Hong Chilgong
Cheongwol stood rooted to the spot, watching the two of them recede into the distance. She could do nothing but stare after their backs.
She and Seomun Hwi really were nothing more than close friends, yet even so, there was nothing she could do about being treated like this by Dang Sohye.
From her point of view, it would only look as though her betrothed were flirting with some woman who had appeared out of nowhere.
Did Seomun Hwi know?
That whether one lived as a man or a woman, whether one chose neither path and simply went on living, she would have to carry this feeling with her for the rest of her life.
Cheongwol crouched where she stood and buried her face in her knees.
...This isn’t Hwi’s fault.
He was the young clan leader of the Seomun Clan. Of course he had to attend to his betrothed, Dang Sohye, before anyone else.
So there should not have been the slightest reason for her to feel so disappointed.
And yet, seeing Seomun Hwi glance back over his shoulder again and again with that apologetic look as he moved farther and farther away, Cheongwol almost called his name out loud without meaning to.
"Haa..."
She let out a long sigh.
That was enough of the childish, unreasonable sulking.
She had chosen to live as a man, and she herself had drawn the line, saying they would remain friends in the future.
What did it matter if she could not walk the ordinary road like everyone else?
In any case, the road she would have to walk from here on would be a thorn-covered path no one else could walk beside her on.
Just as Cheongwol was about to sigh again, a gravelly voice came from beside her.
"Why is a young miss making such a funeral face in broad daylight?"
She lifted her head and saw an old man looking down at her with a grin, dressed in clothes so shabby they were practically filthy.
A beggar...?
She had clearly heard that, unless there was a special reason, even collateral branches were not allowed to enter the inner grounds of the Sichuan Tang Clan, much less outsiders.
And since a beggar was wandering around in a place like this without anyone stopping him, his identity was obvious enough.
"I’m Cheongwol. It’s an honor to meet a senior of the Beggar Sect."
Cheongwol clasped her hands and bowed respectfully. The old man nodded with obvious satisfaction.
"I’m Hong Chilgong, the Beggar Sect’s Law Enforcer. You’re a very polite young miss."
After a few more short exchanges, Hong Chilgong casually asked where she intended to eat.
He had come to the Tang Clan many times, so he already knew the answer well enough, but he wanted to talk with this courteous junior a little longer.
Besides, he had spent quite a while carrying out missions alone and was feeling rather lonely.
"It’s almost lunchtime. If you don’t mind, would you care to eat with me?"
Fortunately, Cheongwol showed not the slightest hint of reluctance and was the first to invite him to sit with her.
She was a young woman, after all; one might expect her to find a beggar distasteful.
"I’d be glad for the company. Come on, or my stomach’s going to stick to my spine."
"Yes. This way."
When he readily agreed, Cheongwol started walking lightly ahead.
It was not until then that Hong Chilgong realized something.
Even he, with all the years he had lived, would soon be faced with a sight he had never seen before in his life.
---
...Is she a member of the Beggar Sect hiding her identity too?
Hong Chilgong looked faintly flustered by Cheongwol’s appetite, enough to make even a great eater like him click his tongue in amazement.
Her chopsticks moved so fast he almost thought he saw afterimages.
The food disappeared the instant it entered her mouth, as though she were not chewing at all but simply melting it down and swallowing it whole.
No sooner had one plate been set down than two more were emptied in its place.
It was a shocking scene, as if he were not dining with a young woman but with five or six beggars at once.
When Hong Chilgong remained silent, Cheongwol tilted her head and asked, "You said you were hungry, weren’t you? Ah, or is the food not to your liking?"
As if a beggar like him had any right to be picky about food.
He barely managed to swallow the words rising to his throat—No, I just don’t have anything left to eat because you’re devouring my share too.
"...Just watching you eat makes me full. It’s a pleasure to see a young miss with a healthy appetite."
He had meant it partly as a joke, but partly as truth as well.
These days, the young folk—especially young women—barely knew food was precious and only pecked at their meals.
"My grandfather said that too. He said just watching me eat was enough to fill him up."
Even as she spoke, Cheongwol was stripping meat from the bone and thinking of her grandfather.
Back then, Grandfather used to take the meat apart for me himself.
She had meant to do that for him at least once as well, but the memory of having only ever received without thinking much of it had lingered with her like a quiet regret.
Maybe that was why, when she had carefully removed a strip of meat, she now placed it politely atop Hong Chilgong’s bowl.
