To Avoid Regret
I couldn't avoid this conversation forever. It wasn't the kind of topic you could just sidestep. This was a matter of life and death. I had to settle it once and for all. I straightened my posture.
"Mom."
"Y-yes?"
Mom's face was tense. Whether I said I liked it or hated it, either way she'd be hurt. Still, we couldn't avoid reaching a conclusion.
I steeled my heart and began.
"I think our situation right now is being broadcast somewhere."
"Broadcast... like an internet stream?"
"Yes. Or maybe scientists watching lab rats. Either way, I'm certain someone is watching us."
At the mention of being watched, Mom reflexively glanced around. Of course there were no visible cameras. If they could create something like this, they wouldn't need cameras to observe everything anyway.
"So I've been thinking. What could be the purpose of whoever brought us here?"
Mom nodded, her hands clenched tightly as if trying to endure her fear.
"They drive survivors into extreme situations. Even then, there's always a way out. But what if that way out requires acts so inhumane that no decent person could accept them? Would humans choose survival above all else, or would they cling to their dignity until the very end—"
This was all just my hypothesis. But nothing else explained it. It wasn't like they just wanted to watch a mother and son commit incest.
"Honestly, I don't want to play along with whatever they're pushing us toward. I want to smash this entire experimental playground they've built and give them a taste of their own medicine."
What they wanted was for me to break under the pressure and fall into depravity with Mom. But I had no intention of becoming their entertainment. Maybe it was the rebellious streak I inherited from Dad. More than anything, I refused to dance to their tune.
Mom listened to everything I said, then gave a deep nod.
"...I understand how you feel, Changjae. Then, can I tell you what Mom thinks?"
"Yes. Please do."
It was unexpected. Mom rarely shared her own opinions with me. At the same time, I was curious what she felt so strongly about that she wanted to speak up.
"Mom doesn't care what those people watching us want. The only things Mom cares about are you and me. Just the two of us."
She began like that. Hers was probably the normal reaction. In a situation where our lives were on the line, maybe I was the strange one for worrying about observers who might not even exist.
"Mom believes that if there's a safe path, we should take it no matter what. I don't want to watch you get hurt anymore."
"But Mom—"
"Changjae, do you know Rubens' painting 'Cimon and Pero'?"
"...No."
She cut off what I was about to say and suddenly brought up something completely unrelated. I'd heard of the painter Rubens, but the title of the painting was new to me.
"Cimon was sentenced to death by starvation for his crimes. Starvation means locking a criminal in prison until they die of hunger. Cimon's daughter Pero visited him every day, but she wasn't allowed to bring food inside. So instead of food, she breastfed her father so he wouldn't starve. All while the guards watched from outside the prison."
I could see where Mom was going with this. In a way, it was similar to the situation we were in now. A daughter feeding her father from her breast to keep him alive. Was that moral, or immoral?
"What do you think about that story, Changjae? Was the daughter who breastfed her father truly committing an immoral act?"
"...That's..."
"Mom has thought about it. If you were in Cimon's position, I would do the same as Pero. And if there's even the slightest chance of keeping you alive, no matter what the method is, Mom will choose that path."
Mom took my hand tightly. Her hand was trembling faintly.
"We got through this time safely, but what about next time? What if it's not a hyena but a tiger or a lion? What if something even more dangerous appears?"
"Mom..."
"I'm scared, Changjae. Scared that something will happen to you. Scared you'll get hurt again. Scared you'll die."
I couldn't even lie and tell her not to worry because I'd be fine. There was no guarantee I'd survive another fight with a hyena. Besides, that hyena was the first beast we'd encountered. In game terms, it was like a beginner monster—a slime or a goblin. There was no telling what more dangerous things might appear later.
And above all, there was the issue of other survivors. If someone came with the intention of harming others, they'd be far more dangerous than any speechless animal.
"And Changjae. This is just what Mom thinks, but I don't believe what those people are after is that simple."
