Chapter 223
Chapter 223
The inside of the car was dead silent.
The only sound was the occasional gasping sob from Kim Rae-bin, as if he were about to run out of breath.
Normally, the others would have tried to comfort him with words like "She’ll be okay," but now they simply drove in silence or patted him on the back.
In a situation like this, empty comfort only bred more anxiety.
"Yes, Hyung. …Yes, you have to come 'this early in the morning.' We’re on our way now, so please stand by nearby as soon as possible."
I relayed the information to the manager I finally managed to reach, then hung up the phone roughly.
Is this really the time to be complaining about it being "this early in the morning"? There’s a time and place to demand a work-life balance, you crazy bastard.
“…….”
What was I doing after that?
Nothing, damn it. I couldn't do a single thing.
All I could do was think.
I knew that no matter what we did, it would take over three hours to get from here to Kim Rae-bin’s family home in Gangwon-do.
‘In the worst-case scenario, we might be too late.’
…But let’s consider what would have happened if we had left directly from Seoul, like we usually did right before a break.
That time would have been cut by more than an hour and a half.
An hour and a half difference.
I couldn't help… but run the numbers.
‘Fuck.’
Because I knew the guy sitting in front of me was thinking the exact same thing.
Kim Rae-bin still couldn't let go of his smartphone. Subconsciously, he was waiting for another call, yet terrified of it at the same time.
And yet, he didn't dare to be the one to call back first…
“…….”
I felt suffocated.
‘Stop it.’
It was ridiculous. I wasn't even the one involved, and I wasn't in a position to help, yet here I was, getting uselessly immersed in the situation.
Mocking myself, I leaned my head against the window and decided to keep my mouth shut.
I figured that was the best way to avoid being a hindrance.
After about three hours in the car that felt like an eternity, we had just passed the final highway toll gate leading to our destination. Ryu Cheong-woo spoke up, his voice as calm as possible.
“We’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
“…….”
Bae Se-jin spoke to Kim Rae-bin with visible effort.
“…Change your clothes.”
“…….”
Kim Rae-bin, who had been stiff with tension and worry for far too long, slowly began to change his shirt.
The clothes, which were almost dry, fell to the floor of the car, shedding dried salt as they went.
After putting on the fresh clothes, Kim Rae-bin sat motionless as if he’d lost his soul, and then, suddenly, tears began to stream down his face.
“It’s because… I insisted on going to the MT for no reason…… I’m la—”
“No, it’s not.”
I answered before I even realized it. I hadn't even thought about it.
I actually had to come up with a plausible reason on the spot, but I didn't get a chance to explain further.
Someone else cut in.
“That’s right! It’s my fault!”
“……!”
“I was the one who said we should go first. It’s not Kim Rae-bin’s fault!”
Cha Yu-jin spoke quite bravely, but he looked like he was about to burst into tears himself.
Kim Rae-bin let out a hoarse cry.
“N-No! We planned the MT t-together…… I even chose the l-location….”
“Think about that later.”
I cut him off.
“Think about it later. For now, just go see your grandmother.”
“…….”
Kim Rae-bin finally nodded.
I shouldn't let him think right now. This was the right move.
At least, based on my experience.
Soon, the car’s navigation announced we had reached our destination.
“Let’s go.”
“…Yes.”
And so, Kim Rae-bin stumbled out of the car and headed into the hospital.
The rest of us followed him as far as we were allowed to go.
This meant we ended up sitting on the waiting chairs in the hallway outside the ward, waiting for Kim Rae-bin to come out.
“…….”
“Oh, Mother….”
People who looked like relatives and medical staff moved back and forth in front of the room, but naturally, we just sat there in silence without trying to acknowledge anyone or strike up a conversation.
However, judging by the atmosphere, it seemed that… fortunately, he wasn't too late.
I wasn't sure if "fortunate" was the right word to use, though.
By the time the faint light of dawn began to reflect in the windows, someone spoke.
“Moon-dae.”
“…….”
“Park Moon-dae, why don't you go to the car and lie down for a bit?”
“It’s not me, Ryu Cheong-woo… Hyung should be the one to go.”
It made no sense for the person who had driven all night without sleep to still be awake.
Morally, he was the one who should go sleep.
But Ryu Cheong-woo shook his head.
“I’m not that tired.”
“Yeah. Me neither.”
“…….”
The brief conversation ended there. The members didn't bring up resting to each other again and waited quietly.
A short while later, Kim Rae-bin emerged, stumbling out with a pale face to give us an update.
“Rae-bin.”
“Are you okay?”
“Y-Yes…. I talked to Grandmother… and she’s, she’s sleeping now….”
