Episode 62: Phantom Pain [3]
“One hundred percent? What does that mean? You mean Joseon?”
“Ah…”
Was I that embarrassed? I must have been. When you heard something strange, you reacted without thinking. But really, wasn’t it possible? My God… They kept cutting off people’s arms every time the pain returned, without anesthesia or disinfection, until the patient couldn’t even say it hurt anymore. And as if that wasn’t enough, they were now suggesting other people should go through the same thing.
“Yes. It means I’m absolutely certain. Something like that.”
“Well, I’m not saying it’s the same in every case, but… there’s a possibility. I want to call him aside and ask.”
“Should I try getting a proper answer out of him?”
Originally, that patient must have been incredibly strong. Even without knowing much about him, I was confident of that. Otherwise, how could he still be alive after having his arm amputated four times without proper disinfection? He might be even tougher than Dr. Liston. But now he was broken, shattered. I would never forget those eyes. I couldn’t.
“I don’t know. But it’s worth a try.”
“How? I don’t even know where he lives.”
“I’ll handle the doctor. In the meantime, try to sneak the patient away. Just say you got lost.”
“You mean the process? This?”
If someone else had said that, I might have thought they meant a more humane approach, but this was Liston. Of course not. He would probably just cut the guy’s leg off to distract him. No, wait. I saw him earlier. He already did that. So this doctor…
“What are you even thinking? I’m a man of faith. I believe in law and morality.”
“Oh, yes, of course.”
“I’ll just say I need to ask something and take the patient aside.”
“Yes, Brother.”
“Good.”
Apparently, Liston had been misunderstood like this more than once before. He handled it with practiced ease. Still, when I answered with “Yes, Brother,” it suddenly felt like we were conspiring to do something illegal. Anyway, just as he said, Liston approached the doctor.
“Howdy.”
“Ah, yes.”
The other man was a doctor too, one who had come with good intentions from across the sea. A highly skilled sailor, supposedly. He must have experienced all kinds of danger. I had heard that pirates were still active during this period, and if you landed somewhere outside the cities, the locals could easily turn into bandits. But it worked the other way too. Sailors from merchant ships could also become pirates or thieves. Earlier, the doctor said he had ten years of experience. A seasoned thug, perhaps. But in the end, it didn’t matter.
“I’d like to speak with you for a moment. Please come with me.”
“Uh… sure.”
Liston stood a full head taller than the other man. His shoulders were twice as broad, and more than anything, the muscles in his arms, honed from years of Amputation, were strong enough to scare anyone. In the end, the doctor couldn’t even ask what this was about before being dragged away, arm slung over his shoulder like some thug from Moran Market. Liston didn’t let him look left or right. Before disappearing, he gave me a signal.
Good.
Now it was my turn. Since the professor had handled the hard part, it was only fair that I took care of the rest. Besides, the patient was pitiful…
“Goddamn it.”
As I stepped forward, the patient frowned. Just thinking about it made me nervous. This was a sailor, a man who had endured four Amputations.
“Joseph. Alfred. Come with me.”
“Where to?”
“For the advancement of medicine.”
“You can go as far as you like then.”
Despite my nerves, I called Joseph and Alfred to help surround the patient. He just sat there, swearing and staring at what used to be his hand. Technically, it was empty space, but it felt like he really saw something there. Clearly… the treatment wasn’t working.
“Hey. Sir.”
“H-Hey.”
The man who had once looked so tough trembled as soon as I spoke to him. He instinctively reached with a hand that no longer existed. Just as I thought, he was pitiful. How many times had he been cut to end up like this?
“Please come with us for a moment.”
“N-No!”
That reaction was… a bit much. He suddenly started struggling. If I had been alone, I would have been in serious trouble. Even in his weakened state, it took all three of us, Joseph, Alfred, and me, to restrain him.
I won’t be sleeping tonight…
Up close, his condition was worse than I thought. His beard was messy, probably because he couldn’t shave with just one hand. The smell of alcohol clung to it. And the dark circles under his eyes told me everything I needed to know.
But… if he was still in pain… and beyond that…
Was it just the pain? Surely the surgery itself had done damage. Trauma. People in this era might not believe in psychological trauma, but it ate away at you. Sure, sometimes trauma could lead to growth, but only to a point. If someone cut off your arm several times without anesthesia… was it even possible to come back from that?
“No! No, please! Help me!”
In the end, the three of us dragged the struggling man inside. Hospitals were always overcrowded in this era, and without any restrictions on visitor access, there were plenty of witnesses. Dozens of people watched him cry out for help, but not one stepped forward. Not because they didn’t care.
“No!”
“Agh!”
This was just how hospitals were back then. Screams were so common you couldn’t even hold a conversation in the hallway. And no, it wasn’t like the crying you heard in pediatric clinics. Kids cried because of shots or nasal suction. Here, people were being burned with hot iron rods.
