Chapter 585
Chapter 585
A combination of a scammer PD and a sadistic writer.
I knew, of course, that it would be hell.
I just didn't realize it would be this specific brand of hell.
What did I expect?
Top-tier idols struggling to churn out a CM song that fits the advertiser's tastes within a tight schedule, trapped in an endless loop of rejections. A chaotic deadline party where we chug caffeine like water and get a true taste of the bitterness of capitalism.
But the reality was...
"...We're all out of sweet potatoes."
"..."
"..."
"...Should we run away?"
We haven't even started composing yet, and we're already worrying about our next meal.
Is this for real?
Before capitalism, we apparently needed an Industrial Revolution.
Bae Se-jin, who was carefully setting down the last roasted sweet potato, squeezed his eyes shut.
"When on earth is the hunting team coming back? No, before that, what are they even doing?!"
I suppose it’s time to tell him the truth.
"I don't know either."
"...??"
"The production crew just called them the 'hunting team' and took them away."
Maybe since TeSTAR's last title track was <Hunting>, they just lazily slapped that name on them...
"...Isn't that just kidnapping?"
"Probably."
"..."
Not my circus, not my monkeys. I found myself speaking quite detachedly. I had enough on my own plate.
They won't starve, at least.
Surely they're better off than me, barely surviving on smuggled roasted sweet potatoes.
Bae Se-jin sat by the warmest part of the floor and groaned.
"Anyway... then Seon A-hyun and Kim Rae-bin are in the house. Why can't I see them? Where are they?"
"A-hyun is in the kitchen."
"...Is he cooking?"
"Yes."
I checked my watch and made an announcement.
"It's been almost four hours."
"..."
"They said we can't see him until he's finished."
"...Should I call the police?"
Unfortunately, we didn't have our smartphones.
Bae Se-jin and I fell into a silence heavy with various implications.
"Right... Anyway, then what about Rae-bin?"
"He's in the Room of Dreams and Happiness."
"...?"
This... would be better shown than explained in a hundred words.
"Let's go see him."
I stood up, opened the door, and walked down the hallway of the mountain cabin. Bae Se-jin followed me with a slightly nervous expression.
At the very end of the hall, there was a room.
A space with a nameplate that read 'Room of Dreams and Happiness.'
I peered inside and called out.
"Rae-bin."
"...Hyung!"
The kid, who had been sitting on the floor like someone who had just lost their entire fortune on stocks, jumped up and turned his head.
When he saw the person behind me, his face brightened a bit more.
"Se-jin hyung! You're back!"
"Uh, yeah..."
However, Bae Se-jin looked bewildered.
And for good reason.
The room Kim Rae-bin was confined in was the absolute pinnacle of a luxury staycation.
It was equipped with everything: a large TV, a plush beanbag sofa, game consoles, books, diffusers, and even a sleep mask. There was even a portable bubble bath in the bathroom.
It was truly a relaxation space that any modern person would dream of!
Except for one thing.
"Why... are there bars on the door?"
"..."
Kim Rae-bin stood before the bars and spoke solemnly.
"Because I am forbidden from providing any meaningful assistance to the other members..."
"..."
Thanks to that, instead of enjoying a sweet staycation, Kim Rae-bin was essentially undergoing mental torture.
Watching this, Bae Se-jin hurriedly turned to me.
"Since when did being a Kakdugi mean that...? I mean, as far as I know... isn't it just someone who plays along but is exempt from being eliminated or something??"
"That's right."
A Kakdugi. Usually, it's a role given to young children or people who don't know the game well so they can participate while avoiding the bitterness of losing.
"But it's up to the production crew, I guess."
Anyway, the crew here defined a Kakdugi as 'someone who gets a free ride by participating in the shoot without doing any hard work.'
"..."
Bae Se-jin looked like he was ready to grab the PD by the collar the moment he appeared.
In the meantime, Kim Rae-bin hesitated before asking in a lowered voice.
"H-how is the composing going?"
"We haven't even been able to start yet."
"Pardon?"
At that moment, Bae Se-jin's eyes widened as if he'd realized something, and he also lowered his voice.
"...Right! Can you give us some advice? Like, what should we usually start with when making a CM song... or things we should be careful about."
"If I can be of help, then of course!"
Bae Se-jin looked relieved. It seemed he planned to get advice by asking around like this.
And Kim Rae-bin's dead-fish eyes finally regained a spark of light as he clasped his hands together.
However, I continued to stare at the two of them with my own dead-fish eyes.
Because...
[WARNING~~!]
Beeeep—!
"...!!"
A loud alarm began to blare inside Kim Rae-bin's room. Anyone watching would have thought an earthquake had hit.
I spoke with a blank expression.
"This is what happens if Kim Rae-bin even utters the word 'help.'"
"..."
"Let's go. The first PPL is a carbonated drink."
And so, Bae Se-jin began composing in silence...
"......Well, since it's a carbonated drink, expressions like 'bubble bubble, pop pop' come to mind..."
"Sounds like detergent."
"I thought so too."
But progress was non-existent.
