Don't Touch Me
I approached His Majesty and knelt at his feet, my voice trembling as I spoke.
“Your Majesty, I love Hellion. I realized it so late that the regret cuts deep, and the time we wasted feels so painful because he has come to mean everything to me.”
Confessing my love aloud and desperately begging for permission—everything about it felt foreign and awkward to me. As the prospective crown princess, I had always walked only the path laid out for me.
Even so, these were words I had to say. I now had someone far too precious to continue living exactly as I was told.
“I learned far too late that a feeling that seeps in slowly, as though it has always been familiar, can also be love. Only now do I understand that a heart that never changes is true love.”
“…….”
“If only I had recognized my own heart sooner. If I had come to Your Majesty and told you that I had come to hold Hellion dear, you would not have forced an unwanted marriage on me like this.”
With a desperate heart I took the Emperor’s wrinkled hand. Tears that had rolled down my chin fell onto the back of his hand in heavy drops.
“Your Majesty, Hellion would make an excellent crown prince. He is nothing like Illid, who is dragged along by his father’s nature. Hellion thinks and judges for himself. You have entrusted him with various state affairs, so you must know this better than anyone. He will create balance between the throne and the nobility—unlike Illid and Prince Voltero, who seek only to clash with their political enemies at every turn.”
I looked up at the Emperor through tear-blurred eyes. Deep furrows etched his brow. Those blue eyes, the same shade as his nephews’, seemed unable to meet mine; they drifted elsewhere.
His Majesty withdrew the hand I held. Then he turned his gaze back toward the window. He clearly had no intention of yielding.
I lifted a hand and wiped the tears from my cheeks. Straightening my knees, I rose slowly to my feet.
“If you still mean to marry me to Illid, then I would rather step down from the position of crown princess.”
If His Majesty refused to bend, I had no intention of retreating either.
“Please look for another suitable daughter-in-law among your nephews, Your Majesty. This time, I hope you find one who is gentle and obedient—unlike me. It seems you and I were never meant to become family.”
The moment those angry words left my lips, a rush of relief filled my chest. But the feeling lasted only a second. The emperor’s chamber soon shook with a roar so loud it left my ears ringing.
“What kind of insolent nonsense is that? There is a limit to how far you may look down on me. You dare stand before your emperor and declare you will break a marriage alliance with the imperial family?”
His Majesty had risen from his seat at some point. His furious voice rang in my ears.
“Do you think a promise to the imperial family is a child’s game? That it can be made when you wish and broken when you don’t? Such matters are not to be spoken of so lightly!”
At the Emperor’s thunderous rebuke, the tears I had barely managed to stop began streaming down my cheeks again.
“Find another daughter-in-law? One who is gentle and obedient? You dare mock me? Only someone who holds me in contempt could utter such words. No matter how immature you may be, you have lived your entire life as the crown princess!”
“Have you hated me all this time simply because I was not obedient enough?”
For a brief moment, silence fell between His Majesty and me. This was the first time we had ever raised our voices at each other with such raw emotion. I knew it was rude, yet I could no longer hold back the feelings I had bottled up for so long.
“Yes, I know. I am not as graceful or gentle as the other noble daughters. But I am honest and upright. At the very least, my concern and care for Your Majesty far outweigh that of Karina, who only flatters and fawns over you.”
“Why do you keep dragging that child into this!”
“Because Karina, Illid, and the Bladin family are the ones who created this entire mess! And in the end, Your Majesty agreed to it as well!”
My voice, sharp enough to tear the air, echoed through the emperor’s chamber like a scream. The sound of my grinding teeth filled my ears while hot tears continued to pour from my eyes.
“You once called me cold and cruel, didn’t you? You are the one who made me this way, Your Majesty. Since I could never be loved simply for existing, I tried to earn recognition through my abilities. That is how I became like this.”
I lifted a hand to wipe my tears and continued.
“Your Majesty, please do not let your hatred for our family blind you to what truly matters. Hellion is clearly a more outstanding heir than Illid. Even if you cast me aside, you must not turn away from that fact.”
“So you intend to lecture me to the very end.”
“I am merely reminding you of the truth you are trying so hard to ignore.”
His Majesty’s body trembled as he glared at me. Yet he could offer no rebuttal. In frustration, he slammed his cane hard against the floor.
