Grave of Memories
His Majesty could say nothing and simply lowered his head.
The Emperor grew endlessly weak whenever the subject of his late son arose. Even knowing it was time to stop, I poured out the words I had long kept buried in my heart.
“Do you know what that child said to me? She called me a widowed harlot who devours imperial blood.”
I met the Emperor’s eyes and pointed at Karina.
“Why must I endure such words? I remained in the palace out of concern for Your Majesty, who would grieve the loss of the Empress and the Crown Prince—your precious family—yet I am dismissed as nothing more than a husbandless widow.”
“……”
“The Empress’s jewels were meant to be worn when the Crown Prince was chosen and married. I thought that would ease my own heart and spare Your Majesty discomfort whenever you looked at me.”
“……”
“But Your Majesty did not do so. I am not the one who caused this chaos. Nor am I the one who owes an apology.”
I released the skirt I had been clutching to steady my emotions. A sharp tingling spread through my now-free hands. Tears I could not shed continued to fall inside my chest.
Still bowing to the Emperor, I turned away from Karina and left the imperial chamber.
“Your Grace!”
When I stepped out of the imperial chamber, I saw Rose and Shuri. They had been waiting for me; the moment I appeared, they rushed forward.
“Your Grace, your hands… are they all right?”
Rose’s eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at my bandaged hands. Even the ever-cheerful Shuri’s nose had turned red as she sniffled. Both of them had clearly heard the raised voices inside.
“What about Sylvia? Did you escort her back to the ducal residence safely?”
“Yes. I took her there myself and explained everything so she wouldn’t be too startled.”
Shuri answered quickly. I thanked her and told her she had done well.
“You must have been terribly frightened today, Your Grace.”
“No, Rose, you were frightened more. You were the one who found May first.”
Only then did I remember that May still needed to be laid to rest. I had been too distraught earlier to tend to her, but I had to send her off in dignity before it was too late.
“Who took May?”
“Archduke Hellion took her.”
At Rose’s words, I stopped walking toward the aviary.
“Hellion…?”
“Yes.”
“How…? Did Hellion come to the aviary?”
“No, it was the ice eagle that brought her.”
“Mewl? Mewl brought someone?”
“The parrot. The ice eagle carried the dead parrot in its beak and cried outside Archduke Hellion’s window.”
My heart lurched at Shuri’s words.
Mewl saw everything.
Mewl had followed May like a mother. The shock of losing her must have been the same for the eagle. How heartbroken Mewl must have been.
“Is Archduke Hellion in his quarters now?”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
At Shuri’s answer, I turned and headed for Hellion’s residence.
“Your Highness, the Duchess of Wintera has arrived.”
—Let her in.
I stepped through the doors held open by the servants and entered Hellion’s quarters. The moment my feet crossed the threshold, the sound of wings greeted me. Khan sat perched on the wide-open windowsill.
“Khan.”
At the sound of his name, Khan flapped his wings and let out a mournful cry. Beside him, on a small perch, Mewl drooped listlessly. Though they were only beasts, sorrow filled Mewl’s golden eyes.
As I entered the room, I saw Hellion seated at the oak desk, focused on something.
“Hellion?”
“Ah, Ishtel.”
Something long and pointed glinted at Hellion’s fingertips—an silver needle. The needle, threaded with white silk, was set into the sewing box beside him after the final stitch.
“May? I heard Mewl brought May to you, so I came.”
“I was just about to go to you myself.”
Hellion shifted aside to reveal the desk. May lay peacefully upon a golden cloth, as though merely asleep.
“May……”
She looked far more beautiful than when I had seen her in the aviary earlier that day. The torn neck where sharp teeth had ripped into her was now neatly stitched with thread the color of her feathers. Her body, once streaked with red blood, had been washed clean, and her unfocused black eyes were gently closed, as if in deep slumber.
“She looks as though she’s only sleeping.”
I bent down to look at May more closely. From this angle, she seemed alive. At any moment she might nuzzle her small head against my shoulder and chatter away, teasing me.
“Thank you, Hellion. For laying May to rest in my stead.”
I looked at Hellion as I spoke.
“You must have been startled when Mewl brought May to you.”
“I was. Mewl kept pecking at the window, so I opened it—and there was May. I called Shuri and asked what had happened.”
Hellion continued in a heavy voice.
“I’m sorry about May. She was a dear friend to you.”
“Yes. May wasn’t just a bird. She was a friend.”
I reached out and stroked May’s body. She was far stiffer than she had been earlier in the day, cold as ice.
“We have no choice but to let her go, do we?”
