Party Flute Pandemonium
As I was pondering what to do next alongside my fundamental companions, the trigger for this extreme incident hitting me out of nowhere was as follows.
The moment I got back to the branch office, I crashed into bed and slept like a rock. My body felt incredibly light that day, as if everything was finally falling into place. The biggest worry—Agartha—had resolved itself in the most absurd way possible, and now I had a clear direction for what came next. No need for headaches there. With no orders coming down today, I was just chilling in my room when someone knocked on the door.
Was the time finally here?
"Yes, who is it?"
"It's Mu Yeon, Mr. Tantun."
I hopped up nimbly and hurried to the door. When I swung it open, there stood Mu Yeon, already fully decked out in her iron armor. Had I startled her by opening it so suddenly? Her pink hair bounced as she flinched in surprise.
"Yes, what's up?"
"Ah, uh! Y-You need to head to the Weapon Arsenal now..."
This was where things got crucial. Depending on what weapon came out, it would dictate my entire training path moving forward. A sword meant the swordsman route. An axe, the warrior path. A gun, sniper training. And luckily, I had mentors around who could teach me all of it. Sword from White Mask, axe from Mu Yeon, gun from Hunter... assuming she'd even bother. At the very least, my start wouldn't be slow. So honestly, whatever came out, bring it on.
I followed Mu Yeon toward the Hearth. This time, no descending underground—we climbed these tiny pillar-like steps embedded in the wall like stairs.
"Don't climb the central staircase. The odds of it ending in just burns are low."
Mu Yeon's warning brought back the intense heat I'd felt last time. Yeah, scaling that bare-skinned would be insane.
We didn't go all the way up. At the one-third mark sat an iron door. Mu Yeon slotted in a key and unlocked it. From outside, it looked empty. Made sense—no one could rig a random draw like this anyway.
"The Weapon Arsenal provides one weapon that the Hearth deems suitable for the recipient, chosen at random. Um... that's a power applied by the Hearth itself. Grab the wrong one, and the user might go mad."
Her explanation filled in some blanks I hadn't known. Go mad, huh? So that's why they warn against grabbing just anything inside.
"Nothing else to it, so go in, wait, and a weapon will appear. Test it out, and if no issues, come right back out."
Mu Yeon flung the iron door wide and stepped aside up two more stairs, gesturing for me to enter.
"If something happens... um, no good. I couldn't handle it..."
"Got it."
Wait, aren't you supposed to say something reassuring like, "Just call me and I'll sort it out"? Now I'm getting creeped out for no reason.
"Oh yeah, what about Hunter?"
"Ah... She said she'd act freely, so we decided not to issue her a Weapon Arsenal weapon. The uncontrolled ones from there are pretty dangerous..."
So that's how it was. In the pure Hunter route, dubbed the "lone wolf," you apparently hunted Outer Gods directly and turned their gear into equipment. I'd never tried it myself, so I didn't know the details, but it was rated harder than the paladin path of learning blessing prayers with the Hearth's help.
Guess that meant I was going in solo. I took a few deep breaths and stepped inside the Weapon Arsenal.
It looked pretty plain. Pebble-like stones packed the walls, wooden chests lined the room. The weird part? All the chests connected in a chain leading to a single table. And that table had a hole, so presumably, the suitable weapon popped out there.
Footprints marked the spot a short distance from the table—stand here, got it. What would it be? I'd barely slept thinking about this. Hopefully something cool. Sure, Super Coward Mode would warp it in my eyes, but it'd still look badass to everyone else.
As I stood there, the Hearth's heat trickled down the ceiling, gathering at the table. Despite the scorch, the table didn't char—instead, it vibrated, drawing something in. I swallowed hard.
Alright, whatever it is, I'll take it. Hurry up and come out!
The moment I thought that, something popped out of the table's hole and landed right in front of me. The instant I saw what it was, I froze solid.
Wh-what the hell is this? Am I seeing this right?
I rubbed my eyes with my fingers, but the scene didn't change. Despair hit me like a truck.
No way. What kind of weapon is this?