It meant the immediate crisis had passed.
‘Phew.’
Ridiculously enough, it felt like all the tension in my body was draining away.
Because it meant Kim Rae-bin… wasn't too late.
But I could tell from Kim Rae-bin’s expression and tone.
He didn't look relieved.
‘…There will be more crises to come.’
I had a feeling this might turn into the worst vacation ever for Kim Rae-bin.
After relaying the situation to the company staff who arrived a bit later, the members who had homes to go to headed back first.
This was because Kim Rae-bin’s older sister, who came out of the ward later, gently suggested it.
—Thank you so much for bringing Rae-bin here.
—No, it’s nothing. It was the natural thing to do….
—I heard you were on vacation. Thank you for spending your precious day like this…. I hope you have a safe trip back.
She probably felt bad, and she wasn't in a position to worry about so many outsiders, so it was a reasonable thing to say.
For guys who only get to spend time with their families once or twice a year, just coming this far was a huge show of loyalty.
However, Cha Yu-jin, who was going back to the dorm anyway, flatly refused.
—It’s okay, I can’t go home! I’ll stay here.
—Yu-jin….
Perhaps because of their time together in their previous agency, he seemed to be quite familiar with Kim Rae-bin’s family, so he was accepted regardless.
But I couldn't just leave Cha Yu-jin behind.
‘This guy isn't exactly the type to fully take care of someone.’
If I wasn't careful, Kim Rae-bin’s sister might end up having to look after him too.
Besides, of the two of us who would be at the dorm anyway, it would look ridiculous if only one stayed, especially if the one leaving was the older one.
So, I decided to stay too.
—I’m fine as well. I was planning on staying at the dorm during the break anyway.
After several rounds of polite refusals and sighs of relief, we eventually moved to Kim Rae-bin’s family home at the strong insistence of his sister and grandfather.
In the process, I was able to get a decent explanation of the situation through a conversation with his sister.
—They said they’ll monitor the situation for a few more days and perform surgery if the conditions are right….
—…But the success rate isn't very high.
—Still, I thought it would be better for Rae-bin to be prepared in advance… rather than having it happen suddenly like this time.
I couldn't be so insane as to pry into exactly what the illness was.
However, from overhearing the relatives' conversations as they came and went, it seemed to be some kind of pituitary gland issue.
And this is what Kim Rae-bin said while crying once the tension finally broke after we got to the house.
“T-They found it the last time she was hospitalized… but she said she didn't want me to worry while I was working in Seoul, so she told them not to tell me….”
“…….”
“I-I had no idea… I didn't even pay attention, I-I’m such an idiot.”
“No! You’re not an idiot.”
“No, I was! E-Even today… I couldn't even keep it together, I couldn't do anything right….”
“You did well enough.”
I cut Kim Rae-bin off.
“You stayed calm and did well. You saw your grandmother, you did everything. No one is 'good' at dealing with things like this.”
“…….”
Kim Rae-bin’s shoulders slumped.
And I… felt a strange sense of relief that my words had reached him.
‘That’s right.’
What kind of person could be "good" at this?
He had done well enough.
I stood up, opened the fridge as I had been given permission by Kim Rae-bin’s sister, and took out an ionic drink.
I poured it for the guy, who was clearly dehydrated, and after making sure he drank it, I spoke slowly.
“I’m sorry for… pushing you so hard in the car. You went through a lot.”
“N-No…! Thanks to you, I was able to get here without being late….”
In reality, even if we had been later, the thing he feared wouldn't have happened, but I suppose it was a psychological issue.
And I realized that this psychological issue would continue.
‘…Things are going to get difficult, no matter how this plays out.’
I was thinking about the conversation this guy would have to have with the company after the break.
“Eat something delicious, Kim Rae-bin. Order delivery!”
“D-Delivery is… something you order.”
“I know. Order it!”
Kim Rae-bin, who had managed to regain some of his usual self while bickering with Cha Yu-jin, finally ordered some food, but he couldn't eat much.
The vacation passed like that, maintaining a precarious sense of normalcy while standing by for emergency calls from the hospital.
And then… that difficult moment arrived.
The morning of the last day of vacation.
“They say Grandmother is going into surgery.”
Kim Rae-bin spoke quite calmly after receiving a call from his sister that morning. Even though he was holding his smartphone upside down.
“Talk while you eat.”
“Kim Rae-bin, your seat is here!”
“I know, it’s my house! …Yes! T-They say Grandmother’s condition has improved enough for her to undergo the surgical procedure!”
It meant there was a chance for recovery.
