Chapter 56: Water Too Clear Has No Fish (4)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 56: Water Too Clear Has No Fish (4)
Mo Cheong asked, “Master, once I become a first-rate martial artist, will I have to face an inner demon for real?”
Lee Yu-baek replied, “It varies from person to person, but that is usually the case. Once you ignite your True Fire, the inner demon tends to visit you in full force.”
“So-wol told me that the hallucinations you see and hear when trapped by an inner demon are completely indistinguishable from reality. Is that true?”
“Sometimes, yes.”
“Wow. Then what do you do? If you can’t tell it apart from reality, how can you avoid falling for the delusion?”
“That’s why we enter closed-door training, isn’t it? To ensure we don’t meet anyone. That way, you know that anything appearing before you must be a delusion.”
“But what if you’re in a situation where you can’t enter seclusion? Or what if there’s a delusion that even seclusion can’t handle…”
“You worry too much, don’t you?”
Lee Yu-baek let out a hearty laugh. Then, he seriously mulled over Mo Cheong’s question.
Lee Yu-baek had never forgotten it for a single moment—the day his senior fellow disciple, lost to an inner demon, had stabbed their master to death. He could not treat this concern lightly.
“Mo Cheong.”
“Yes.”
“Imagine there is a flower in front of you, and a bronze mirror reflecting that flower.”
“Yes.”
“Can you distinguish which is the mirror and which is the flower?”
“I can.”
“How?”
“You can just tell by looking.”
“Explain it in detail.”
“Um… well, the reflection in the mirror is duller in color, for one. And the image is a bit distorted. I think I could just tell by looking, couldn't I?”
Lee Yu-baek nodded emphatically. “Yes. That’s the method.”
“…”
“You don’t understand?”
“…No. I don’t get it at all.”
Lee Yu-baek smirked. He refrained from making the unkind comment that Yeon So-wol would have understood immediately and exclaimed, “Ah!”
“No matter how convincing an inner demon may be, it can never be completely identical to reality. If you look with a supremely clear mind, you can distinguish truth from falsehood, just as you can distinguish a flower from its reflection in a bronze mirror.”
“What if your mind isn’t clear?”
“Then it would be difficult to tell them apart.”
“How do you make your mind supremely clear?”
At Mo Cheong’s question, Lee Yu-baek smiled. “Do you want to know?”
The color drained from Mo Cheong’s face.
“No. No, Master. Not right now. I’m fine for now. I’ll ask again when I’m about to reach the first-rate realm.”
Mo Cheong waved his hands and shook his head, vehemently refusing.
Lee Yu-baek clicked his tongue. “In any case, that’s the method. You find a standard with a clear mind. A root in your mind that can never be false—an undeniable fact. You have to use that as your anchor and work from there. At least, that’s the only way I know.”
“…So-wol will be okay, right?” Mo Cheong asked, cautiously observing his master.
“You rascal. So that’s what you were really curious about.”
Lee Yu-baek roughly ruffled Mo Cheong’s hair. “It won’t be easy. Some people see visions when they enter the first-rate realm. They say the grander the vision, the greater the inner demon that follows. I saw a mountain, so I can’t even begin to imagine what So-wol saw. The sea, perhaps.”
“Come on, Master. Isn’t the sea a bit too much?”
“You think so? Well, whatever it was, he must have seen something grand, and he has the Great Restoration Pill on top of that. His trial will likely be at least twice as difficult as mine. The ghosts of his past will torment him, and he’ll be tempted to break his seclusion right this instant.”
Lee Yu-baek gazed silently out the open window. Beyond the fortress walls, a mountain was visible. Yeon So-wol’s seclusion cave was there.
“Still. If it’s So-wol, he’ll do just fine. The greater the inner demon, the larger and more magnanimous the mind becomes once it’s overcome. In fact, he’ll emerge with an exceptionally strong foundation.”
“…You said a month, so we still have to wait another twenty days.”
“I said a month, but it actually varies greatly from person to person. That kid So-wol might just break through and come out much faster.”
“I hope so…”
Mo Cheong followed Lee Yu-baek’s gaze to the mountain outside the window.
Just then, Lee Yu-baek spoke. “Mo Cheong.”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go outside.”
“Yes. Should I take my leave now?”
“No. We need to clear your mind.”
“…!”
“Follow me. We’re going to clear your mind.”
“…!!!”
Shaking out his dopo, Lee Yu-baek strode out of the room. Mo Cheong scrambled to his feet and followed, his eyes trembling uncontrollably.
* * *
Get a grip. Get a grip, Yeon So-wol.
He clasped his trembling hands together. But no matter how hard he squeezed, his hands only shook more violently.
He strained his ears.
…
There was no sound. Not now.
But a moment ago, he was sure…
“An inner demon. It’s an inner demon. It has to be.”
It can’t be real. It just can’t.
“I’ll cultivate. My spirit is just shaken right now. It’ll get better if I cultivate. It’s all an inner demon. Once I fully ascend to the next realm, it’ll be fine. Yes, yes.”
Muttering like a madman, Yeon So-wol resumed his cultivation of the Soft Willow Art.
