Chapter 31: Munching Away
Ria stuffed her cheeks full of food, bulging like a chipmunk. She was valiantly tackling a pork cutlet bigger than herself, but she hadn't even made it halfway. Watching her, I thought to myself that at least I'd solved the Cooking Outer God's dilemma, whatever happened next.
So? Now how the hell do we escape? When I'd resolved the worries of other Outer Gods, they'd vanished. Paula's shop was still standing strong, though. Was it a difference in what they wanted? No—didn't she say there was another one who enjoyed her food?
I glanced at the woman slumped over the table. The bizarre lady who died from eating but always came back to life—Immortal Girl for now, I guess. Paula had made her food, she'd declared it delicious, then face-planted into the table. Paula loved cooking for others. She loved it even more when they savored her dishes. Other Outer Gods probably adored her cooking. But humans?
Come to think of it, hadn't Paula mentioned force-feeding humans, only for them to end up in horrific shape? What if there was a slight distortion in that story?
"...Boss."
"Yes?"
She hurried over at my call. I didn't want to say it—it was a logic I hated—but to escape this place, I had to. Even if things went south, this was the only way out I could think of.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"...Did you want every being to say your food was 'delicious'?"
Paula's eyes widened as she caught my implication.
"What do you...?"
I didn't answer her question. I just hoped she'd mull it over a few times. Her pupils started trembling, then she smiled sadly.
"...You saw right through me, huh?"
Of course it wouldn't be that easy.
"The first time I met you humans was in a raging blizzard."
The so-called "stray knights" cut off from Hearth City Rondan. Starving and terrified, they'd broken Rondan's Iron Rules with forbidden prayers to an Outer God.
"I found you half-frozen in that storm and tried to save you."
But humans were arrogant even then. A god's food wasn't meant for mortals. Paula's face filled with guilt.
"My friends called it the most delicious in the universe. I was proud. But you humans... you couldn't handle it. At first, I thought you were already cursed, but even healthy ones crumbled. That's when despair hit. Food someone couldn't eat? It wasn't perfect."
Her cooking wasn't for one—it was for all. Her anchor was the wish that everyone could eat without dying. She handed me a sheet of paper. Normally, Outer God script was off-limits, but was I normal?
Research Notes: Human-Compatible Recipes
Various ingredients and meticulous handwriting filled the page—dozens of recipes, proof of her endless trials.
"This is...?"
"Traces of my research on how humans could eat my food. Yes, I made this space for experiments. And to shelter lost wanderers from the cold."
She set a cup of instant coffee and a mint candy on the table—somehow prepared without me noticing. Way milder than her usual fare. I sipped the coffee first. Rich and savory, just like the stuff from a BBQ joint. How did she nail my taste so perfectly? If she weren't an Outer God, I'd beg for breakfast every day.
"I worked hard. Food humans could enjoy and thrive on. But... same result. Ingredients were fine, yet you couldn't handle it. I got so mad, I hurled everything out in a rage. That's why the outside was such a mess. Sorry, my fault."
So that's where the fused dishes came from. Milder ones kept shape and flew far; human food turned lethal, Outer God wrath even more so. No wonder Ria warned against them.
"I was ready to quit... then she came."
The Immortal Girl. No words exchanged, but after dying three times on sight, she got used to it?
"Her stomach growled, so I gave her something edible. How could I ignore such hunger?"
Her voice trembled with emotion, dabbing tears.
"She refused at first, so I spoon-fed her. Then she said it was delicious."
To others, Paula's food didn't look edible. What did it look like to make her refuse? She seemed adapted now.
"I cried at first. Humans could enjoy it. But they still died, hunger unsolved."
That's when I showed up. I figured out the gimmick, ate the intact form, no issue. So what was the problem? Intact shape? Fine. Spoon-smashed? Fatal. Paula was mimicking human cooking, but her power interfered. This world clung to rules—human writing safe, Outer God script toxic; humans viewing Outer Gods deadly.
So why not have an Outer God cook like a human, with human tools? Humans couldn't handle gods, but gods could handle humans.
That was the idea.
"Solid logic. You wouldn't think of it without trying."
"Mmm... I wanna eat too."
Hearing the Gardener praise it, backed by evidence, boosted my confidence.
Finally, spaghetti hit the pan, glossy and plated. Crude next to the pork stir-fry—amateurish even.
"...Ugh, the shape bugs me."
"Let's test it anyway."
I passed it to Immortal Girl. She grabbed the bowl, mashed the noodles wildly with a spoon, and shoveled them in. She'd eaten like this forever without filling up—a true glutton. Paula swallowed hard, throat bobbing.
Time passed. No collapse. She finished, bowl out.
"Fresh taste! Another!"
"Dessert last."
Paula brought iced Americano—the Recorder's rec—with cake. The "iced" one had flames rising bizarrely. The legendary warm iced Americano? Blasphemy. Outer God quirks. But without seeing the process...?
"What ingredients for this?"
"C-can't I skip saying?"
She blushed, dodging. No help from me this time, so I asked. What'd she use?
"J-just know it's something precious."
...Unsettling. Immortal Girl ate fine, though. Ria tried a bite, thumbs-up. Good sign. My method worked? Paula teared up, hands over mouth.
"Not yet."
Last test: me. I scooped remnants, deliberately mangling the shape—the danger point. Chewed slowly, savoring.
It was delicious. Insanely so. Deadly good, but no death. Filling without fatality.
"...Congrats. Food anyone can eat, no matter what."
Paula rushed me, hugging tight in joy.
"Thank you. Now my dream's real."
I get the gratitude, but this embrace... I averted my eyes. She pulled back slightly, grabbed my cheeks, forcing eye contact.
"...Uh, yeah?"
"Watching you enjoy it will be the best."
She grinned, stroked my chin, stepped back.
"I'll refine your technique for even better eats. Wait for it?"
Her words flushed my face. I knew what she meant, but the phrasing... Snap out of it, Leydan Tantun! She's an Outer God! Have you lost it? Party Flute means we'll meet soon anyway—no real impact. She had no clue I'd summon her. How to ditch pork stir-fry and pig stew? Heh.
With that, Paula—and the space—began evaporating. Next thing, just Immortal Girl, Ria, and me under the blizzard. Random drop from the warped zone, I guess. Silver lining: the "warm" iced Americano heated us. Paula's kind touch.
"Huh? Where's this? Who're you?"
No time for afterglow—now, what to do with her?