Chapter 252
Chapter 252
※ Warning ※
This chapter contains themes of depression and suicide.
Technically, there was still time before the "deadline" where I absolutely had to use 'Truth Verification.' The Status Effect countdown hadn't ended yet.
The problem was that after the Chuseok holiday, I wouldn't have the luxury of time to deal with the fallout.
‘Once we start preparing for the new album, we’ll be heading straight into year-end preparations.’
To prove that the group’s momentum was still going strong, we couldn't afford to half-heartedly approach the end of the year. I didn't have time to waste on whatever side effects 'Truth Verification' might bring.
‘I don’t know what’s going to happen… but I can’t miss the right timing.’
I made the most rational decision based on the assumption that I would continue this career.
…If I end up returning to my original body, I might regret not holding out for a few more months, but for now… let’s not think about that.
We had already agreed to prioritize a future where I could keep doing this.
I took a deep breath.
‘Here goes.’
[‘Truth Verification’ <- click!]
I pressed the words on the pop-up window.
Click.
As expected, my vision vanished.
Then, my consciousness sank as if being sucked downward.
“You’re twenty?”
“…Ye-yes.”
I was sitting in a familiar restaurant.
It was a regular gukbap place I frequented after I started studying for the civil service exam. The value was good, and it was a comfortable place to eat alone.
However, I wasn't alone right now.
Sitting across from me was a kid with a sickly complexion, shoveling down his soup.
I had found him collapsed in front of a motel nearby, looking like death warmed over without even a coat on. I was going to report it to the police, but ended up bringing him here for a meal instead.
‘Unnecessary meddling.’
I thought to myself that a guy who should be busy enough looking after his own life was doing too much, but what was done was done.
I sighed. The guy sitting in front of me flinched and spoke in a tiny, crawling voice.
“Um… I don’t have any money.”
“…….”
Did I look like someone who would ask for money after seeing the state you're in?
“I was buying it for myself anyway, so just finish it.”
“…Thank you.”
He was acting like a criminal just for being treated to a meal that cost less than ten thousand won. Maybe it was because I didn't look like someone who could afford to treat others.
I briefly checked my reflection in the mirror next to the counter.
I was just an exam student wearing a button-down shirt, a hat, and glasses. At least my limbs looked intact.
Meaning, I looked better off than the guy in front of me.
‘Hmm.’
I scanned the guy as he picked up a piece of kakdugi.
Since he was twenty, it probably wasn't a runaway situation… He was likely just like me, someone who couldn't make it to college.
“Is there anywhere you can contact?”
“…….”
“What about a part-time job?”
“…I got fired.”
I could guess roughly what had happened. I picked up my spoon and took a sip of the soup.
Then I spoke.
“Go to the community center first.”
“Huh…?”
“The Administrative Welfare Center. Check if you qualify for Basic Livelihood Security. If you do, you’ll get monthly support. Even if you don’t, there should be other resources, so be persistent and ask about everything.”
I continued to list methods for him while I kept eating. The kid across from me seemed flustered, but he didn't argue.
‘He must feel uncomfortable.’
It was understandable at that age. I quickly finished the rest of my soup and stood up.
“I’m leaving. Finish your food.”
If he had any sense, he’d go check it out.
“W-wait a minute!”
But as I was putting on my padded jacket, I heard a panicked call.
And a trembling voice.
“Um… thank you. And I’m sorry.”
“…….”
I paused for a moment, then the words blurted out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Have you ever worked at a barbecue place?”
“What? I-I have…”
Right, it’s hard for a minor to work at a barbecue place. They usually don't hire you unless you're a relative.
I crossed that off the top of my list and moved to the next one.
“I’ll introduce you to a convenience store job, so try calling there. Tell them the previous part-timer told you about it. I’ll give you the number.”
The barbecue restaurant owner was the most susceptible to sob stories, but the convenience store owner was someone who knew basic decency, so it should be fine.
However, the person across from me looked even more flustered.
“I, I don’t have a phone….”
“…….”
I suppressed a sigh, searched my smartphone, and wrote my number and the convenience store owner’s number on a napkin.
“Get an advance and open a free phone line. You can’t work without one.”
“…….”
“Take it.”
The guy took the napkin with a dazed expression.
Then, without lifting his head, he muttered.
“Thank you…. Thank you so much.”
“…….”
He was probably crying.
I just turned away. I was about to head out when—
“Um, your name is….”
Right, since I’d gone this far, it was only right to exchange names.
“…Ryu Gun-woo.”
Yeah. Great job, Ryu Gun-woo.
Look at you, wasting time and energy projecting your own circumstances onto a kid you just met.
“What’s yours?”
The young guy across from me lifted his head and answered quite firmly.
“It’s Park Moon-dae.”
It was a unique name.
I nodded and finally left the restaurant. To escape from this bizarre situation.
I stayed in touch with this 'Park Moon-dae' guy occasionally after that.
[I don't know if you remember me, but this is Park Moon-dae, the one you bought a meal for. Thank you for the convenience store recommendation.]
