Chapter 352
Chapter 352
The festival was over.
The internet was flooded with various reviews and proof shots of TeSTAR. Reactions were pouring in from university communities as well.
Praise. Praise. Praise.
Fancams were uploaded, and comments followed.
I hope they leave behind a lot.
I couldn't guarantee that, considering I didn't even know if tomorrow's schedule would be possible.
Scrolling down further, there was a video of the ad-lib where I picked up the handheld mic and went out of my way to sing the school song.
Quick wits?
If doing something you already know counts as quick wits, then even a mutt should be called a tiger.
Park Moon-dae is the type to take advantage of an information gap and then wash his hands of it. It’s not that his brain works well in a crisis.
If I were someone with actual quick wits, I would have said something else back then.
I mean, in response to Seon A-hyun’s words.
Instead of just repeating words like someone who didn't even know their mother tongue.
Instead of standing there like an idiot until the guys who eventually came looking for us dragged Seon A-hyun and me out of the bathroom.
If only I had… back then….
‘Stop.’
I cut off the unproductive hypothetical.
Moving on to the next situation, I continued my thoughts.
And I… I think I went into my room, and Seon A-hyun went to his room… I think.
‘Probably.’
He wasn't taken outside. That meant he could still be at the dorm, and his condition must have stabilized.
I pressed my face with both hands. It felt like my brain had frozen. My head wasn't spinning….
Use your head.
That’s the only thing you’re good for, so don’t neglect your duty.
Why did the situation turn out like this… No. I shouldn't put it that way.
‘Why the fuck did you create this shitty situation, you bastard?’
I grit my teeth.
If you asked where I started acting like a total dumbass….
It was from the very beginning, obviously.
‘I shouldn't have even thought about telling him in the first place.’
Was I in my right mind?
I had already predicted that "revealing it would lead to a psychiatric ward," so I should have kept my mouth shut. What kind of sanity did I have to blurt out such unrealistic words out of the blue?
‘Just because another guy believed me? You’re generalizing based on one case, you fucking idiot.’
Since I was caught and had to explain myself, I should have been relieved that it worked and moved on. Why did I blabber again to someone who knew nothing?
Objectively, was there any reason for anyone to accept such crazy nonsense? Was this something to talk about just because I "wanted to"?
“Useless…”
I did something stupid, and now the situation is a mess.
‘Seon A-hyun’s Status Effect….’
What the hell am I going to do about this situation where it’s been reactivated?
“…….”
Is knowing the cause everything? Now that you know you did something fucking stupid, you think you’re going to find a fundamental solution or something….
‘Shut up.’
I covered my mouth. My teeth pressed into my palm.
Stop doing useless things and look at reality rationally again.
‘Things to do.’
…Somehow. I have to deactivate Seon A-hyun’s Status Effect again.
The reason Seon A-hyun was able to deactivate the Status Effect until now was thanks to his trait.
‘Perseverance.’
[Perseverance (A): One's mindset is created by oneself. Burns focus to suppress negative states.]
- When activated, offsets one Status Effect (Highest Priority).
However, this trait… was deactivated because of the bullshit I spewed, and the Status Effect returned.
I clenched my fist.
‘Before….’
Before, I persuaded Seon A-hyun using the trait I had.
Seon A-hyun accepted my words and made up his mind to focus only on the task right in front of him.
But there was no way my words would be persuasive now.
Because I was the very person who confused him so much that he couldn't focus on his work.
He probably already thinks I’m out of my mind, so there’s no way it would work….
“…….”
My brain felt numb.
‘Is there anything I can do….’
A way to persuade him.
Like before….
Reflexively, I pulled up my status window. Then, a pop-up appeared as if it had been waiting.
[Hyung….]
Keun-dal.
There were no other words. The pop-up seemed to be shaking… or maybe I was just so out of it that it looked that way.
Whatever.
I muttered in a hoarse voice.
“The trait… is there any way to draw it again?”
That trait that could persuade anyone.
“…….”
The status window didn't move.
And only after a long time did small letters appear.
[No.]
Ah.
Right, I figured as much.
[I’m sorry….]
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
Why does everyone apologize when I’m the one talking nonsense? Is there some kind of manual?
Why the fuck am I even….
