“Ah… it’s nothing.”
It was a rare dinner with her husband. Mihyun quickly set her phone—which had been exchanging texts with Minjun—down on the table. Aware of her husband’s stare, she forced the corners of her mouth down. She hadn’t even realized they had risen.
“…Honey, can you get me some alcohol?”
“Yes… of course.”
Mihyun rose from the table and headed for the refrigerator. Her husband, who had never been much of a drinker, had started asking for alcohol with every meal ever since she confessed about working at the officetel. Because of that, Mihyun could say nothing to him. She wanted to tell him not to drink, but she knew she had no right.
Clink. Glug glug glug—
She brought out a glass along with a bottle of soju and poured for her husband.
“Aren’t you drinking?”
“Ah… no. I might have to go out soon…”
“Where? I thought you said you had the day off.”
“Just… someone I know…”
“…A man?”
“Yes… he said he’d pay a lot…”
Her husband tilted his glass without a word. Mihyun looked at him with an apologetic expression but never voiced the apology. When she thought about it, there was no special reason to feel sorry now. Selling her body was an old story. Yet for some reason, today she felt particularly guilty toward her husband, and Mihyun herself didn’t understand why.
No—she had to pretend not to understand, for his sake.
Ring—
“Just a moment… I need to take this call.”
“…Go ahead.”
Mihyun went to the bathroom, spoke with Minjun, and returned. She thought she was managing her expression, but her husband could read her face all too well. She looked happy. She looked alive. She looked fresh. The light that had long since died in her eyes after their family’s fortunes collapsed was sparkling again.
It was the same expression Mihyun had shown him long ago—back when their life still held promise, so long ago it was growing hazy in memory. Her husband sat at the table, staring blankly at that radiant version of her.
“Honey, I’ll be heading out for a bit.”
“…Alright.”
After receiving his permission, Mihyun went into the bedroom, showered, and changed clothes.
“Haah… what should I wear?”
Her closet held nothing but modest, brandless clothes. There had once been expensive pieces, but anything worth money had been sold long ago. All that remained were shabby garments too worn to sell and the revealing outfits she wore for work. Normally it didn’t bother her, but today her wardrobe looked unbearably pathetic.
After long deliberation, Mihyun chose a beige mini dress that clung to her body and layered a long cardigan over it. The combination of a sexy dress hidden beneath an oversized cardigan had somehow become her signature look.
“Is this… too much?”
Once she finished preparing to go out, Mihyun checked herself in the mirror. She usually didn’t wear much makeup. It would only smudge anyway once she started tangling with men. Light makeup had always been enough. But today she painted her lips a deep red and carefully drew her eyebrows. For some reason, she felt like dressing up to the fullest.
After looking at herself in the mirror, she even spritzed on perfume before leaving the room.
Ah… I forgot to water them.
As she crossed the living room, Mihyun turned toward the display cabinet in the corner. Inside were rows of dried flowers hanging upside down.
They’re so dry they’re practically crumbling… is it time to throw them away?
They had once been fresh flowers. Her husband, knowing how much she loved them, used to bring home a single bloom every time he came back from work. The reason she had been forced to hang them upside down to dry was because working at the officetel left her no time to care for them.
Swish. Swish.
Mihyun swept up the dried petals that had fallen to the bottom of the cabinet with her palm and tossed them into the trash. She picked up the spray bottle, intending to mist them, then stopped.
…How stupid.
Dried flowers didn’t need water. She knew that. Still, whenever she had a spare moment she had sprayed them anyway, hoping the withered, crumbling blossoms hanging on the wall might somehow bloom again like fresh flowers.
But today, for some reason, everything felt utterly pointless.
Thud.
Mihyun set the spray bottle back on top of the cabinet. She turned and headed for the shoe rack.
“Honey, don’t go.”
“…What?”
At her husband’s sudden words, she paused while putting on her shoes and looked back. His expression was unusually dark. Mihyun deliberately tried to soothe him with a lighter tone.
“What’s wrong, honey? This is a really important appointment. I’ll bring back a lot of money. We need to pay off our debts quickly.”
“How exactly are you going to make a lot of money…”
“…Pardon?”
“By selling your body to some rich bastard? Who is he? Is he young?”
“…”
Mihyun stared at her husband with dazed eyes for a long moment, then silently adjusted her heels without answering.