Only a moment ago she had been devouring the meal like a starving ghost, and now she was doing this—what sort of behavior was this?
Hong Chilgong looked back and forth between the meat and Cheongwol, and she gave an embarrassed smile before mentioning the story with her grandfather.
"I’m sorry if I offended you."
"Not at all. I’d feel ashamed if a fellow like me were enjoying the luxury that should have been your grandfather’s to enjoy. Instead, I’ll pray he rests in peace."
"Thank you. Grandfather would like that."
Cheongwol nodded with a wistful look in her eyes, and Hong Chilgong silently ate the slices of meat that continued to be placed in his bowl.
As he had said, he prayed for the repose of the grandfather the young woman had spoken of.
...Old brother. I don’t know who you were, but it seems you can close your eyes without worry. Your granddaughter has grown up so properly. You raised her well.
Before long, as the meal drew to a close, Hong Chilgong took the warm atmosphere as his chance to ask, "Still, I haven’t heard the reason yet."
"Pardon?"
"You were making such a miserable face. Tell me what had you so down."
"That’s..."
When Cheongwol hesitated, he smiled at her with the same kindly expression her grandfather might have worn.
"Most troubles can be solved by time, but some things can make a sickness of the heart. Such matters are like heavy baggage; you can only feel lighter after you tell someone about them."
"..."
"I swear on this knot of mine that I will never tell a soul."
For a member of the Beggar Sect who did not covet wealth or possessions, a knot was everything he had.
When he even invoked his knot, Cheongwol began to waver as well.
Perhaps Hong Chilgong was right.
Had there not been times when a difficult matter that seemed to have no answer had been strangely easy to solve once she asked So Gayul or Unhak?
So where should she begin, and how far should she go?
Cheongwol pursed her lips for a moment before finally opening her mouth heavily.
"It’s because of a friend..."
---
Hong Chilgong glanced at Cheongwol, who wore a bitter expression.
So she had become tangled up in complicated feelings because she saw someone precious to her with their betrothed.
"Hmm..."
If it were truly just an ordinary friend, there was no way such feelings would arise.
But the fact she had brought it up at all meant she herself had not fully recognized what was in her heart.
Hong Chilgong hummed thoughtfully for a while longer before cautiously testing her.
"Could it be that you have feelings for this friend?"
Cheongwol waved her hands in vehement denial.
"Absolutely not. I’m not even capable of falling in love with that friend."
That only made things more confusing.
She was not denying romantic feelings between man and woman, but instead insisting from the outset that such a thing was impossible.
That was the unbridgeable gap between them, created by the fact that Cheongwol had once been a man.
When he fell silent and sank deeper into thought, Cheongwol gave a faint smile.
"I was just throwing a childish tantrum because it felt like my friend had been stolen from me. I was moping around because I was ashamed of myself for that."
"...I see?"
However he thought about it, this did not seem like something so easily reduced to that, but if she said that was all it was, what could he do?
On the other hand, the confusion in Cheongwol’s heart truly did ease, just a little, exactly as Hong Chilgong had said it might.
Right, that’s ridiculous. How could a man ever fall in love with a man?
She had thought it was only a tantrum, but she had also worried that perhaps what she felt was something else entirely.
Now that she thought about it, it was laughably absurd.
To have romantic feelings meant wanting to hold hands with him, or wanting to be held in his arms, didn’t it?
She only wanted to stay with him for a long time.
She had never once entertained any such improper thoughts.
...
Just as she was beginning to feel somewhat relieved, a memory she had deliberately tried to forget suddenly surfaced in her mind from her time at Kongdong Sect.
-I don’t know when that day will come, but once I’ve finished my revenge, I must carry on the Im family line. If I’m going to have to take seed from a man anyway...
From her cheeks all the way to the tips of her ears.
Cheongwol’s face turned red in an instant.
"...!"
Only moments ago she had seemed full of calm, but now she shot up from her seat, her face flushed a bright, blazing red.
Seeing Cheongwol’s utterly unreadable reaction, Hong Chilgong was certain.
His guess had indeed been more or less right.
The only issue, in his view, was that the young woman before him seemed a little muddled.
At this rate, she might deny her own feelings and end up burying them without ever acknowledging them at all.
No matter what happened, wouldn’t it be better to at least confirm each other’s feelings, so there would be no regret in the future?
And so Hong Chilgong, unlike his usual self, allowed himself a touch of meddling.
"If that’s how it is, then let’s try this. Why don’t you try getting engaged, like your friend?"