Chapter 73
Chapter 73
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 73
Chapter Title: Purgatory (2)
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The day after receiving Azalea's KakaoTalk message.
Having rented a room the previous night to spend it with my teacher, I packed enough luggage for a few days at the dorm and let Baek Do know before heading to the barbecue joint right on time.
-Creak.
"Ah."
A hoarse voice, as if days had passed, rang out the moment I stepped inside the meat restaurant.
The distinctive greasy smell filled my nostrils thickly.
Azalea, seated in the back, stared at me blankly with unfocused eyes as I entered, then flashed a twisted, sullen smile.
"You came?"
A voice full of delight.
But the pitch was terribly unstable. Her dilated pupils had lost their luster, growing dim.
What on earth had happened? Sensing something off about the situation, I sat down and examined Azalea's complexion.
Azalea had changed in many ways.
A deeply scooped white off-shoulder blouse. Her ample upper chest spilled out vulnerably through the plunging neckline, and the bra straps over her shoulders hung loosely undone.
An outfit she would never wear normally. What wind had blown through her? Her expression was utterly wrecked.
To the point where even asking the reason felt daunting.
"Why'd you call me?"
I asked as gently as possible.
"Just thought we could grab some drinks."
A light reply. But her expression darkened further.
Azalea fiddled with the rim of her soju glass with her fingers.
Round and round.
Beside her slender arm sat two empty soju bottles. She must have arrived early and started drinking before I got there.
Then, clink—a water bottle knocked by her hand spilled across the table.
"Ah."
Azalea let out a short gasp, pulled a handkerchief from her handbag, and wiped the table. She shot me an apologetic glance.
"Sorry. I took some meds, so I'm extra foggy today."
"Meds?"
"Psych meds. Just from some stupid shit I did alone."
She stuck out her tongue and laughed once, but her face had gone cold and pale.
"Hey. You look like you need rest. Let's stop the drinks and head out."
"Sit."
As I urgently tried to get her up, Azalea instead pinned my hand down and spoke lowly.
"I have a lot to say."
When she put it like that, could I really scold her in this state?
I sat back down and silently downed a shot of soju.
The bitter liquor stabbed harshly down my throat.
"You..."
Her usual polite speech.
But the weight in her words was different.
"Why'd you go so hard for me?"
"What?"
"...That time. You know."
The pathetic request to be friends. The feat accomplished with that single-minded determination.
But there were circumstances that words alone couldn't explain.
The quest. I tried to confess the truth honestly but ultimately couldn't open my mouth.
"Why me, of all people...?"
Yeah.
Why her, of all people? If I'd chosen to befriend someone else, the path might have been much easier.
For instance, Se-young, or even Bead—who knew her intentions, but would laugh freely if approached sincerely—we could have become real friends.
So when Se-young asked why I'd chosen Azalea, I had no choice but to panic.
If I laid out all the circumstances honestly, back then...
"Weirdly, you were the only one on my mind."
Like I'd been possessed, I chased after her.
The affection level listed in the World Tree's quest stuck out like a sore thumb, pointing straight at her. Naturally, I'd targeted her.
Because of affection?
No. Even if it was now, back then my feelings weren't affection.
If anything, she resembled my ex from the previous world in looks and personality, so it might have been dislike.
"That not reason enough?"
She just happened to be in the window. My eyes drifted there by chance.
It could be called contrived, in a way...
-Drip.
The sound of water dropping snapped me from my thoughts.
I looked ahead again, then jolted up in shock.
"Why."
A single embarrassed question burst from my dry lips.
"Do you like me?"
"Uh, what? Huh?"
"If you don't even like me, why? Who throws their life away for a reason like that!"
Silence enveloped the restaurant.
-What's that?
-Isn't that Azalea and Si-heon?
Whispers from the cadets spread like ripples, and staff poked their heads out from the kitchen like turtles, wondering what was happening.
Only then did Azalea realize her mistake, wiping tears as she slumped back into her seat. Her emotions were all over the place today.
"What happened?"
"Nothing... Just me being crazy."
Seeing her immediately blame herself, I glanced around the noisy surroundings and sighed.
"Everything okay over here?"
"It's fine. Bill, please."
I handed my card to the approaching server and said to Azalea, who was staring at me,
"Wanna take a walk?"
-Nod.
Azalea nodded silently.
-Beep.
"Thank you~ Come again."
After settling the bill,
we left the shop and began wandering the streets slowly.
The early summer night air circled us lonely.
-Step step.
Azalea stuck close to my back, following with short steps.
Her fully exposed white shoulders drooped limply in the shadow of a utility pole.