The Soft Willow Art was a mental cultivation method—a study of the mind. He focused until sweat poured down his face, and sure enough, it was effective. His mind settled.
Just as it had during his previous closed-door training, stray thoughts vanished. He forgot where he was. He even forgot himself. There was only the me that was cultivating, comprehending, and delving deeper.
Flutter. Flutter.
Though there was no wind, Yeon So-wol’s robes billowed. A fiery, shimmering haze rose from his entire body.
Fierce Fire Piercing the Heavens.
The haze burned with the force of a savage fire trying to pierce the sky, his robes swelling and fluttering. He had shot past Soaring Dragon Fire, the entry stage of a first-rate master, and reached the middle stage in one go.
Even then, Yeon So-wol did not stop. He intended to heat his Eight Extraordinary Meridians even more intensely and generate his True Qi.
—Honey! Honey! So-wol’s body is hot!
—Huh? Mmm?
That was when he heard it. The panicked, hushed scream of a woman and the cracked voice of a man, as if just woken from sleep, approaching.
Flinch.
Yeon So-wol’s state of selflessness, which had seemed unshakable, shattered. For a moment, he almost stopped the Soft Willow Art.
—Nurse. So-wol… So-wol’s body is…
—This has never happened before. Why is this happening?
—…Just a moment. I’ll go get the doctor.
Yeon So-wol desperately continued his breathing and movements. Of all times, it had to be when his practice of the Soft Willow Art was reaching its peak; he couldn’t stop midway. One wrong breath, one wrong move, and he would lose too much. He could end up wasting twenty percent of the progress he’d gained from the Great Restoration Pill.
—So-wol! So-wol! Wh-what’s wrong with So-wol? He’s sweating so much. And he’s thrashing about…
—So-wol. It’s okay. It’s okay. You can get through this. Huh? You can do it. Just stay still. Calm down. Relax.
—Nurse, a sedative!
Calm down? Stop moving? When I’m in the middle of cultivation?
Yeon So-wol continued the Soft Willow Art, sweat pouring from him. He was barely in his right mind, but because the Soft Willow Art was already engraved into his body and mind, not just his consciousness, he was able to continue without error.
…
Drip.
Drip, drop.
The cold sweat dripping from his chin hit the cave floor, making a sound.
“What the hell…”
Having finished his cultivation, Yeon So-wol stood there dumbly, not even thinking of washing himself. “What the hell was that?”
He had managed to dismiss it once. But he couldn’t dismiss it a second time.
What if? What if…
“What if all of this is a dream, and I’m actually lying in a hospital bed?”
The mere thought felt like a corner of his heart was crumbling away. If that were true, what should he do?
“I have to wake up from the dream.”
But how? Yeon So-wol asked himself, and with surprising speed, a method came to mind.
“…By dying.”
If there was one sure way to wake from a dream, it was probably to die. Usually, the moment you die in a dream is the moment you wake up. People don’t typically dream of experiencing death and then moving on to the afterlife to be judged by the Ten Kings of Hell.
I have to die?
The moment he had that thought, a way to die came to him just as easily. It wasn’t even difficult. All he had to do was stop cultivating the Soft Willow Art and change the order of a few movements and breaths…
SMACK!
Yeon So-wol slapped his own cheek, hard. Cold sweat dripped down, and his whole body trembled.
“So-wol… So-wol. Get a grip. It’s an inner demon.”
But could he really be sure?
“…”
As cold sweat dripped from his face, Yeon So-wol thought.
“Logically. Let’s think about this logically. One by one. Compare everything. Which side is false, and which is true…”
Time passed. Perhaps because the residual heat of the Great Restoration Pill still lingered, his body would begin to burn up whenever he sat still. He had to cultivate the Soft Willow Art again to spread the fire within his body evenly.
But, whenever his cultivation of the Soft Willow Art reached its peak, he would hear it without fail.
—So-wol, you look peaceful today. Thank goodness.
Flinch!
Yeon So-wol’s body trembled. It was because he had felt a hand on his forehead.
—So-wol, can you hear me? The doctor said you can hear everything even in a coma. So-wol.
Drip. Drip, drop.
Why…
He was clearly moving his body, cultivating the Soft Willow Art, so why did he feel a damp wetness on the back of his hand?
—So-wol… can you squeeze Mom’s hand just once? Please? Just once, really tight! Please? So-wol.
Yeon So-wol broke out in a cold sweat. His energy had to flow to his fingertips. But if it was just squeezing his hand once… if he just accepted a very minor, trivial loss…
Get a grip, Yeon So-wol!
Yeon So-wol screamed at himself internally.
It’s an inner demon! An inner demon! What would squeezing your hand accomplish? If you actually felt your mother’s hand, then what? Would you deny this entire world as a lie and kill yourself?
He desperately racked his brain.
A logical flaw. I just need to find a logical flaw. If I can just find one…
But there were no flaws. The cave was pitch-black, so dark he couldn’t see a thing.
—So-wol, I believe you’ll open your eyes someday. Mom can wait. But still… don’t take too long.