“Let’s make sure she can be remembered just as she is now.”
“I… don’t think I can.”
“Ishtel……”
“She’s so pretty like this… Look, she still seems alive… Maybe she’s only sleeping. I wish she were.”
I could not bring myself to say anything more. Emotion surged so violently that one more word would send tears spilling over.
“Ishtel.”
At the sound of Hellion’s voice calling my name, I could only nod. He wrapped May’s body in the golden cloth.
“Let’s go. I’ll stay with you.”
Hellion led me to a small hill behind the aviary. It was a place where the sun shone warmly during the day and never grew too cold at night.
Khan and Mewl, who had followed us, perched on a nearby branch and watched Hellion dig. I sat beside him, cradling May’s cloth-wrapped body in my arms so she might feel at least a little warmth.
“Hellion.”
“Hm?”
At my call, Hellion paused in his digging and turned to me.
“When people blamed the cat that killed May, do you know what its owner said? She said it was the cat’s instinct and nature to hunt birds.”
I murmured blankly, recalling the events at the aviary earlier that day.
“So there was no reason for May’s death. Simply because she was a bird, and because a cat happened to be there. That’s why she died, they said.”
“……”
“I can’t understand it. I don’t want to lose May for such a reason… for something so senseless.”
The pit Hellion had dug looked deep. The thought of laying this small body alone inside it was unbearable.
“Ishtel.”
Hellion knelt on one knee so our eyes met. Beneath the dim moonlight, his blue eyes seemed deeper than ever.
He removed his dirt-stained gloves and set them on the ground. Then he reached out and gently touched my cheek.
“If you don’t want to understand, then don’t. At times like this, just cry. It’s all right.”
The moment Hellion finished speaking, the tears I had held back all day poured forth. The emotions I had suppressed and the wounds from cruel words burst out all at once.
“She was a long-lived bird. With proper care, we could have lived together for ten or twenty years. I should have taken better care of her. When she played pranks, I shouldn’t have scolded her.”
Overwhelming sorrow crashed over me, tangling my thoughts into chaos. Facing the emotions knotted inside me, I rambled on.
“It hurts so much, I’m so sad, and I have nowhere to speak of it. His Majesty looks at me as though he’s tired of me, and everyone fears me. No, I’m only… only……”
The tears kept flowing, yet I could not name the restless feeling that filled me. It was suffocating. My chest felt so tight that I set May down and struck my own breast with my fist.
Hellion caught my hand and pulled it away from my body. Then, as though to fill the empty space, he leaned forward and embraced me.
“Ishtel, it’s all right. It’s all right, so say everything you want to say.”
“I’m so lonely.”
I was afraid. And lonely. The Emperor’s affection, which had long since shifted to her. Illid’s heart, still trapped in the shadow of his dead lover.
Ever since childhood, I had continually lost the people I cherished. My mother, my father, my grandfather. The Empress and the Crown Prince.
Everyone who loved me had left. Those who remained had loved me, yet one by one they had drifted away.
Knowing that nothing in this world remained unchanged, I still longed desperately for someone who would love me with a heart that would never waver, someone who would stay by my side forever.
I clung tighter to Hellion, who held me in his arms. I wanted to know. Whether Hellion could become that person for me.
“As long as I’m here, you will never be alone. Don’t worry.”
Hellion’s hand, stretched across my back, stroked me soothingly. Following the gentle motion of his hand, my sobs gradually subsided. When he finally stopped, my breathing had grown calmer.
“Can you really do that?”
I asked, my forehead resting against Hellion’s chest.
“Can you always stay by my side whenever I need you, just like now?”
Hellion slowly drew back. Then he smiled faintly at me.
“As long as you allow it, I will.”
At those words, the tears I had barely stopped began to flow again. Flustered, Hellion glanced at me, thinking he had misspoken. The sight made me laugh softly despite myself.
“Thank you, Hellion.”
The words felt insufficient, yet they were all I could say. Hellion’s face flushed as he quietly looked away.
Hellion, who had always seemed so young, appeared grown-up today. Or perhaps it was I who had always seen him as a child who was truly the younger one.
Hellion rose first and offered his hand to help me up. I whispered a final farewell to May, then placed her cloth-wrapped body into the earth.
When Hellion covered her with soil, tears spilled once more. This time, Khan and Mewl, perched in the tree, also let out mournful cries.
On the way back to the palace after burying May, my steps were so heavy that I turned back again and again.
Each time, Hellion never urged me forward; he simply waited until I could walk again. After repeating this dozens of times, we finally returned to the palace.