Chapter 38
Chapter 38
Translation: godsn
Sometimes, an accurate prediction can bring discomfort. This morning, as Matthias looked down at the rose garden devoid of Leila Lewellin, he suddenly realized it.
After what had happened, it seemed she wouldn't show her face for a while. He had already anticipated it the moment he heard Hessen's report in his study last night. But seeing Leila's absence with his own eyes still left him with a faint sense of bewilderment.
What an utter fool.
Matthias let out a dry laugh, drew the thin curtain, and turned away.
The theft was merely bait—Linda Etman's true goal was to tear apart Leila Lewellin's heart and shatter her pride. If she couldn't stop her own son, she would make Leila give up. It was a rather decent strategy, and Matthias would gladly applaud it. By precisely targeting the weakness and driving the dagger in, it might yield considerable results.
The game Mrs. Etman had orchestrated was far more entertaining than Matthias had expected. In fact, he had laughed several times while listening to Hessen's report.
The leisurely weekend morning felt unusually long and languid.
After changing his clothes, Matthias sipped his coffee and glanced out the window again. Only Bill Remmer and the workers were busily tending to their tasks—Leila was still nowhere to be seen.
Did she dare covet what was beyond her reach without even this much resolve?
With the desire to mock that pitiful woman to his heart's content, Matthias set out for a light morning stroll. The attendants, well aware of his habit of stopping by the annex for a swim whenever he had time to spare, discreetly stepped aside.
He hoped Leila was crying. So that today, too, could be enjoyable for him.
As he repeated that wish to himself, Matthias soon found himself at the gardener's cottage. The house, usually alive with Leila sitting on the porch reading a book or bustling about doing odd jobs, was eerily silent.
Just as Matthias began to feel a flicker of irritation, a pure white pigeon fluttered down. The bird, seemingly with a clear destination, flew straight toward the window at the back of the cottage without hesitation.
On impulse, Matthias walked toward where the bird had flown. The pigeon perched quietly on the half-open window. He realized two things almost simultaneously—that there was a letter tied to the bird's leg, and that this was Leila's room.
Even as Matthias approached, the pigeon didn't flee.
A carrier pigeon?
Frowning, he quietly reached out and took hold of the bird. The pigeon remained docile even in his grasp. As Matthias stared at the letter it had brought, a sudden sob from beyond the window made his head snap up.
Leila was in the room he had thought was empty. Lying on the bed as if lifeless, she wept bitterly.
Leila lay there, staring at the ceiling long after opening her eyes. Bright light filled the room. The birdsong from the tree by the window was as clear as the summer morning sunlight.
As her drowsy senses gradually awakened, the reality she had forgotten in her suffering also returned.
But isn't it strange?
The clearer reality became, the calmer Leila's heart grew. It was as if all those overwhelming emotions—so suffocating they made even breathing a struggle—had melted away with the cold sweat she had shed in her feverish torment and the tears that had spilled without her realizing.
Had it been two days? Or three?
Counting the time she had spent lying there, Leila slowly pushed herself up. A brief dizziness washed over her, but it soon passed.
I should wash the sheets. Wipe down the dusty windowsill. Clean the dishes Uncle must have hastily washed, leaving stains behind. And...
As she mentally listed the many tasks awaiting her, Leila suddenly felt blank and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she calmly accepted the one thing she had to prioritize above all else.
She had to meet Kyle.
"You shouldn't be up and about already, Leila. You need to rest!"
Kyle quickened his pace when he spotted Leila sitting by the stream. She had been gazing at her reflection in the water and slowly lifted her head to meet his eyes. The traces of her recent, severe illness were still vividly etched on her face.
"Why did you come all the way out here? You could've just stayed home."
Kyle hurried to her side. Leila was perched on a wide, flat rock by the stream, hugging her knees. The fine golden hair cascading over her slender shoulders looked like fragments of the afternoon sunlight.
"I have something to tell you."
Instead of smiling as she usually did, Leila simply stared at him quietly.
"What kind of grand revelation is it?"
Kyle laughed in her stead. Leila, who should have laughed along, only watched him with an expressionless face. Fighting off a creeping sense of unease, Kyle forced an even brighter smile.
"Don't get me wrong—it's nice to see you alone like this sometimes, but you're still sick. That's why I'm worried."
"Kyle."
"Actually, I had something to tell you too. Perfect timing. We can talk here."
"Kyle."
"Don't worry about the stolen tuition anymore, Leila. My father's going to Latz tomorrow. He'll take care of yours too—"
"Kyle, I'm not going to university."
Leila's voice, though soft, was firm as it cut through his words.
"...What?"
Kyle, who had been sitting beside her watching the stream, turned his gaze toward her. Their eyes, reflecting each other, were deeper and calmer than ever before.
"I'm not going to university."
"What are you talking about? After passing that grueling exam! I told you not to worry about tuition, Leila. Please, don't be so stubborn—"
"And I won't be marrying you, either."
Leila unfolded her arms from around her knees and adjusted the shawl slipping from her shoulders.
"I'm staying here, by Uncle Bill's side, to live the life I've envisioned for myself. I'm sorry, Kyle. I should've been honest from the start, but I... I let greed blind me for a while."
"Greed?"
"Yeah. Even if I pretended otherwise, I must've really wanted to study at university. So I thought, if I could just get married, maybe it'd be possible. I tried to use you."