He must be drunk… it’s the alcohol talking…
Her husband was a powerless man. Without her, he would have been crushed by debt and cast out of society. Even so, he was a good person. She had never found him hateful.
Until now.
Click.
After slipping on her heels and standing up, Mihyun glanced at him and said,
“You should… rest a little. You seem drunk.”
She began to walk away. Her husband watched her retreating figure with eyes burning with jealousy. Unable to hold back any longer, he seized her wrist as she tried to leave.
“Ow!”
“Tell me where you’re going!! Who are you going to?!”
“L-let go. It hurts!”
“Who the hell is it!!! Who is this bastard you’re so crazy about?! Don’t you realize how fucked up this is?!”
“Ugh…!”
The pain in her wrist made Mihyun’s face twist. Seeing her in agony, her husband released her in shock. This had never happened before. Their home had always been one where they trusted and relied on each other despite their hardships. And now he had planted the seeds of discord.
Ever since she started working at the officetel, Mihyun had constantly said that the last thing she wanted was a violent man.
“I-I’m sorry, honey. I must have lost my mind for a second…”
“It’s fine. But… I never thought you’d act like this…”
Creak—
Mihyun left the house, took a taxi, and headed to Minjun’s residence.
Ah… I can’t cry…
She couldn’t let her carefully applied makeup run. Mihyun massaged her throbbing wrist and forcibly swallowed her tears. She refused to think about why she couldn’t ruin her makeup, why a married woman wanted to look pretty for someone other than her husband, what she was secretly hoping for on her way to Minjun’s house, or why that place grew wet whenever she thought of him.
Even without thinking about any of it, holding back the tears was difficult enough.
“Wow… just how rich is this guy?”
Mihyun muttered to herself as she stepped out of the taxi and approached Minjun’s house. She had never seen anything like it, not even in dramas or movies. It looked less like a home and more like a work of art. The vulgar thought of how much a house like this must cost and the audacious idea that a talented young man who lived in such a place wanted her lifted her depressed mood for a brief moment—only to slam it back to the ground.
To Minjun… I’m probably nothing more than a game…
In truth, it might not even be a game. She already knew that Minjun cared for her. Otherwise he would never have given her a hundred million won just for spending one night with him. No matter how much money he had to burn.
Mihyun had replayed that night in the most expensive hotel suite over and over after returning home. The night she had forgotten every pain in her life and had simply been happy as a woman. She had chewed over the words of the man who had killed and revived her in a single night.
That was how she knew. Minjun’s feelings toward her might not be a game. But they weren’t the same as hers. It wasn’t love.
Ha… I really am disgusting. How revolting, Kim Mihyun. A wonderful guy like Minjun loving someone like me? A whore like me? How can you even wish for something like that?
Love was like a maze; it was impossible to tell where it began or ended. But the feeling of wandering lost without knowing which way was forward was unmistakable. She was clearly lost inside the maze called Kim Minjun.
But Minjun was not. He liked her, cherished her, tormented her while actually showing consideration—but he was not lost inside the maze called Kim Mihyun.
It hurt. Yet it was only right. She was a person who didn’t deserve anyone’s love. She was a loose woman who didn’t even deserve her husband’s love. Therefore, desiring the love of a man who shone so brilliantly was truly absurd.
Wish for things you can actually have. Greedy bitch…
Mihyun forcibly suppressed the strange warmth that bloomed in her chest whenever she thought of Minjun. If she didn’t, she felt like she might throw herself at him without regard for her own place. Like she might shamelessly demand the heart of someone who had already given her so much.
No matter how hard life was, a human being still needed to have some shame. She couldn’t show such an ugly side to a child.
“Huu…”
She could not allow herself to be swept away any further. If she did, she would truly lose control of her heart. No matter how much Minjun shook her, she would never let herself get carried away. With that firm resolve, Mihyun opened the door to his house.
. . . . .
And Kim Minjun, who had been lying on the sofa, showed the approaching Mihyun a maid uniform.
****
Noona stared at me with a thoroughly confused expression. For someone who had simply seen a maid outfit, she looked excessively bewildered. Her trembling eyes and quivering lips made her look like someone debating whether to plant an apple tree or a pear tree the day before the world ended.
“Minjun-ah… noona doesn’t usually use this kind of word, but…”
“Yes. What is it?”
“I’m seriously confused right now whether you’re crazy or not.”