[It’s not your fault, hyung. It’s really not.]
“It is, though.”
No one forced me to do it; it happened because there was a problem with my sanity.
I lost my judgment.
There was no other conclusion besides that…….
Knock, knock.
“Moon-dae.”
Someone called me.
Turning my head, I saw Ryu Cheong-woo’s face as he cautiously entered the room.
“A-hyun has calmed down. He’s okay.”
“…….”
“I know you said you wanted to be alone… I’m sorry, but I really wanted to come in.”
Ryu Cheong-woo walked over with an awkward expression and gently sat on his bed.
I really wanted to stop hearing apologies.
“It’s your room, hyung. You can do what you want.”
“…Right, okay.”
A short silence followed. Ryu Cheong-woo spoke again after a moment.
“Moon-dae. It’s only natural to want to tell someone else about your situation.”
Sure. And stupidly actually blabbing about it is a different matter.
“It was just a matter of timing, so don’t think too deeply about it. Okay?”
“…….”
Even though I was the one who chose that timing.
But there was nothing to say in response.
Knock, knock.
Someone else entered the room.
‘Keun Se-jin.’
He closed the door behind him, and as soon as he assessed the situation, he spoke with a stiff face.
“Park Moon-dae. This is my fault. I’m sorry.”
“…….”
I felt like throwing up.
“How exactly is this your fault?”
“Because I encouraged you.”
What the hell was this guy saying with such a straight face?
“I made a mistake thinking A-hyun would obviously believe you.”
“…….”
“You seemed so nervous when you told me, so I thought it would be better if you didn't feel that way this time. I crossed the line. You were just doing what you had to do.”
“No.”
I pressed my temples.
“I’m the one who spoke. Stop it.”
“That’s why I’m saying…….”
Keun Se-jin opened his mouth as if to say more, but soon closed it.
I was grateful for that. My head felt like it was going to split open anyway.
“It’s no one’s fault, and the situation just flowed that way, so both of you stop it.”
Ryu Cheong-woo stepped in and settled it. I couldn't agree, but I let it be.
However, I couldn't just let the next words slide.
“But… Moon-dae. How about we take a little break?”
“…….”
What?
“We’ve been promoting for over two weeks, so it should be fine to rest for a few days now. We can tell the agency that we all caught the flu or something.”
A soft, cautious voice continued.
“Shall we rest a bit and regroup?”
Regroup.
The choice to stop promotions.
“…….”
If I had a conscience and considered Seon A-hyun’s condition, I should agree.
Considering the insane live difficulty of the current title track, the drop in Seon A-hyun’s stats would be immediately noticeable.
Then it was obvious what kind of things people would say. He would become the target of all sorts of insults and controversies.
‘Resting is the right thing to do.’
If I were sane, I shouldn't throw a fit about continuing promotions here.
But….
I turned my head and stared at the status window pop-up that I still hadn't closed.
If we rest… this guy.
[Hyung, please give yourself some rest while we’re at it…. Please.]
There wasn't much time left. If I couldn't create a Record with this promotion, this guy would die. He would return to being just a status window.
And yet, this bastard was telling me to rest even though he knew that perfectly well….
“……This.”
My brain felt like it was going to explode.
Fuck, why is there so much to think about, so much to process… what the hell is this….
Words suddenly burst out.
“Later.”
Stop.
Don't talk nonsense; there is no "later."
There’s a schedule even in the early morning. There are less than four hours left. I have to make a quick and accurate decision now. Efficiently….
“Moon-dae.”
Someone grabbed my shoulder.
Ryu Cheong-woo.
“Then let’s at least clear the schedule for three days. Three days won't cause any problems. We’ve already filmed a lot of things anyway. Okay, Park Moon-dae?”
“…….”
I nodded.
I didn't know what I could do with that time, but whatever.
At the same time, in the living room.
Kim Rae-bin was in agony, holding a cup of hot tea that Seon A-hyun often drank.
“It seems… we must assume an incident occurred between the two of them.”
Cha Yu-jin shook his head. His dear friend had a truly outstanding talent as an artist, but he was hopeless with these kinds of issues.
So he spoke honestly.
“Everyone knows, Kim Rae-bin.”
“…….”
