Chapter 184: I’ll Make You a Condom [2]
Chapter 184: I’ll Make You a Condom [2]
Come to think of it, he had only ever thought about not doing it at all and had never seriously considered preventive measures.
Why was that?
Tilting his head, Kang Hyeok reviewed his past behavior.
Even then, nothing in particular came to mind.
There had never been any grand reason behind it.
“Young Master, is there some kind of way?”
Dolseok’s eyes lit up as he stepped closer to Kang Hyeok.
Maybe because he had lost so much weight, his eyes looked bigger than before, but that did nothing to improve his appearance.
If anything, he looked even more vicious.
On top of that, the foul breath unique to someone in a dehydrated state made it hard for Kang Hyeok to suppress the urge to kill him.
“For now, take that hideous face and move it over there.”
Kang Hyeok quietly pushed Dolseok’s face away.
They had always had a difference in build, but recently Dolseok had grown so gaunt that he was shoved back as easily as he was pushed.
“Ugh.”
“Yeah, stay right there. Don’t come any closer. You smell like shit.”
“But I washed my ass with water.”
“Not there. Your mouth smells like shit.”
“Wow... I’m still a person with dignity, you know.”
“You don’t have any right now, so just stay there.”
To remind Dolseok of his place once more, Kang Hyeok shoved him farther back with his foot.
As already mentioned, Dolseok was now all talk and no substance, so he kept getting pushed back helplessly.
At this point, he was almost bracing himself against the doorway.
“Breathe outside. Every time you exhale, it sounds like somebody farted.”
“Wow... Young Master, watch your mouth.”
“Why don’t you stop talking then?”
“Wow...”
“If you’re going to say wow, say it outside.”
“Wow...”
Even so, Dolseok was a rather loyal servant.
Before long, he obediently turned his mouth outside in accordance with Kang Hyeok’s order.
Since his head was still facing inward, he ended up looking bizarre.
That sight was not exactly pleasant either, but Kang Hyeok let it be for the moment.
It was hard to correct something that hopeless.
Instead, he focused on something more useful.
Prevention... prevention...
When it came to preventing venereal disease, the best method was obviously not doing it at all.
A venereal disease could never be contracted if there was no contact to begin with.
But there was no way a doctor could seriously present such a method.
Anyone could think of that. He had no intention of dressing it up grandly just because he was a doctor.
Not doing it. Hm.
The point was that direct contact was the problem.
If contact could be prevented, everything would be solved.
To do that, he needed a barrier.
For example, something like a condom.
There really is nothing better than that.
It could prevent almost every unwanted consequence of sexual activity.
Of course, there was still a very small chance of infection or pregnancy.
Kang Hyeok had learned from the American drama Friends that pregnancy could still happen with a condom at a probability of less than 0.1%.
When he looked it up, it was even written on the back.
In extremely tiny print.
In a place so obscure that no one but a paranoid person would ever find it.
Still, there’s nothing quite like it.
Easy to use, highly effective.
“Hmm. A condom...”
At the sudden strange-sounding word, Dolseok’s lips moved.
He clearly seemed to mutter something, but since his head was turned away, Kang Hyeok could not hear it properly.
“Hey, Dolseok.”
“Yes, yes.”
Afraid his muttering might have been overheard, Dolseok lowered his head.
Thunk.
What dropped in front of his eyes was none other than a mask.
Not just one, but three of them.
“Put those on and look this way.”
“No, come on, does it really smell that bad...”
“If you’re curious, put on the mask and try smelling it yourself. I’m telling you, it really smells like shit.”
“Come on... ugh.”
Shaking his head, Dolseok put on the mask.
Then, half disbelieving, he exhaled through his mouth and quickly inhaled through his nose.
As a result, Dolseok was finally able to smell what Kang Hyeok had been complaining about all this time, and he shuddered in disgust.
“It really does.”
“Right? Going around smelling like that in front of your master. Anyway.”
With no real expectation, Kang Hyeok asked, “Do you happen to know what rubber is?”
“Rubber?”
