The Contradiction of Desire
Theodore lay on his side, his hand gently stroking the bare skin of Olivia’s body as she rested in his arms. Red marks, the remnants of his touch, stood out vividly against her skin—a complexion so pale it seemed as though it might be stained by the falling snow.
He pressed his lips slowly against those marks. At the sensation, Olivia tensed her limbs, stretching out as if waking from a dream.
Had her mind been emptied as much as she desired? To Theodore, it felt as though it were working, yet at the same time, it didn't. He couldn't think of anything other than the woman currently in his arms. On the other hand, in a way, the very fact that his mind was filled entirely with thoughts of her meant that he, too, was brimming with complex contradictions.
What about her? What were the contradictions that filled her mind?
Was he even a part of them, in any small way?
Theodore traced a slow path down Olivia’s arm before overlapping his hand with hers. This was a time he had been granted. He told himself that this was all that mattered.
His fingers moved across the back of her hand as if drawing a picture, before finally interlacing his fingers with hers. Like lovers just beginning their journey, he was only now truly holding her hand.
Olivia’s head, which had been resting lightly on his shoulder, shifted slightly. She moved her hand as if to pull away, and though it made his heart ache with anxiety, he loosened his grip. But instead of pushing him away, Olivia turned her hand over, pressed her palm against his, and interlaced her fingers with his from her side.
The sigh she let out tickled Theodore’s chest. He was seized by a sense of fulfillment, simply from lying skin-to-skin without any interference. Even though he knew this night would vanish into nothingness, just as the night that had begun in the garden of the small kingdom had scattered meaninglessly.
The shortened candle flickered. It was still far from dawn, but to Theodore, the time felt infinitely short.
He pulled her tighter, bowing his head to rub his nose softly against her ear, where her golden hair was tangled in disarray. Her lips brushed against his chest, touching and pulling away repeatedly.
It was a touch born of affection and love, but it did not take long for their bodies to catch fire once more. Olivia felt the thick, long length of his flesh between her thighs regain its strength, hardening against her, and she struggled to calm her quickening breath.
Theodore carefully tried to pull his hips back, but Olivia caught his buttocks before he could.
“Haa.”
Even at that small contact, Theodore let out a breath mingled with a groan. Once again, no words were exchanged; only their heated breaths overlapped.
She pulled his hips toward her. The member that had been nestled between her smooth thighs slid deeper, meeting the parted crevice. Olivia kissed his chest and collarbone again, tracing the line of his neck and jaw. Every time she touched his powerful physique as if to confirm it, his member twitched. Her sex parted and pulsed, as if responding to him. The soft mucous membranes seemed to move, yearning to cling to his vein-mapped flesh.
Even then, they did not let go of their interlaced hands. Theodore’s other hand wrapped around Olivia’s back. He no longer pulled his hips away, nor did he distance himself. Olivia, having slowly stroked up his back, wrapped her arms around the solid nape of his neck and adjusted her posture, lifting her hips little by little.
“Ugh, mm….”
Her clitoris finally brushed against his member. Realizing what she intended, he moved his hips slightly back and forth. His hard member rubbed slowly against her opening, stimulating and scouring her completely. When the glans caught on the entrance of her womb, it felt like madness. Freshly shed nectar slicked Theodore’s member.
“Haa, mm….”
Theodore bowed his head, swallowing the moans from Olivia’s lips. He moved his tongue and his lower body at the same slow rhythm. It felt less like an attempt to heighten sexual pleasure and more like a desperate struggle to touch even a fraction more of the other’s body.
But there was no way that alone could satisfy them. Unable to hold back, he pushed Olivia’s shoulders down, laying her beneath him.
Olivia did not panic. Her turquoise eyes, glowing with a warm light, were filled with longing.
Her thighs opened naturally. The sex that had already received him twice was pulsing and gaping, and the semen he had released earlier was dried against the inside of her thighs.
Watching that sight for a moment, Theodore kissed Olivia again. A breath more desperate than before passed between them. It was maddening. The fact that she had accepted him, the fact that she was not his.
And the fact that she wanted him right now.
Theodore brought his member to her entrance again with slow movements. As the tip of his glans forced its way into the softly parted crevice, the narrow passage inside writhed as if to suck him in.
Olivia lowered her gaze to watch their union. Then, she looked up at Theodore again. A flush of excitement and shame colored Theodore’s face.
Olivia gently cupped one of his cheeks with her hand. Warmth spread across her palm. He could not know how joyfully she could accept him. Embracing him and spreading her legs did not soil her soul; rather, it warmed her, heating her from within.
“Theo.”
She called his name to tell him that, but Theodore, fearing the words that might follow, ignored the call. Instead, he pulled himself out silently and turned her over.
“Theo?”
From behind, he thrust into her with all his might. The entrance, which had been pulsing as if missing the volume that had just departed, parted easily to swallow him whole.
“Ugh!”
Olivia moaned. The sensation of being filled to the depths of her belly, coupled with the rush of pleasure, pierced her mind. Whatever she had meant to say vanished, and her mind went blank. Olivia could only let out a pained sound, clutching the sheets.
“Haa, hhh….”
She felt the weight of Theodore, who was embracing her from behind. His lips brushed against her shoulder.
One of his hands stroked down her lower abdomen and slipped into her groin. At the caress that parted her labia and teased her clitoris, moans spilled from Olivia’s lips without pause.
“Mm, mmm….”
“Ugh.”
The walls of her womb tightened, gripping him. He was already buried to the root, yet as if wanting to go deeper, he pressed his groin fiercely against Olivia’s buttocks, grinding into her deepest point.
“Ah, hhh, mm!”
Olivia wept, clutching the sheets. Theodore might have thought he was still, but her insides were not. The sensation of his thick glans digging into the depths of her womb, crushing and stretching her, made sparks fly before her eyes.
Olivia thrashed as if she were drowning in his embrace. Theodore’s member churned inside her body, and every time it did, the nectar she shed from their tightly locked union leaked out, slicking her thighs.
Theodore’s lips kissed her neck and ears without rest. Every time he moved his hips slightly to scour her insides, a wet, squelching sound filled the room.
Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, hanging onto Theodore’s arms, which were wrapped around her waist.
“Like this, keep going….”
It was the first time he had spoken words that sounded like a true request. His voice was half-hoarse. Olivia, burying her face in the pillow, nodded. She, too, wanted to stay like this. Even if only until the morning sun scattered their dreams, she wanted to remain submerged in ecstasy, their bodies pressed together as closely as possible.
Theodore stroked her smooth arm and interlaced his fingers with hers again. His lips touched Olivia’s ear, and the sigh he released tickled the shell of her ear. His lips left her ear, trailing kisses across her neck, her cheek, and her temple. Each time, Olivia’s body shuddered with pleasure.
Was the emotion shared through the flesh true? Even after living four lives, she could not answer that.
There had been pleasure even in terrible moments devoid of a shred of heart, and now, even without true understanding or union between them, she felt intoxicated.
The only thing she could be certain of was her own feelings. Olivia hoped that her emotions were invisible to him, and that for him, this moment would remain nothing more than a brief pleasure or a trivial lingering attachment.
‘I only hope it doesn’t remain as a foolish regret.’
The moment she thought this, as if to pierce through and erase even her complex heart, the part of him that resided within her body thrust into her violently. Olivia felt her mind turn white, clutching the sheets as she let out a cry.