The Weight of the Name

"What if... we didn't release it under our names? What if we did it anonymously?"

"Anonymously?"

"Yes, anonymously."

It was Ito Takayuki who asked back at Araki Ryosuke's suggestion. Suyun, who had been feeling slightly left out of their public-and-critic-bashing session, began to wonder how on earth the conversation had drifted in this direction. Where exactly had she lost the thread for them to suddenly suggest releasing an anonymous album?

"Anonymously..."

"Is there really a reason to go that far?" Kirishima asked.

"Kiri-san is fine, but Takayuki-san is the type who gets incredibly stressed about what other people say. So I thought it might be a good idea for him."

"Hey, I want to deny it, but I really can't. Why do you have to hit the nail right on the head? That's illegal, man, illegal."

Ito let out a bitter laugh, while Kirishima shrugged with a look that said, Well, he's not wrong. Leaving the two of them to their banter, Araki turned to Suyun and threw out a question.

"What do you think, Ha-san? About an anonymous album."

"I... don't really mind either way."

As long as her copyright royalties were properly settled, Suyun didn't care in the slightest whether her name was credited to the public. If she was curious about anything, it was simply why the others wanted to do it.

"I'm just a bit curious ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠why you thought of doing it anonymously."

"Hmm..."

Receiving Suyun's question, Araki fell into a brief silence, wondering how much he should explain. Scratching his messy, curly hair as he organized his thoughts, Araki finally looked at Suyun and opened his mouth.

"Originally, when I talked about collaborating with Ha-san, I thought we'd just do it as a collaboration with our band... KK. Then we thought about doing a one-on-one solo track, and somehow we ended up here."

"Yes."

"We gathered all these people, but since everyone is currently active in their own bands... the plan we set up. Normally, since everyone has a big name, we'd gather and do something massive. That was the vibe. But Takayuki-san..."

"Sorry to say this to someone ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I just met, but my mental state hasn't been great lately. Well, it's always been bad, but still," Ito said, chuckling.

Suyun couldn't understand why this hulking, chaotic-looking man was talking about having a fragile mental state. But then again, it was a common trope—the tougher someone looked with tattoos and piercings, the softer they often were on the inside.

"I mean, of course, Ha-san? What should I call you, by the way?"

"Korean names are easier. Please call me Suyun."

"Ah, really? Then I'll call you Suyun-san. Since you lead a highly successful band yourself, you probably know, but there's this pressure. The higher you go, the more you feel like the next thing has to grow even more..."

"There is."

"Everyone feels it, but I've hit a bit of a menhera ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wall here. It's embarrassing to lay it all out to others... but they say admitting it is better for your mental health, right? Anyway, the pressure got insane."

"But out of all the drummers I know, Taka-san is honestly the best. And Taka-san was the only one who had free time."

"Hey, you make me sound like a slacker. I'm a busy man!"

The two of them chuckled. Suyun let their banter slide past her ears as she thought. In short...

"So, you're feeling a bit pressured about this album release as well."

"You could say that. I hate to admit it, though."

"Originally, since we gathered such an amazing lineup, I wanted to go grand, like an all-star project," Araki said. "But it seems no one has that much time, and especially since Suyun-san is returning to Korea after June. So, I thought, why not just ignore everyone else's eyes and pour in all the music we've always wanted to make? Without worrying about album consistency or anything. That's how my thoughts... eventually led to anonymity."

"Hmm."

At Araki's words, Suyun twirled her hair slightly, lost in thought.

He has a point.

Though Suyun herself hadn't experienced this—having been constantly successful in this life, and in her past life, never succeeding enough to have anywhere to fall from—she had heard plenty of stories while doing session work and lessons. And in those stories, people suffering from such symptoms appeared quite frequently.

'That singer burned out and can't write songs anymore.'

'They got depression and are on meds.'

'The pressure was too much, so they retired and went to do something else.'

'I heard they're quitting the band.'

If Ito was one of those people, it wasn't surprising. But the problem was...

"But... after investing all this time, if we release it anonymously, it feels like we might feel a bit cheated."

"Ah, right. That's why I thought we should just do the music we want to do, try new things..."

"Yes."

"...and keep the timeframe extremely short. By meeting only two more times."

"Two... times?"

"If it's twice, what exactly are we doing?" Kirishima asked, his question perfectly mirroring Suyun's thoughts.

Araki wore an expression that showed he was trying to figure out how to explain it, then answered.

"Everyone composes their own song, we meet once to practice it, and then we go straight to recording. We wrap it up quickly in, say, a week? Two weeks? Fast. Ideally within this month. And release it anonymously."

"Will that really have much meaning? It's still an album."

"It might seem that way, but I think it's a great chance to try things we usually can't. Suyun-san, you don't always get to play only the music you want, right? And you probably can't make bold, experimental attempts easily either. Even though I'm in multiple groups, I actually hold myself back quite a bit. I thought it would be nice to unleash those suppressed parts."

"And we can bond a bit while we're at it," Araki finished.

And as Kirishima replied, "That actually sounds decent..." to those words,

The music I want to play...

Suyun rested her chin on her hand, thinking. What did "the music I want to play" or "new attempts" even mean? The dilemma that had been lingering in her mind lately resurfaced.

The next day.

"The settlement is here!!!"

Suyun was lying on the living room floor of their lodging, her mind cluttered with yesterday's topic. Iseor's voice shattered her thoughts as she burst through the door, having gone out just tens of minutes ago.