I’d get texts like that, saying he wanted to buy me a meal because he got his first paycheck.
But we rarely met. There was no real reason to, and I was too busy taking care of my own life.
He kept saying he would pay me back, but I didn't expect much. I hadn't done anything for him other than buy him a single meal.
Meeting up for a meal once in a while was fine, though. I felt like my social skills were rotting away because I was always holed up alone with my books, so I figured this much was okay.
Separately, however, my grades were not okay.
“Is this for real?”
I never imagined I’d fail the interview. Especially since I thought I’d done objectively well.
‘Blind recruitment, my ass. Those bastards.’
There were no other indicators to guess from, other than the fact that I was penalized for my family history.
‘And I even packaged that damn family history so well.’
It had worked perfectly during my professor consultations.
Usually, it would have been a plus, but I must have had terrible luck with the interviewers this year.
“……Whew.”
I collapsed onto my mattress. It felt like my brain was broken.
‘Should I just get drunk?’
There was nothing else in particular to do.
And so, after three years of being an exam student and failing that godforsaken interview, I drank alone….
The next morning.
I gave up.
“Let’s just cut our losses, fuck.”
The reason was simple. I had run out of the money I’d saved.
From the start, my plan was only to try until this point. Once in the second year, once in the third year.
I could probably scrape by if I did another round of Data Selling… but considering my age, it was safer to just get a job.
‘I prepared for this for job security in the first place; I can’t let the means become the end.’
I wanted a job that would give me work and a salary even if the worst happened and I didn't starve to death, or even if some terrible accident occurred.
“…….”
I briefly thought about lowering the grade of the exam I was taking, but since that would also incur new costs, I put it on hold.
‘At twenty-nine, I should be able to catch the last train.’
That year, I got a job at a decent mid-sized company.
And I thought I was adapting quite well, but… I don’t know.
“Just have it done by tomorrow.”
“Yes.”
I didn't know if I had scraped together and used up all my mental strength just to live twenty-nine years, or if I was just naturally socially maladjusted.
On the bus ride home after working overtime, I often thought about it.
“…….”
I just didn't feel like living much.
I felt nothing.
Life was just unilaterally exhausting.
There was nothing particularly bad, but nothing good either.
Surviving in the company itself wasn't a huge struggle, but even the office politics were boring. Promotions didn't give me much of a thrill.
‘I don’t think this is a typical case.’
What exactly was this lethargy that seemed to have accumulated throughout my entire life?
I briefly considered psychiatric counseling, but that was out of the question. Did I want to get fired?
I thought about changing jobs, but I didn't really have the motivation. For one, this company didn't give me the time to prepare for a move.
“…….”
No matter how much I pondered, no real answer came to me.
Was there anything I could do that would interest me, other than having a drink once in a while?
Something did flash through my mind.
Photography?
‘Too much.’
That was too expensive a hobby. I had neither the time nor the money for it.
And being a Data Seller wasn't a sustainable profession I could do after quitting my job. There were countless cases where people didn't earn as much as they invested.
“Hmm.”
In my studio apartment, I ordered rope and painkillers online. It was briefly interesting.
Still, I spent several weeks thinking it over. It wasn't a decision to be made lightly.
But even after that process, on the last Sunday night, things ended up in a rather unpleasant state.
Immediately after the act, as I kicked away the chair, a brief thought flashed through my mind.
‘Was this depression?’
But that thought couldn't last long.
Because I couldn't breathe….
“Gasp!”
I bolted upright in bed as if springing out of it. Then I brought my hand to my neck.
‘Breath….’
It was fine.
“Haah.”
I leaned my upper body against the headboard. My pajamas were soaked in sweat.
What I just experienced… no, was that an experience?
Until now, it had been a form of checking someone else's memories, but this….
‘That was me?’
This was an experience that felt like I was 'recalling' a memory.
But the problem was, I had absolutely no memory of doing such a thing!
My last memory was falling asleep after drinking because I failed the exam. I had no memory at all of the subsequent employment or that insane suicide attempt.
And besides, first of all….
‘I’ve never met ‘Park Moon-dae’ before.’
It diverged from the very first scene.
If I had gone out of my way to do such a foolish, losing move, there was no way I would have forgotten it.
But I had only seen that guy for the first time when I entered Park Moon-dae’s body.
Furthermore, the timeline was strange.
“Park Moon-dae didn't die.”
Clearly, in the first 'Truth Verification' I saw, Park Moon-dae had made an extreme attempt with sleeping pills in that motel….
At that moment, a strange realization struck my mind like a flash of lightning.
An attempt is just an attempt.
‘Did Park Moon-dae fail to die?’
Let’s think about it.
Park Moon-dae had… well, he had bought over-the-counter sleep aids from a pharmacy, not prescription ones.
‘Can someone die from non-prescription medicine?’
Once I started doubting, it became clear. Searching on my smartphone confirmed it; no matter how much of that stuff you swallowed, at most you’d suffer side effects, but you wouldn't die.
Then, if I combined the season and date I saw in this 'Truth Verification'…
‘He met me right after his suicide attempt.’
