The Limits of Pity (2)
The word pity.
Karina knew it all too well. The strongest emotion she could ever draw from Ishtel was nothing more than pity.
She had used that very feeling to conceal her true purpose and enter the Imperial Palace. It had allowed her to exact revenge for her sister. If one were to point to the true villain in the matter, it was Karina herself. After all, she had exploited Ishtel’s compassion to deceive her.
She had always known that every glance, every gesture, every kind word directed at her stemmed solely from pity.
Never once had she considered it a bad thing. Not until just moments ago, when she heard Ebony’s words.
“Karina, strong people are not pitied. Pity is a ridiculous emotion that those who have direct toward those who have nothing, that the strong feel for the weak, that the highborn hold for their inferiors.”
Ebony released the grip she had on the back of Karina’s head. She pulled the girl’s forward-leaning body back onto the chair and smiled slyly.
“Aren’t you curious? What kind of reaction Ishtel Regentra will show once you possess power equal to hers. Will she treat you the same way she does now? Or will she desperately try to drag you back down? Because you would have crossed the line she herself permitted.”
Karina could not offer a single reply.
Memories surfaced from the time she had been reassigned from stable hand to the Emperor’s personal tea-serving maid. Ishtel had fiercely opposed her becoming the Emperor’s servant.
Even now, after receiving the title of baroness and then viscountess, Ishtel’s attitude toward her had never changed.
A maid who was not a noble. A demeanor reserved for a mere servant rather than the courtesy shown to other aristocrats. It was a stubborn declaration that even if the Emperor granted her a title, she would never truly acknowledge her.
Why am I not allowed? What exactly did I do wrong?
Karina clenched the hand she had hidden beneath the table with brutal force. Her nails dug into her palm, leaving red droplets of blood in their wake.
It was unfair. Everything felt bitter and heartbreaking.
All she had wanted was to avenge her sister. To reclaim her only remaining blood relative—her nephew—and live quietly with the child. That was all she had ever desired.
Had that been such a terrible sin? Were the lowly not even permitted to feel resentment toward their betters?
It had been the same when she received her noble title. She had heard that whenever someone newly ascended to the peerage, the Empress or the Crown Princess would arrange a celebratory gathering. Yet no one had congratulated Karina. Far from it—she had not received a single invitation to even the most modest tea parties hosted by the noblewomen.
No one acknowledged her. The higher she climbed, the more the nobles and their wives showered her with envious glares.
Still, Ishtel’s eyes had never held jealousy when they looked at her. Only suspicion and wariness. Sometimes, that expression hurt even more.
Does it disgust her that someone like me dares to stand in a place like this?
Karina bit down hard on the corner of her lip. Seeing this, Ebony slowly opened her mouth once more.
“Darling. Since we’re in the same boat, both you and I must become stronger than Ishtel Regentra.”
The murderous expression had vanished without a trace. In its place was the same sly, enigmatic smile Ebony always wore. Even after watching it for several months, Karina still found that smile utterly chilling.
“That’s why I’m saying this. Ideally, I’d prefer it if you turned out to be the descendant of a rather prestigious family. Our own house avoided major disaster thanks to being the Empress’s maternal family, but the Regentras have wiped out an absolutely staggering number of bloodlines.”
“A prestigious house… What use would something like that be?”
“Oh, it would be incredibly useful. Because it would change your entire mindset.”
Ebony rose from her chair and walked over to the large vanity behind Karina. When she opened the sparkling silver jewelry box, an array of rings, necklaces, earrings, and other ornaments spilled forth—all gifts the Emperor had bestowed upon Karina. Ebony slipped the most extravagant ruby necklace around her wrist like a bracelet.
“All of these could have been mine from the beginning. While I lived a wretched existence, you were surrounded by such splendor. I could have lived untouched by the filth of this world, just like you.”
“……”
“You’ve thought about it, haven’t you?”
How could she not have? From vagrant to palace maid, from maid to the Emperor’s confidante, from baroness to viscountess—she had pondered it countless times.
What if my grandfather had been the one to survive the Regentra civil war? Could I have become like her?
Karina often found herself lost in such thoughts. Especially whenever she happened to encounter Ishtel within the palace.
Ishtel Regentra had always been a radiant being.
It wasn’t because of her lavish dresses, her glittering jewels, or her expensive shoes.
It was her dignity and refinement, her low and intelligent voice, her graceful movements, and that calm, composed aura. These were things Karina, who had clawed her way through a brutal childhood, could never possess.
No matter how high she climbed the social ladder from commoner to noble, no matter how many dazzling ornaments she draped over herself, she could never catch up to what Ishtel Regentra had.