"Settlement...?"

"How much is it?"

"How should I know the older girls' shares? I brought everyone's settlement statements, so you'd better thank me right now."

The other two, Seoha and Hyun-ah, began dancing around Iseor, chanting "Great. Choi. I. Seor." while Iseor lifted her chin high, showing off the envelopes like a benevolent ruler. Suyun watched this pathetic display and held out her hand.

"Give it."

"Uh-uh. You have to say, 'Please give it to me, Lady Iseor.' What's with 'Give it'? Don't you want your settlement?"

"Please give it to me, Lady Iseor."

"Very well. We hereby bestow the settlement statement of Group Sound upon our humble subject, Ha Suyun..."

Suyun fought the urge to fold her outstretched hand into a single middle finger at this nonsense, while Iseor stuck her tongue out. Suyun snatched the envelope from Iseor's hand and tore it open.

"Do we not get ours, Lady Iseor?"

"Halt! There is an order to all things. How dare you try to read before your master?"

Ignoring Iseor, who was currently being tackled by the other two and screaming, "Heavy! I'm dying!" Suyun read the statement.

Why are they taking so much out?

Tickets, merchandise, and more. Combined with the Korean concerts, the gross revenue was nearly ten billion won. But after deducting income tax, local tax, consumption tax, enterprise tax, admission tax, ticketing fees, agency fees for the concert promoters, and the company's share... what was left wasn't as astronomical as the gross.

Still, it was on a completely different level compared to their live tours back in Korea.

"I'm rich!!"

Seoha jumped up, screaming the moment she saw her statement. The other two were in a similar state. Hyun-ah was giggling like a maniac, and Iseor looked ready to call her family immediately.

"I'm buying a car this time."

"A car...?"

"I'm getting a 911. A Porsche 911. I'll get a custom paint job and drive it around. Isn't it cheaper to buy it in Japan?"

"Th-that... seems a bit too expensive..."

"We're just going to earn more next time anyway! Life is a one-shot deal, unni."

The three of them were acting like they had just been injected with a massive dose of dopamine. Suyun sighed and threw cold water on their excitement.

"You guys know almost half of that is going to fly away as taxes, right?"

"What."

"Wait, didn't they already deduct taxes in Japan?"

"They'll deduct it in Korea too."

"No way. What kind of law is that? I need to ask the company."

"Like the company would know. We don't have to pay it right this second, so ask an accountant when we get back to Korea. Ah, we'll have to go once in May."

Leaving Seoha overreacting to the fact that her hard-earned cash was slipping away like sand, Suyun tossed the statement aside and pondered yesterday's conversation once more.

"Actually, in our first album... I already did a bit of what I wanted to do. I don't really get what you guys mean by 'the music you want to play'."

"Hmm... For me, it's something like this. You've probably heard our music..."

The music Araki had played for her didn't sound like anything he did in KK or his other bands. It was closer to white noise. A structure that made her wonder if it could even be called music. A chaotic blend of rap and other elements.

It wasn't that Suyun had never heard anything like it. In the decades of rock history, there were plenty of genre-shattering experiments, and Suyun loved rock but didn't only listen to rock. She had heard industrial, experimental, progressive, electronic, and all sorts of things. She had just listened to them once and moved on.

So her reaction wasn't What is this?

It was more like, People actually like this? Not out of mockery, but out of genuine curiosity.

"I've actually wanted to try this kind of music. It's fresh, and the sound is unique. But there are constraints. Name value, public perception, things like that."

If you ask me if it's good, I'd never say it's my taste...

But still. She felt like she was grasping a clue ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to the dilemma that had been clouding her mind lately. Not from the music itself, but from Araki's attitude.

"Choi Iseor."

"Huh? What? Why?"

"What kind of music do you want to play?"

"Where is this coming from all of a sudden?" Iseor asked, looking bewildered by the sudden use of her full name.

"Just asking."

"I... don't really have one. Just good music?"

"Let's do some metal. Metal."

"What kind of metal?"

"Uh... huh?"

Seoha always brought up metal. Suyun pressed further, wanting to know what Seoha actually wanted to do.

"You know, the sound, or the genre."

"I... well. Instead of explaining it in words, it's better to just play it."

Seoha played a few tracks. Some 90s metal bands, some recent releases.

"Unni, you like this stuff?" Iseor asked.

"Yeah, I like it. Anyway, I want to try something with this kind of vibe," Seoha replied.

Listening to them, Suyun felt a slight shock. It was so different from what she expected. Not the sound or the music, but the attitude.

Because the music Seoha had played for her a few months ago was completely different.

"Didn't you say you wanted to try something else before?"

"Well... people's tastes change. Right? Everyone's preferences change from a year or two ago. Even Iseor with her Kuromi stuff... wait, you still wear that."

"This is different!"

While Iseor and Seoha bickered as usual, Suyun turned the thought over in her mind. A strange sensation stirred. She couldn't quite grasp it yet, but she felt she had found a clue.

A few days later.

In a different practice room properly set up for listening.

"Shall we take a listen?"

Under the gaze of the other three, Suyun clicked the spacebar. The music flowing from the speakers began to fill the room.

After the playback ended.

Perhaps to concentrate, Araki slowly opened his closed eyes.

"First of all, more than anything... this is really good," Araki muttered.