Chapter 619
Chapter 619
“So, you’re feeling that, just like back then, your left arm could suddenly start hurting again, Mr. Ryu.”
“…Yes.”
“It’s understandable that your heart feels heavy. It’s a perfectly natural reaction.”
Time flowed slowly and heavily.
Ryu Cheong-woo listened to the therapist’s words without much thought.
This therapist was the same expert he had consulted when he quit archery as a child, and they had certainly been a great help back then.
That was why he had sought them out again as soon as he began his hiatus. However…
“How do you feel as we have this conversation?”
“……”
He didn’t feel the sense of relief or comfort that usually comes with unburdening oneself.
“I’m not sure.”
There were too many things Ryu Cheong-woo couldn’t say.
Just as one cannot receive the right prescription without accurately describing their symptoms, counseling was the same. But he couldn’t reveal the exact cause.
It wasn’t simply that Ryu Cheong-woo had suddenly become afraid of the lingering effects of a past injury. It was because the experience of an ongoing injury remained etched in his memory.
Steer.
And the cause of that injury was…
—They said my shoulder has accumulated too much fatigue, so it’ll be difficult to perform choreography at the previous level from now on.
He had definitely told the members that.
It wasn’t a lie.
During his time in Steer, he had certainly pushed his body much more recklessly than he did now in TeSTAR.
At first glance, it might seem strange. How could an idol fading into obscurity due to withdrawals and controversies be more overworked than a member of TeSTAR, a group that had won a Grand Prize?
It was because he didn’t have the luxury of choosing jobs that weren’t ‘over-exerting.’
Amidst activities riddled with crises, Ryu Cheong-woo’s other qualities failed to gain new attention. In the end, he had simply exhausted the selling point he’d been emphasizing since Idol Inc.
The former national athlete.
—As expected of Ryu Cheong-woo! Amazing! The record is… 12 minutes and 22 seconds! The winner of this episode’s obstacle course on <Challenge Race> is… Team A!
Consequently, he received steady requests for programs where he could flaunt his physical abilities, and the company, relieved to be getting calls at all, booked every schedule they could get their hands on.
And Ryu Cheong-woo diligently carried out those schedules, and as a result…
—Patient, your shoulder is completely gone. Right here.
“……”
So, Ryu Cheong-woo had told the members the truth.
…There were just parts he chose not to disclose.
“Then, Cheong-woo, shall we try an exercise? Let’s imagine the left arm injury you’re currently afraid of.”
Normally, someone who knows how to manage their body as well as he does wouldn’t break down to the point of physical incapacity just from accumulated shoulder fatigue.
If they do break down, it’s because there’s a more decisive factor.
“Is it… a lingering effect of the car accident you experienced during a family trip as a child?”
“……”
“This time as well?”
—My aftereffects… I was told the only symptom was a slight tremor, and that it definitely wouldn’t interfere with daily life.
—That means it becomes part of your daily life, not that you can overexert yourself and do heavy labor as you please.
—…Then.
—You used it too much. I saw you on TV running while carrying heavy iron weights.
—…….
—Car accidents are terrifying like that. Especially during childhood when bones are still growing. They leave lasting effects.
“Yes.”
Why did it have to be then?
Of all things, why did he have to go on that family trip?
What was so special about it?
Why did it keep popping up out of nowhere, regardless of his choices, efforts, or achievements, forcing him to give up once again while being unable to do anything?
As a human being, it was impossible for such resentment not to spark like a flame in his mind.
But he couldn’t tell the members.
“Has there been anything recently—something impressive or frightening—that might have reminded you of that car accident?”
“……”
In truth, he couldn’t even tell the therapist.
That the person who shared the trauma of the car accident from that family trip was right beside him.
The older cousin who hadn’t attended back then.
—I’m jealous.
—I’m jealous that your parents are fine and you get to live doing everything you want.
That the other person’s trauma was the exact opposite of his own.
—When I brought up the aftereffects of the car accident… it must have sounded like the complaints of someone who has it all.
He couldn't bring himself to describe the strange feeling of not being able to tell that person that this situation had happened again because of the aftereffects of that very injury.
Whether it was consideration, discomfort, or guilt, he didn't know.
He wanted to snap back with a sharp retort—Was I supposed to be grateful my shoulder got smashed on the spot, then?—but whenever he woke up from such thoughts, he was met with a long sense of lethargy and self-loathing.
“Then, I’ll see you again in three days.”
Ultimately, Ryu Cheong-woo finished the session by being prescribed stabilizers, antidepressants, and a few supplements.
“Thank you.”
The therapist didn’t try to pry further. They were likely trying to proceed step by step.