"You think I'd believe such a lie?"
Kyle let out a cold, hollow laugh, but Leila didn't waver.
If only it were a complete lie—that would've been so much easier.
A bitter smile flickered at the corner of Leila's trembling lips.
For a while, she had wondered if it might have been pity or sympathy, but she soon realized the truth. To Kyle, Leila Lewellin was his lover.
He had proposed with a lover's heart, but she had accepted it with a friend's.
To claim there had been no greed in that would be a lie. And that truth only made her feel all the more wretched.
"Come on, Leila. You? Of all people? You could never be like that."
Kyle shot to his feet, his long shadow falling over Leila.
"You love me. Did you really think I was too stupid to see that?"
"I do."
Leila didn't deny it.
Did she love Kyle?
To that question, she could nod without hesitation. A thousand times over, if asked.
"As my best friend, as an older brother, sometimes even as a younger one. That's how I love you, Kyle."
Even as Kyle's face hardened, Leila stood unshaken. She had to.
"But that's not the kind of love you want from me, is it? Kyle, I just... I don't think I could ever love you the way you want. I can't marry you with this kind of heart."
"...I don't care."
Kyle's Adam's apple bobbed slowly as he swallowed dryly.
"Any kind of love—as long as it's love, I don't care. Even if it's not the love I hoped for, it's fine, Leila."
"No. I don't want that."
Leila rose to her feet as well. A forest breeze swept between them, rustling the water's surface and sending ripples across the stream. Leila steadied her breath as she watched the shimmering reflections.
This woodland stream, not far from the cabin, had been young Kyle and Leila's playground. Even Leila, who feared deep water, could wade into this shallow creek that barely reached her knees, so she had always preferred it over the Schulter River.
When Leila sat on a rock under the shade of a tree reading a book, Kyle would roam the stream catching crayfish or small fish. He would also gather pretty freshwater clams or smooth pebbles that Leila liked and bring them to her. He laughed often. It was always joyful. Warm.
That's how it was, the time I loved you. Though there are countless memories more dazzling than those shimmering waters, though that love remains unchanged and would likely stay that way forever—still, I must lose you.
Leila bowed her head as if to hide her reddened eyes.
"I can't do it. I'll stop. I'm sorry, Kyle. I should have given you this answer from the beginning."
"If that's all it is, then don't say such things. This world is full of people who marry without love. At least you love me. That's enough."
Kyle strode forward and gripped Leila's shoulders.
"Use me? Fine. Use me. I don't care about that either."
"Stop this."
"If it's you, it's okay. I'm fine with it. If I can be of any help, use me as much as you want."
"Kyle!"
"As long as it's not something terrible like you leaving me, anything is fine."
Kyle's eyes reddened. Steeling her weakening resolve, Leila clenched her fists tightly.
"I don't want to. I don't want to do this."
"You really want to go to university, don't you? If you're desperate enough to use me, then you should hold on even tighter."
"Kyle... I want to marry someone I love as a man, as a lover. The thought of marrying you and going to Latz only made that feeling clearer."
In the end, Leila had to voice the cruelest words she never wanted to say. Kyle's eyes grew distant, his pupils deepening as he looked at her.
"I want to live without shame, married to someone like that. That desire is greater and more fervent than any wish to use you to get to university."
"Leila."
"I even considered pretending not to know and using you till the end, but if I did, I think I'd be ashamed of this choice for the rest of my life. I'd regret it. I don't want to live like that."
"Leila Lewellin!"
"If I make that choice, I feel like I'd taint even the time and love I cherished you with as a friend, as family. That's what I hate and fear the most."
Leila's voice, filled with sincerity, trembled faintly.
Though she knew it was time to grow up, she was making the most childish choice. The marriage she had resolved upon, buoyed by dreams of attending university together and not wanting to lose Kyle, now filled Leila with nothing but shame and guilt.
Mrs. Etman had been right. The moment she had endured such things, her relationship with Kyle had already crossed a line beyond return.
Leila couldn't bear the thought of enduring Mrs. Etman, who despised her enough to make such a decision. She couldn't expose the truth and strip Kyle of the mother he loved. She couldn't hurt Uncle Bill.
Now that nothing could be undone, revealing the truth would only bring wounds that would tear at everyone's hearts. After shedding so many tears that it felt as if all the water in her body had dried up, this was the sincerity Leila faced.
So she had to turn away. Now, quietly.
That was the only way to protect her last shred of pride, Kyle's family, and Uncle Bill's heart.
"Let me keep that time, Kyle."
Leila met Kyle's gaze and spoke softly.
"Let's do that, then."
Let's release this shining, precious time now and finally become adults.
Instead of the words she wanted to say, Leila let out a quiet sigh. Her breath, still faintly warm, escaped through her parched lips. Don't cry. The mantra she had repeated with every step on her way here must have worked—fortunately, no tears fell.
"Don't go."
Kyle, standing dazed, suddenly seized Leila's wrist as she brushed past him. His large, warm hand trembled.
Leila opened her eyes, which she had firmly shut, and pushed his hand away instead of answering. Despite the fierce grip that had made her wrist ache, Kyle's hand dropped away effortlessly.
Leaving Kyle standing motionless by the stream, Leila took calm, weightless steps forward.
Though her eyes burned red, Leila did not cry—not even when she reached the cabin.