The guy who was standing blankly in front of the motel.
That… made sense.
“…….”
And if this hypothesis was correct, it also meant that I had entered the body of a Park Moon-dae who hadn't died.
“Then where the hell did you go?”
But there was no answer. There hadn't been one until now, and there was no reason for one to appear.
In desperation, I even called up the status window and asked.
‘Are you Park Moon-dae by any chance?’
But the status window didn't respond either. Instead, a strange text appeared.
[-Calculating-]
I didn't know what kind of bullshit that was, but it clearly had no intention of telling me Park Moon-dae’s whereabouts.
No, it wasn't just Park Moon-dae’s whereabouts that were important. What was that sudden crazy thing I just confirmed I did?
I really did that?
‘I never thought of myself as that much of a crazy bastard.’
Even if I did, why did that memory disappear? Was twenty-nine some kind of deadline for being an idol?
“This is driving me crazy.”
A hollow laugh escaped me.
If it were Park Moon-dae, it would be one thing, but since 'Ryu Gun-woo' himself didn't exist here, there was no room to investigate anything.
As soon as I entered Park Moon-dae’s body, I had scoured everything from my phone number and SNS to my university, but there wasn't even an account….
‘…Wait.’
The data I took remained.
I ran a hand through my hair.
Then… what if I changed the premise to 'whether Ryu Gun-woo existed in the past in this place'?
There was a way… to look for related traces.
—Right, Moon-dae. If you’re okay with it… how about going to the members’ houses instead of the dorm during this Chuseok holiday? Oh, my house is fine too.
Ryu Cheong-woo’s house.
Whether it was family photo albums or videos, there was a possibility that traces of me and my parents remained.
“…….”
Knock, knock.
Just then, I heard a knock on the door.
“Park Moon-dae? Are you okay??”
It was Bae Se-jin. Did he hear me talking to myself?
“…Yes. I just had a cramp for a second…….”
“Oh, uh, do you want a massager or something?”
“I’m fine. It’s gone now. Just a moment.”
I got up and changed my clothes.
When I opened the door, Bae Se-jin, who was sitting at the kitchen table, looked relieved but then paused.
“Your clothes….”
“Yes.”
Dressed in outdoor clothes, I nodded.
“I’m going to step out for a bit. Someone I need to meet.”
I had to go check.
It was an exceptionally peaceful first day of the holiday.
“Kkami, come here.”
“Woof!”
Ryu Cheong-woo lifted the black toy poodle that was rushing toward him onto the sofa. The smell of fried pancakes and the sound of holiday specials on TV enhanced the atmosphere.
Since it wasn't his grandfather’s house crowded with people, the feeling was relatively gentle.
“Oppa, I’m leaving!!”
“Okay, have a safe trip.”
“Ugh, you should’ve come later!”
“Haha, I know, right?”
His younger sister grumbled as she left the house, complaining that she hadn't been able to get a big meal out of her brother who was home for the first time in a while. Ryu Cheong-woo saw her off with a smile.
Even though there were only four of them in the house, including the dog, it didn't feel empty. Warm words were exchanged.
“So, how are the younger ones you’re with?”
“They’re still good kids. Kind and….”
Ryu Cheong-woo, who had reflexively grouped Bae Se-jin with the younger ones, hurriedly moved him to the same-age category in his mind.
Then, he thought of one member who was quite mature despite being younger.
“Right, they’re good kids, which is why our son wanted to invite them home for the holidays~”
“Hahaha.”
His parents brought up that story.
The most mature younger brother. Ryu Cheong-woo’s suggestion to invite Park Moon-dae to their home for the holiday.
Naturally, while his parents readily agreed to the idea, they hadn't been enthusiastically welcoming.
Even if he was a close friend of Ryu Cheong-woo, it wasn't exactly comfortable to have a stranger who wasn't a family member in the house during the holidays.
‘Hmm, maybe it was better that he went to Se-jin’s house.’
Ryu Cheong-woo reflected that Park Moon-dae was quick-witted, so he might have actually felt uncomfortable.
‘I’m sure he’s doing well.’
Ryu Cheong-woo posted a picture of the dog in TeSTAR’s group chat and looked at the various holiday foods being posted in response.
“Everyone’s doing well.”
It seemed like a peaceful day was passing by.
However, that evening. Just as it was turning into night.
Ding-dong—
Someone rang the doorbell. And since it didn't seem to be a delivery, the figure outside the door didn't leave.
“I’ll get it.”
“Okay, son~”
Ryu Cheong-woo stood up from the sofa.
‘Is it a stalker?’
With a somewhat negative premonition, Ryu Cheong-woo immediately checked who was standing there.
“…!”
An unexpected person was standing outside the intercom.
Ryu Cheong-woo opened the door immediately.
“…Moon-dae?”
“Yes, Hyung.”
Just as he said, Park Moon-dae was standing at the front gate.
Without any notice. However, his eyes weren't calm as usual; they were burning with intensity.
“I came to visit like you said. May I come in?”
For some reason, Ryu Cheong-woo felt a chill run down his spine.