Instead of getting huffy, Kim Rae-bin nodded with a somewhat gloomy face.
The situation was indeed that serious.
‘It’s a total mess.’
Seon A-hyun hyung looked almost like a self-destructive sleepwalker, and Park Moon-dae hyung seemed out of his mind from shock. He even had to be half-supported to his bed.
Cha Yu-jin honestly couldn't understand why the situation had turned out this way.
They both seemed to be saying they were sorry.
Doesn't that mean they don't have bad feelings toward each other?
But at the same time, he rationally accepted the situation.
‘Well, it seemed like they didn't have many friends.’
He had often seen relationships where people thought of each other so heavily and importantly that even their problems became heavy.
They were truly clumsy people. Though that sincerity was also the charm of these team members.
‘Hmm… that hyung is like that too.’
He saw Bae Se-jin sitting in the living room, staggering with the face of a defeated man.
"I… why am I so bad at speaking?”
It seemed he had failed in his attempt to speak kindly to Seon A-hyun.
Feeling somewhat sorry for him, Cha Yu-jin nodded.
“I’m good at speaking. I’ll go talk to him.”
“W-Wait a minute.”
Originally, he thought about going to Moon-dae hyung first so he could cheer up, but wasn't a situation that required advice in addition to comfort much more difficult?
‘I should be the one to go to a place like that.’
Cha Yu-jin shrugged and confidently knocked on Kim Rae-bin’s room—which was also Seon A-hyun’s room—and entered.
Seeing that no one stopped him, it seemed his choice was correct!
“Hyung, I’m coming in.”
“…….”
Creak.
When he opened the door and went in, Seon A-hyun was sitting on the edge of the bed in front of the window where the moonlight was streaming in.
His posture was stiff and his complexion was pale, as if his soul had escaped. He looked more like a ruin than a person.
That was only possible thanks to the sedative.
“Hyung, are you okay?”
“…….”
Seon A-hyun nodded very slowly. His eyes seemed out of focus, perhaps due to the medication.
“Is your heart okay?”
Silence.
Cha Yu-jin sat down next to him and immediately cut to the chase.
“Can’t you say anything to me? Because it’s Moon-dae hyung’s secret?”
“……!”
Seon A-hyun turned his gaze. Only then did he look a bit more like a person. Cha Yu-jin shrugged.
“Everyone has secrets. I know even without hearing it!”
Well, isn't it actually stranger for a person to have no secrets in life?
And whether or not to share such secrets was merely an option.
Does sharing many secrets make a relationship more intimate and better? Does it mean you know that person more properly?
Cha Yu-jin didn't think so.
‘If it doesn't happen naturally, it just becomes a weight.’
Perhaps, now was such a situation.
[Whatever it is, you heard the secret, hyung, and some kind of problem arose from it.]
Seon A-hyun still didn't move, but he whispered lowly.
“I-I ruined it.”
“Then fix it.”
“……!”
[Don’t think I’m saying this easily, but, um, it doesn't seem like you’re upset with Moon-dae hyung.]
Cha Yu-jin stared at Seon A-hyun.
[Then for now, it’s easier to organize your thoughts if you think about getting a good night’s sleep and trying to fix it by talking with a clear mind.]
It was advice to relax and escape the panic.
And an answer came back.
“…I, I know.”
Seon A-hyun muttered lowly in a cracked voice.
“…T-That’s why, I… I’m no good.”
“…!”
“E-Every time. Even though I know, even though I know, I don't do anything..!”
In Seon A-hyun’s eyes as he said that, Cha Yu-jin saw a terribly clear emotion.
‘That’s….’
Self-loathing, anger.
Seon A-hyun knew too. How could he not?
He knew that since there was nothing he could do in this state, keeping his mouth shut and sleeping was the only way to help the situation.
But he couldn't do that. Because he was anxious, because the fear that he had ruined everything dominated his mind.
Similarly, he had realized it the moment he heard Park Moon-dae’s "secret."
‘No….’
Moon-dae’s past actions.
Considering the memory loss, nightmares, and even extreme choices… this was no ordinary serious matter.
It looked like a sign that the wounds in his heart were spreading into an identity crisis.
And he knew that he was the most suitable person to bring up that story to Moon-dae.