Bae Se-jin held his head, staring with dizzy eyes at a children's composing program where only a musical staff was floating.
Actually, it wasn't that Bae Se-jin lacked composing ability to this extent. In fact, he had even participated in the top notes for several tracks on our next regular album. However...
He lacks confidence.
On the contrary, it would be better if Kim Rae-bin were here. It was because he trusted that even if he did something ridiculous, Rae-bin would stop him at that point.
But now that it was entirely his responsibility, he seemed to be producing fewer creative thoughts due to the pressure—typical of someone whose immense sense of responsibility often led to avoidant tendencies.
Hmm, I should try to guide him to approach it more lightly.
I nudged him.
"How about we try taking a melody from a nursery rhyme or a folk song that's out of copyright first?"
"Ah... that's also a good—"
It was then.
Ding-dong!
"...!"
It was the sound of the doorbell. And from beyond the door, a bright voice could be heard.
"Guys, we're back~!!"
Bae Se-jin jumped up from his seat.
"That's them!"
"Yes."
The hunting team had returned.
Thinking of Kim Rae-bin trapped in his room, we all sat down haphazardly in the hallway in front of his barred door.
With more people around making it noisy, Kim Rae-bin's complexion seemed to improve slightly. I shrugged and looked at Keun Se-jin.
"How was it?"
Now, if the hunting team talks a bit about what they did, the atmosphere might lighten up—
"It was humiliating..."
"..."
Words of utter dismay came out of the mouth of someone who rarely says such things.
What on earth did they do?
"Weren't you guys supposed to go hunting?"
"Hunting is hunting... I guess."
"...?"
A moment of miserable silence followed.
I realized this was the same kind of silence I had when I was explaining the situation to Bae Se-jin earlier.
The 'I've been through some serious shit' kind of silence.
Of course, being the extroverts they were, they started talking before I even asked.
"You know that lyric, 'Today, you are the sheep'... from our song <Hunting>?"
Yeah.
"They made us do exactly that."
"...?"
Keun Se-jin covered his face with both hands.
"We had to wear the fleece jackets we got as PPL and compete to see who could get hit by the most suction-cup arrows..."
"..."
So.
These guys didn't go hunting; they were the ones being hunted...
I looked at the three of them, who couldn't even lift their heads.
In the middle of a snowy mountain in midwinter, these guys had thrown their bodies toward flying suction-cup arrows while layered in multiple fleeces, personally proving that 'the fleeces are warm and thick.'
"I mean... to a former national athlete..."
"Hahaha."
Ryu Cheong-woo's laughter had never sounded so hollow.
"I can catch a wild boar. I'd rather do that."
Cha Yu-jin's shock was so great it triggered his advanced Korean skills.
After a moment of shock and solemnity, Keun Se-jin finally took his hands off his face and spoke in a forced bright voice.
"But we still got a lot of stuff, you know? We even won a special prize and got some pocket money to use in town!"
"Won?"
"...They gave us draw tickets for ingredients based on how many suction-cup arrows we got hit by."
Ah.
"There were a lot of duds, though..."
It was just as the mood was about to turn solemn again.
"Guys...!!"
From outside the back door, the sound of hurried running could be heard, and the door burst open to reveal a flushed face.
It was Seon A-hyun, his hair damp with sweat.
"I, I...! I made food!"
"Ooh!"
Everyone jumped up.
Seon A-hyun looked even more delighted when he saw that the other members had joined.
In his hands was the food he had finally managed to make after four and a half hours of what clearly must have been a lot of trial and error. It was...
"H-here."
Grilled corn.
Five of them.
"..."
"..."
"...Did they set the menu for you too?"
"Yeah..."
Seon A-hyun blushed and lowered his head.
"In the kitchen, there was a menu and recipes..."
Three meals a day plus snacks.
He could only cook within that menu.
*
- Today's Meals
Breakfast: Potato Salad Morning Bread, Banana Yogurt, Fresh Tomato Juice.
Lunch: Bulgogi, Radish Soup, Seasoned Spinach, Fried Egg, Stir-fried Shredded Potatoes and Ham.
Snack: Butter Grilled Corn, Strawberry Milk.
*
"But there were... almost no ingredients to use for that menu..."
"..."
The only basic ingredients provided were root vegetables and canned ham!
And the sweet potatoes... I'd already swiped those.
After suffering a miserable failure with the stir-fried shredded potatoes and ham—the only thing he could attempt with what was available—he had barely managed to grill the corn.
"I-I'm sorry. All the recipes... required using the stove... and I kept... burning them."
"...They chose those knowing A-hyun isn't good with fire."
These malicious bastards, seriously.
"A-hyun is great at slicing raw fish. They should have sent him near the ocean instead!"
"Exactly!"
"If you go down from here, the ocean is right there!"
Even the person who had played a part in selecting this location because it was close to a drama filming site chimed in, his face red with anger.
It seemed they couldn't bring themselves to mention the cruel truth that Seon A-hyun shouldn't have been put in charge of cooking in the first place.
And for good reason.