Everything she was born with… could it have been mine instead? Could I have become someone as noble as her?
Those thoughts always left a bitter aftertaste, so she tried not to dwell on them.
“That’s simply human nature, isn’t it? We don’t even feel jealousy toward those who are too superior. Instead, we feel inferior to those similar to ourselves, or to those who possess what we desperately crave.”
Ebony, carrying the jewelry box, moved behind Karina and began adorning her silver hair with the beautiful ornaments one by one.
“Our family was the same. The reason my father went so mad was because our house was once a ducal family on par with the Regentras. If we had started as mere counts, perhaps he wouldn’t have spent his entire life consumed by the desire for revenge.”
“……”
“That’s why I hope, if possible, that you come from a high-ranking noble lineage. The closer to the Regentras, the better. Because then everything Ishtel Regentra possesses will look completely different to you.”
“……”
“Let me think… which families suffered the most back then? Father told me… Ah, yes. The Rigaro Count family, the Charita Margrave, and the Karhi Marquisate. Those three houses were completely eradicated. All direct descendants were executed on the guillotine, and the collateral branches were enslaved and sent to the borders.”
Ebony pulled the mirror attached to the top of the jewelry box in front of Karina. Her hair, now beautifully arranged, reflected in the glass. Ebony whispered softly into her ear.
“Still, the very best choice would be another Regentra, wouldn’t it? I’m talking about Fabiel Regentra.”
At that moment, Karina’s heart plummeted to the floor with a heavy thud. She clutched the hem of her dress tightly, barely managing to steady her trembling body.
Ebony leaned against the table, looking down at her, and let out a small chuckle.
“Of course, that would be an absurd story, right?”
“…Yes. You seem to have gone rather far with that idea.”
“Even so, you can imagine it, can’t you? How entertaining it would be. Two people with swapped fates pointing blades at each other. Ah, just thinking about it is amusing, isn’t it?”
Ebony laughed brightly and patted Karina’s shoulder as if to encourage her.
“Well then, I’ll be on my way. It seems you still haven’t opened your heart to me, so I should withdraw here. But the next time I ask, you must tell me your story. I’m already so curious what kind of bloody storm your true identity will bring to this country.”
Once Ebony left, only silence remained in Karina’s quarters.
Karina sat motionless in the same spot for a long time. The black cat, Sasha, jumped onto her lap and bumped her head against her hand, demanding to be petted. But her owner simply stared endlessly into the mirror.
Her reflection in the glass was breathtakingly beautiful. Neatly arranged hair, a lavish ruby necklace, and golden earrings that swayed along the line of her neck.
Thanks to her innate bloodline, she appeared even more beautiful than those who had lived as nobles their entire lives. Yet Karina still found the woman in the mirror strangely unfamiliar.
She remembered the days when people had pointed fingers at her. The villagers jeering at lowly circus performers. Her innocent sister being beaten after getting entangled in a trivial affair with worthless men.
How different was she now from back then? Even after becoming a noble with the Emperor himself as her backer, the emptiness in her chest refused to be filled.
“This is all because of you. Why do you make me feel this way!”
Karina hurled the jewelry box from the table onto the floor. The scattered jewels rolled across the ground, and a startled Sasha let out a loud, frightened cry.
Karina clutched her head with both hands and violently messed up her hair. The beautiful style Ebony had carefully arranged became completely disheveled. Tears leaked through the gaps between her fingers.
Why is the best emotion she can show me nothing but pity?
Why does she always look at me with such cold eyes?
Because the descendant of a traitor had risen to a position beyond her station?
Was that why she drew an uncrossable line and created an insurmountable gap? Was she saying this was as far as Karina’s place went?
“In the end, you were just lucky enough to be born into that family. If my grandfather had won the war, you would have been no different from me!”
Karina lifted her tear-streaked face. Her reflection in the shattered mirror fragments was horribly distorted.
“I can become like you too.”
That was what Ebony had said. That strong people are not pitied. It was time for her to become that kind of person. She would rise to a position no one could look down on and return that arrogant gaze right back at them.
“So you shouldn’t have saved me.”
Karina wiped away the tears that had soaked her face. She stood from her chair, picked up the jewels scattered across the floor, and neatly cleaned up the broken mirror fragments. Then she lifted Sasha into her arms.
“Marie.”
At her call, the maid waiting outside the room entered. While stroking the cat, Karina deliberately crafted the most elegant voice she could manage.
“Find out everything about the duties the Duchess of Wintera is handling within the palace.”