‘I have to do it.’
Ryu Cheong-woo and Lee Se-jin were people who had overcome their own mental hardships. They had received almost no help from medicine.
So, if those healthy people completely trusted Park Moon-dae.
‘It was only me…!’
He was the only one who could properly tell him about that danger, and that was the only way he could be of help to Park Moon-dae.
He had worried and made countless resolutions to be a friend and colleague who fulfilled his role and was helpful, but…..
‘I couldn't do it.’
…No, he didn't do it.
Because the precious relationship built on trust and intimacy could end with that one word.
Because he was too afraid of that possibility alone.
‘What if… what if only I don't believe him and he hates me for it?’
‘In the end, it means Moon-dae is strange. T-That… that shouldn't be..’
‘He’ll, he’ll feel bad……’
But if he just kept his mouth shut, then they could continue to get along well.
Seon A-hyun clenched his hands so hard that his knuckles turned white.
‘To me, just getting along was more important than what happened to Moon-dae….’
Because of his own avoidance, Moon-dae’s symptoms worsened.
Later, if Moon-dae really suffered a great ordeal while promoting, and if it became an irreversible situation….
‘It’s my fault.’
He knew it thoroughly as he lay awake, trying his best to gather information without showing that he was suspicious.
Even though he didn't really believe him, he wanted to justify that self-rationalization somehow.
There was only one reason why he knew everything but ultimately couldn't do anything and ruined things.
‘It’s because… I’m the type of person who isn't helpful.’
There was no room for excuses.
While he worried so much about good things and right things, he ultimately did nothing about the things that were truly precious and fearful.
And unable to do anything about his weak spirit, he poured it out to the other person in the worst way, at the worst moment.
‘That wasn't helping, either….’
That was just a wound. He had given Moon-dae another wound….
His throat tightened.
‘Don’t suffer.’
Self-pity was a luxury. Seon A-hyun suppressed a scream. Because crying and apologizing wasn't an absolution.
“…….”
Watching him, Cha Yu-jin almost clicked his tongue, which was unlike him.
‘He looks like some medieval monk doing penance.’
Though he couldn't know the specific details.
He could see it just by the atmosphere. Seon A-hyun was suffering.
Still, Cha Yu-jin decided to say what needed to be said. In the end, any person had to come out of their suffering on their own feet.
But he could at least hand that person a stepping stone!
[Um. I understand. But this situation is a bit different.]
Cha Yu-jin raised his hand.
[This time, if you don't do it, hyung, Moon-dae hyung will.]
“…!”
[Because he’s the type of person who will eventually try to solve whatever happens to this group himself.]
Seon A-hyun raised his head.
[He’s that kind of hyung. You know that too, right?]
Of course he knew.
[So this time, it’s not a matter of whether you do it alone or not.]
“……”
[Either you act, or Moon-dae hyung does it first. It’s one of the two.]
Seon A-hyun grit his teeth.
If so.
…If so.
Dawn.
“Let’s go, Kong.”
Cheong-ryeo was walking with his dog, who had finally returned last night.
It was a trail within the complex, a course he still used without any particular issues with sightings.
Walking at his usual time, he felt pleased that everything seemed to be returning to its proper place.
It was funny to call a routine that was only a few years old that, though.
“Hmm.”
He immediately composed a text with a faint smile.
[I’ve been discharged.]
He could just send the photo he took now.
“Kong. Here.”
“Woof!”
And just as he was about to take a picture of the dog’s wide-smiling face.
He saw a figure sitting on a bench.
“…Hmm.”
It was something that almost never happened thanks to the time of day, but that wasn't why he was shaken.
It was because it was a familiar figure.
“Junior.”
“…….”
A dark bench. A black hood moved slightly, revealing what was underneath.
A familiar face.
Cheong-ryeo confirmed the pale complexion that was visible even under the mask. Meanwhile, the voice he heard was calm.
“…I have something to ask.”
“…….”
It was a very rare occurrence.
And since he had committed this rare act himself before, he made an equally rare decision.
“Is that so? Then shall we head inside first?”
And so, Park Moon-dae was invited to the VTIC dorm.
In an impulsive way that he wouldn't have expected even yesterday.