It was only a one-word question, but the meaning in it was perfectly clear.
“So you don’t know.”
“No. What kind of thing?”
“Rubber. No, forget it.”
To find rubber trees, one would have to go all the way to South America, thousands of kilometers away.
And even there, they still could not produce rubber in the form Kang Hyeok had in mind.
At best, they were only using that sticky, hardened natural rubber in its crude state.
I think rubber erasers were invented in the eighteenth century.
This was the sixteenth century, so the timing could not have been more wrong.
So rubber had to be abandoned.
“Among the things you know, what’s something thin, tough, and shaped so something could fit inside it?”
“Thin, tough, and shaped so something could fit inside?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.”
As expected, Kang Hyeok’s face showed no hope whatsoever.
Dolseok wore a similar expression.
No matter how he listened, it did not sound like the kind of question he would know the answer to.
“Hmm.”
“Mm.”
And so time dragged on uselessly.
Naturally, no answer came at all.
Soon the bell announcing the deepening night rang out, and Kang Hyeok drove Dolseok away.
“Go on now.”
“We still haven’t found the answer yet.”
“You being here won’t make one appear either, so get out.”
“Yes, well...”
“And tomorrow we’re going into the palace, so brush your teeth. Scrub your tongue too. You never know. If you breathe in front of His Majesty, they might cut your head off.”
“Hah... no way.”
Shaking his head, Dolseok left the room.
For a moment he thought about just going to sleep, but Kang Hyeok’s words kept coming back to him.
It probably would not happen, but was it really worth gambling with the one life he had?
So he carefully scrubbed here and there with salt and then went to sleep.
He learned by morning that it had done him little good.
“Ugh, smells like shit.”
The moment he saw Dolseok, Kang Hyeok clutched his nose.
“I cleaned it, but it still ended up like this.”
Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, Dolseok looked embarrassed.
Ever since trying on the mask yesterday, he had become aware of his own smell.
Seeing that, Kang Hyeok’s old condition flared up again.
That great physician’s disease of wanting to act like he knew everything about illness somehow.
“That’s not exactly something you can control. You’re dehydrated right now.”
“That’s true. That’s why I’ve been drinking this... but it still isn’t helping.”
Dolseok shook the oral rehydration mixture he had been making and drinking himself.
He kept taking it to make up for all the stuff pouring out of him, but the amount was not enough.
More accurately, it was not that he was drinking too little. He was shitting far too much.
At this point, the normal response would have been to switch the antibiotic.
But Kang Hyeok had let him keep taking it.
Because there was nothing else.
“When you get dehydrated, your nose swells.”
“Huh? Why?”
“When the body runs low on water, it tries to gather as much fluid as possible into the blood. But the nose is basically a bundle of tiny blood vessels.”
“Ah, so that’s why it swells.”
“Yeah. Then it gets harder to breathe through your nose, right?”
“Oh. Hoo, hoo.”
As if trying to test it for himself, Dolseok breathed out through his nose.
Just as Kang Hyeok said, it did not go well, and soon Dolseok’s face turned admiring.
“It really is like that.”
“And the nose normally swells more when you sleep... but you still have to breathe somehow.”
“That’s true.”
“So if you breathe through your mouth, your mouth, which is already dry, gets even drier. Then...”
“So that’s how it happens.”
“Yeah. Your mouth starts smelling like shit.”
Having said that, Kang Hyeok handed him a mask.
He did not really think Seonjo would personally come all the way down to this lower end of things, but one never knew.
I don’t think he should smell that even for a second.
After all, Kang Hyeok had long since eaten any sense of manners for breakfast.
And if the other party was Seonjo, he did not even possess any basic respect for him.
For him to go so far as to make Dolseok wear a mask, the smell had to be truly dreadful.
“Yes... I’ll wear it.”
Now that Dolseok understood his own smell all too well, he was extremely obedient.
“All right, let’s go.”
Kang Hyeok hurried out of Yangjae Station.
In the distance he could see the Four Great Gates, and much closer than that he could see the diplomatic procession already waiting.
“Come along.”