Though it probably wouldn't matter.
“……”
On the way home.
A long, silent breath escaped Ryu Cheong-woo’s lips. The outdoor air, nearing early summer, was warm but also stinging.
But he preferred the sting.
…I don’t want it to be quiet.
Ryu Cheong-woo suddenly felt a reluctance to return to the dorm.
Sitting still in a place where no one else was felt like more than just being restless; it was agonizing.
But I don’t want to go to my parents’ house either.
The mere thought of receiving their concern and being told to rest well without worrying about anything made him feel as if his throat were being constricted.
However, Ryu Cheong-woo didn’t let it show, continuing his walk with only a slightly fatigued expression.
And then, he arrived at the dorm.
It’ll be empty.
It wasn’t a time when the manager would be there either.
He silently opened the door, but…
“You’re back?”
“You’re here, hyung~!”
Voices poured out.
The sounds of daily life drifted from beyond the open door.
“……”
Ryu Cheong-woo paused for a moment.
The members, who had turned toward the entrance or raised their arms in a cheerful greeting, quickly scattered back to their own tasks.
In the midst of it all, Kim Rae-bin, who had been hunched over with his nose buried in a laptop, belatedly looked up and shouted brightly.
“Have you had breakfast? I drank dried persimmons blended with milk!”
“It’s Moon-dae hyung’s recipe. I’m going to have some too.”
“It’s easy. Make it yourself.”
“Uuu… OK.”
A dejected Cha Yu-jin conceded.
Park Moon-dae, seemingly noticing Ryu Cheong-woo, gave a slight nod before slumping back into a kitchen chair and scrolling through his smartphone again.
It was relaxed.
Ryu Cheong-woo asked without realizing it.
“What about the schedule?”
“The main photographer caught the flu, so it was postponed,” Park Moon-dae said without taking his eyes off his phone. “So we moved the shoot to the day after tomorrow. If you have time, hyung, you should come too. It’s a self-produced pictorial, so the timing won’t be specific.”
“……”
“If you don’t want to, then never mind.”
“No,”
“Okay. I’ll take that as you’re coming.”
It was quick and concise.
Slightly flustered, Ryu Cheong-woo was about to head to his room with the bag of medicine he was holding when he was met with a beaming face.
It was Seon A-hyun.
“Um, did you… get your prescription?”
“Yeah.”
“Ah, I hope it suits you and works well…! Also, um… I heard that taking it consistently is important, so I tried hard to stick to that.”
“…I see.”
“Yes!”
Seon A-hyun even kindly explained how to talk to the therapist if the medicine didn’t feel right before shouting a "Fighting!" and passing by.
“……”
For some reason… at those reactions that seemed to ease the tension in his shoulders, Ryu Cheong-woo hesitated and stopped for a moment.
That was when it happened.
“Ah, Ryu Cheong-woo.”
This time, Bae Se-jin, who was watching TV wearing blue-light blocking glasses, lightly tapped him on the back.
“You… probably aren’t in a great mood. Instead of just counseling, why don’t you go out for a change of pace?”
“……”
Ryu Cheong-woo furrowed his brows slightly in embarrassment.
“I never said I was in a bad mood.”
“What are you talking about? There’s no way taking a break from activities feels good.”
“……”
“Let’s go blow off some steam!”
“Ooh~ Sejin hyung… After following Cheong-woo hyung around to exercise like that, your stamina really isn't what it used to be.”
“Me, me, me, me! I’m going!”
“Are we seeking new inspiration for the album through a change of pace? That is a truly excellent choice…”
In an instant, voices shouting from all over the dorm erupted with teasing, interruptions, and deliberations on joining.
“But I don’t want to go hiking.”
“Ah. I’m not really feeling that either.”
“Cheong-woo hyung! Let’s go somewhere other than hiking! Let’s go shooting instead!”
“The American is suggesting we go shoot things.”
“He probably means target practice!”
The rowdiness, which had nothing to do with his problems, didn't feel bad, so Ryu Cheong-woo nodded before he knew it.
“YESSSS. Then are we going shooting? I’ll go change. Wait for me for ten minutes.”
“……”
But… what on earth was happening?
“What happened with Ryu Cheong-woo!”
“……”
“Park Moon-dae, you joined us thirty minutes later than planned! Something definitely happened!”
Sharp bastard.
After talking with Ryu Cheong-woo, I had joined the others in the waiting room late, and Bae Se-jin almost grabbed me by the collar.
Of course, even if he hadn't, I had something to say.
I had thought about it a lot on the way. What would be best to do.
