The Mask of Lady Laila
Olivia climbed into the carriage, tore off her mask, and gasped for air until her shoulders shook. "Mary, give me some water."
Mary quickly handed her a water bottle. Instead of drinking it, Olivia poured the water onto a handkerchief, soaked it, and scrubbed at her lips.
The feeling of disgust wouldn't fade, so she rubbed and rubbed again. Mary looked on with a worried expression.
"Your makeup is all gone. If you keep doing that, you'll peel the skin right off your lips, my lady."
"Haa..."
Even then, she couldn't stop, scrubbing a few more times until she tasted blood. Only then did she stop. Next, she wiped her hands. There was nothing on her fingertips, but the hot, viscous sensation seemed to linger.
She knew it was a necessary act, and she wouldn't hesitate in the future, but the physical contact with Ezekiel made her want to retch. It would have been better if she felt nothing or just simple discomfort, but the memories of pleasure intertwined with the act made it all the more horrific.
"Haa."
Only after scrubbing her hands until they were red did she let out a long sigh and slump back.
"My lady..."
"I'm fine. I'm just... exhausted."
Olivia covered her face with her hands and closed her eyes for a moment.
She replayed the day's events in her mind. Ezekiel was a man who easily discarded what he easily obtained. Therefore, she must never simply grant him her body, but she had to leave enough room so that he wouldn't lose interest. If she only ran away, she would become prey that ended up shot dead; if she acted as if she were burning with passion, he would grow bored.
She had to keep walking this tightrope. The mere thought was fatiguing.
"My lady..."
Mary watched her with concern.
When they met again in the capital, Olivia had told her part of the truth and her goals. Mary learned that Lady Peril’s real name was Gisela, and she heard why the former Count of Lutgarth had hidden Peril away.
Olivia had told her, "I want to find my mother's enemy and take revenge." And, "I want to find my father." Mary had nodded. Thinking of Peril’s life, spent hiding in the Lutgarth territory, never able to return to her family, she could fully understand Olivia’s heart.
Yet, she also felt a sense of pity. She wondered if it wouldn't have been better for her to just live comfortably as the Countess of Lutgarth. Even if not that, it would be fine. Since she had inherited a sufficient fortune, she could have found another groom she liked and lived happily.
Mary thought Peril would have wanted that, too. But Olivia’s resolve was so firm, and after seeing the desolate situation of the maternal family she had finally found, Mary couldn't bring herself to say such things lightly.
But was this work really worth suffering so much for?
"Don't make that face. It's just that an unpleasant memory surfaced."
"I don't know exactly what plans you're making or what you're doing, my lady... but I wish you wouldn't do things that cause you so much pain."
"Thank you."
Olivia smiled faintly, leaning her head on Mary’s shoulder, and muttered as if to herself.
"It's hard, but the truly painful things aren't things like this."
The flesh meant nothing. A hand brushing over her skin could not soil her soul. If such things could soil a person, she would have been no different from something buried at the bottom of a trash heap.
'Laila' was not her. She was merely acting in a play.
So, it was fine, Olivia thought to herself. No matter what she did, no matter what was done to her.
She rested for a while with her eyes closed. Ferdinand had provided the Marell Troupe with an office and a lounge to use for the time being, but she couldn't take off her mask and rest comfortably in someone else's space. Existing as Lady Laila was like acting without a break.
"Please sleep for a moment. I will wake you if there is any news."
Olivia heard Mary’s voice as she drifted off. It didn't feel like a comfortable sleep; it felt more like falling into darkness because her exhaustion had reached its limit.
"Bia. You are a terrifying woman."
She heard Theodore’s whispering voice. Olivia wondered if she was dreaming or imagining it.
He wouldn't understand anything. Not that she intended to kiss and sleep with Ezekiel for revenge, nor that she intended to trap someone who wasn't even a direct target of her grudge. And that she was using someone who trusted her to dig that trap.
She wanted to be comforted by him. She wanted to say that something terrible had happened today, reach out her arms, kiss him, and hope that the last sensation left on her lips would be his.
But to Theodore, what she did today would be nothing but betrayal.
She was terribly, horribly lonely.
Her past was real only to her. Not just Theodore, but no one would ever understand her.
Just as she thought it wasn't the time for such futile thoughts, Mary’s hand carefully shook her awake.
"Hmm? Mary, what is it...?"
"The performance has ended."
She lifted her head in surprise. Had that much time already passed? She thought she had just been lost in thought with her eyes closed, but it seemed she had fallen asleep.
Mary was right. Looking out the carriage window, the guests were already coming out and boarding their own carriages.
Olivia hurriedly rubbed her face with her palms. She didn't need to worry about the practical matters since Marell and the manager, Perron, were handling everything, but she couldn't believe she had fallen into such a deep sleep when she should have been prepared for any contingency.
"Ah."
Someone knocked on the carriage door. Olivia quickly put her mask back on. She couldn't face anyone with her makeup wiped off.
When she opened the curtain slightly, Ferdinand was there. She opened the carriage door from the inside.
Ferdinand climbed into the carriage and asked, "Why are you in the carriage instead of the lounge? And with your mask on, no less."
"My makeup was ruined. Was the premiere alright?"
"You didn't think it would be anything less than a grand success, did you? Everyone gave a standing ovation, and Luna had to come out for the curtain call three times."
Olivia let out a short sigh of relief. She had known it would go well, but Lady Laila’s reputation was at stake in this performance. She needed to build a reputation much greater than she had now and solidify her position, and this premiere would be the beginning.
Ferdinand glanced at Mary. Olivia whispered to her to step out of the carriage for a moment.
Mary stepped out with a worried look on her face.
"Empress Lillian visited Zion Miller’s dressing room. I used a few tricks to get the maid to leave the room."
"Good. Now I can breathe a sigh of relief."
"You trust that fellow quite a bit."
"Zion might betray me, but I don't think he'll fail at the seduction. The fact that they met alone in the first place means the Empress couldn't resist the temptation."
"True. And it seems you have succeeded as well."
Ferdinand’s voice was laced with accusation and suspicion. Olivia tried hard to force a smile even behind her mask. After all, expressions and voices usually matched.
"Because there is something I must obtain from the Duke of Schwaben."
"A kiss, perhaps?"
"I don't seduce men for such trivial things."
Olivia said in a languid voice.
"Don't act like a petty man. It’s not charming."
Ferdinand closed his mouth as if he were speechless. There was probably no man who could remain calm after being told he wasn't charming by a woman like her.
He couldn't help but agree that it was a petty act to probe her by asking if she had kissed him, rather than raising a serious suspicion. He let out a short sigh.
They had already plotted the conspiracy together. It was too late to suspect that she was on the Duke of Schwaben’s side.
Olivia ignored the topic as if Ferdinand had never brought up Ezekiel, and continued.
"Leave the rest to Zion. I will contact you when we move to the next stage."
"What do you intend to do from here on?"
"For the time being, I suppose I will have to bear the wrath of the Princess."
Ferdinand nodded. Lady Laila’s reputation would only grow after today’s events, and Princess Roella would be furious.
In the dim carriage, he looked at Olivia’s masked face. For some reason, he felt a sense of sorrow. He was intensely curious about the bare face behind the mask—no, the bare face beneath the makeup that had been wiped away.
But since it wasn't the time for that, he simply said his goodbyes and stepped out of the carriage. For some reason, it felt as if bitter bile were sloshing in the pit of his chest.