Hwang Yungil, positioned at the very front of the procession, gestured toward Kang Hyeok.
Ordinarily, Kang Hyeok’s rank was low enough that it would not have mattered where he stood.
When they had first gone to Japan, he had been buried somewhere in the middle of the line.
But things were different now.
Anyone could see that Kang Hyeok was the greatest contributor to the diplomatic mission.
Did he not also have the largest number of personal letters from Japanese daimyō?
The contents of those letters were excellent as well, enough to boast about before Seonjo.
I’m not exactly thrilled about it...
With another king, perhaps it would be different, but the one they were dealing with was Seonjo.
Kang Hyeok had already learned through the Gichuk Purge how cruel that man could be.
Still, he did not want to act as if his achievements amounted to nothing.
One never knew.
He might even be raised to the level of a Dangsanggwan.
“Yes, I’m coming.”
So Kang Hyeok ran forward with a smile on his face.
The soldiers, having been informed beforehand, stepped aside to either side.
Thanks to that, Kang Hyeok was able to enter the capital shoulder to shoulder with Heo Seong, the Seojanggwan.
“So I hear you crushed Japan’s nose properly over there?”
“Well, when that elder Kim Seongil is involved, what else would you expect?”
“I can tell who it is just by looking at his face.”
But contrary to Kang Hyeok’s expectations, only Kim Seongil seemed to be the talk of the people.
Thinking it over atop the swaying horse, it was not entirely incomprehensible.
Right, his cousin got here first.
Had that fellow not seen Kim Seongil properly putting Yoshitoshi in his place?
It must have left a strong impression.
Even so, it was a bit disappointing that he had not said a single word about Kang Hyeok.
And this was not just anyone.
He was the benefactor who had saved his life.
That Gu-o fellow really is ungrateful.
Grumbling inwardly, Kang Hyeok went straight to the palace.
Seonjo did not display the boldness of coming out in front of the palace gates to welcome them.
In fact, even after the entire diplomatic mission had taken their seats at Gyeonghoeru, quite some time passed before he finally appeared.
“His Majesty arrives!”
Accompanied by that familiar announcement.
As always, Kang Hyeok welcomed him half-heartedly, and Seonjo likewise did not make any great effort to entertain the diplomatic mission.
He merely took Hwang Yungil and Kim Seongil inside separately.
Kang Hyeok made a little fighting gesture toward the two of them, and the two elders responded with a similar motion, meeting his expectations.
They’re not going to go in there and start saying something different, are they?
Watching Kim Seongil go to meet the king with his back straight, Kang Hyeok recalled the previous night.
Naturally, it was from long before Dolseok had come in reeking like shit.
As usual, the four of them, including Heo Seong, had gathered together to share a light drink.
While discussing how they should report on Japan to Seonjo.
Many things had been said, but the conclusion had been one.
They had to strengthen preparations for war.
No, they wouldn’t.
They were not the kind of people who would overturn something they had discussed day after day as casually as eating rice cake.
Having settled his mind, Kang Hyeok turned his head and saw that the banquet dishes were already being served.
The food quality was quite decent.
Though not as good as before they left.
“Young Master.”
When he turned, Dolseok was there.
“What?”
“They took good care of us in Japan too, but in the end, our own food is best when it comes from the palace.”
“Ah, well, that’s true.”
Korean food should be eaten in Korea, and abroad one should eat local food.
Was that not practically an eternal truth?
“Oh, they’re even serving sundae.”
Dolseok, who would no doubt be off to relieve himself again before long anyway, happily emptied his bowl.
Kang Hyeok watched him quietly for a moment, then suddenly grabbed Dolseok by the wrist.
“Ow, what... why?”
“Wait a second. Give me that.”
“The sundae? If you wait, they’ll bring you some too...”
“I’m not going to eat it, so hand it over.”
Kang Hyeok more or less forcibly snatched away the sundae and began examining it.
The casing seemed to be made from pig intestines. It was very thin, tough, and round.
It might be a little small for me... but it looks just right for Dolseok, doesn’t it?