First… leave out all the stuff about that guy suffering while monitoring himself and whatnot.
Talking about the minute details of Ryu Cheong-woo’s situation felt a bit uncomfortable, and even if I did, it would only make everyone more uneasy.
I had to get to a different core issue.
Us.
“There’s something we’ve been mistaken about.”
“…?”
About the stance we’ve been taking.
“What is it?”
“We…”
I rubbed my eyes.
“It seems we made it too obvious that we were trying to be considerate of Cheong-woo hyung.”
“……”
A brief silence followed.
“Huh?”
“W-wasn’t it the opposite…?”
“No.”
Think about it carefully.
“It seems it was incredibly unnatural and burdensome.”
“…!”
“Look back on it. Even if we didn't say it out loud, we were practically screaming that we were being considerate.”
The members’ mouths hung open.
Yeah, I almost bit my tongue thinking about it on the way here. Looking back, it was obvious.
“Wait… was calling you to tell you to come quickly because Ryu Cheong-woo woke up… that?”
“Buying the gamjatang Cheong-woo hyung likes was probably the final confirmation.”
“I was right. It would have been better to just say directly that we bought what Cheong-woo hyung likes!”
“…Even the excuse for canceling this week’s music broadcast?”
“That was really obvious.”
Right now, Ryu Cheong-woo seemed to be in a state of confusion about what he even wanted to do.
But everyone around him was acting like, ‘I’m doing my absolute best to be careful and considerate of you right now’?
He had fallen into a cycle of infinite pressure, feeling like he had to be considerate of us rather than his own wishes.
It might be touching for some, but for others, it can be a suffocating burden that makes them want to scream, ‘Oh for f—’s sake, just stop already!’
The excuses intended to be considerate without taking credit had instead become glaringly obvious, making the other person even more burdened.
And the members, finally feeling that reality skin-deep, asked themselves:
“Why… did we act like that?”
“That’s because…”
Keun Se-jin summarized it simply.
“It’s because Cheong-woo hyung has always been so mature and good to us whenever a problem arose.”
“……”
“Naturally, you want to do the same for him. Honestly, is there a single member here who hasn't felt grateful to him at least once?”
That was true.
There wasn't a single person in this team who hadn't experienced Ryu Cheong-woo giving subtle help whenever a worry or problem cropped up.
He wasn't loud about it; he was understated.
When he calmly threw out a word or moved to help, was there anyone who hadn't thought, That’s really nice?
Whether it was comfort or help.
…Me included.
—Are you in a situation where you need help right now?
That guy really did have good intuition, in a different sense than Keun Se-jin. I suppressed a groan.
“Because of that, we wanted to do even better for him.”
So when Ryu Cheong-woo’s mental state crumbled, everyone had panicked simultaneously.
And we tried to act similarly to how we had received help.
With even more care.
Since everyone was doing it, we didn't notice each other and got buried in it.
“I knew it.”
“Be quiet, Cha Yu-jin.”
Bae Se-jin pressed his eyes and groaned.
“…He might have felt even more exhausted because he felt like we were uncomfortable around him.”
“……”
“It’s right to treat him more honestly and comfortably.”
“Exactly.”
“You hyungs can’t act natural. That’s the problem.”
“You’re not exactly great at it either.”
“What?”
The bickering members soon calmed down.
Thanks to that, I spoke calmly as well.
“From now on, it’ll be better to just give him honest support. …Whether Cheong-woo hyung can stand on stage or not is honestly up to him.”
“……”
“I don’t think we need to add things like ‘it’s okay to rest’ for no reason, either.”
“True.”
The members nodded.
Bae Se-jin let out a deep sigh.
“Then… let’s start by stopping this whispering among ourselves. It feels like we’re plotting something.”
“Hyung, you’re the one who started it.”
“T-that’s why I’m saying let’s stop!”
Through that process, this was what TeSTAR chose.
To be slightly mindful so that Ryu Cheong-woo could be happy and comfortable, but not to obsess over it.
As long as we aren't whining about how hard it is for us, it’s fine to say things like ‘I picked this because I know you like it.’
Just don't approach it in a complicated way.
If something sucks, say it sucks.
And so, we had dragged Ryu Cheong-woo out all the way to a shooting range.
It’s a hobby he picked up after debuting.
Since he was someone who enjoyed physical activity, shooting was a decent choice if he used a model with low recoil.
However, Ryu Cheong-woo hesitated slightly as he got out of the car and walked toward the range.
“It wouldn't be good if word got out.”
He meant he was worried people would say things like, ‘How dare you go out to play when you’re resting because you’re sick?’
Keun Se-jin waved his hand cheerfully.
