Nightmare
I lifted my trembling eyes to look at His Majesty the Emperor.
In his gaze, had I ever once been truly myself?
Had there ever been a time when he saw me not as the daughter of Regentera, but simply as me?
I could not know the answer. So I could offer neither reply nor reaction. I quietly lowered my heavy eyelids and waited for His Majesty’s next words.
“Amnesty. A cowardly and base right that, since ancient times, those who deceived the imperial family have obtained under the name of meritorious subjects.”
“……”
“I am curious what your family will demand from the imperial house, using that amnesty as a pretext. You have already secured the position of crown princess—what more could you possibly covet to ask for such a thing?”
His Majesty’s voice carried both fury and doubt. Though he had no choice but to grant it, he seemed deeply anxious about the consequences this amnesty might bring.
“Take that scrap of paper you and your family desire so greatly and get out of my sight. I cannot bear to look at you.”
Seated upon the golden throne, His Majesty turned away without sparing me even a glance. I slowly bent down and retrieved the scroll that had fallen to the floor.
The amnesty exchanged for Karina’s life. Or perhaps the right I had traded my entire past life to obtain.
I clutched it to my chest and bowed to the Emperor.
“I accept it with gratitude, Your Majesty. It is an unparalleled honor for me and my family.”
I turned on my heel and left the audience chamber. Each step down the corridor felt like walking a path of thorns—painful and utterly miserable.
Was it as His Majesty said? Was I truly cold and cruel? It felt almost absurd that after enduring such a torrent of abuse, not a single tear had fallen. All that remained inside me was emptiness and wretchedness.
As I trudged along in a daze, a sharp scream rang out nearby.
Startled, I stopped. From the opposite side of the corridor, a group of maids hurried past, escorting a physician. When I stared at them silently, one of the maids approached hesitantly and reported the situation.
“Lady Karina’s condition is not good. She keeps suffering seizures, so His Majesty sent the physician.”
“Is it very serious?”
“It seems so. She had only just fallen asleep a short while ago, but she couldn’t even rest for a full hour before another seizure woke her… The physician is monitoring her progress constantly, but the shock from yesterday’s events appears to have been too great.”
It was understandable. Simply standing on the dais in the square had been enough to overwhelm me with countless stares, making it feel as though I couldn’t breathe. If I had felt that way, how much more terrifying it must have been for Karina upon the guillotine. For her to remain fully sane after that would have been stranger still.
“I see. You may go.”
The maid followed the others toward Karina’s quarters.
I turned my head and looked around. The entire imperial palace was in a state of unrest. The knights’ vigilance had grown severe after the marquisate’s private troops stormed the grounds, and the number of soldiers guarding Karina’s quarters had doubled.
The maids’ moods were far more somber than usual. Perhaps it was because this eastern wing housed both the Emperor’s chambers and Karina’s residence.
Once again, Karina’s scream echoed. This time it was louder and sharper than before.
At that moment, the heavy doors of the Emperor’s chamber opened behind me. Leaning on his cane, His Majesty was heading toward Karina’s quarters.
“Your Majesty……”
I murmured blankly as I watched him.
His hurried steps made the hand gripping the cane tremble dangerously. What if he fell? I watched him with worried eyes.
Sure enough, before he had taken more than a few steps, His Majesty dropped the cane. The nearby maids widened their eyes and gasped, yet none of them dared approach him.
Since his body had grown frail, His Majesty’s once gentle nature had gradually turned irritable. Though movement was difficult without help, his pride made him loathe accepting assistance from the maids.
He had only tolerated it when I held his hand and supported him. But recently that duty had been given to Karina.
That was why the maids could not approach him recklessly. Sophie, the head maid of the Emperor’s chamber, looked at me with a troubled expression. Her eyes begged for help.
I turned and drew closer to His Majesty. I picked up the cane that had rolled across the floor, approached, and knelt before him.
“Your Majesty.”
I offered him the cane. His Majesty lifted his blue eyes to look at me. It was an utterly cold and indifferent gaze—the same one he had given me as a child.
Old memories rose unbidden, and without realizing it I averted my eyes. The hand holding the cane began to tremble. In the end, His Majesty did not call my name.
“Sophie, support me.”
