A Pitiful Loser
Pant... pant... haah...
How long had it been since I last ran like this on my own two feet?
It was probably the first time since that outdoor training session I went on with him.
The thought crossed my mind naturally as I gasped heavily for air.
The moment the doubt in my heart turned into certainty, I found myself utterly unable to accept the reality before my eyes.
Desperate to escape as far away from that reality as possible, I had focused solely on running.
Being naturally uncoordinated and physically weak, I hadn't made it very far before my breath grew shallow and my chest began to ache.
Yet, this suffocating tightness in my chest wasn't merely from exerting a body that hadn't moved like this in ages.
"Pant... pant...! Ro... Rofel... Rofel... pant... hic... sob..."
No matter how far I ran or how tightly I covered my eyes, the cruel reality still caught up to me.
Even though I had fled that place, the truth I so desperately wished to deny had already become fact.
The person I loved more than anyone else, Rofel Teufel, had already become another woman's lover.
I didn't know the exact circumstances yet, but he and Lilit Tistina were undeniably acting like a couple.
The way they treated each other, and the sheer intimacy of their actions...
It was all the kind of behavior that could only be shared between a man and a woman who had confirmed their feelings for one another.
...So that was how it was.
In the end... it had turned out like this.
Honestly, I had always known deep down that a day like this would come.
Rofel Teufel. He was, truly, an incredibly attractive man.
Though his expression could sometimes seem a bit gloomy, he was fundamentally a beautiful, delicate-looking young man.
On top of that, because he smiled so easily, he would casually flash a warm, heart-melting smile at any given moment.
He had a reliable, sturdy build, well-toned from consistent training—muscular, yet not excessively so.
He was like a modern sculpture brimming with masculine charm.
But I wasn't just praising his physical appearance. Though that part of him was certainly exceptional.
He possessed a kindness and purity that was exceedingly rare in this day and age.
Equipped with innate consideration and goodwill toward others, he would extend a helping hand first without ever calculating his own loss.
Even to those bristling with thorns, cursing and hostile to the world, he would approach completely unguarded, offering warmth without caring if he got hurt in the process.
He respected even the hostility directed at him and never dismissed opinions contrary to his own.
Despite being a noble, he didn't possess a shred of arrogance; if anything, he tended to humble himself far too much.
Yet, that didn't mean he lived as a pushover who let others walk all over him.
While he would willingly tolerate harm directed at himself, the moment someone touched his people, the story changed entirely.
Gender, or how long they had known each other, didn't matter.
As long as he considered someone a friend and had shared even a slightly positive relationship, he would strive to remain loyal to the very end.
Just like when that woman, Seraphina, had trouble with her family, he threw himself into danger bravely without a single thought of profit or loss.
He would grit his teeth, headbutt his way through the crisis, and take responsibility for what he got involved in until the very end.
It was an incredibly reckless way to live... but at the same time, it was undeniably beautiful.
He was a man of immense charm, both inside and out.
Perhaps it had been shameless of me to wish to end up with a man of such high value in the first place.
After all, I had always received far more from him than I had ever given.
Born as the young lady of the Gremlina Duke family, one of the great ducal houses, I had always been praised as a genius.
My mind was sharp, and I absorbed knowledge rapidly, conquering all sorts of books in no time—but that was all.
My social skills were so abysmal that I couldn't even look people in the eye, let alone hold a proper conversation.
My appearance... It wasn't that I was ugly, but I had never once properly dressed up or taken care of myself.
My figure, too, was far from the slender, smooth-skinned body that average men preferred.
Having shut myself in the laboratory all day, I had a soft, flabby build with extra fat around my stomach and hips, even if I wasn't outright obese.
...Perhaps losing Rofel to someone else had been an inevitable conclusion all along.
No, even the word "losing" was too generous. He had never belonged to me in the first place.
To put it more accurately... yes, I had simply failed in my unrequited love.
The very first emotion I had ever harbored in my life—that mixture of love and friendship—had ended in a miserable, crushing defeat.
"Ah... Rofel... In the end, you..."
I reached out aimlessly toward the distant sky.
Judging by the contents of the reply he had sent, he would probably go on to marry Lilit.