“I cannot stand the sight of you. Get out. My decision will not change. Marry Illid and become crown princess. If you refuse, the trial of the Duchess of Regentera will proceed as scheduled.”
“Your Majesty!”
“Chief Maid Sophie, enter at once!”
At the Emperor’s enraged command, Chief Maid Sophie stepped into the chamber, her face tight with tension.
“Escort Ishtel out immediately.”
With those final words, His Majesty returned to his chair and turned his back on me.
“Duchess…”
Sophie urged me forward with an awkward expression. The moment I took a step, my legs buckled. Sophie gasped and quickly caught my arm.
With weak, unsteady steps I left the emperor’s chamber. Molly and Abigail were waiting outside. Both of them flinched at the sight of my reddened eyes, but my expression was so dark that they didn’t dare speak.
“My lady, will you be returning to your quarters?”
Molly, who had finally gathered her courage, asked carefully. I shook my head.
“No. I’m going to Hellion.”
I had not expected His Majesty’s will to be so unyielding. This was no longer something I could endure alone. I needed to ask for help from Hellion and the North.
“Going to Hellion won’t change anything. Talk to me instead.”
A familiar voice came from behind me. Illid was approaching, having dismissed all the servants in the area.
The corridor, now empty of servants, was eerily quiet. Illid stood before me, yet I felt as though I had been left completely alone in the world.
“I have nothing to say to you. I already heard everything I needed from His Majesty on my way here.”
“Then there is even less reason for you to go to Hellion. Now or ever.”
I did not answer Illid. In truth, his words barely reached my ears. My mind was entirely consumed with thoughts of Hellion—how to resolve this situation, what I could possibly do.
“Ishtel.”
When I remained silent, Illid’s voice grew sharp. He stepped forward and caught my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“Stop thinking of other things and accept reality. No matter how much you struggle, this is not something you can solve with your own strength. So abandon your futile hopes and organize your heart while you still can.”
Illid continued in a cutting tone that did not suit his handsome face.
“Hellion. Yes, I can understand why you would waver when that boy rushes in without thinking. I will allow you that much. But no further. Even my patience has its limits.”
“Ha, Illid…”
I slowly raised my hand and lowered the one gripping my face.
“I don’t need your understanding. So stop deluding yourself. I will never return to you.”
“And so you will go to Hellion just like this? Your family will be the ones who suffer for it.”
At Illid’s mention of my family, I glared at him with hard eyes. He shook his head slightly and spoke.
“Don’t look at me like that, Ishtel. Even if you hate me enough to kill me right now, in time you will come to understand me.”
“I have no idea where you find the confidence to say such things.”
“Everything I have done, I did because I love you. You kept trying to walk in the wrong direction, so I had no choice.”
“How is that love? It’s obsession. It’s greed!”
“This is simply how I love! So you should have turned back when I first tried to hold onto you!”
Illid’s shameless response drew a hollow laugh from me. I began to doubt whether this was truly the man I had once known.
“Those words you used to drive a wedge between Hellion and me—they were really about yourself, weren’t they?”
“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
Illid frowned, looking puzzled.
“You said that to tame an ice eagle, you must kill every other bird in the flock and leave only one. Then you pour all your affection onto that lone bird until it eventually opens its heart to you.”
When I had first heard those words, I never imagined Illid would become that person to me. Nor did I imagine this would be my fate.
“Illid, you don’t know me at all.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his eyes. Then I spoke in a cold voice.
“You will never have me. Even if you destroy everything around me and leave only me alive, it will be useless. I will simply follow the others in death.”
At those words, Illid’s stubbornly set lips trembled faintly. I stared straight into his eyes and warned him.
“So do not dare touch me. There is nothing in this imperial palace that you can possess.”
I walked past the frozen Illid and headed down the opposite corridor. Fortunately, he did not follow me.
I walked in a daze until Hellion’s quarters appeared ahead. Yet once I stood before the door, a wave of helplessness washed over me.
It was difficult to admit, but Illid was right. In the current situation, there was nothing Hellion could change.
If a difficult situation arises, go to the temple and find Malipa.
The will left by Belona Regentera-Lilche rose in my mind. Before going to Hellion, it might be best to visit Malipa first. I turned my steps toward the temple.