The Admin Cow Goddess Is Deleting My Character
Average height. Average looks. Average university. My life had never been all that different from anyone else's.
People around me studied, so I studied. People around me enlisted, so I enlisted. Someone said some game was fun, so I tried it once out of curiosity. That was all it was supposed to be.
While everyone else was at work or school, I would roll out of bed late and fire up the computer. Without fail, I logged into Dystoa Online — the ultra-popular massively multiplayer RPG I had been pouring my love into for years.
Chat messages flooded in the moment I connected.
Even this game I loved had started to feel stale.
Same people. Same party quests, over and over. When I got bored, I would raid newbie guild halls and wreck the place, or snatch up random players and beat them senseless. The moment this place I had fled to from reality became reality itself, the thrill of transgression curdled into guilt. Or, more honestly — I was just bored. Pure, empty boredom.
When Dystoa Online first launched, it was one shock after another. Not the usual tired roster of Warrior, Rogue, Archer, Mage — you could create or discover your own class. The goddess of Dystoa, Elanea, the core of the game's main system, generated hidden classes on a fixed cycle.
The reason I had held my spot from launch day to now: Different-Race Trainer. That broken class. What is it? Exactly what it sounds like — a class that rules every non-human race. And its brokenness became incomparable when I teamed up with my gaming buddy Kim Hyeon-seong, a.k.a. RubySlayer.
Hyeon-seong's class was Necromancer — a summoner who commanded corpses and undead. You see where this is going? When my summons died, Hyeon-seong took control of them. When I got stronger, so did he. With that combo, we dominated the server. Just the two of us. Years passed like that. We stood at the top, and then came the long, hollow years of boredom…
Ding—
Unknown number. Someone was still calling a washed-up wreck like me? Spam?
~ Incoming contact from {Elanea}. Accept? ~
What? Spam came this cheap these days? Pathetic.
So why did I want to tap it? Why do you think. It was Elanea — the game's official number-one cow goddess. That Elanea was calling me. Of course I had to answer.
KWOOM—
A roar of sound and pure white light swallowed my room. In an instant, everything was blinding white. What the hell — spam that affects reality now? Holy shit, is this real?
A strange woman's voice drifted from somewhere.
"O virgin NEET freeloader hero…"
Huh? Did I hear that right? That was way too insulting.
"Master of the non-human races, ParkSeonghyeon123. Dystoa's one and only Different-Race Trainer. A pleasure to meet you. I am Elanea, goddess and administrator of the world of Dystoa."
"A second ago you called me a virgin NEET freeloader, and now it's 'master of the non-human races'? Ha… mind explaining what the hell is going on here?"
Elanea seemed slightly flustered by my boldness. She cleared her throat several times, then pressed on.
"You are an overwhelming presence in the world of Dystoa. Especially when you coordinate with RubySlayer, your influence reaches a level that could rightly be called master of the world."
Mm-hmm. That's right. I might be a virgin NEET freeloader in real life, but in here I was that kind of person. Elanea watched my swelling ego with a look of pure pity and continued.
"Dystoa cycles continuously. The balance of power must be maintained. You and your friend have shattered that balance. As administrator, for the sake of peace, for the world of Dystoa, I will now do what I must. Commencing deletion."
Did I mishear? Deletion? I still couldn't wrap my head around being warped from reality into this unknown space. The fact that my physical body was sitting here in a white virtual void alongside a game NPC was already absurd enough — and now she was going to delete ParkSeonghyeon123, the sum total of my entire life?
"Wait, Elanea-nim. Hold on. Let's talk this out. From now on I swear I won't kill newbies, I'll help people, I'll—"
My desperate pleading meant nothing. Elanea waved her hands through empty air, looking for all the world like she was processing a deletion.
"Fine, you fucking bitch. Before I go, I'm at least grabbing those tits of yours. I'll show you what a starving Korean virgin NEET freeloader is made of!"
I launched my whole body at the chest of Elanea, who stood frozen mid-gesture. Had I ever been this fast in my life?
Reality Projection Program Error…
Proceed with deletion?
This may cause a critical bug in reality projection. Proceed?
Reality Projection Program Error…
Proceed with deletion?
This may cause a critical bug in reality projection. Proceed?
"What do you think you're— ngh… Y-you will… r-regret this… action…"
Apparently she couldn't move while processing a deletion. That soft, yielding sensation. My body was breaking apart into data fragments and flying away. Fuck. If I get reborn, I'm dating someone. And I'm grabbing a lot more tits…
KWOOM—
"Hey. How long do you plan to lie there sleeping?"
Huh? Wait — that voice…
No way.
"Do I need to kick your ass to get you up? Looks like you're the type who enjoys a good beating."
I opened my eyes, and sure enough — exactly who I'd imagined was standing there. The most peaceful place in Dystoa. Sextia. In other words, the beginner village. And the quest NPC you ran into more than anyone else there: Gendus. A bald, muscular old man. Of all people, I had to run into this guy again…
"Long time no see, gramps."
Whack—
"Have you lost your mind? Who the hell are you to talk to me like that?"
Huh…?
"I drag you back from death's door and this is the thanks I get? Ungrateful bastard. Get the hell out."
Wait. What was this vibration and sting on my cheek? Had I… entered the game? Fuck…
The thing that set Dystoa Online apart from every other game — its unique system — was this: if you died, your character was deleted. And that meant if I died here now… I would actually die.
"First you talk down to me, and now you're straight-up ignoring me? What a piece of work. Get out of my sight."
"I am truly, deeply sorry. I will do anything — please, just let me work at your inn."
Gendus raised an eyebrow, looking somewhat startled as he glared at me. My brain had spun a little too fast. Anyone who knew the game knew Gendus's inn was where beginners stayed the most. Even in this safe village, it was the safest space of all. And that wasn't all. Nearly every NPC famous in Dystoa for being hot as hell was concentrated in this village. That was the real key.
"I won't ask how you know about my inn. You look like you've got a story. But talk down to me one more time and I might just snap you in half. Watch yourself."
Really hung up on the formal speech, wasn't he. Whatever — right now this was the only place I could lean on.
"Thank you. Thank you so, so much… I will serve you with total loyalty."
For now, I'd follow. Gather information there. Hell, it wasn't like I had any other options…