Chapter 249
Chapter 249
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>Translator: Ryuma
>Chapter: 249
>Chapter Title: Showing Off
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Yang Kid opened his eyes from his sleep. He stared at the cowhide tent overhead and chuckled for no apparent reason.
A stinky foot kicked over from the side. "You wanna die? Not getting up early in the morning—what are you grinning about in bed?"
Yang Kid sat up, excitedly eyeing Gouwa beside him, who had his eyes closed while digging for boogers.
"Cao Cao Shixiong, we don't have to do any work now, and we get meat every day. Isn't this worth a laugh?"
This was the real deal—genuine meat. For the first time in his whole life, he'd eaten until he was stuffed. The emperor folks talked about probably lived just like this.
"Look at you, a few meals of meat and you're this thrilled. A kid's a kid, alright."
He was different. He had loftier ambitions.
Gouwa sat up, gave his hand a wipe, then crawled out of bed and slapped the leg of the snoring Fool nearby.
"Fool, get up. I reckon we're heading out in a few days."
"We're leaving already?" Yang Kid's face was full of reluctance.
"Li Shixiong's hysteria is cured—of course we're leaving. What, you wanna live here forever?"
Yang Kid drooped his brows and mumbled softly, "Living here forever wouldn't be so bad."
"Hey! Acting like it's your own home, huh? You're guests right now, so they're waiting on you hand and foot with plates and stools. Stick around longer, and they'll start smashing plates and stools instead."
After chewing out Yang Kid, Gouwa saw the Fool still asleep. He yanked back the quilt, grabbed the waistband of his pants, and jerked them down hard.
Seeing the bleary-eyed Fool frantically clutching at his pants in panic, Gouwa cackled and bolted out of the tent.
Stepping out of the tent, Gouwa waded barefoot into the river and began washing up with meticulous care.
He'd never been this fastidious before, but Chun Xiaoman had said women liked clean men, so that's why he did it.
"Your face is all patchy white and yellow, and you look like a rat anyway—if you get sloppy too, might as well die." Those were Chun Xiaoman's exact words.
Gouwa thought it over and figured she had a point. So he started grooming diligently.
And wouldn't you know it—after getting diligent with the washing, some of those bandit women actually started chatting him up more.
He had to step it up, though. The Qingqiu folk in the tent camp had started making moves, which made Gouwa all the more anxious.
He didn't mind sloppy seconds. What he feared was them picking over everyone and leaving him with nothing.
After scrubbing himself clean inside and out, and taking a piss into the river after untying his belt,
Gouwa fished a squished red flower from his bosom, tucked it behind his ear, and swaggered back toward the tents.
Just as he entered the tent camp, Gouwa spotted Li Huowang's back. He grinned, about to call out a greeting, when he saw the guy fiddling with those scattered, creepy torture tools.
"Hiss~ What’s Li Shixiong up to now?"
Gouwa wanted no part of that bad luck. He tiptoed past on the side.
He didn't head straight for the women's tents. Instead, he went first to the Lv Troupe's tent and called softly from outside. "Xiucai! Xiucai!"
"Hey! Coming, coming!"
Moments later, Lv Xiucai burst out, milky mustache dangling from his upper lip. "Let's go. I'm done eating."
The two headed together toward the women's tents, chatting along the way.
"How about it? Nice flower, right?"
"Men don't wear flowers. Women do."
"Why can't men? Back home, guys who wear flowers are the ones unmarried girls go for."
When they reached the outside of the women's tents, they didn't go in. They waited quietly for something.
Their feet might've been resting, but their mouths weren't idle. Squatting there, they lecherously debated which of the women looked best, which had the biggest butt, which had the biggest tits.
Their friendship might not be all that close otherwise, but they sure had plenty to talk about on this topic.
As the sun climbed higher in the sky, the women finally emerged, each clutching her clothes, and headed off together to the river to wash.
"Hey, they're out, they're out! Quick, follow!"
Gouwa spat twice into his palms, rubbed his sideburns, then trotted after them with a goofy grin.
Seeing the two bobbing along, the women weren't scared at all. They clustered together, gossiping about something and letting out occasional light laughs.
"Uh~~! When the moon hangs on the willow tip, lovers meet... at noon!"
Lv Xiucai's shout startled Gouwa and drew looks from the group of women.
"Xiucai, what'd you say?"
"I dunno, that's all I got. My old man said today's women like guys with some literary flair."
Gouwa shot him a disdainful look, smoothed the flower behind his ear, and sidled over with a grin.
Before long, they reached the riverbank. And sure enough, Gouwa actually started chatting them up.
After all these days, they knew exactly what Gouwa was like—just a smooth talker with no real bite.
At first, Gouwa figured it was the flower in his ear doing the trick. But after a bit, he realized they were pumping him for info on Gao Zhijian.
Just then, a bunch of shirtless Qingqiu men came thundering past on horseback, drawing squeals from the women.
After two loops, one of the Qingqiu hunks led his horse splashing through the water. He grinned dopily at a big-mouthed woman and extended a hand to her.
"Go on! This guy's solid—look at those arms!"
"Yeah, Lan'er, didn't you say last night you'd set your sights on him?"
"We can't afford to be picky anymore, Lan'er."
As they watched Lan'er get pulled up onto the horse's back, men and women alike erupted in catcalls.
"Pfft, what's the big deal? What's so special?" Gouwa scoffed with disdain.
"Uh~~! When the moon hangs on the willow tip, lovers meet... at noon!"
"Give it a rest, Xiucai. You've been hollering for a whole hour—has anyone even glanced your way?"
Gouwa eyed the young lad beside him with utter disgust. He never should've teamed up with this guy today—totally useless.
"I just don't buy it. No way a short, swarthy squirt steals my spotlight!"
Gouwa thought it over, then pulled a little wooden tube from his waist. He took out a needle wrapped in white thread and inserted it from the end.
"Ahem! Ladies, eyes on me. This is a divine power I learned straight from an immortal master! This ain't no ordinary trick—it's real divine power~"
With everyone's gaze locked on him, Gouwa's grin widened as he started showing off with the tube.
"Heh~ Riding horses? That got nothing on this."
"Watch close now, don't blink—this ain't for just anyone to see!"
Gouwa grabbed a sheep, put the wooden tube to his lips, and sucked hard toward its head.
In the next instant, his face went beet red. He panicked, clutching at his throat with both hands.
"Gah~~ Gah~"
(End of chapter)