What could you possibly say to someone who had been sweating for four hours, confined to the kitchen and the room next to it?
"The corn is grilled well, though."
"...!! Y-yeah...! Thank you!"
I praised him while picking up a piece of corn that was half-burnt, with butter stuck to only one side and the other side squashed.
It doesn't cost anything to be encouraging.
Of course, the team that had turned themselves into sheep to win ingredients was already worrying about the future of those ingredients.
"If we give him beef... it'll probably come out as charcoal."
"..."
"Noooooo."
Cha Yu-jin rolled around on the floor, lamenting that they should have won lamb (the only meat Seon A-hyun is good at grilling) from the draw.
"I-I'm sorry..."
"What are you talking about, A-hyun!"
"This isn't something you should apologize for."
"That's right~ A-hyun, A-hyun! It's the production crew's fault for making you do it!"
But after saying that, Keun Se-jin slunk over and whispered to me.
"Moondae-Moondae, is there any way to sneak into the kitchen..."
"This is my limit."
I showed him the one remaining roasted sweet potato.
Keun Se-jin hugged the radish he had won and sank into despair.
And so, after roughly staving off hunger with plain rice (thankfully, Ryu Cheong-woo had won some instant rice) and corn, we finally began working on the CM song together.
"Kim Rae-bin can't do it..."
Let me correct that. We began working on the CM song by ourselves, with Kim Rae-bin—a royalty-rich genius with the Maestro trait—relegated to being a mere totem.
This is how it's going.
"No way! This is a scam! The advertisers must have signed the contract thinking Kim Rae-bin would be composing!"
"Probably."
As if this production crew would have honestly informed them of the expected situation.
"That's why they said the other members should work even harder to meet those expectations."
"..."
"Wow."
"Let's sue our production crew."
Amidst such American-style remarks, we nonetheless worked hard to encourage Bae Se-jin as we created the CM song.
"Hyung... it's great that you put up the melody! Now that we're all doing it together, something's bound to come out!"
"Right."
Bae Se-jin muttered as if he had let go of everything.
"But they said I have to lead, no matter what comes out..."
"..."
Keun Se-jin looked away. Cha Yu-jin argued that they should tear down the bars on Kim Rae-bin's door, and that motion almost passed.
Anyway, since everyone had experience in producing, a fairly decent CM song did emerge in just a few hours, even though it was done in such a haphazard way.
Kim Rae-bin, who couldn't even participate, almost cried.
- Oh, oh-oh, oh- Oh, Orange Soda!
"It has a classic feel, so I like it...!"
"Yeah! I like it too!"
"Right... I think so too."
Bae Se-jin breathed a sigh of relief and, with a slightly brighter complexion, submitted that version to the production crew.
"The first song is finished!"
However.
- The melody seems a bit too complex.
- They say they want it to be a bit more flashy. But with a clear 'wow' point?
- They said it would have been better if the instrumentation were simpler.
- Hey~ they said the previous version was better!
An endless hell of feedback was waiting for us.
"..."
The members held it together quite well. Though frustrated, they put their heads together to somehow analyze the meaning of the feedback and make revisions...
But at 2 AM, the final blow was delivered.
- For some reason, it's less exciting than the previous version?
"...Which part?"
- Uh... overall? Anyway, that's just the feeling.
Click.
"...Be honest. This doesn't sound like feedback from the advertisers, does it? It feels like the production crew is just spinning a wheel and saying whatever feedback it lands on!"
"Calm down!"
"But it's true!"
"Se-jin hyung has gone crazy! But he's right!"
After many twists and turns, having stayed up all night, the carbonated drink CM song finally passed at 3 AM the next morning.
- See, it's so much better when you give it to us like this~ Ah, everyone says they love it!
Bae Se-jin covered his face.
"It was almost exactly the same as the first draft..."
"..."
We can't go on like this.
I gathered the hunting team members and had a long conversation.
"If we keep going like this, we're going to end up with a stress-induced illness."
"Yeah."
The guys, who were trembling in fear that the production crew might make them do something like wrestle a stuffed elephant they got as PPL (condition: they must lose), participated in the conversation seriously.
I also succeeded in persuading Seon A-hyun, who had been agonizing with worry that people would starve because he ruined the cooking.
And Kim Rae-bin, who was forced to enjoy a luxury staycation with tears in his eyes behind bars, joined in a heartbeat, needless to say.
Thus, late that afternoon, after everyone had woken up from falling asleep as if they'd fainted in the early morning.
"We're going into town this evening, right?"
"...And?"
I looked at Bae Se-jin and made a declaration.
"Let's go on strike."
"...By this time, they'll definitely be thinking about a strike or a labor union."
"Oho."
"TeSTAR is predictable like that."
Writer Ryu Seo-rin adjusted her glasses and smirked at the PD, who was also adjusting his glasses.
The PD was grinning from ear to ear, just thinking about it.
"Man, then... the timing will be perfect when they go into town, right?"
"Exactly."
The harmonious laughter of those obsessed with view counts spread far and wide.
The dogfight between two genius production members with strong egos and the idols begins now!