“Ah, that’s fine! We didn't tell the company separately~ and this place is famous for being private so it can be just us…”
[Closed Today]
—Closed due to personal circumstances.
We were screwed.
“You said they were open today!”
“No, I’m sure they were… …Aha, they only posted the notice on Inheart. Closed.”
“……”
It truly was the age of social media.
Turning my head, I saw Bae Se-jin trying to sneak a look at Ryu Cheong-woo’s reaction.
No. Dammit.
Just say let’s call it a day and come back next time.
It was the moment I was about to jump in.
“Um, excuse me, but there’s a facility for a similar sport right next door…”
“Let’s go there!”
“Sounds good!”
“Ah, yes. Understood!”
Kim Rae-bin, who had quickly attempted a search, scouted out a new destination.
The guy who earns his keep is pulling through again.
And with everyone’s active agreement, he led us for about ten minutes…
We soon realized why he had referred to it as a ‘similar sport.’
“……”
“It is here!”
That rabbit from Wonderland.
Where Kim Rae-bin had brought us was an archery range.
“……No.”
It was target practice, alright.
It was just that the tool wasn't a gun, but a bow.
The very thing Ryu Cheong-woo had quit because of the aftereffects of his injury.
This is…
A total disaster?
How do you pick the number one thing that reminds him of his injury so fearlessly?
Feeling a chill run down my spine, I turned my head and saw Kim Rae-bin’s slightly tense face.
But he didn't look like he was in a panic or had just realized his mistake and was ready to bash his head against a wall.
Instead, a firm expression, as if he had prepared himself, was on his face.
“……”
Hmm.
“Shall we go in?”
“Ah, yes.”
I followed silently behind Ryu Cheong-woo, who was walking calmly.
On a weekday lunch, the archery cafe located in a secluded spot was very quiet.
Is it run as a hobby?
The owners didn't seem particularly interested in celebrities, and TeSTAR, wearing sporty caps and masks, looked like nothing more than a university club gathering.
Thus, TeSTAR was able to head out to the outdoor field, which was only fenced off, without any issues.
The targets visible in the distance, and the shooting line right in front of them.
“Since this is outdoors, they say up to 40 meters is possible.”
“Oh, even at the Idol Athletics Championships, 20 meters was the limit.”
Ryu Cheong-woo stood quietly at the shooting line. Red and blue stickers, old and not for professional use, were stuck onto the straw mats.
The members, each holding a bow, handled them awkwardly.
Still, it wasn't their first time; they had held them on broadcasts, so their movements showed a bit of familiarity.
They even asked each other questions.
“Ah~ then in archery, is having good pulling strength in one hand the most important thing?”
“Not necessarily.”
Ryu Cheong-woo replied, habitually checking the nock of the arrow.
“You pull the string with your right hand, but the left hand provides the support.”
The hand that pushes the bow. The hand that acts as the pedestal has a very important and distinct role.
“It’s about fixing the target.”
Unshakable composure.
“Strength and stability. Using both is the beginning of archery.”
A sport of balance.
If the pulling force becomes excessive, there’s a high probability of error in the arrow’s direction.
The role of the hand holding the bow was to suppress and control that.
Ultimately, archery was a tense tug-of-war of capability created by the right and left hands.
“In that case, are the eyes also a crucial factor? It seems that aligning the position would be important to aim at the exact target.”
“Well… surprisingly, it’s not always like that.”
Ryu Cheong-woo gripped the bow firmly and turned it to check its level.
“It’s more about feel than sight.”
If I shoot ‘like this,’ it will hit.
If I shoot ‘around here,’ it will hit.
Position and timing were all adjusted by each individual athlete’s senses.
Some said that was exactly what separated the pros from the amateurs.
Whether one had that sense or not.
“Actually, among my seniors, there was someone whose eyesight was so bad they couldn't even see the target clearly.”
“That’s incredible, seriously.”
The tip of the bow, the stabilizer, the string.
Ryu Cheong-woo continued his checks, then reflexively caught someone who almost dropped their bow.
“Ah.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I-I’m fine…!”
It was Seon A-hyun, who had almost lost his grip because his strength didn't match while trying to pull the bow.
Seon A-hyun, having good athletic nerves, caught the bow immediately, but he looked a bit hesitant.
So, Ryu Cheong-woo moved reflexively as if to demonstrate.
“You just need to keep your feet a bit wider.”
He moved his feet.
When he placed his feet in the position they used to be, the posture came naturally.
Toward the red circle ahead.
“And… like this.”
Ryu Cheong-woo looked at the target and pulled back his arm.
For the first time in a very long time.