What could I say to this woman?
No answer came after much thought. To begin with, what comfort could a guy offer when he didn't know shit about her worries? It'd be a miracle not to step on a landmine by butting in.
No matter how much I pondered, there were no words.
All I could do was take one step ahead and wait until she sorted her thoughts.
-Step step.
After walking a while, a sniffling voice came from behind.
"I have things I need to apologize for."
The sobered voice carried the same sincerity as when she'd yelled earlier.
-Thud.
As I stopped, Azalea's head bumped lightly against my back.
"Sorry—"
"—For thinking you were hateful when we first met... For calling you ugly..."
Her earnest pleas spilled out.
I couldn't ignore the emotions dwelling there.
The obsession I'd felt for days. The psych meds. Her fragile voice, ready to shatter at a poke, seemed to cling to me, hating even a little distance.
"For thinking you were a nuisance... For hoping something bad would just happen to you..."
A true apology. But the raw inner thoughts that would only sour the mood if heard.
Maybe things she should have kept buried deep, but Azalea laid them all bare before me.
"For dismissing your help as bullshit..."
Those unfiltered, raw emotions were hard to take in.
Just whining. If she were unrelated, I could brush it off like that. How nice it would be if I could.
I smacked my lips bitterly.
My mouth still reeked of sharp alcohol, unrinsed.
"For trying to use everyone else..."
She even spilled things unrelated to me.
"All of it."
Was she telling me? Or just unloading her guilt?
Even if the latter, her guilt toward me ran deep.
And that guilt had overflowed,
"It's okay."
"No way... it's not."
Until she denied others' feelings too.
"Don't pretend it's okay... Just hit me. It'll make you feel better."
In this case, I didn't have many options.
Ignore her, shut off emotionally, let her spiral into depression or extreme choices without caring.
It wasn't irresponsible. Azalea was just another person. The way she'd treated me was reason enough to cut ties.
That would be easy.
Easy, but I didn't want to.
Depression is brutal. I knew that all too well.
"Hey."
"...Yeah."
"Cheek out."
As I raised my hand, she closed her eyes and lifted her face.
Ways to make her believe I'd forgiven her weren't plentiful.
"Eek."
Azalea's face twitched. Her determined brows trembled.
I spread my palm and lightly tapped her cheek.
"......"
If that's what she wanted.
I clenched my fist once, then slapped her hard enough to make a sound.
-Smack!
Her head whipped to the side.
Her cheek flushed bright red. Tears streamed from her tightly shut eyes.
I pulled Azalea's head—her cheek visibly burning—into an embrace.
"If I say believe me, then believe."
"...Hic."
Azalea buried her face in my chest and began sobbing endlessly. I hoped that pain eased her guilt even a little.
"Hic, heuk, sob."
With my right hand stinging beyond the heat, I slowly stroked her pale pink hair.
I let her cry for a long time like that.
When her growing sobs began to subside, I asked again,
"You good now?"
-Nod nod.
"Sorry I didn't notice you were struggling. Been busy, couldn't pay attention."
-Shake shake.
As she dropped her face, makeup and tear stains smeared all over my clothes.
"Hey, why use black mascara? Ruined my shirt."
"Where's the non-black mascara...?"
"Haha, true."
I patted her shoulder once. Then, seating the drained Azalea on a nearby bench, I got an ion drink from the vending machine.
Returning, her face was a mess of tear tracks, so I spoke up.
"Head up."
Azalea obediently lifted her face. I wiped the smudged makeup with tissues swiped from the restaurant and pulled the ion drink from my pocket with a smile.
"Drink. Pay me back later."
The most comfort I could offer.
Azalea took the can and stared blankly at it and my face.
Then, blushing, she sniffled once.
"Ah... uh."
She set the can aside and covered her face with both hands.
"Still hurts? Hit too hard?"
"N-no, not that. Uh..."
I had hit hard. My hand still tingled.
As I leaned in close, Azalea pulled back a bit.
Her cheek, glimpsed briefly, was bright red.
"What's with you suddenly..."
Turning so I couldn't see her face, Azalea pressed her chest with her hand and muttered to herself.
Her actions didn't stop there. She fiddled with her ear a few times, placed a hand on her collarbone, repeated that, then finally turned back to me.
"Um... you know."
A deeply troubled murmur.
Her half-lidded eyes struggled to meet mine.
Her dry lips twitched as if to speak, then clamped shut.
"Yeah?"
I prompted.
She just gave a wry smile, pressing her fingertips together with a grin.
"Nothing."
At that innocent smile, I blanked out for a moment, then smiled back.
It was a night subtly scented with alcohol.