He had never been mine to begin with, but now he would drift even further away, his status as someone else's property clearly defined.
And the distance between us would widen day by day, until he became someone I could never hope to reach.
I was going to lose the person who had been by my side ever since we first met at the academy.
...How pathetic.
The moment I saw him and Lilit begin their intimate display of affection, I had given up on even thinking. Or rather, terrified of reaching the obvious conclusion, I had bolted from the spot.
Unable to decide on any course of action, I had chosen the worst possible option: avoidance, running away.
Of course, there was probably nothing I could have done right then and there anyway.
At best, all I could have done was ask about their relationship.
And the outcome of that action would have done nothing but put a final, cruel stamp of confirmation on the truth.
Drip. Drip.
Black droplets fell to the ground.
Their source was neither the sky nor the buildings, but my own eyes.
The face I had painstakingly prepared since dawn with the help of my maid was quickly washed away and smudged by tears, turning into something hideous.
Like a painting of a screaming specter, ink-black tears streamed down my cheeks, staining the skin around my eyes in a grotesque display.
My face was already flushed and swollen from tears and sorrow, but now, I must have looked like the very definition of ugliness.
There wasn't a mirror in sight, but of that much, I was absolutely certain.
Yet, I couldn't bring myself to care about how unsightly I looked.
Failing in a one-sided love, feeling betrayed all by myself, grieving all by myself...
If anything, this hideous appearance was the perfect fit for the pathetic creature I was right now.
Come to think of it, I had lost the pottery somewhere along the way.
That precious piece, holding the desserts I had baked while looking forward to our reunion.
...A piece we had shaped together, filled with memories of him.
Thinking of that time, my hands slowly clenched into fists.
Reaching out to shape the clay spinning on the wheel.
And then, Rofel's hand overlapping mine, sharing our warmth.
And the way he had pressed his chest flush against my back to guide me.
I had been savoring his touch so intensely that I hadn't cared what shape the clay took anymore.
His rough yet gentle hands resting on the back of mine.
His sweet, fragrant breath tickling my ear.
Even his firm, warm chest pressed against me.
It had been an ecstatic moment where I could feel everything.
But of course, I could never return to that moment.
Touching him, feeling him—all of it would now be monopolized by his girlfriend.
That body, which I had only managed to touch by resorting to underhanded means like drugs, could now be touched freely by Lilit, who had proudly become his lover.
...She certainly wouldn't leave her lover, Rofel, in peace.
Even before they became a couple, back when they were just friends, her behavior had always bothered me.
She was always clinging to him, tempting him, and initiating physical contact.
At times, she would bring her lips so close they almost touched, or interlace her fingers with his.
When he was off guard, she would secretly stroke his body as if caressing him.
Because Rofel was so dense, nothing major had happened until now, but things would be different from here on out.
She would be able to throw herself into his well-trained chest to her heart's content, basking in his warmth and scent.
She could taste those luscious lips on his handsome face whenever she pleased.
She could slip her hands under his shirt or into his trousers to playfully tease him.
Or, conversely, she might offer her own breasts and hips to him.
And when the sun set and darkness fell, she would not only look upon his most private parts but even use them herself.
How joyful and ecstatic that must be.
From waking up next to him in the morning to ending the day by intertwining their bodies in the same bed, every single day would be pure bliss.
Ah, I was the absolute worst.
Even in a situation like this, what I felt wasn't jealousy, but envy.
Envy toward that detestable girl who would soon take his body as she pleased.
And I missed him.
The man I should no longer meet: Rofel Teufel.
"...What... what should I do...?"
I asked the question to the empty air beneath the darkening sky.
My monologue, not expecting an answer, echoed through the back alley.
...Only the sky, looking as though it might pour at any moment, answered with the first slow drops of rain.
Yes, just pour.
I thought it would be wonderful if the rain could just wash away everything inside my chest.
Repeating that to myself, I spread my arms and looked up at the sky with a face of resignation.
...?
Why was this?
Despite the sound of the rain starting to pour, my body wasn't getting wet.
I felt neither the biting chill nor the cold.
...Could it be? It was a fool's hope, but...
Clinging to a sliver of expectation, I slowly opened my eyes.
Even if it were to turn into a despair deeper than anything before.