His Majesty’s red cloak brushed past the hem of my skirt as he passed. Still clutching the ownerless cane, I remained seated there in a daze for a long time. Karina’s screams kept echoing through my head like a haunting refrain.
When I returned to my room, I set the scroll upon the desk. The amnesty granted by His Majesty. The cruel words I had endured to obtain it ached like open wounds.
After tossing and turning in bed for what felt like an eternity, exhaustion finally overcame me and I fell asleep.
I was eight years old, running through the imperial palace with Primos and Hellion.
Then, in the distance, I saw His Majesty the Emperor approaching. Primos and Hellion, who had been playing house, spotted him and ran to greet him.
His Majesty lifted both boys into his arms, raising them high with a bright smile. But he did not spare me even a single glance. He set the children down one by one. When his hands were finally empty, I looked up at him with hopeful eyes. Yet His Majesty turned away from me.
“Children, didn’t I tell you not to play with bad kids?”
His Majesty took their hands and turned his back on me.
The dream-version of me ran after him. I clutched the hem of his red cloak with both hands and sobbed.
“Your Majesty, I’m not a bad child. Please look at me too. Please hold me. Please love me.”
His Majesty’s hands shoved me away roughly. The moment I stumbled backward, something behind me seized me and pulled. My body fell, and the world inverted.
I was now sixteen.
A few months after the Empress passed away, His Majesty had entrusted me with the palace’s internal affairs. My aunt and the other noblewomen helped greatly, yet the task was still difficult. I could not show any weakness. I had to show His Majesty only my best side.
I went to report on the work I had done so diligently. But no matter how hard I tried, it never seemed to satisfy him. He offered not even a single word of praise.
Rather, the better I performed, the more displeased he appeared with everything about me. Why? Why? While the unanswered questions swirled, His Majesty rose from his seat and turned to leave.
I caught his arm as he passed and cried out.
“Why do you treat only me with such coldness? Is it because I am a Regentera? If I drained every drop of blood from my body, would you finally see me as I truly am?”
Hot tears slid down my cheeks. Yet His Majesty’s cold expression never changed. He raised his hand and removed mine with decisive, icy finality.
Once again, someone pulled me from behind. I fell through endless darkness until I landed hard on a wooden platform.
I was on the eve of my twenty-fourth birthday. I had returned to reality.
But… why was I here? Thick ropes bound my body and a gag filled my mouth.
Below the platform stretched a vast square filled with people hurling jeers and curses at me.
“A detestable woman whose only worth is her cursed bloodline!”
“An ill-fated woman who has devoured the entire imperial family!”
No. I… I am not a bad person!
No matter how loudly I screamed, the gag turned my voice into silence. No matter how violently I struggled, the ropes refused to loosen.
Then someone climbed onto the platform and approached me. A familiar face appeared.
Illid!
Relief washed over me. I prayed he would cut these ropes and take me away.
Instead he seized my arm and dragged me toward the guillotine. He forced me to kneel at the execution block. When I lifted my head, the cold blade gleamed with lethal sharpness.
I shouted at him.
Why are you doing this to me? You said you loved me!
But he could not understand the words muffled by the gag. Then one realization struck me like a blow.
Ah. I had never heard it. Not once. The words that he loved me.
His blue eyes watching me were cold and emotionless. Exactly like his uncle’s.
My neck was placed into the hollow of the guillotine. The crowd’s jeers grew fiercer.
Before me, resigned to everything, someone stepped forward and stopped.
The jeers suddenly transformed into cheers.
Who was it? Who could command the love of so many?
The tip of a polished shoe slowly lifted my chin. There stood Karina with the sun at her back. She wore the red dress from the Founding Festival; an empress’s necklace adorned her throat and a sharp axe rested in both hands.
She looked down at me and smiled brightly.
“Even now, do you truly feel no regret?”
The axe fell with a sharp crack, severing the taut rope.
The guillotine blade descended in a silver blur. I heard the crowd’s roar of approval.
I woke screaming. The phantom pain of my severed neck burned vividly even in reality.
“My lady, what’s wrong? Oh, my dear child!”
The startled nanny rushed into the room. Molly pulled me—still shrieking in terror—into her arms. Held against that warm, familiar bosom, I wept until my throat was raw.
As though releasing every emotion I had suppressed for so long, I cried and cried that night until dawn finally broke.