But to put it another way… it also meant there was a higher chance the surgery might not be successful.
I didn't know.
Should I rain on the parade of someone trying to think positively, or should I just go along with it?
So instead, I brought up the realistic problem.
The "difficult" problem I had been thinking about since the first day of the break.
“Are you planning on staying to nurse her?”
“Pardon…?”
“As you know, the break ends today.”
I placed my spoon in my bowl.
“We have to return tomorrow morning.”
“…!!”
“You should think carefully… about whether it’s okay for you to return to Seoul.”
…If he returned to active duty and stayed in Seoul, he might not be able to be there for her final moments if her condition suddenly worsened after the surgery.
I recalled the conversation I had with Kim Rae-bin when his grandmother first collapsed at the beginning of our debut.
—I-In that case… would it be right for me to stop in the middle of a performance, or a shoot… and leave? But if I did that… it feels like I’d be lacking professional discipline.
Family or work.
It was that damn choice again.
And it wasn't just for a single moment; he had to think about the entire four weeks it would take to see the results of the surgery.
‘What a garbage situation.’
Of course, just like back then, the answer was already decided.
“I’m telling you this in advance, but it’s okay if you don't return to work for a while. We’re doing all this so we can live well; there’s no need to suffer.”
“…That’s right. It’s okay!”
“Don't worry, we’ll help you convince the company.”
Cha Yu-jin was providing some decent cover fire. He’d been reading the room well these past few days.
And honestly, I expected Kim Rae-bin to squeeze his eyes shut and shout, "I’m so sorry, but I’ll do that."
But he didn't.
“T-That… even if I did that, I think I would still be in pain…….”
“……!”
“I-It’s an important full-length album, and I-I haven't finished a single one of the songs I’m in charge of… and I’m still working on the title track….”
Naturally, Kim Rae-bin had dreams and a sense of responsibility too.
“The music video, the choreography, the stage… I-I wouldn't be able to contribute anything.”
Moreover, Kim Rae-bin was the member in charge of production. In a way, he was the musical identity of TeSTAR itself.
Kim Rae-bin had keenly realized that if he were to drop out completely, the group’s identity would suffer.
“If Grandmother recovers without passing away… then what I did would be—no, I-I mean, that’s what I’m hoping for.”
“Okay, I get it.”
I stopped him there.
He was right. If his grandmother recovered without any issues, Kim Rae-bin might regret taking the time off for nothing.
And he would feel loathing toward himself for feeling that regret.
‘…Was I being biased?’
I had misjudged things a bit because I was overlapping his situation too much with my own past.
I tapped my finger on the table.
‘The best thing would be to push the album release back by a month or two.’
But that would be a problem for me.
If we did that, the tour schedule would get messed up, which could cause issues with clearing my Status Effect.
‘This is driving me crazy.’
It was then.
“Do both!”
“…!!”
Cha Yu-jin shouted.
“We have many good ways! Phone and… umm.”
“Say it in English.”
[“Right! I speak English, don't I?”]
Cha Yu-jin’s eyes sparkled as he tapped the table.
[“We live in an age with email, video calls, and even video chats! Tell Kim Rae-bin to work on the songs here! And we’ll prepare the other elements!”]
“……!”
It was surprisingly rational. I spoke up immediately.
“Cha Yu-jin says you should work on the songs here and work remotely.”
“Remote work??”
“Sounds good to me.”
Sure enough, Kim Rae-bin’s complexion instantly brightened.
“I-It sounds good to me too! But then, the other things besides the songs….”
I interlaced my fingers.
My brain finally started working smoothly for the first time in days.
“Let’s do this. We’ll make two versions of the choreography just in case. One with you, and one without you.”
“Pardon??”
“I like it!”
“And for the filming, we’ll do the same. We’ll take our individual shots and the group shots first, and we’ll push your individual filming date back as far as possible.”
“Oh!”
“We’ll push back the time for you to join as much as we can, while also completing a version for if you can’t join us.”
Kim Rae-bin’s jaw dropped.
“……I-I’m so sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? It just means the later you join, the harder it’s going to be for you alone.”
I asked him.
“Do you still want to do it?”
“…Yes!”
Good.
Kim Rae-bin nodded vigorously.
He seemed quite brave for a moment, but then he started rubbing his eyes.
It was understandable that he’d be overwhelmed by many emotions.
“Alright, let’s try to do as much as we can.”
“Yes…….”
I added one more thing.
“And if it doesn't work out, you can stop in the middle.”
“That’s right! It’s not Kim Rae-bin’s fault.”
They were right.
And so, the four weeks of trying to catch two rabbits—work and family—began.