What if the darkness wasn’t because of the cave? What if it was because his eyes were closed in reality? Both made sense.
No! Think carefully. Isn’t the timing strange? Why do I only hear the voices when my cultivation of the Soft Willow Art reaches its peak? This is a blatant attempt to make me suffer Qi Deviation!
But what if… what if his comatose consciousness was briefly surfacing, and his dream-self was interpreting that sensation as cultivation or taking an elixir? Like how a loud noise outside a dream can cause a war to break out within it.
No. A dream can’t be this consistent!
Isn’t it just that when you’re in a dream, you think everything makes sense?
And honestly, internal energy, transcendence, martial artists… isn’t this the perfect material for a wild daydream?
Think about it calmly.
There’s one story where the world tore apart on the bus and you were transported to another dimension. And there’s another story where you were actually critically injured in that accident and have been dreaming in a coma ever since.
Which one is more realistic?
“…”
—So-wol, today…
—So-wol, I so regret not telling you I love you more often.
As he thought, a new doubt arose. Could this even be an inner demon?
Aren’t inner demons supposed to arise from within my own mind?
But if this was an inner demon, wasn’t it too malicious? As if it was intent on destroying him. But if it wasn’t an inner demon…
Then is it the opposite? Is this Wuxia world holding me captive? To destroy me? To keep me from waking from my coma?
It made sense this way. And it made sense that way. Comprehension offered no answer.
The world of Murim had the logic of Murim. The modern world had the logic of the modern world. Trying to compare two worlds with fundamentally different premises by a single standard was impossible from the start.
He couldn’t believe anything. Then, what should he do?
Yeon So-wol gritted his teeth. What do you mean, what should I do? I have to dig until I’m convinced.
That was all he could do.
I’ll dig until the very end and find the answer. Until then, I will not break my seclusion!
Yeon So-wol realized instinctively that this was not a problem that could be settled with a half-assed answer. If he did that…
For the rest of my life… I’ll never be free of this question.
Even after he left seclusion, it would follow him, clinging to the back of his mind.
Is this really real? Can I be sure it’s not a dream? My parents in the real world…
To live with such thoughts for the rest of his life? Just imagining where that would lead sent a chill down his spine.
I have to settle this now.
Inner demon, or coma.
Yeon So-wol slowly retraced his journey from the moment he dropped into the world of Murim until now. The shocking, raw face of the Central Plains. His meeting with the merchant Jo Man-seok. His meeting with Lee Yu-baek. His closed-door training. The Three Dogs of Xinxing. Eun-yeong. The boat ride. The Chief Daoist and the General Commander. Seo Mu-ryang. Hang In-woo.
…
Why was it? As he recalled the time around his first seclusion, a gentle smile bloomed on Yeon So-wol’s lips. With the same supremely focused mind from that time, he slowly retraced each step, and his mind became firm and transparent.
—His vitals are dropping!
—So-wol! No!
—So-wol, don’t give up. Please, open your eyes.
—Come back! So-wol!
Even though he wasn’t practicing the Soft Willow Art, the voices once again echoed faintly in his ears. The sharp scent of antiseptic hit his nose.
But Yeon So-wol was no longer shaken. His mind was supremely clear. How could he have been so confused?
“There’s no way it’s false.”
Everything in the Jianghu was a dream he had while in a coma?
“That’s impossible.”
Yeon So-wol remembered. The desperate pain and terror of his first seclusion. And the euphoria of overcoming it. The sunset he watched while having a drink on a roof the day he first learned to fly…
“If this were a dream, it would only be made of things that were already inside me.”
But Yeon So-wol could declare with certainty: everything he had felt then were things he had never once felt in his life. Things he had never even imagined. For better, or for worse. It was a world he had seen and felt for the first time.
Just as the sea cannot appear in the dream of someone who has never heard of or seen it, he felt the fog in his mind clearing.
That pain could not have been a dream. That awe could not have been a dream. It couldn’t have been so shitty. And it couldn’t have been so beautiful.
A world that nurtures a person cannot be a solitary fantasy.
A boy's heart belongs to the Jianghu. In the Jianghu where the night rain falls, he faces only his lamp for ten long years. But in the temple on the mountain, the peach blossoms now bloom in abundance.
Yeon So-wol opened his eyes. His pupils were perfectly clear.
“Yeon Seon-hong. A name like that… it’s not something that could have just come from my own head.”
He had clearly, truly realized.
—Tch.
A clicking of a tongue was heard from somewhere.
“Ah.”
Yeon So-wol suddenly saw the cave in bright light. As if blackout curtains had been thrown wide open. The entrance was still blocked, with not a single ray of light coming in, but for some reason, he could pierce the darkness and see everything with perfect clarity.
The spring in a corner of the wall. The pile of fasting pills and beef jerky. The change of clothes.
He suddenly looked inward, observing his own body. Within his Eight Extraordinary Meridians, his Qi was flowing, a level clearer and more majestic than before.
Lingering Fragrance.
The state of having a faint fragrance and no darkness. It referred to the late stage of a first-rate master.