Clang.
You couldn’t tell if it was medicine or torture. So even though the patient was screaming, no one tried to stop us. We brought him into Liston’s laboratory, arguably the safest place in the hospital, because no one wanted to go in there.
“Aghhhh!”
I figured it was because of screams like this. Liston often performed surgeries in this lab for research purposes, and back then, that sometimes meant torture. These days, anesthesia had been introduced, and surgeries were treated more seriously… but still.
“Oh dear, looks like something’s happening again today.”
“Let’s come back tomorrow.”
See? No one questioned anything. They just moved along. That was how it was. How someone lived their daily life made all the difference.
“I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to ask some questions.”
That didn’t make it quiet, though. Even if a child cried in here, they would probably develop hearing loss. But this was a grown man yelling. The lab wasn’t very big, and the ceilings were high, so the sound echoed like crazy. If you tested everyone’s hearing in this hospital, I bet the rate of hearing loss would be way higher than average. I just wanted to live long and healthy, so I had to protect my ears. Hearing loss could lead to dementia, and it wasn’t like hearing aids existed in this era.
“Aaaaagh!”
“Calm down! I’m really just going to ask some questions.”
“That’s a lie! Wh-What is all that?!”
I tried to calm him down, but it wasn’t working. Then I saw what he was looking at: dozens of knives hanging on the wall.
Ah… right. My brother has a knife collection hobby.
To be more accurate, those knives were Liston’s history. No matter how talented he was, he didn’t start out perfect. He must have kept adjusting his technique. Trying different blades. Tinkering and modifying until the current “Liston Knife” was born. Knowing the backstory made it understandable. But to someone like this patient, it probably looked like a torture chamber.
“They’re just decorations.”
“Don’t lie! You bastards!”
Double the curses, huh? Well… fair.
Clang.
What if Liston came back?
“Isn’t that the ‘kind’ doctor who brought you in?”
“You said I didn’t know anything, so you left?!”
It was hard to say if the man was genuinely well-meaning or just clueless. His face wouldn’t have looked out of place in a back alley in London. Not exactly reassuring.
Clatter.
Apparently, the well-meaning doctor wasn’t the only one scared.
“Um… sir?”
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“N-Nothing!”
The patient started shaking again as soon as he saw Liston. Honestly, who else could embody the scent of knives and blood in this room better?
“Hey.”
“Y-Yes, please… don’t kill me.”
“I’m a doctor.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of!”
It wasn’t fair to say doctors killed people, but in this era, it wasn’t totally wrong. Who had killed more people than a doctor? Maybe war heroes. Or pirates.
“I really just want to ask you something.”
“Y-You’re serious?”
“Yes. I won’t use any knives, I promise.”
“Whew…”
After a few more minutes of coaxing, the patient sat down. He still looked terrified. Four doctors surrounding him. It was no wonder. At this point, if they wanted to, they could tie him down and cut off his arm.
“About that arm.”
“Uh…”
“Stop shaking. I’m not going to cut it. Just tell me. Did the pain really go away after being cut like that?”
Liston asked gently. The patient started hiccupping. He was scared, clearly. And understandably so. Every time he said he was in pain, someone cut him.
“You have to be honest. If this works, more amputees in London will be treated the same way.”
That was when I stepped in. I didn’t know if it would help, but I had to. Why? Because I knew the truth. Phantom pain wasn’t caused by nerves clumping together. It was a trick of the mind. I wasn’t trying to make a grand statement about being responsible for my era, but my conscience couldn’t let this go.
“Listen…”
“If the nerve-bunching theory were true, the pain would have stopped immediately after the cut. But I don’t think that’s the case. Maybe I’m wrong, but… the patient keeps unconsciously reaching for his missing hand.”
“That’s because… it’s never stopped. It still hurts. It always hurts.”
The patient finally spoke, like he was confessing. Tears followed.
Translator’s Notes:
Amputation — Surgical removal of a limb or body part. In this period, it was a common major operation, often performed without modern anesthesia or infection control.
Phantom Pain — Pain felt in a missing limb or body part after amputation. It comes from the nervous system rather than the missing body part itself.
Anesthesia — Medical use of drugs or gases to block pain or awareness during surgery.
Disinfection — The process of reducing or killing germs on skin, tools, or surfaces to prevent infection.
Trauma — Lasting physical or psychological harm after an overwhelming or violent experience.
Hearing Loss — Reduced ability to hear, which can be caused by repeated exposure to loud noise.
Dementia — A condition involving serious decline in memory, thinking, and daily functioning.
Liston Knife — A long surgical knife associated with Robert Liston and nineteenth-century amputation surgery.
Moran Market — A large traditional market in Korea, referenced here as a rough, crowded market image rather than a literal location in the scene.