"...What do you mean?"
"Normally, in a situation like this, people would feel the same resistance you do, right? No one would actually want to do something like that with family."
Is that so? Am I the weird one for actually wanting it?
"So at first they resist, holding out. Then one of them dies, and the survivor is left with regret. 'If only I'd known, I would've done it back then.'"
Mom's words pierced my chest like ice. They sounded exactly like they were describing my current situation.
"If you die, what do you think will happen to Mom? Just like that phone said earlier, I'd have to collect coins to save you by seeking out strange men and giving myself to them. And then I'd think, 'Ah... if only I'd done it with Changjae back then—'"
Had she really imagined that future? The hand holding mine was shaking even harder now.
"You wouldn't want Mom to do that, would you? Of course Mom doesn't want to do those things with strangers either. But if it's to save you, I will."
If I told her not to, would she really stop? No. Words like that wouldn't mean anything. Promising I wouldn't die would be the same. Mom had already made up her mind. If I died, she would choose the path to save me. Even if that path was filled with thorns, even if it burned like hellfire, even if failure seemed inevitable—she was prepared to endure it all.
"But I hate that kind of future. So Mom wants to choose the safe path from the very beginning. Whether it's immoral or whatever. I don't want to lose you and live with regret. If we still end up dying because of a mistake, then there's nothing we can do about it. But at least we won't have regrets, right?"
I hated that future too. The thought of Mom having to seek out other men to collect coins for me was something I didn't even want to imagine.
"Mom wants to stockpile guns and bullets so we don't have to worry about hunger or injury. It's fine if it's just the two of us forever. All Mom needs is for you to stay safe by my side."
What could I possibly say to her? My pathetic stubbornness felt so small in comparison. It felt like she'd just shown me what a true 'adult's capacity' looked like. I was completely convinced by Mom.
"Of course, Mom won't force you if you really don't want to. After all, Mom is a lady too."
Having finished speaking, Mom gave a shy little smile.
"...Mom. It's not that I don't want to. It's just..."
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say I wanted to, nor could I say I didn't. Because saying anything at all would decisively change our relationship. The thin thread of our pseudo mother-son bond would snap. I wouldn't be able to stay comfortably in the position of Mom's 'fake son' anymore.
I was afraid of that. So I couldn't say anything.
"Yeah, I know. Today is only the first day, so Mom will wait until you've sorted out your feelings."
She kissed the back of my hand.
"But remember this one thing, okay? Mom is always ready to accept you."
"...Mom..."
Mom was dazzling. Beautiful and noble, like a saint to me. Could someone like me—who'd rolled around in the dirt—really be allowed to tarnish her?
...No. It was time to make a decision. I couldn't keep running away like a coward. When a woman had laid herself bare like this, a man couldn't back down.
"Ah."
Our eyes met. Mom's eyes widened. In her trembling pupils, I could see my own face reflected back at me. That face slowly drew closer to hers.
-Chu.
Our lips touched lightly. Compared to what we'd done before, it was an incredibly light kiss. But to me, it felt heavier than any kiss I'd ever had.
Ding♪ First successful kiss with your partner! You have earned 20 coins.
Can you please just shut up for once?
When I pulled back slightly to look at her, Mom had her eyes squeezed shut and her lips pushed forward. It was kind of funny. But I couldn't laugh.
Because I could feel the presence of a third party close by—not just me and Mom.
I whispered so only Mom could hear.
'Mom. Stay still.'
"...Huh?"
'Shh. There's someone here.'
I felt Mom's body stiffen. They might have noticed that we'd realized they were there. I quietly picked up the bamboo spear I'd left leaning nearby and stood up. Then, muffling my footsteps, I slowly walked toward where I sensed the presence.
And when I'd gotten close enough—
"Whoa! Survivor discovered!"
With an incredibly cheerful voice, a young girl suddenly popped out.