What my eyes beheld was a long straw with paper attached, curled at the end like a party blower. Blow air in, and the paper unrolls with a noisy fanfare. The infamous party flute, the kind you use at birthdays. A toy, handed to me as my "weapon."
How the hell is a party flute supposed to take down Outer Gods?!
Trembling, I grabbed the flute. The gathered heat in the arsenal rushed out all at once. Like, "Took it—now get lost."
Th-this can't be real. How...?
"With this crap?! How am I supposed to hunt Outer Gods with it?!"
That outburst was my downfall. I jammed the flute to my lips and blew hard in frustration.
Reee-ree-ree~
Suddenly, my mind exploded with a vast space—boom. Before I could process it, something flooded in. What followed was even more bewildering.
「Woof? What's this? Who called me?」
A voice I knew all too well. Unforgettably over-the-top.
This voice...
"Ob-Observer?"
「Huh? Ahh! That voice! Human! You from that chariot!」
Hold up. Why is the Observer's voice in my head from blowing this flute? Hallucination? I shook my head to clear it.
「No mistake! It's me!」
Her confirmation sealed it—we were chatting.
Wait. Come to think of it, I'd heard of a joke weapon made from an Outer God. The one that baited endless forum trolls. Folks called it the suicide horn flute. S-rank on paper, but blowing it connected you straight to a Greater Outer God—instant death. Description matched: creates a mental space for conversing with Outer Gods.
Once, folks speculated it had hidden features, but Hunter chars died on the spot, burying the lore bait. No other weapon matched this intensity.
Which meant... this party flute was that horn flute?!
「Human called me! Coming right now!」
"No, no, no, no! Don't come!"
Thanks to Super Coward Mode, no mental pollution—small mercies! My brain reeled as I denied it, but too late.
A glass-shattering crash, then earthquake-level impact.
"Kyaaak!"
Mu Yeon's scream hit as I pocketed the flute and bolted out.
"T-Tantun?!"
"Out first! It's dangerous!"
Dragging her from the Hearth, a massive rift cracked open right ahead, something pushing through the center.
Insane. It's really coming.
"Distortion at the Hearth core! Emergency, emergeeeency!"
"Shit, what the hell?! What's happening?!"
"Report to Her Highness—request max Hearth output!"
Knight moved like clockwork; villagers screamed and fled in panic. The rift splintered wider, the Observer poking her head out, grinning ear-to-ear at spotting me.
"Ob-Observer...!"
Mu Yeon blanched, nearly fainting. Just looking at her damaged sanity—even with gear.
Should I step up? No choice now.
"H-Hey! Stop! What're you—!"
A knight grabbed at me, but I shook him off and charged.
Who else would stop her?
She beamed as I neared. "Human! Knew you missed me! I missed you too!"
"Yeah, missed you—but not now! Go back!"
I shoved her head toward the rift, but her brute strength laughed it off.
"Woof! No way! Gonna play with human! And you called me!"
"T-Technically true, but still no!"
I pushed with everything, but it backfired—the rift worsened. Now her upper body was out!
"Almost there!"
She lit up with joy at playing; I despaired as reality warped around her. Was this even Rondan anymore? Space itself?
Luckily, the Hearth's heart. Its heat began suppressing the rift.
"Eeeeng, won't fit. Human! Help!"
Yes! Aid the Hearth to end this!
"Heave—ho!"
Fueled by doomsday dread, I gripped her shoulders and shoved. My desperation connected—her body inched back.
But she just panted "Hah... hah..." silently.
"Stop! You'll—!"
Knight hesitated, faces urgent, cowed by her aura.
Please go back already!
As I strained to avert apocalypse, a voice echoed.
This voice?
Gardener! Or whatever Fiore called her rose buddy?
She sighed heavily.
Like a lifeline tossed down.
"Anything—please...!"
Her final sigh, and suddenly our positions flipped. We tumbled, flipping end over end into somewhere else.
"Mr. Tantun!!!"
Mu Yeon's cry faded— no time for that.
"Waaaah!"
Felt eternal, but we landed amid cookies and food galore. The alien vibe screamed Outer God realm.
"Woofwoofwoof!"
The Observer glanced around, spotted me, and pounced—licking my cheek like crazy.
...What a total shitshow.